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A twinge of discomfort began blooming in your belly as you sat down on the couch of your newly rented apartment. The same apartment that you were meant to share with Xavier for the entire duration of your undercover mission together.
You picked up the television’s remote, its weight feeling as heavy as a hunter’s firearm in your hand. And despite the sense of desolation eating away at your soul, you switched on the television and shuffled through the channels in hopes of finding something good enough to entertain you for another hour or so. To keep your mind from drifting off towards the dreadful thoughts that always lurked in the back of your mind. To keep your eyes from realizing how empty this living room felt without the drowsy form of the eccentric, silver haired deepspace hunter that you had grown closer to in the last thirteen days of your job. To distract you from the fact that he was meant to play your husband on this mission but wasn’t even home by now.
He had gone out to grab a few food supplies that you were running low on. But it was already way past eleven at night. And though you were aware that he was an adult, fully capable of handling himself, you couldn’t help the feeling of unease from creeping all over your skin like an overgrown plant, ensnaring your heart in more anxiety than was necessary for something as normal as this.
For all you knew, he probably discovered some sale on a variety of fresh meat and was busy fussing over how much portions to buy. And yet, you felt numb with every passing minute.
These past thirteen days spent in Xavier’s amiable company had given you a taste of the warmth that you hadn’t experienced ever since you lost your grandma and Caleb. Slowly, he had wandered into your heart, unknowingly made it livelier with his radiant presence. And before you knew it, you had grown accustomed to seeing him lounging on the couch with a book in hand or experimenting with a new recipe in the kitchen. You had grown so used to seeing him everyday that it was dismal not having him here right now.
You unlocked your smartphone to check if he had responded to any of your texts. Unfortunately, they were left unread, and he still wasn’t picking your calls either. For the first time in months, you felt the return of the grim uncertainty that you had shelved in the darkest corners of your heart. The unexpected revival of that terrible feeling of Xavier being like a distant star in this endless universe— sparkling right in front of you but always out of reach.
What could be holding him up for so long? The neighborhood ladies? Yeah..He probably bumped into some of them at the local store, and got stuck in their never-ending gossip. Yes, that must be it!
But what if it wasn’t?
What if he ran into a wanderer or two? What if he was struggling to fight by himself and couldn’t– NO!
You shook your head.
Xavier would never lose to a wanderer. He was the strongest hunter you knew. He was swift as light itself. He was deadlier with a blade. He was..
He was still not home.
The front door finally clicked open around thirty-nine minutes later, and to your immense relief, it was him. He was back. Xavier was home!
“I’m—”
He had barely passed the threshold when you wrapped your arms around him, unshed tears soaking into the fabric of his white shirt as you burrowed your face in it and sniffled quietly.
He was taken aback by the loving gesture but dropped the packages in his hands, his own arms immediately coming to settle around your waist, fingers kneading into your skin to provide some comfort.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.
“What took you so long?” You mumbled against his shirt, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath he took.
His hold tightened ever so slightly and he lowered his head to rest it atop yours. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to get some of your favorite snacks. And I couldn’t find them at the nearest store, so I decided to go around exploring.”
Oh.
The heaviness in your heart began waning at those words and you felt your muscles easing in relief. Of course he was doing that. It was so like Xavier to go around searching for something you liked. So like him to always put your needs above everything else. Even if it might result in him arriving a little late at home.
“Okay..” You rubbed your face into his shirt, smudging it with more tears. “Just don’t go disappearing on me like that ever again.”
“It won’t happen again.” His lips moved softly against your hair. “I promise.”
You finally pulled away from him. A quick scan from the head to toe revealed no signs of injuries. But as he lifted a hand and passed it through his hair, you spotted a small cut on the back of his hand.
Immediately you grabbed his wrist and raised it to his face, your gaze silently urging him to explain the wound.
His eyes grew big and round like that of a kitten held captive. Then he finally took note of what had you so concerned, and answered. “I accidentally scraped my hand on the cashier’s desk.”
You smacked his chest lightly. “I was so worried!”
He blinked. “Worried for Xavier, your fake husband or Xavier, your mission partner?”
You smacked his chest again. And once more for good measure. “I was worried for Xavier who is very precious to me. Like a distant star that I’m always on the verge of losing.”
He smiled and wiped a tear stain from your cheek, his expression becoming more sincere as he lowered his face closer to your own. “You’ll never lose me. I swear.”
You knew they were mere words– sweet nothings whispered in the late hour of the night– yet they felt more reassuring than anything in the world when he looked directly into your eyes while saying it.
You helped him pick up the packages in comfortable silence, placed them in the kitchen, and then moved to the couch.
You sat down on one end of the couch, and let Xavier lie down on the rest, his head nestled in your lap. He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “This feels nice.”
“My lap?” You asked, feeling a heated blush spread across your cheeks.
He chuckled in that mellow cadence of his. “That too. But..” He yawned, then stared up directly at you, midnight blue eyes gleaming with reverence. “Being wanted.”
“Being wanted by the law?” You joked, fully aware of his vigilante side job as Lumiere, your fingers tracing idle patterns on his chest.
He brought up his own hand to entangle his fingers with yours on his chest, and shook his head. “It feels really nice being wanted..and cared for and missed by someone I admire so much.”
The honesty in his words stunned you into silence. Your mouth opened and closed several times as you tried to string together a coherent response but could not. So you squeezed his hand gently, the only way you could respond in that moment. But when you looked down to take in his reaction, you found his eyelids had fluttered closed, body already resigned to the exhaustion of the day.
You chuckled to yourself as you watched him turn in his sleep to rub his face more into your belly. It was unfair how he said the most awe-inducing things with a straight face and then just..fell asleep.
In the serenity of the night, you sneaked a kiss to his forehead and whispered to him not a promise but an astounding realization about yourself.
“I will always want you.”