Work Text:
“I just needed company now
yeah, I just needed someone around
yeah, I don’t care what songs that we play
or mess that we make
just company now
comfort crowd”
Conan Gray – Comfort Crowd
Rain was pattering incessantly against the large windows of the high-rise building.
The weather has been pretty shitty all day now, fairly unusual for LA, but Buck had stayed home all day anyways, so it didn’t really matter. Usually.
Ever since the tsunami a few years ago Buck could go without that much water in his life. Even showering had been a problem in the beginning. Not that anyone knew about that, except for Dr. Copeland. She always said he shouldn’t feel ashamed, and part of him understood that, on a cognitive level, but …
There was no need to burden the others with this.
It rarely posed a problem at work, on a call. So what if he was a little irritable, after the firefighters were standing in the pouring rain for hours. Who wasn’t a little grumpy after that …
By now Buck felt he could handle these things a little better, though.
Up until that damn lightning strike a few months back.
Honestly, how unlucky could he get, that he got struck by lightning?
After that, it was like after the tsunami. Showering was hard, but Buck got lucky enough that it was just drizzling since that accident, never a storm like this, so it wasn’t that bad to be outside.
If possible, the rain started pattering against the windows even harder.
The firefighter heaved an annoyed sigh and turned off the TV. It was getting late, and he had to get up for work in the morning, he should stop wasting time.
After he got ready for bed, he headed back into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, before going to sleep.
Suddenly, a resounding crack of thunder even let the windows quiver when a bright flash illuminated the night sky.
The next thing he knew, Buck was cowering on the kitchen floor, arms held protectively over his head. Gasping for breath, with tear streaks down his cheeks, he slowly sat up, looking around. A puddle of water spread out not too far from him, with shards of glass scattered everywhere.
The constricting feeling wouldn’t leave his chest, just like the images of him his mind conjured up, climbing the ladder of the truck, the feeling of rain pelting on his skin, before a weird sizzle in the air and the smell of ozone expanded around him.
Buck screwed his eyes shut, shaking his head.
“No, I’m at home … I’m safe …”
This did little to make him feel better.
Awkwardly, he stuffed his hand into his pocket and scrambled for his phone. If he wasn’t alone right now … But it was so late already, the others –
Another roll of thunder droned out the sound of his own thoughts. The blonde firefighter flinched again, before making up his mind and scrolling through his contacts. Maddie and Chimney are so busy with Jee … Eddie took Chris to Texas to see the kid’s grandparents … There’s just one person left.
The shrill ringing of his phone jerked Bobby from his light sleep. Clumsily he fumbled for his phone and cast a glance at the screen.
Athena turned around slowly, watching him with a sleepy gaze. “Who is that at this hour?”
Her husband frowned. “Buck …”
Instantly he answered the phone. “Hello?”
Buck’s fast breathing was audible through the speakers. “Bobby …!”
The older man could hear the tears in Bucks voice. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
He threw Athena an apprehensive look before sitting up, throwing his blanket away. That made his wife sit up, too.
At the other end of the phone Buck sniffled. “I – I … can you come over?”
“Of course. I’ll put on some clothes and get going, alright? I’ll be there as fast as possible.”
“The door is unlocked …”
Despite the bad weather Bobby reached the apartment building in no time.
As promised, the door wasn’t locked, so the captain could just enter, after knocking. “Buck …? It’s me …”
“… Here”, a soft voice sounded from somewhere in the kitchen. When Bobby rounded the kitchen island, he stopped in his tracks, his gaze softening. “Buck … what happened?”
The younger man was sitting on the ground, propped up against a cabinet, hugging his arms close to his chest.
Bobby didn’t think it was possible for a bulky man such as Buck to make himself seem so small.
Shards of glass were laying in a puddle on the floor.
Mindful of the broken pieces, Bobby came a little closer.
Buck sniffled. “I was – I wanted to – The rain …”
Bobby reached out to comfort him, but hesitated at the last second. “Is it alright for me to touch you?”
He often met people in a similar state to Buck’s, in the line of work. Scaring him even more was the last thing his colleague needed.
The younger man nodded though, so his boss sat down next to him, their shoulders touching.
For a little while no one said anything, until Buck calmed down some more.
“The weather … was a bit unsettling. When thunder and lightning came around … I don’t even know what happened. Suddenly I was sitting here.”
Bobby cast him a worried glance. “Wait. You don’t seem surprised. Has this happened before? How long has this been going on?”
Buck’s cheeks turned a bright crimson shade, before admitting what the issue was. “Ever since the tsunami a few years ago … it’s been … hard …”
The captain started listening intently.
Finally, after Buck was done explaining, he sighed softly. “Why didn’t you say anything? We practically left you all alone!”
“No, no … You kept asking how I was, all the time. I just didn’t – I didn’t want to be a burden.”
Bobby put his arm around the younger man’s shoulders, giving him a comforting squeeze. “I don’t know how many more times we have to say this, but you are not a burden.”
Outside, a faint light illuminated the sky once more, the low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance, making Buck flinch slightly.
“It’s just … I’m 32 years old, Bobby. I live alone, and I’m scared of storms, like when I was a kid. That is ridiculous.”
The older man shook his head. “You said, you spoke with your therapist about this, right? Did she find it ridiculous?”
“No, of course not.”
“You survived something very traumatic. Yet again! You can’t expect to just bounce back all the time. It is bound to leave some scars, physical and mental ones. And I get that you felt like you couldn’t talk to us, after the tsunami happened, but if water is something that was and still is triggering to you, we should know about that. Or … at least I should, as your captain. I don’t want put all the blame on you, but imagine what could have happened if something like tonight happened on a call and nobody knew about it. You put yourself, your teammates, and the civilians you want to help in danger. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Buck wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks. “Yeah, I get it … You’re right. Sorry I didn’t say something sooner …”
Bobby smiled at him fondly. “It’s alright.”
Suddenly, the younger man started yawning.
“You should go to sleep,” the captain observed, “it’s late already. And this must have taken a lot out of you.”
Buck nodded sleepily. “We need to get up early tomorrow morning. I’ve been keeping you for way too long already!”
He jumped up from the ground, but Bobby touched his arm softly, before he could go anywhere. “Relax. I’ll be fine. Are you sure, you want to come in tomorrow, though? If you need the day, that’d be alright with me.”
“No, that’s not necessary, I can do it. But thanks anyway.”
“Okay.” Bobby nodded in the direction of Bucks bathroom. “Get ready for bed. I’ll clean up the glass and the water.”
Buck thanked him again and disappeared into his bathroom. He went to the toilet before refreshing his face with some cold water. Upon a glance in the mirror, he saw how terrible he looked. Fuck, I look like shit. Tomorrow morning all of this will be better … Hopefully. I just have to manage tonight.
As if on command, a quiet rumbling could be heard from outside. The rain also seemed to lessen somewhat, but Buck still felt very … on edge. Like every little thing might frighten him again, pushing him over the edge. He wasn’t sure how much sleep he would actually get tonight …
Bobby was leaning against the kitchen island, when Buck came out of the bathroom. The younger one gave him a soft smile. “Thanks, for cleaning up and for coming over in general.”
His captain came up to him, embracing him in a tight hug. “No problem. Despite everything, I still hope you have a good night … I’ll see you in a few hours, then.”
Both of them let go of each other, though Buck directed his gaze to the ground. “Yeah. A good night to you, too … uhm, if you … well, if you want, you can sleep on my couch, so you don’t have drive home this late …!”
Bobby’s eyes softened.
Buck would never ask him to stay in a more obvious way.
“Thank you. I’ll take you up on the offer …”
Buck could barely contain the grateful smile, which broke out on his face. “Alright! I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow, wait a second.”
The younger man hurried up the stairs, to his closet, but instead of waiting, Bobby followed him. “That reminds me, I wanted to ask if you want to come over this weekend? Athena invited Harry and May and we thought you might want to come, too …”
Buck fished the bed linens out of the closet. “I’d love to! … But, are you certain, I should be there? May and Harry have been gone a while, don’t you wanna be alone with them …?”
Bobby remembered the talk he had with May after Buck got struck by lightning.
“Mom brought two kids into the marriage. You brought one.”
That made Bobby laugh out loud, for the first time in what must have been like days. “Yeah, I suppose so. He’s a good kid.”
“We wouldn’t have asked if we didn’t want you there. You’re family, Buck.”
The cheeks of the young man took on a pink tinge when he gave the linens to his captain. A sheepish smile graced his lips. “I would love to come,” he repeated insistently, “thanks for inviting me.”
Bobby nodded, seemingly satisfied. “Great. I hope, you’ll help me cook!”
“Definitely!”
The older man went back to the stairs, before turning around once more, just as he was about to go down. “Promise you’ll wake me up if you need something, anything, yeah?”
Buck, who just sat down on his bed, hesitated, but nodded anyways. “I will. Good night …”
The word “Dad” was burning on his tongue. Not that he would ever actually say it, though. For years now there’s been a kind of silent agreement of their relationship, but no one wanted to express it.
But they didn’t need to.
“Good night, Buck,” Bobby just replied with his usual fatherly smile before climbing down the stairs.
Someday, he will make the boy see how important he was to them. Hopefully.
The End