Chapter Text
[ A SAFE HATGUY-LESS ZONE I JUST WNAT PEACE (6) ]
Mehrakmycase: Can we seriously not kick him out of the group??
Mehrakmycase: He STILL thinks the dragon sovereigns didn’t exist like what did he think the world was like in the past??
Alhaitham: Well, he’s far from the only idiot out there who doesn’t believe humans had predecessors.
Mehrakmycase: But he’s the STUPIDEST idiot out there. How can we do a project on the sovereighs when we can’t even agree on how the world was created??
Lionheart: Yeah, let’s kick him out
Fluffnari: It’s almost impossible to reason with him
Mehrakmycase: Surely Professor Nahida will understand
Fluffnari: Believe me, I’m not particularly keen on listening to him insult us every day either, but there’s no way Professor Nahida will allow this
DanceDanceDance: She does seem to have a soft spot for um…you-know-who
Lionheart: Still can’t believe the guy thinks he’s too good to tell us his fucking name
DanceDanceDance: I’m still reluctant to call him Hat Guy, it just sounds strange
Mehrakmycase: Honestly you-know-who is a more apt name for him given his awe-inspiring personality
Alhaitham: I admit he’s even less desirable as a conversation partner than Kaveh, which speaks volumes about how tolerable he is.
Mehrakmycase: Fuck you too
DADJOKES: Where do penguins go to vote
Alhaitham: Excuse me
Lionheart: What
Fluffnari: Here we go again…
DADJOKES: The North Poll
Fluffnari: …
Lionheart: Haha very funny
DanceDanceDance: Wow Cyno that was great haha…aha…
Mehrakmycase: Can we pls go back to the main topic
Mehrakmycase: It has been FOUR DAYS and he STILL refuses to do his part of the research paper
Lionheart: Yeah what’s his deal man
DanceDanceDance: He threatened me yesterday that he won’t ever cooperate if we don’t follow his idea
DADJOKES: I’ll kill him. Where does he live
DanceDanceDance: It’s fine, rlly, and I always try to hear others out, but his idea is just so…
Lionheart: You can say it. It’s plain stupid.
DanceDanceDance: But Dehya, I don’t think trading insults will rlly make him better
Mehrakmycase: Trust me, I’ve tried being kind, and he’s the same heartless jerk as always
Fluffnari: If Kaveh’s saying that, you know he’s serious
Alhaitham: Quite frankly, I wouldn’t be opposed to completing Hat Guy’s work myself if he’s insists on being an immature child. I believe our grades takes precedence over such petty disagreements.
Lionheart: It’s the principle of the thing. I don’t want to help someone who’s making me go bald at age twenty
DanceDanceDance: I heard the debate kids got to change their group. Professor Nahida might not be as opposed to changing groups as we thought
Fluffnari: The Oractice Club?
Alhaitham: You mean the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale Debate Club.
Mehrakmycase: It’s not just the research paper I am SICK of having to deal with his little bratty tantrums for Celestia’s sake the guy calls himself hat guy and wants to be taken srsly he had the nerve to accuse me of not doing my research properly because my draft was incomplete when it was THURSDAY and we agreed to meet on FRIDAY and last I checked Friday did not come before Thursday if there is even a small, tiny, minuscule, infinitesimal chance of kicking him out of the group I AM ALL FOR IT
DADJOKES: Well, Friday can come before Thursday
Fluffnari: Cyno now is not the time
DADJOKES: In the dictionary, that is
DADJOKES: Get it?
DanceDanceDance: Uh wow Cyno…
Mehrakmycase: Thank you Cyno. Good to know there’s someone more pathetic than I am
Alhaitham: I will bring the Hat Guy matter up to Professor Nahida tomorrow, and see what she can do.
Lionheart: Pls channel the debate club member in you, if not for our sake then for your own
Alhaitham: Hmph, I quit the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale Debate Club a long time ago. But I will write a three-part argument for Nahida.
Mehrakmycase: Pls include the fact that he is an insufferable jerk
Fluffnari: Pls take note of his refusal to cooperate and listen to any opinion but his own
DanceDanceDance: What if we tried to get one of Professor Furina’s “Favors”? She can give you one wish, any wish, with the price of a drama
DADJOKES: I heard about that too, though I’m not sure she really has the authority to do that
Alhaitham: Perhaps as a last resort, though I don’t believe that necessary. Professor Nahida is quite reasonable, unlike certain other faculty members.
Lionheart: Oh god, I hope this works
Mehrakmycase: If I have to see HIS face one more time I might have to quit university
Mehrakmycase: It’s been fun guys, don’t miss me too much
Alhaitham: Kaveh, there’s no need for unnecessary dramatics. I certainly won’t miss you
Mehrakmycase: Wow fuck you too
[ The Dragon Project (7) ]
Hat Guy: Why are none of you dumbasses here yet?
Tighnari: It’s 10am
Cyno: Didn’t we agree to meet at 2?
Dehya: I literally just woke up
Hat Guy: You just woke up? Ha, what a disgrace. Everyone knows that if you don’t wake up before 7, you’re a failure
Kaveh: I stayed up till 1am to finish my designs forgive me for trying to get some REST like a goddamn human being
Alhaitham: I’ve noticed you becoming more and more rattled by him nowadays, Kaveh. Few can test your patience like this.
Nilou: The juniors still know Kaveh as the kind and pretty and patient architecture major…
Kaveh: No matter how much of something you have, you run out eventually
Hat Guy: Yet you fools are willingly killing your last few brain cells by having a nonexistent sleep schedule. Staying up until 1am is something only stupid emo teenagers do to sound cool, and you’re flaunting it as if it’s something to be proud of
Dehya: Hey, maybe not all of us are as smart as you, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t trying
Kaveh: Yeah can’t you be nice for once in your life??
Tighnari: Better question, why are you at the cafe 4h before the time we agreed on
Hat Guy: Should’ve known I couldn’t trust you idiots to be punctual
Cyno: Is 4h early punctual to you, beef jerky?
Hat Guy: What the heck
Cyno: Beef jerky
Cyno: That’s what we call rude cows in my house
Dehya: I take back everything I’ve said about your jokes, this is gold
Nilou: As rude as it sounds, that name is…rather fitting
Hat Guy: YOUR BRAIN IS AS FRIED AS CHICKEN YOU STUPID IDIOT BAKA FOOL
Alhaitham: I admire your vocabulary greatly.
Dehya: Heh, if even Nilou agrees, that name must be truly accurate
Tighnari: Good job Cyno
Cyno changed Hat Guy’s name to Beef jerky.
Beef jerky changed their name to Hat Guy.
Cyno changed Hat Guy’s name to Beef jerky.
Beef jerky changed their name to Hat Guy.
Cyno changed Hat Guy’s name to Beef jerky.
Beef jerky: Well fuck this I’m not arguing with a bunch of brainless idiots about a brainless insult when they’re don’t even have the decency to be PUNCTUAL
Alhaitham: I strongly recommend “The Akademiya Dictionary” if you need to look up the definition of the word “punctual”.
Beef jerky: :middle-finger:
[ Private Chat ]
Nilou: How did you guys get to change your groups for the dragon project?
Navia: Ugh don’t remind me of that thing. I don’t even know why we have to do it
Navia: I’m literally a business major. Why is it compulsory for me to learn about dragons?
Nilou: I guess they wanted everyone to learn about Teyvat’s ancient history
Navia: Yeah, the “don’t forget your roots” thing, I know
Navia: Still don’t like it tho
Nilou: It is a rather important project unfortunately
Navia: Yeah, I had to study up on the ancient dendro sovereign and let me just say that it was terrible
Navia: I swear the dendro one is the worst
Navia: If you need help with research, sorry but I’m also dying over here
Nilou: Actually, we’ve barely started on that…
Navia: What
Nilou: We’ve been trying to change groups, but I don’t know if Professor Nahida will allow that if we don’t have a good enough reason. How did she approve of group changes for your group?
Navia: Oh that! I wanted to be with Clorinde, and Lynette wanted to be with her siblings, so it was honestly perfect. Nahida didn’t see any problem with it.
Navia: Is there something like that going on in your group too? I thought all of you were pretty tight, no grudges or anything
Nilou: Most of us yeah…except Hat Guy
Navia: Ah, the controversial, much-hated, gigantic-hat-wearing guy that Professor Nahida enrolled on a whim?
Nilou: I’m sure the professor had her reasons…it’s not our place to pry
Navia: Sure, but you can’t deny that he came out of nowhere, and most ppl say he doesn’t actually deserve to be here. Even geniuses can make bad calls sometimes
Nilou: I guess so
Navia: Hehe, so I take it that you guys want to kick him out?
Nilou: Not me specifically, since that’s kinda mean, but…yeah?
Navia: Then good luck. There’s basically a zero percent chance for Nahida to agree to that.
Nilou: Oh…I should tell Alhaitham that then
Navia: Good luck on dealing with Hat Guy, Nilou. Come to the debate club any time~
Nilou: Thanks Navia, but for the debate club thing…no thanks
[ A SAFE HATGUY-LESS ZONE I JUST WNAT PEACE (6) ]
DanceDanceDance: Navia said there was a zero percent chance that Professor Nahida would agree to kick Hat Guy out
Lionheart: Damn it
DADJOKES: That just means Alhaitham needs to step up his game
Fluffnari: Zero percent is zero, Cyno. It can’t be helped
DanceDanceDance: We might just have to learn to deal with him…
Mehrakmycase: You’ve got to be kidding me
Mehrakmycase: Bye guys this has been fun I will soon be joining the workforce
Alhaitham: Hmph, you’d end up with even more debt than you’ve already accumulated. Have you paid off your debt to that pink-haired business major yet?
Mehrakmycase: Don’t bring Dori into this
DADJOKES: Get a room, you two
Mehrakmycase: These jokes are getting more and more unfunny, Cyno
DADJOKES: Tis wasn’t a joke
Lionheart: Oho
Fluffnari: Everyone, hope is not lost yet
Fluffnari: I know a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who’s really close to Professor Raiden. I’ll get her to help
Mehrakmycase: If only I had this many friends
Alhaitham: Then start accumulating friends instead of debt
Lionheart: Ooh burn
DanceDanceDance: You have us, Kaveh
DADJOKES: Why don’t we just try to put on a show to impress Professor Furina? I feel like getting one of her “Favors” will be easier than explaining ourselves to a scary professor like Raiden
Fluffnari: Says the scariest senior in the school
DanceDanceDance: What if we consulted the drama club for help?
Lionheart: The drama club is crazy, I wouldn’t ask them for help even if held at gunpoint
Mehrakmycase: I think you’re underestimating my desperation. I’d even sell my kidneys at this point
Alhaitham: Kidney, singular.
Mehrakmycase: What?
Alhaitham: If you sold both kidneys, you’d be dead.
Mehrakmycase: THAT’S STILL BETTER THAN HAVING TO WORK WITH HAT GUY
Alhaitham: It is not. Life should be treasured above all else. Humans only have one fragile, fleeting life, and every second you spend thinking about Hat Guy is wasted. I suggest you rethink your priorities, Kaveh.
Lionheart: Well, we wouldn’t need to think about Hat Guy if he wasn’t here
Mehrakmycase: He should try to be more like Professor Venti, always absent, like a gust of wind. Then people might actually like him
Fluffnari: It is rather tragic that the only good thing anyone has to say about Hat Guy is that Professor Nahida recommended him
Mehrakmycase: I’d thought so too in my foolish quest to befriend him, until I realized that he is exactly as the rumors describe him
DanceDanceDance: Cold, mean and rude?
Alhaitham: That, and a few others. His unhealthily pale complexion, his insistence that he is always right, his height, among other unpleasant traits.
Lionheart: HIS HEIGHT LMAO
DADJOKES: Hello I am back. I’ve signed the whole group up for the Focalors Drama Club
Fluffnari: Excuse me what
DADJOKES: Wanna hear a joke?
Fluffnari: NO
DADJOKES: Why did the fish blush?
Lionheart: Wait, backtrack, what did you do??
DanceDanceDance: Oh no, this is going to fill up my already full schedule
DADJOKES: Because it saw the ocean’s bottom
DADJOKES: Get it? Bottom? Blush?
Fluffnari: Oh god, here we go again
DanceDanceDance: Doesn’t that imply something about the ocean…
Lionheart: Are you saying the ocean has ass
Mehrakmycase: More ass than Alhaitham, certainly
Alhaitham: I could’ve lived my whole life without having to hear that sentence.
Fluffnari: Well, I’d say you successfully distracted Kaveh from his daily Hat Guy complaints
Mehrakmycase: And now you’re reminded me. Why do we live just to suffer?
Lionheart: Kaveh?
Mehrakmycase: What
Lionheart: Welcome to the emo side
Mehrakmycase: …
Fluffnari: Wait, I feel like we’re forgetting something
DADJOKES: And what could that possibly be?
Fluffnari: WHY did you sign us up for the drama club
Alhaitham: I do not believe any of us here are aspiring actors, perhaps other than Kaveh with all his dramatics.
DanceDanceDance: Um, you’re all forgetting something crucial here…if you signed the whole group up, then Hat Guy will also be there
Mehrakmycase: You didn’t sign everyone up, did you?
DADJOKES: Uhhhhhh oops?
Mehrakmycase: DJSOTRGYSVPBWSNK
Lionheart: I think he’s having a stroke
DADJOKES: Sorry, I’ll pay for the medical fees
Alhaitham: Great, he wouldn’t have to borrow my Mora again.
Lionheart: I cannot believe we actually have to interact with the drama kids. Didn’t one of them crash a hole through the roof last week?
DanceDanceDance: I thought it was Professor Furina herself that did that
Fluffnari: Oh my god this is a complete disaster
DADJOKES: As I said, oops
Alhaitham: Celestia help me, what have I done for my life to be turned into this?