Chapter Text
“Why can’t you believe me about the exit?!” Your eyes, beautiful red-and-blue pinwheels, are blazing with the same frustration I feel bubbling in my throat like bile that explodes from my lips—
“Because I don’t want to lose you!” I shout, and you recoil as though I’ve struck you, even though I never would do such a thing to you! I’d never hurt you, I love you too much to hurt you I just want you to be safe and happy and loved!
Yet you’re looking at me like I’m about to hit you, curling in on yourself and arms lifted ever so slightly in preparation to raise them to shield yourself. When I unconsciously reach for you, your eyes flash in panicked scribbles as you draw away a step, and I carefully pull my hand back to my chest. My eyes are burning, blurring with tears that fall down my cheeks as I try to explain myself, stumbling over my words in my frantic need to keep you from turning tail and running from me.
“I- I can’t believe you,” I say, finding my breathing unsteady as I try to articulate over the rising tide of panic filling my lungs, choking me. “And I… I can’t help you either. It’ll just lead you closer to abstraction.” My chest seizes in fear at the accusatory look that enters your eyes.
“Can’t help me?” You ask slowly, voice low as now I’m the one to shrink back from you while my heart plummets to my stomach “Or won’t help me…” I see the flash of your teeth as they sharpen with your anger, and I have to stomp down the urge to soothe and reassure you—but this isn’t the time for that.
“Pomni, please,” I plead, a sob rattling my ribcage, hummingbird heartbeat roaring dully in my ears. This can’t be how it goes, right? “I can’t— I don’t want to lose you.” I reach for you and you take a step back, sharp teeth bared. “Not like everyone else we’ve lost.”
For a moment, your snarl falters, and I think I’ve gotten through— but when I hold my hand out and hope you’ll take it, you recoil further with a terrified shake of your head and my hope crumbles.
“I… need some alone time right now. To think.” You say, your voice soft but firm. I see it for the dismissal as it is, and I leave your room with my tail between my legs, flinching when I hear you scream and the crash of something being thrown at the wall.
Looking back, I know I was the fool who drove you away in the end. I’m reminded of it every time I see your door, teary-eyed portrait x’d out just like so many others who have come and gone. I’m reminded by the warm red-and-blue blanket I made you, now folded neatly in a wooden chest. I’m reminded by the jester-shaped void on my bed. Yet for all of the things that remind me of you, I always have to tell myself that you’re happier now that you’re free. That if you stayed you would have been miserable. That for all of the love I could give you, it wouldn’t be enough to sate the beast in your head pacing its cage in a state of zoochosis, clawing and clawing and clawing at your thoughts. That it’s better for you this way.
That to love something is to let it go.
So why did you come back?
“Hey Dollface, up and at ‘em!” Jax raps sharply on my door as I slowly stir awake. “C’mon, before Caine friggin’ explodes or something.” A distant boom punctuates his statement, and I roll out of bed as I hear the jackrabbit chuckle. A fist rubbing my good eye, I open the door and step out— immediately yelping as my foot slips on something and I go crashing to the ground.
“Jax!” I groan, finding the perpetrator to be several marbles strategically placed in a semi-circle around my door, one of them rolling away that Jax stoops to pick up.
“There she is!” His grin stretches, and my hands land on my hips in exasperation, “Aw, didn’t enjoy your wake-up call?” The rabbitoid simpers with another chuckle as he scoops up the remaining marbles “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something even better for tomorrow.” I bite back another groan, and reluctantly start moving towards the main area with a purple shadow looming over my back with his gloved hands laced behind his head.
Out of everyone, Jax (and Caine, I suppose) at least treats me normally. It’s… something of a relief, though I’ll never admit it aloud. Where the others tiptoe around mentions of you, Jax never shies away from it.
“Somehow you’re more pathetic than Crybaby— and that’s a really low bar.” A hand on my shoulder that I nearly find comfort in as I look at your door, until I feel a familiar crawling up the side of my neck and onto my face. He laughs as I flail in a panic, eventually flinging the centipede off my face and scramble away from it. “That’s much better.” He scoops the arthropod up just as Kinger’s voice is heard down the hall asking about his missing centipede.
Caine’s waiting with the others, hovering in midair until his upper jaw lifts in excitement upon spotting us. “There you two are! I was worried the pakafumos had gotten you for sure!”
I blink in confusion when silence follows the ringmaster’s exclamation, expecting to hear you ask him what exactly a pakafumos was. Looking around, I try to hide my dejection as I remember you’re not here. Thinking back, Jax had been very stubborn in keeping me marching forward— right past your door. He’d rolled his eyes and told me he was sick of me moping and how boring it was that all I did was mope and cry now.
“Anywhoddle,” Caine continues on, snapping me out of my thoughts “I hope you all have a GRAND OLE TIME at the GRAND TIME PIX!” And a swirling portal appears with a click of his fingers. I’m left standing in confusion as Jax eagerly rubs his hands together with a chuckle before strolling through. Gangle and Zooble follow, with Kinger yelping as he realizes everyone is leaving, and hurries to join them. “Get those feet moving, Ragatha, or you might be stuck on the penny-farthing!” The bizzare name strikes a chord of anxiety as I hurry through the portal.
What greets me is something like a videogame level. Bright colors and a low-poly aesthetic. I’m on a racetrack of sorts, and I immediately understand why it’s called the Grand Time Pix. A set of vehicles, some already claimed by NPCs, were waiting. Jax was sitting smugly behind an oversized black motorbike with flame decals covering nearly every inch of it. Gangle was on what looked like a row-boat with office chair wheels attached to the bottom, complete with oars and a lanturn. Zooble is the conductor of what looks like a giant toy locomotive with no tracks in sight. Kinger is in what looks like a mock-up of the first airplane done in popsicle sticks and construction paper. Leaving me with what had to be the penny-farthing— a bicycle with a comically giant front wheel.
After a few tries that left me red-faced in embarrassment and the others snickering as they watched, I managed to get into the seat properly.
Bubble appears, waving a checkered flag as the traffic light shifted from red to yellow. Jax revs his engine, Zooble flips him off and blows the whistle on their locomotive. I send an encouraging smile to Gangle, hoping she’ll be alright as she clutches the oars anxiously. All the noise, predictably, scares Kinger into a false start as without warning he started the propeller and began moving forwards. Bubble regards him with annoyance, flag swishing quickly before yellow turns to green and the race begins for real.
Kinger swiftly loses his lead on account for his plane not exactly being able to leave the ground— and because Jax purposefully tore the paper of one of the wings as he passed by. Gangle starts hesitantly rowing, only because Bubble pops up by her ear to yell encouragement. Zooble takes off with enough speed to rival Jax, and I can hear their (mostly-censored) trash talk fading away the farther they got from the rest of the pack.
With a sigh, I begin pedaling. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a yellow and green figure that I find myself unable to look away from. My heart twists as I remember what I said to you so long ago. Gummigoo is predictably on horseback as he passes me by, not even sparing me a second glance. Of course he wouldn’t. NPCs don’t remember things from past adventures, that would lead to— well, you already know…
I remember that moment. It’s hard to forget the utter despair that had filled your expression as Gummigoo was snapped out of existence.
Lost in my thoughts, I find my pedaling has stalled to a stop and yet the penny-farther stays upright despite the logic that it would topple over the moment it wasn’t in motion. I sigh, patting my cheeks. “Get it together, Ragatha.”
Just as I see the finish line come into view, Zooble blazes by with the roar of the locomotive echoed by Jax’s motorcycle as the jackrabbit was in hot pursuit followed by a pack of what looked like most of the NPCs as they were now a full lap ahead of me. Kinger was next, waving and now donning an aviation cap and goggles as he breezed by. Gangle was last, sniffling as she slowly rowed.
I sigh, and then an idea comes to mind. “Gangle, grab my hand!” I hold my hand to her, smiling encouragingly.
“W-what?” She sniffles, “What are you planning?” There’s what looks like hope in the depths of her tragedy mask as she hesitantly reaches a ribbon to take my hand.
“I’m gonna pull you along so you don’t have to row the whole time.” I explain, and Gangle’s expression lights up in gratitude.
“Thank you…” She sighs as I begin pedaling.
“Think nothing of it.” I reassure her, focusing on keeping us moving. It’s harder dragging Gangle’s boat on wheels behind me, forcing us to go at a snail’s pace. My lips draw a line as a do my best to go faster— and suddenly the weight vanishes as I feel ribbons loop around me. “Gangle, you okay?” I check in worridly.
“I- I’m fine.” She whimpers, mask burying into my shoulder. “I’m… I’m sorry for making you do this.”
I sigh. Sometimes I think you and Gangle were cut from the same cloth as I explain gently “Don’t be sorry. I’m more than happy to help. You got the short end of the stick this adventure, plus I doubt either of us are going to win the race.”
She sniffles again, and I remain steadfast in my pedaling. At least until a giant floating hexahedron pops up, and my spirits lift up as I change course for it. “Hey, a power-up!” Gangle lifts her head to regard the object for a moment before we collide with it and—
The next thing I know it feels like Caine has yanked us from the top of the bigtop all the way to the bottom of the digital lake. My vision spins and black splotches fill my eye as I distinctly feel high winds whipping at my face and hear Gangle screaming in my ear. When my vision clears, the finish line is in sight with a big ribbon across it that proclaims WINNER!
We clip right through it and then I remember we’re still a lap behind. Knowing the end was in sight, I opt to let the penny-farther coast to a stop and turn around in time to see Zooble and Jax trying to ram into each other as they did their best to take the lead. Almost as if its divine intervention, two banana peels spawn— one for each driver, and their vehicles both spin out of control.
I watch the two of them struggle to recover. Zooble’s train crashed on its side and spilled their limbs everywhere. Jax ended up backwards, and ended up gunning his motorbike in reverse to take a straight shot to the finish line.
And a moment before the rabbit crosses the line, the ribbon pops out of existance and banners of Zooble’s left leg appear as the simulated crowd goes wild in celebration. Bubble pops into existence to hand the leg a medal, and then a much smaller medal that Jax scoffs at when it's presented to him.
Just like that, the adventure is over and we head home through the portal. Jax is grumbling, accusing Zooble of cheating while the zolo toy ignores him.
Except suddenly the pair stop dead in their tracks, and the rest of us follow. Silence falls abruptly, and ahead of me Jax is standing ramrod straight.
“…Uuuuuuh…” A voice hums anxiously ahead of them, and my heart leaps into my throat. Immediately my mind races as I shove Jax and Zooble aside to see—
You.
How long has it been? Days, months, years, decades maybe? It feels like both forever ago and yesterday, but I’m still stricken all the same by your red-and-blue gaze. All I can think of is one universal truth in that moment:
You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.
My legs go weak as I stumble forward like a newborn fawn, knees giving out right before I can reach you.
You take a step back, pupils shrinking hands coming up against your chest anxiously.
“Pom- Pomni?” I whisper, reaching out for you, feeling a balloon inflate in my chest that makes it impossible to breathe. “Pomni?”
Then I see it, or rather the lack of.
You’re looking at me like I’m a complete stranger. Like we’ve never met— like— like— like—
No, this can’t be happening. You’re backing away, Zooble and Jax are moving forwards towards you and I want to scream at them that they’re scaring you and they should back up and give you space to breathe. All this is happening and it feels like I’m underwater as I just… watch. I can’t move, I’m drowning, I’m drowning, I’m drowning and there’s no air for me. Only water that freezes my lungs, turns to lead in my stomach, burns my eye and blurs my vision.
You don’t remember anything. You don’t know who we are, where we are. You don’t remember me. It’s like every single moment we shared was just gone.
I feel myself slump forward, hands taking fistfuls of hair as I try and fail to take even the smallest breath as I suffocate.
“…ey… ace!…”
“Hey, doll…”
“DOLLFACE!”
Like a slap to the face, suddenly I’m present again where Jax is squatting next to me. I blink blearily, feeling disgustingly damp from my tears.
“If you’re done crying yourself to abstraction…” He rolls his eyes, and a bolt of panic shoots through me as I sit up and frantically check myself over. No abstraction, I’m not abstracting. The rabbit continues “May I suggest more fun activities like drowning yourself in the lake, or riding the ferris wheel to the top and jumping off. Heck, I’ll come and play darts with you. You always make a good pincushion.” He snickers, grin stretching as I sit back with my legs folded under me.
Just… breathe. Maybe Caine can fix her? Maybe she’ll remember on her own?
I can’t bear to consider the alternatives.