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Eddie wasn’t sure what had taken him to that club. He knew better. Of course he had known better. It was one of the clubs that Lena told him to avoid when he went to the underground fights five years ago.
Jax was known as the place you went when every other ring barred you for doing something stupid or if you were caught fighting dirty. Jax was way more willing to turn a blind eye to illegal strikes and apparently even hidden blades. It was a regular blood bath and Eddie was fully aware of that going in. He hadn’t planned on fighting dirty though. He didn’t need to. He was capable enough on his own. He guessed that the huge meathead who he put down only in a few moments didn’t care about Eddie’s integrity.
He was almost at the truck when he felt the strike to the back of his head. He turned to face his attacker only then there was the sting of a blade slashing across his chest.
Shit. That was not good. He managed to get his feet under him before he swayed off balance and he wrapped his hand around the wrist of the meathead a second time that night. Eddie broke the guy’s grip and sent the small blade he wielded sailing into the dark before he surged forward, connecting his brow into the guy’s nose.
There was more yelling, this time muffled with the sound of gurgled blood but Eddie didn’t stick around to let the man clarify. He was halfway to the city when the exhaustion hit. He needed to look at the cuts on his chest and face. His lip had been cracked during the fight and he’s sure there was a bruised rib or four.
In short, he knew he looked like hell.
He hadn’t meant to go to Buck’s. Not really. But then Buck was in front of him, his easy smile falling from his face, replaced with something close to horror.
“Eddie!” He tugged Eddie into the loft, hands everywhere assessing for damage. He had picked up Hen’s habit of moving side to side. Eddie wanted to say so but suddenly he was so tired. He leaned into the familiar warmth of his best friend and let his eyes close for a moment, soaking in something familiar and safe.
“Oh god, Eddie, what? What happened!” Buck sounded so stressed. Eddie wanted to tell him not to worry. He was fine. Just needed to get himself cleaned up before he went home to-
Eddie took a deep breath and winced. He didn’t have anyone to go home to. Christopher was still in El Paso with his grandparents and Eddie was alone.
Warm hands were on his face, pulling his attention back to those bright blue eyes. “I need you to tell me what happened to you, Eds.”
Eddie heard what Buck wasn’t saying. Tell me you weren’t fighting again . But of course… Eddie was fighting again. For the past two weeks at least. There was an itching under his skin like before. But it wasn’t rage. Not really. Whatever it was was eating him alive though and now he was bleeding onto Buck’s tiled floor.
“I was at Jax-” and that’s all he got out before the gentle hands on him were pulled back like something had burned Buck. “I won. This didn’t happen in the ring!” Suddenly he needed Buck to understand that he had fought fair, that he didn’t nearly kill a man a second time. “I beat him and he didn’t like it-”
Buck held up a hand to cut him off, sighing bone deep and weary. “Come on, I need to get your shirt off and I want to check the back of your head. You’re ble-” He swallowed and looked away from Eddie. Buck’s eyes were glassy and his face flushed. Of course he was pissed with Eddie. Maybe it would be the last straw. Maybe this would be the final thing to convince Buck that he wasn’t worth saving, wasn’t worth so much time and warmth. Buck was far too good, too bright, too kind for someone like Eddie to be allowed to pull him down with him.
He fell into step behind Buck, moving to take off his own shirt but wincing when it strained the cuts on his chest, only causing more blood to seep out.
“Don’t do that. I’ll take care of it.” Buck guided him to a stool before fishing out his first aid kit from under the sink. He set to work, methodically cutting away Eddie’s shirt and dabbing at the shallow cuts. “You won’t need stitches at least,” he said flatly.
He was a professional, Eddie knew, but he couldn’t remember ever being on the receiving end of Buck’s careful hands like this. Sure they had patched each other up dozens of times from after tough calls where they would get scratched up and bruised. But Eddie always had the soothing presence of Buck’s never ending chatter to distract from the sting of disinfectant. Now he was silent. His hands remained gentle when they wiped away the dried blood from Eddie’s chest then his neck and shoulders. But he had never seen Buck so… quiet.
Bandages were being pressed to his chest when Eddie braved a glance up.
“Buck?” Eddie felt like he was suddenly choking. It wasn’t anger on Buck’s face. It was hurt. His eyes were shiny with unshed tears and his lip trembled for a moment before he pulled away from Eddie again, looking in any other direction. “Jesus, Buck, please.”
“Please what? Please hurry and patch you up so you can just leave and go fight again tomorrow? What happens when it’s a bigger blade, Eddie? What happens when they seriously hurt you? In or out of the ring?” He scrubbed at his eyes as he made a half choked noise. “Christopher is gone. I know. I miss him too.” He looked up at Eddie then. “He’s gone,” his voice cracked.
“I know, I’m sorry.” Eddie stood, reaching out for Buck who only flinched away. “Please, Buck. Evan. I am so sorry.”
“And what do I do when you’re gone too?” It was barely a whisper but it hung between them, a bell that could not be unrung even as it looked like Buck was trying to swallow the words back down just as quickly as they had come tumbling out.
“I’m not going anywhere, Buck,” Eddie took another careful step, his arms out like he was approaching a hurt animal.
“I know,” Buck swallowed again, his eyes latched onto something a thousand miles away and Eddie suspected it was somewhere in El Paso. “He’s not mine. Neither of you…” he looked away from where Eddie was trying to catch his eye.
Of course we’re yours Eddie nearly screamed. How could you not understand that? Have I not told you enough?
“But to me, we, I don’t know. We were like a unit. Maybe not a-a family,” he winced as he sucked in a gulp of air. “But sometimes it felt like it. And now Chris is gone and if I lose you-” Buck made a pained face, blinking at the tears that fell down in a flood. “You keep putting yourself into that ring and I try to tell myself you’re gonna come back. But every time you-” he gestured at Eddie’s chest and face wildly before he wrapped his arms around himself. “Eddie. If you get seriously hurt in one of those matches, I don’t… I can’t…”
Eddie’s eyes stung and his chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with the carefully wrapped cuts and bruises.
He was moving before he had given his body permission to reach out, wrapping around Buck securely. He pushed his fingers into blonde curls and shifted so Buck could cry into the crook of his neck. They stood there for maybe moments, maybe years.
“Buck, I am so sorry. I promise. Not going anywhere,” Eddie murmured softly into Buck’s temple. He didn’t realize the words were sealed with the gentle press of his lips as he held onto Buck for dear life. “Of course we’re yours. And you’re ours. You’re our Buck… not going anywhere, sweetheart.” He carefully rocked them, not letting go, even as he felt hot tears fall onto his bare shoulder. He would promise whatever it took to make Buck understand.
After some time, Buck managed to pull away just enough to wipe at his face and look Eddie in the eye. The way the look was still so guarded sent a pang of guilt and regret through Eddie. He reached out slowly, thanking every saint he could name when Buck didn’t pull away, and cupped his jaw before bringing their foreheads together.
“No more fights?” Buck asked, unsure and shaking.
“No more fights.” Eddie promised.
“And you’re going to make an appointment with Frank, Eddie. I mean it. I know how hard this has been on you. Please.” The crack in his voice was back.
“Alright. First thing in the morning.” Eddie let their noses bump together. “Anything else you want, Buck?” He was ready to give Buck anything he wanted, maybe for the rest of his life he realized.
“Stay?” Buck huffed out over what might have been a sob.
“I’ll stay. Always. Not going anywhere.” And he knew he meant it with every broken part of him he had left.