past midnight is the worst time to be in love

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Teen And Up Audiences

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文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

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Language:

English

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Published:: 2024-07-25
Words:: 4,638
Chapters:: 1/1
Comments:: 9
Kudos:: 192
Bookmarks:: 16
Hits:: 2,078

candy_cigarettes

Summary:

in which skk breaks up and everyone pitches in to fix it

Notes:

this is a side project because god forbid I let myself get some sleep

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Wednesday

6:12 pm

Slug🍷:

Where the hell are you dickhead?

you were supposed to be here thirty fucking minutes ago

You got me sitting in this damn arcade filled with annoying ass bratty tweens all by myself

6:23 pm

Slug🍷:

Helloooooo???

6:40 pm

Slug🍷:

You are such a shithead

Who the hell do you think you are, standing me up like this???

Don’t think I won’t kick your ass for this mackerel

6:58 pm

Slug🍷:

If you’re not here in 20 minutes im leaving

7:24 pm

Slug🍷:

Damn it Dazai where are you??

You better not be getting your ass kicked right now

Just hurry up before you really piss me off

(Another half an hour passes with Chuuya waiting at the arcade. The sun sets behind the stalky pine trees, and the stars emerge from their hiding spots among the clouds. Chuuya is hesitant to leave in case Dazai does show up, sooner or later. But after two hours of waiting with no texts back, the mafioso finally gets up and heads home. The arcade will be closing soon, anyway.)

(The next morning, he’s up early for work. He fell asleep on the couch in the clothes he went out in: the outfit he had spent hours picking out for his date with Dazai. Disgusted with himself and irritated at the situation, he picks up his phone to see if the bastard answered his texts.)

(Chuuya is both relieved and annoyed as hell to see Dazai texted him. The message was sent 2 hours after Chuuya had left the arcade.)

11:02 pm

Mackerel🦀:

sorry. busy. reschedule?

Thursday

5:04 am

Slug🍷:

You couldn’t have sent that shit earlier??

Mackerel🦀:

Sorry chibi :((((

Slug🍷:

Fuck you and fuck your apology

We had this date planned for a month

Mackerel🦀:

It was an emergency

Slug🍷:

What kind of emergency?

Mackerel🦀:

I don’t need to report my every action back to u chuuya

Slug🍷:

No u don’t but I’d rather not sit and wait by myself for hours just because you found something better to do

You could’ve at least texted me, asshole

Mackerel🦀:

I’m sorry </3

Slug🍷:

If you were sorry you’d tell me where you were

Mackerel🦀:

If i do u have to promise not to get mad ok?

Slug🍷:

I’m already mad

You stood me up

Mackerel🦀:

Ok then u can’t get more mad

Slug🍷:

Whatever just tell me

Mackerel🦀:

so Ranpo and Poe have been dating for a while right? and Poe is super rich so all their dates have just been Poe spending money on Ranpo and spoiling him with things he likes. Ranpo loves it but he really wanted to treat Poe for a change and take him somewhere he likes.

Slug🍷:

????

what does that have to do with you ditching me

Mackerel🦀:

Im getting there!!

anyway ranpo comes to me and he's like “hey Dazai, r u busy tonight?” and yk how our relationship is kinda on the low bc enemy organizations and all. So I tell him I'm free and he tells me how he's really nervous about this date and he thought having a double date with him, Poe, and two of his friends would be better for his anxiety. He had already asked Yosano but she was busy.

Slug🍷:

Dazai.

Mackerel🦀:

Hold on!!!!

ANYWAY before coming to me, ranpo had already asked kunikida and Kunikida had agreed to go. and obviously if kunikida is going i also have to go. So I agree and we go and the restaurant is nice and fancy. But halfway through the double date, Poe gets kicked out because one of the servers notices that he’s carrying a raccoon with him. So Poe leaves and ranpo goes with him. At first I was like “well we should leave too” but then Poe says “ don’t worry about it, order whatever you want, have a good time, I’ll pay for all of it” so OBVIOUSLY we had to stay.

I was gonna text u i swear but Kunikida ended up drinking a lot and he threw up and it was so gross I had to call Atsushi to help me take him home. and Atsushi brought Kyouka with him and kyouka texted Kenji and then Kenji showed up and it was a whole thing.

Slug🍷:

So let me get this straight

You canceled the plans we made a month ago because you decided to go on a last minute date with someone else?

Mackerel🦀:

Well when u put it like that it sounds bad :(

Slug🍷:

I can’t fucking believe you

You are such a selfish entitled piece of shit

Mackerel🦀:

Chibi don’t be like that

I said im sorry

Slug🍷:

I don’t want to fucking hear it

Mackerel🦀:

Chuuyaaaaaaa

Slug🍷:

Don’t fucking talk to me

Mackerel🦀:

Are you serious?

Slug🍷:

Yes I’m serious

Mackerel🦀:

I don’t understand

Slug🍷:

Dazai, you promised me we’d hang out at the arcade like we used to when we were kids. You promised me we’d have this cute little fun date to celebrate the moments of our past that weren’t fucking traumatic as hell.

I was sitting there, waiting for you, and you never showed up

Mackerel🦀:

There’s nothing legally binding to a promise. I’m sorry i hurt your feelings but we’re in a line of work where events are spontaneous

Slug🍷:

Line of work?? Are you fucking kidding me????

You ditched me to go on a dinner date with your new partner

Thats not work asshole

That’s you choosing him over me

Mackerel🦀:

Can you calm the fuck down and stop being so goddamn emotional for two fucking seconds?

You’re pissed off because i found people that want to be around me because they actually enjoy my company

They’re not tied to me because they feel like they have to be

Or because they’d die without me

I chose to hang out with kunikida because HE CHOSE ME

Slug🍷:

Is that what you think? That I'm only with you because I have to be?

Mackerel🦀:

Am I wrong?

Slug🍷:

You stupid motherfucker!!

Of course you’re wrong!!!

I'm with you because i want to be

I want to be around you and I enjoy your company. Does that not mean anything to you??

Mackerel🦀:

Chuuya i love you

Slug🍷:

I love you too

Mackerel🦀:

But just admit it. You were forced to be my partner when we were kids. You had no choice but to stay by my side 24/7 and you only love me because you don’t have anyone else

I didn’t have anyone else either

You helped me get through that dark time in my life

But chuuya, the world is so much bigger than double black

There’s so much more to live for out there than you and me

Slug🍷:

Are you happy?

Mackerel🦀:

Happier than i used to be

Slug🍷:

And your new people. Are they good to you?

Mackerel🦀:

Wouldn’t trade them for the world

Slug🍷:

Then i'm happy for you

Mackerel🦀:

Chuuya?

Slug🍷:

Yeah?

Mackerel🦀:

We’re breaking up, aren’t we?

Slug🍷:

Yeah, we are

Mackerel🦀:

It was fun

Slug🍷:

It was

Mackerel🦀:

Thank you

For everything

Slug🍷:

Yeah no problem

6:16 am

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Hey, are you busy?

Ane-san🎀:

Chuuya darling it’s six in the morning

What are you texting me for? We have an executive meeting in 45 minutes

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Yeah ik

Are you busy?

Ane-san🎀:

Just finishing my makeup.

Do you need something?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Nah i just wanted to see what you were up to

Ane-san🎀:

Are you sure? If something’s going on or troubling you, it’s best if we talk about it. The mental health of mafia executives is valued more than you’d think

Chuuya-kun☄️:

He broke up with me

Ane-san🎀:

Dazai?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Yeah

Ane-san🎀:

Oh honey

I’m so sorry

Thank you for telling me. Anything you need, I’m here.

Chuuya-kun☄️:

I fucking hate him. He made me feel so stupid

Ane-san🎀:

Dazai has that sort of effect on people, I'm afraid. Even the most powerful of us. But you must know you aren’t stupid, right?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

I know.

Ane-san🎀:

I believe in the person you’ve been, the person you are, and the person you’re becoming. You are one of, if not the strongest person I know, and I do not doubt that you’ll get through this

I’ll call Mori and tell him the two of us are taking today off. We’ll go to the spa for the day and recharge. How does that sound?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Thanks ane-san

Ane-san🎀:

Of course darling

I’m a ways away from you but I know Gin and Tachihara are in your area doing a delivery mission. Would you like me to send them your way? I can disguise it as business if you’d prefer.

Chuuya-kun☄️:

No thanks

I'm just gonna get some sleep

Ane-san🎀:

Let me know if you need anything

Chuuya-kun☄️:

You’re the best

Ane-san🎀:

I try

Friday

8:13 am

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Kunikidaaaaaaaa

Who’s my favorite pookie bear snuggle muffin??💋💋💋

Kuni-cake🤓:

What do you want, Dazai?

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Just wanted to scold youuuuu

yk since I’m in the office doing work and you’re at home slacking off

You’re such a troublemaker Kunikidaaa🤭🤭

So scandalous~~~

Kuni-cake🤓:

You’re insufferable.

I’m out sick, you know this. And I highly doubt you’re getting any work done.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

I am!!

You can ask Atsushi

I got tons of work done >:P

Kuni-cake🤓:

Lying is a sin

Bandaged Freak Partner:

so is staying up till 3 am drinking hard liquor and puking all over random old rich people

Kuni-cake🤓:

You’re going to give me a brain aneurysm.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Kunikida noooooo

I’m just teasing you :)

Kuni-cake🤓:

Well stop it. I’m exhausted.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

I sent Kenji over with some medicine so you should be fine~

Kuni-cake🤓:

Thank you, Dazai.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Nooooooo problemmmmmmm :P

Kuni-cake🤓:

Do you actually plan on being productive today?

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Without you to babysit me? Of course not

Kuni-cake🤓:

Good. I have something I want to talk to you about.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Yikes

Kuni-cake🤓:

This is serious.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

You’re always serious

Stinky poo poo pants

Kuni-cake🤓:

Dazai.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Fineeeeee

What is it?

Kuni-cake🤓:

I spoke to Yosano this morning and she told me about the conversation she had with Miss Kouyou last night.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Oh yeah?

Kuni-cake🤓:

Yes. Yosano told me that Kouyou told her that Nakahara was very upset.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Never took you for the type to gossip

Kuni-cake🤓:

Dazai, did you have plans to meet with him?

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Depends

Are you gonna tattle on me kunicake?

Kuni-cake🤓:

No, of course not.

But it’s wrong of you to cancel plans on someone like that. Especially without telling them.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Look honestly it doesn’t matter

He’ll get over it

Kuni-cake🤓:

How do you know that?

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Same way I know everything else.

I’m not stupid, Kunikida.

And anyways, it’s illogical for us to worry about the emotions of our enemy

Kuni-cake🤓:

On behalf of the ADA, Chuuya Nakahara is not our enemy.

If you consider him a personal enemy, that’s a miscalculation on your part.

As far as I’m concerned, Nakahara has been nothing but loyal and dependable to both you as an individual and the entire Agency.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Kunikida, you're my friend. My partner. We get along most of the time and I respect you and your silly glasses. So even though this is a touchy subject I’m going to try to play nice.

You don’t know Chuuya, and you don’t know me, either.

You most DEFINITELY don’t know Soukoku.

So for the love of suicide, do NOT pretend like you know how I should handle this situation.

Chuuya and I broke up because I don’t like having a pet dog that can’t realize how fucked up his owner is.

If Chuuya is upset it’s because he hasn’t realized he’s better off without me.

Kuni-cake🤓:

But Dazai, he is not a dog. He can make his own decisions.

You make it sound like he’s not even human.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

Don’t put words in my mouth.

Chuuya is more human than I’ll ever be.

That doesn’t mean he’s immune to emotional manipulation.

Kuni-cake🤓:

What point are you trying to make?

Bandaged Freak Partner:

It doesn’t matter

You’re not going to fucking get it either way

Let’s just go back to the part where I tease you and you pretend to be annoyed

Okay?

Kuni-cake🤓:

It’s too late for that, Dazai.

We need to talk about this.

Bandaged Freak Partner:

We sure as hell do NOT

If you’re not going to play along then just leave me the fuck alone

Kuni-cake🤓:

I’ll give you your space for now, but we will be discussing this later, alright?

(Read)

12:27 pm

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Kouyou

Ane-san🎀:

Yes?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

How did the whole damn detective agency find out Dazai and I broke up???

Ane-san🎀:

I’m not sure

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Liar.

Ane-san🎀:

Alright, maybe I told a friend, but I promise it’s nothing to freak out over.

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Nothing to freak out over????

There’s a little blonde farm kid blowing up my phone!!!

Ane-san🎀:

That’s adorable

You should see what he has to say

11:56 am

[UNKNOWN NUMBER]:

Hello!!!

My name is Kenji Miyazawa :D

We met once before, but it’s nice to speak with you in a more relaxed environment!! (＾▽＾)

I just wanted to let you know I’m here if you ever need anything <<33

°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

12:32 pm

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

Thanks ig

How did you get my number?

Kenji Miyazawa (strong blonde kid?):

I have a lot of friends that don’t mind doing me a favor every once in a while!! :)

Especially if it’s to help heal a broken heart (´• ω •`) ♡

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

…Right

Kenji Miyazawa (strong blonde kid?):

Yosano-sensei told me about your fight with Dazai ://

Well actually I heard it from Kyouka who heard it from Atsushi who overheard Yosano telling Ranpo

But we’re all family here so it’s basically the same thing! ヽ(ヅ)ノ

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

I’m kind of impressed actually

Kenji Miyazawa (strong blonde kid?):

(୨୧•͈ᴗ•͈)◞ᵗʱᵃᵑᵏઽ*♡

So do you want to talk about anything?

My lips are sealed!! 🦭🦭🦭

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

You’re a pretty funny kid

I don’t have anything I’d like to talk about but I could use your help with something if you don’t mind.

Kenji🐮🥕:

sure!!! what is it?

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

We’re gonna blow up Dazai’s car

Kenji🐮🥕:

That’s not very nice, sir ●︿●

Nakahara! (Dazai’s bf):

You don’t have to help

But I’ll buy you a juice box if you do

Kenji🐮🥕:

Deal!!!

1:05 pm

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Okay the kid isn’t half bad

Ane-san🎀:

What are you up to this time?

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Healing my heartbreak

Ane-san🎀:

I don’t buy it

Be safe, refrain from killing anyone, and remember your spare gloves so poor Akutagawa isn’t left running around Yokohama trying to find them for you.

Chuuya-kun☄️:

Will do

2:15 pm

Yoyo🦋:

???

Did you hear that loud ass explosion??

✨WORLD’S GREATEST✨:

Oh the propane bomb?

Yeah don’t worry about it

It’s just Mr. Fancy Hat blowing up Dazai’s car

Yoyo🦋:

Oh my god??? What?????

✨WORLD’S GREATEST✨:

Stress causes wrinkles

Yoyo🦋:

lol you’re right.

We still on for the double date tonight?

Me, you, Poe, Kouyou?

✨WORLD’S GREATEST✨:

yup :P

Yoyo🦋:

k cool

now go tell dad everything is fine before he has a heart attack

Saturday

3:01 am

Dazai-kun❤️‍🩹:

I know you’re not going to respond

But I need to talk to you

And that stupid hatrack ruined my only method of transportation

It’s fine

I’d rather not stare at a headstone while I rant

This way I can at least pretend you’re hearing me

I may or may not have made a mistake :/

A pretty big one actually

It’s just so frustrating

People, I mean.

They’re weird. I thought I got used to how different I am from all of them, but then stuff like this happens and I’m back to square one.

Logically, I thought everything out in my brain, and I came to the conclusion that the relationships I made pre-defection were created by me manipulating people into thinking they needed me

Well, not you. And I guess Ango is exempt as well. But you know what I mean.

What the hell am I saying?

It’s Chuuya

It’s always been Chuuya

He’s such a stupid piece of shit

He’s a thorn in my side.

He’s terrible because he’s so amazing. Every time I talk to him I’m flooded with emotions that I don’t even have the words for. He is so much more than everybody else, so much stronger and brighter and breath-taking.

And I miss him, Odasaku.

I miss him so much.

It’s similar to the way I miss you, except I don’t feel guilty for missing you.

You and I were equals, in a sense. But with Chuuya…

He was forced to be my partner.

He was forced into the mafia, and forced by my side, and forced to trust me and my judgment before he trusted his and himself.

How can I continue to drag him around when I’m trying to be better? How can I be better if I’m still forcing him into loving me?

Everything about this is a mess

I’m a mess

I don’t know what to do