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Charlie sighed as he sat in his new form seat next to some random Year 9. He looked vaguely familiar, but Charlie assumed he’d just seen him around the halls. A Year 12 sat across from him, a tall boy with glasses and freckles, and a Year 8 sat next to him, comically dwarfed by his seat neighbour. They all exchanged awkward smiles, and Charlie began looking around the room.
He was hoping in equal measure to see some friendly familiar faces and not see the not-so-friendly familiar faces. A problem with having been bullied by a good bit of the student population the year prior was that the chances of having to see said bullies was unfortunately high. As long as his new form group was full of strangers and acquaintances, he should be okay.
His scan had been successful so far, no hostile faces recognized in the room. As his eyes made their way to the last table in the back corner, he watched a boy sit down and smile at his seat neighbour. Charlie recognized him as one of the Year 12s who had stuck up for him the previous year. He’d been less vocal than his friends, but Charlie appreciated that he had an ally in the room. Charlie shifted his eyes to the boy next to him and promptly felt dazed.
There was no way Charlie had seen this boy before because he would not forget that encounter. The boy was tall and broad but still had boyish features, giving him a youthful presence despite his size. His almost red hair neatly flopped on his head and his face was dotted with freckles. It felt strange to think of a teenage boy as handsome, a word that seemed to hold such gravitas and maturity, but Charlie couldn’t help it. This boy was maybe the most handsome person Charlie had seen in real life.
Before he could spiral further, Mr. Lange called the room to order and took roll. Charlie learned that his tablemates were called Keiran, George, and Lucien while his Year 13 saviour was called, of all things, Ebenezer. He insisted on being called Eb. But most importantly, the boy in the back corner was named Nicholas.
Charlie wondered if he used his full name or went by Nick instead. He wondered if the name held any significance to his family, maybe an uncle’s name or a beloved family pet. And he wondered if Nicholas and Charlie or Charlie and Nicholas sounded better together.
The rest of form was spent barely paying attention and stealing what he hoped were furtive glances in the direction of the back table. Nicholas had a habit of brushing back his hair with his fingers, a movement that Charlie found himself fully captivated by. Nicholas and Eb seemed to be getting on, both smiling and chuckling as they quietly spoke while they worked. Charlie tried immensely to not be jealous, but he found himself still feeling a small ache of want whenever Nicholas directed a smile towards Eb.
So all in all maybe these new form groups weren’t that bad of an idea.
🍂
“You’re distracted.” Tao’s stern voice cut through Charlie’s daydreaming.
“Hm?” Charlie had noticed Nicholas playing a game of football over on the field during lunch and found himself staring over there and imagining a world in which Nicholas might look back at him. “I’m fine.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t fine, I said you were distracted.” Tao waved a hand in Charlie’s face, making him finally turn to look at Tao.
“Let him stare at cute boys.” Isaac didn’t look up from his book but managed to wiggle his eyebrows at Charlie.
“Those are rugby boys. We don’t like rugby boys.”
Charlie sighed and began tearing up his sandwich. “We don’t like certain rugby boys. Maybe there are good rugby boys.”
“What are you saying?!”
Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know. One of them is in my new form. He seems okay.” He did his best to avoid eye contact.
“Which one?”
“Uh, Nicholas.”
“Nicholas? Nick Nelson?! He’s the Rugby King! I can’t imagine the king of those twats is anywhere near okay.” So he did go by Nick.
Isaac looked over at the group of boys. “Tall? Ginger?” Charlie nodded. “He’s very fit. I see why Charlie is willing to risk it.”
Tao blew out an exasperated breath. “When he inevitably turns out to be a wanker, don’t come crying to me.”
Charlie trained his eyes back on Nick. He was running, hair flopping as he moved, face flushed with effort. “I won’t. He won’t.”
🍂
Something… interesting was happening at the back corner table. Charlie admittedly spent much of his form time looking over there, hoping that Nick might look up and into his eyes. He never did, unfortunately, but something almost as exciting was happening.
Nick and Eb were clearly becoming good friends, both excited to see each other everyday and always carrying on jovial conversations. But over the past week, Charlie had noticed a shift in their dynamic. Or more accurately, a shift in Nick.
Lately, when their laughter had died down and Eb looked back at his notebook, Nick’s eyes lingered. He spent a few extra moments simply looking at Eb. And he looked at him like… well, Nick looked at Eb like Charlie could only assume he looked at Nick.
But Nick wasn’t gay, right? Wouldn’t Charlie know if someone else was gay?
Maybe he was still in the closet. Lord knows Charlie would still be in the closet if it had been up to him.
Whatever Nick was, that didn’t change the starry-eyed look he had every form. Eb didn’t seem to reciprocate or even notice, and Charlie felt a weird kind of empathy. He and Nick at least had that in common.
🍂
It had been a week since Charlie had noticed Nick’s… fascination with Eb, and the looks had only intensified. Charlie hated the twinge of jealousy he constantly felt; Nick had no idea who he even was, he had no right to be jealous. But, alas, he couldn’t help how much he wanted it to be him. If only the seating chart had been different.
“Charlie, could you pass around the forms, please?” Mr. Lange handed a stack of papers to Charlie. Their form group was going on a field trip in two weeks, and they all needed their parents’ permission. It felt too childish for secondary school but who was Charlie to decide.
He would deny if asked, but Charlie purposely left Nick’s table for the end. He approached them mid-laugh, and his stomach swooped at actually hearing Nick’s laugh for the first time. It was lovely, and he wanted to know how he could hear it all the time.
“Thanks, Charlie.” Eb smiled up at Charlie as he handed over the paper. He wasn’t Charlie’s type, but he could see the appeal.
Nick, who had been looking at Eb, turned his head to Charlie, no doubt to offer a similar expression of gratitude. Instead, Charlie watched as Nick’s eyes widened slightly, his cheeks flushed, and his mouth fell slightly open.
Great, he must recognize Charlie as the weirdo who got outed last year. He couldn’t blame Nick’s reaction; anyone in the closet would be terrified of a repeat of Charlie’s outing.
“Hi,” Nick stuttered out, grabbing the paper with an unsteady hand.
“Hi.” Charlie nodded and gave a tight-lipped smile and retreated back to his table, hoping against hope that Nick could just forget about that whole interaction.
🍂
But hope wasn’t on Charlie’s side; he heard someone calling his name as they were leaving form. He shut his eyes, recognizing the voice immediately and wanting to be wrong. It was enough to see Nick’s physical reaction to him, he didn’t also need him to tell him in words.
“Charlie! Hi.” Nick fell into step next to him.
“Hi.”
“I’m Nick, by the way.” Charlie chanced a glance at Nick’s face and almost melted at his lopsided smile.
“I know.” Charlie’s eyes widened and he hastened to add, “We have form together.”
Nick chuckled. “Fair enough.”
They walked in silence for a few moments, Charlie hyper aware of every part of himself. He wasn’t sure what Nick’s objective was; he hadn’t been outwardly mean nor did he seem disgusted by Charlie. Just as he was about to make some excuse to get out of this confusing situation, Nick cleared his throat.
“What’s your next class?” Okay, so they were doing polite small talk, it seemed.
“Latin.”
“Wow, that’s impressive! I’m taking French, which kind of feels like cheating because I’m fluent in French.”
Charlie looked at Nick in surprise. “You’re fluent in French?!”
Nick huffed out a laugh and reddened slightly. “Yeah, my dad’s French. But it’s still weird to take it so formally. Like, whatever slang or cultural quirks I learned from him sometimes trip me up.”
“Wow, that’s cool. Latin’s hard, but I don’t have to speak it, which is nice. And we learn lots of weird things that wouldn’t be taught in a modern language, probably.”
“Like what?”
“There’s so many words for ‘kill’ in Latin. And we don’t really focus on casual greetings or anything because ancient texts don’t really have those. We’re starting to read some real works by Roman writers and— sorry. This is probably so lame, you don’t care.” Charlie really wished he could evaporate on the spot and not have to deal with the fallout of him excitedly talking about a dead language to his crush.
“No, that’s so cool! We spent so long on casual conversation stuff last year, and it was so boring. I’m definitely not smart enough to switch to Latin, but you make it sound really fun.” Nick at least sounded genuine, not at all put off by Charlie’s enthusiasm.
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Charlie stopped in front of his locker, surprised they had already made it there. He was barely paying attention to where they were while they talked. “Um, this is me.”
“Oh, right! It was great chatting to you, Charlie.” Nick smiled again, warm and bright, before continuing down the hall. Charlie could have sworn he saw him give a small fist pump as if celebrating, but that seemed like a delusional thought.
🍂
As it turned out, that conversation had not been a fluke, but rather the start of a tradition for Nick and Charlie (Charlie decided that order sounded better in his head). Nick would hurry to join Charlie after form let out, and they’d chat as they walked to Charlie’s locker. He even found other times when they crossed paths to walk together multiple times during the day. It felt like a prank, to have this boy Charlie had been daydreaming about all term suddenly want to spend a little extra time with him.
They rarely ran into awkward silence after that first time, instead finding themselves having to cut conversations short because they got too caught up. Nick had even lingered for a minute or two while they were arguing over who would best who at Mario Kart, causing him to have to run to not be late.
“We’ll just have to put it to the test sometime,” Nick had called down the hall as he rushed off.
Today, Nick seemed nervous, more jittery than usual. Charlie chocked it up to him being nervous about his rugby game after school, although a small part of him still worried Nick didn’t actually want to be around him.
“Charlie, will you come to my game today?” Nick blurted it out after Charlie finished talking about his brother’s new fascination with tractors. “Sorry, I was listening, I promise. I even think I have an old tractor toy I could give to Oliver.”
“You want me to come to your game?”
“I know you’re not the biggest fan of some of the guys on the team, but I’d really like you to be there. If you want.” Nick shut his eyes as if bracing for something. “And I wanted to invite you over after to hang out.”
Charlie felt something swoop dramatically in his stomach. It probably meant nothing. Just like it meant nothing that Nick was no longer looking at Eb with starry eyes or that Charlie often caught him looking over at him with a fond expression. It wasn’t what Charlie wanted it to be, and he needed to not get his hopes up.
“Okay,” he whispered, scared his voice would crack at any higher volume.
“Yeah? Awesome! I’ll see you later.”
Nick practically skipped away as Charlie tried to stop a smile while grabbing his books.
🍂
“You’re going to the rugby game today?” Tao looked like a textbook example of scepticism, raised eyebrow and all.
“Nick invited me.” Charlie shrugged to show that it was no big deal. Not a big deal at all. Nope, nothing to see here.
Tao threw his hands up. “Oh, well if Nick invited you!”
“The boy has a crush, go easy on him.” Isaac turned his page with a devilish smirk.
“Just because Charlie has a crush—”
“I wasn’t referring to Charlie.”
“What?!” Both Tao and Charlie exclaimed at the same time, heads whipping to look at Isaac, smirk only growing.
“Nick does not have a crush on me. That’s impossible.” Charlie sighed and fiddled with his fork. “Besides, you guys know how he is with Eb.”
“How he was. Didn’t you say he’s not looking at him like that anymore?”
“Well, I—”
“And that you constantly see him looking at you?”
“Yes, but—”
“And now he’s inviting you to his game? It’s only a matter of time before he drops all pretences and asks you to ‘hang out.’”
“Oh. Erm—”
Isaac put down his book, a rare sight. “Wait, has he?”
“He asked me to come hang out at his after the game. But that doesn’t mean anything!”
“Charlie! He basically asked you out.”
Tao smacked Isaac’s shoulder. “Don’t get his hopes up!”
“I want to believe in romance!”
“No, no, there’s no romance. He doesn’t like me like that. He just wants to beat me at Mario Kart or something.”
“Yeah, to impress you and have an excuse to spend more time with you. How did he ask you?”
“Um, we were walking together after form. And he was kind of jittery or whatever. Then he just blurted out that he wanted me to go to his game and then invited me over after to hang out.”
“So he was nervous to ask you out and then covered it up by using the game as an excuse? I’ve read enough sports romances to know the signs.”
Tao scoffed. “You’ve basically read every book. And besides, this isn’t one of your books, this is real life.”
“Okay, and in real life, Nick likes Charlie.” Isaac picked his book up again, signalling he was done debating the matter any further.
With Isaac’s assertion ringing in his ears, Charlie glanced over to the field where Nick was tossing a rugby ball with friends. As soon as he spotted Nick, he was met with a smile and a wave, as if Nick had been waiting for him to look over. It meant nothing. Right?
🍂
“How are you so good at this?” Nick groaned and flopped back on his bed as Charlie passed him at the finish line to come in first in Mario Kart for the third time in a row.
“You get to be good at real sports, I get to be good at fake ones.” Charlie slowly lowered himself down to lie next to Nick. His heart was in his throat, but he couldn’t deny the excitement he felt coursing through him.
“No, you’re just good at everything.” Nick said it so nonchalantly, as if it were an indisputable fact.
“No, I’m not. I just watched you absolutely dominate on the rugby field. I could never do that.”
Nick turned his head to look at Charlie fully. Charlie nervously swallowed. “You probably could with some practice. I’ve seen you running in PE, you’re really fast. And you’re, like, the smartest person I know. My dog immediately loved you. I could go on, you have many great qualities.”
“You’re just saying that. I’m nothing special.”
Nick’s face turned serious. “You’re very special.”
Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Nick’s words sunk in. Maybe Isaac was right. Before Charlie could second-guess everything, Nick’s eyes drifted down Charlie’s face, stopping at his mouth. Charlie saw Nick’s breath catch and suddenly, Nick was kissing him.
It was a bit clumsy, the angle not perfect, but Nick was gentle and sweet as he captured Charlie’s mouth. Charlie felt sparks running through his body, and he hastened to kiss back, just as gentle and sweet. It felt delicate, like they were sharing something fragile and sacred. Charlie worried he might burst from all the joy bubbling up inside of him.
But as soon as Charlie began to deepen the kiss, Nick pulled back and shot back up.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I told myself I’d keep it all under control. I promised myself. But you’re just… I got caught up. I’m so sorry.”
“I— what?” Charlie propped himself up on his elbows to look at Nick better.
“I completely understand if you just want to be friends. I still think you’re really cool and like hanging out with you. I’m sorry if I ruined it.”
“What have you ruined?” Charlie couldn’t imagine a kiss like that ruining anything.
“Our friendship. Because I like you.”
“You like me?”
Nick furrowed his brow. “I— was that not obvious? I basically attacked you with my lips just now. Oh god.” He buried his head in his hands.
“It was definitely not an attack. It was very gentle. And I— it was good. Really good. I liked it. A lot.” Charlie could hardly hear himself over his racing heart.
Nick’s head jerked back up to look at Charlie. “You did?”
“Yes. Nick, I like you. But I thought you didn’t like me back.”
Nick looked outraged at the suggestion. “What? Why not?”
“First of all, I wasn’t sure you weren’t straight. But also, I thought you liked Eb.”
“Eb?” Nick rubbed the back of his neck and blushed.
“Yeah, you… look at him a certain way.”
Nick blew out a laugh. “When I met Eb, I had the immediate thought that he was cute. Which, in retrospect, wasn’t a new thought but was one I hadn’t had so bluntly. And he’s really cool. So I guess I did have a bit of a crush. But he has a girlfriend and never gave any indication that he liked me back so it never felt real.”
“You don’t still like him?”
“Charlie, I don’t think you understand the effect you have on me. The moment I saw you, it was ten times what I felt for Eb.”
“So… I like you, and you like me?” Charlie grinned up at Nick, a glint of mischief in his eye.
Nick returned the grin. “It would seem so, yes.”
Charlie sat up fully to be level with Nick. “You want to try that kiss again?”
Nick nodded frantically as he leaned back in. “Yeah, okay.”
🍂
When Charlie got to form the next day, he tried to act as if nothing was different. He sat in his seat, smiled at his tablemates, and took out his notebook. He mumbled “present” when Mr. Lange called his name and spent most of form sneaking glances at the back corner table.
But something was different now. Instead of Nick gazing at Eb, or him and Charlie awkwardly looking away when they made eye contact, they cheekily shared glances. Nick smiled his lopsided smile and looked at Charlie with starry eyes. He even winked at one point.
Eb kept giving them knowing glances, making Charlie think he wasn’t as clueless as he liked to pretend. An ally indeed.
Maybe if Nick and Charlie had been sat together, they would have gotten together sooner. Or maybe they would have skated around each other for longer. The only thing Charlie knew for certain was that they were meant to find each other, even from across the room.