Chapter Text
"Oda... what do I do?" I choked out as I watched my closest friend bleeding out right in front of me. "Please- You can't die..."
You can't die....
I need you...
What will I do now!?
"Oda!" I shouted, loudly as I shoot up from laying down on the couch. I looked around and realized- I'm at the agency.
I want fishy, no- I need fishy right now. I get up, wobbling a bit as I try to walk. I make my way over to my desk, I didn't see fishy. I frowned and started pushing stuff around. Where was he!? I ended up spiling coffee on my paperwork, but when I didn't see fishy I figured Kunikida must have him. I walk over to his desk and looked. I moved stuff around, this time I dropped papers all over the floor. I opened drawers and searched in there, I saw nothing. I whined as I threw his notebooks out of the drawer trying to search for fishy. I felt my eyes stinging from tears. I feel about ready to cry. I always have fishy after a nightmare! I was growing frustrated so I pushed Kunikida's cup off his desk. I jumped when I hear it crash onto the floor.
Uh oh.
I looked over when I hear Fukuzawa's door open. I see Kunikida and Fukuzawa come walking out. I suck on my bottom lip as I see Kunikida trying to process what happened. He looked around the office and saw how messy it was. He didn't look happy.
"Dazai! What are you doing!? I leave for one minute and you- are you even listening!?" He shouts, he's being really loud! I shook my head and tried to tell him to stop yelling, but I can't talk. "You- clean up the mess, now. Or I'll wipe the floor up with you!" He threatened, and it scared me.
I coughed as I started to cry, I don't like this Kuni. I want nice Kuni back! I sobbed loudly as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. I whined as I just plop down on the floor, and crawled under a desk. I hug my knees to my chest and kept crying. I had a nightmare and just wanted fishy! Why is he yelling at me!? I hear people talking but I don't listen. I whined, scared, when I saw Kunikida's shoes in front of the desk. He kneels down and grabs my arm. I cried louder as he pulled me out from under the desk.
"You are in a lot of trouble, no fits are getting you out of this." He said sternly, then picked me up and carried me to the time-out corner.
"Nn!" I whined as I squirmed and kicked. I just want to hide! Why is he being so mean!?
"Sit here and think about what you've done." Kunikida said, putting me down on the red chair that was facing the corner.
"Ku-" I choked out, reaching for him. I tried to tell him I was just looking for fishy- but no words came out.
"Face the wall, Dazai." He said sternly as he crossed his arms.
I coughed a bit more as I turned to face the wall. I felt my heart speeding up. First my nightmare, then no fishy, now Kunikida is being mean! I don't like this! I'm scared- I'm scared- I... I feel like I can't breathe! I gasped as I tried to catch my breathe, it didn't feel like it was working. My breathing quickens and I was growing lightheaded. I hear the office door open through the ringing in my ears. I chose to ignore it, I whined as I pulled at my hair. I used one hand to pull and the other to suck on. I let out one more muffled sob before I feel someone pick me up. I screamed and tried to hit, but they grabbed my wrists. I opened my eyes and saw- Chuuya! He looks concerned.
"Zai, baby.. you're panicking. You need to breathe. Okay? Come on, in... and out..." He said as he took exaggerated breathes. He breathed in and out, waiting for me to copy him.
I whined but eventually copied what he was doing. Once I felt my heart slowing down, I sniffled and rest my head on his shoulder. I coughed then went to suck my thumb. I rather have fishy, but it's better than nothing. I feel Chuuya carry me, we walk across the room and he stops in front of Kunikida. I whimpered and tried to hide under Chuuya's coat. Chuuya frowned as he watched me.
"What did you do?" He asked Kunikida, as he held me close.
"He made a huge mess, as you can see. So I put him in time out. You said timeouts are fine. I don't see what I did wrong here." Kunikida said, he still sounded annoyed. He sighed and I hear him walking, and picking stuff up as he talked. "I didn't know he was little at first, so I was yelling- but after I realized. I just put him in time out."
"I just don't get why he made a mess- he doesn't do that. Ever." Chuuya muttered as he ran his fingers through my messy hair. "He never misbehaves like that."
"I don't know! But he ruined a months work of paperwork, and threw my stuff around. He needs to be in timeout." Kunikida said as he continued to pick up the mess. Grumbling to himself.
"I just... did you ask him why he did it?" Chuuya asked, then walked over and set me down on the couch. He kneels in front of me and holds my hands. "Baby, why did you make a mess?" He asked softly, stroking my knuckles with his thumb.
"Fff..." I cry, getting frustrated when I still couldn't talk. Why must I be a baby!?
"Fff?" Chuuya repeated, then frowned in confusion. I watched him think then quickly look at me. "Fishy?"
"Mmh!" I nodded enthusiastically.
"You wanted fishy, but that doesn't mean you get to make a mess." Chuuya scolded lightly.
"Scared ..." thank God I could get a word out!
"Scared of what, baby?" He asked, frowning again. He went back to being concerned.
I felt my bottom lip trembling as I tried not to cry again. How do I explain I had a nightmare? I just wanted fishy, he makes all bad stuff go away!
"So'wwy..." I choked out, guess I should just say sorry for being bad. It's easier than explaining what happened.
"No, no, it's okay sweetheart. Just tell me why you're scared." He said softly, trying to sooth me. He sits on the couch and pulls me onto his lap. "Come on, what's wrong with my baby?" He cooed as he rocked me.
"Bad... bad..." I sobbed, clinging to him. I hide my face in his chest and cried. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Bad... Did you have a bad dream?" He asked, as he just sits there, rocking and holding me.
"Mmm...." I whined, nodding my head.
"Ahh, now I get it. Fishy makes bad dreams go away. So you wanted fishy because you were scared." Chuuya sighed, as he rests his chin on the top of my head and rubs my back in circular motions."Oh- I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I had fishy dry cleaned while you were napping. I thought I could surprise you with him. I'm sorry, baby." He cooed some more, then looks over at Kunikida. "Mind grabbing him out of my bag?" He asked.
Kunikida agreed, then grabbed fishy. He brings him over but I whimpered, trying to hide again. What if he yells some more!? What if he's still mean!? Kunikida frowned when he saw me hiding.
"What's wrong?" He asks, I don't know if he's talking to me or Chuuya.
"He's scared, he had a nightmare, got yelled at then put in timeout. He isn't too happy right now." Chuuya explained as he takes fishy from Kunikida. He hands him over and smiles when I grabbed him and hugged him close, enjoying the crinkle sound he makes. "We talked about being less stern." Chuuya reminds Kunikida.
"I know, I just- lost my temper... that was a lot of work, ruined. I have to redo it all." Kunikida explained, signing and running his hand through his bangs in frustration.
"I understand, he'll be getting a punishment for how he acted. But- I do admit its mostly my fault. I shouldn't have taken fishy without telling him." Chuu said, then kissed the top of my head. I sighed as the two talked. I held Fishy close and cuddled up against Chuuya.
"Well, it's time for his bottle anyways. Let me have him so I can go feed him. Then I'll hand him back over so I can work. We can just put this behind us." He said, reaching out to grab me.
"Noo!" I cried out, trying to move closer to Chuuya.
"Dazai..." Kunikida stopped before he stared yelling again. "Zai, you need your bottle. Babies need to drink their formula." Kunikida said in a softer tone. It didn't fool me though.
I shook my head and hid my face in Chuuya's chest once more. I whined as I held tightly onto fishy and cowered in Chuuya's arms. What if he started yelling again? I don't wanna go with him. He isn't nice right now.
"Sweetheart, you gotta go eat. Your little tummy will hurt if you don't." Chuuya said softly, as he tried to put some distance between us so he could look at me.
"No! No Kuni!" I cried, trying to hide again. "No..." I whimpered softly, then sniffled as I hid my face in fishy.
"Baby, can you sit here for a minute while I talk to Kuni?" Chuuya asked, placing me on the couch when he got up.
I wanted to complain, but I've already been bad today. So I put up with it. " 'kay" I muttered, looking down at fishy. I hear them walk off, I try to listen to what they're saying.
"I'm not going to sugarcoat it, he's scared of you." Chuuya muttered, I watched him cross his arms. His stance was tense.
"This isn't you trying to take him back is it? I thought we agreed to take care of him together." Kunikida said, crossing his arms as well. They both seem upset.
"No, I'm serious. He's scared. When he has nightmares he's at his most vulnerable. With everything that just happened- he's probably associating his fear with you." Chuuya sighed then looked over at me, making me quickly look away. I don't want to get in trouble for listening. What Chuuya said next, shocked me though. "I think... he should be in my care for a while. Until he gets over this. Maybe a week or two. I'll ask your boss if he can take time off "
"That's- but- I can handle it! You don't have to just completely take him away. That's ridiculous!" Kunikida shouted, making me freeze up.
"Chuu!" I cried out, in fear. I didn't like the yelling!
"Does that prove my point?" Chuuya said, before walking over to me. I climbed into his arms and he held me close.
It took them a good hour before they got everything figured out. I'd be taking two weeks off, Kunikida was to stay away the whole time. I'd be in Chuuya's care. Yosano told Chuuya I should stay little for those two weeks the best I could. It'd help me with the anxiety. Fukuzawa approved all of this, so now Chuuya is getting ready to take me to his place. I haven't been there in forever! I sucked on my pacifier Yosano had popped into my mouth a few minutes ago. I hummed as Chuuya held me while collecting my stuff. I held the most important stuff. My fishy and my bottle! I did drop my bottle a few times, but Chuu said it's okay! I giggled as I watched everyone collect my things, Chuuya had called a small truck to come take everything to his place all at once. Yosano looks over at me and smirks.
She walks over and pokes my nose. "Enjoying this, you little peanut?" She asked, then ruffled my hair.
Once everything was packed up, Chuuya got me in his car and got in the driver's seat. He drove off, followed the truck to his place. I lightly kicked my feet as I looked out the window. I hummed, noticing it was raining a little. I watched some raindrops drip down the window, I giggled as I pretended they were racing. I got more excited when my drop won.
"You okay, baby?" Chuuya asked, looking at me through his rear view mirror.
"Mhmm!" I hummed, it was muffled by my pacifier.
"Alright, we're almost home. When we get inside can you be a good boy and play on your pad while I get everything situated for you?" He asked, his tone soft. He kept his eyes on the road but I could tell he was smiling. He seemed happy to have me back at his place.
"I be good!" I said, hugging fishy tightly. I giggled as I nuzzled my plush, I felt a lot better now. Kuni wasn't here to yell at me, Chuu is happy, I like when Chuu is happy! I gasped as I looked out the window and saw his apartment. I set fishy down on the seat next to me and placed my hands on the car window. "Wooooow! Chuu has bigs place!" I said excitedly.
Chuuya chuckled as he parked the car. "That's the building I live in, but it isn't all mine. Baby boy." I kept staring at the large building with all the windows until I hear Chuuya getting out of the car. I looked over as he shut the door. I watched as he walked over to my side and opens my door next. He reaches over to unbuckle my car seat but I stopped him. I grabbed his hands and pouted.
"I try? I wanna do it " I said, looking up at him. I've never tried unbuckling this before. I can be a big boy! "I can do it, promise! I'm big boy, y'said so!" I said, trying to convince him to let me try. Guess I didn't have to cause he seemed happy to let me try.
"Go ahead, I'll watch. You got this!" Chuuya encouraged me with a smile. I grinned then looked down and fiddled with the buckle. I frowned as I tried pulling it open, it didn't work, I tried pushing, it didn't work. Why isn't it working!? My tounge sticks out as I concentrated. I huffed when I still couldn't do it. "Zai, you have to-"
"I can do it!" I whined, I was frustrated but also upset Chuuya didn't think I could figure it out. My cheeks puff out as I huffed and pouted some more. After five more minutes and still not doing it I was getting really upset. I cried and kicked my legs as I tugged on the buckle as hard as I could. Why can't I do it!?
"Zai, baby... shhh it's okay. Don't get upset honey. Here- I won't do it I'll just show you." Chuuya said softly as his hands come over to the buckle. "Look, you press this red button, then once you hold it down you pull this way. Okay?" He explained, I watched carefully. Okay! I can do this.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes before trying again. I pressed on the red button then pulled the buckle out. I gasped when it actually came out. I grinned as I moved the seat belt away then kicked my feet excitedly. "I did it! I did it! Chuu did you see!? I told you! I'm a big boy!" I squealed happily, as I looked over at him.
He laughs and kisses my forehead, "I saw, I saw. You did so good! Very proud of you." He cooed, then helped me out of the car. He grabs my fishy and hands it to me as he holds me in his arms. I smiled as I cuddled up against Chuuya and held Fishy close.
He shuts the car door, locks his car then starts heading inside the building. Once inside he goes for the elevator. I smiled wide as I saw all the buttons. "I push?" I asked hopefully.
"Alright, but only the one button. No more then that." Chuuya said, his tone a little stern. Makes sense, I've done it before.
I nod then he sets me down, I grinned and wobbled over to the buttons and looked over at him wondering which one I push. He tells me floor twenty five so I pressed the number he said. Well- he had to tell me where it was... but I still pressed it! I plopped down on the floor when the door closed. I hummed as I watched the numbers change on the elevator. I see Chuuya was checking his phone real quick. I glanced at the buttons again. Maybe pressing one wouldn't hurt. I reached over to pressed another number. Right before I could touch the button Chuuya called out my name.
"Osamu. Don't." He said, his voice a little more stern than before. "I told you, only one button. Please don't misbehave." He said, as he kneeled down in front of me. I pouted and looked away.
"But it fun." I complained, crossing my arms. Why can't I press buttons!? Aren't they supposed to be pressed?
Chuuya sighs and picks me back up, "I know it's fun, but I need to get stuff done. I can't do that when the elevator keeps stopping at every floor." He explained, I guess it made sense.
"Sowwy...." I said softly as I hide my face against his shoulder.
"It's okay, just make sure you listen when I say only one button. Okay? Maybe when I'm not busy we can press buttons." He offered which made me happy.
I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah! Lots of buttons! All the buttons!" I exclaimed, raising my hands up. I gasped when I dropped fishy. I looked down and frowned. "Fishy- oh no... I hurts him! Chuu he fell!" I cried out, worried about fishy. What if he hates me now!?
"It's okay, I got him." Chuuya quickly said before bending down and picking the plush up. He hands him to me and I hugged him tightly.
"Fishy, don't be mad... I didn't mean too." I said softly as I hold him as close as I could. I nuzzled him then kissed his fin. "You okay, kisses make boo-boos all better. Chuu does it for me all the times!" I explained to my little plushie. As I was comforting fishy I didn't notice a lady had walked into the elevator.
"He is so precious! How old is this little baby?" She asked, smiling at us. I hide my face behind fishy and leaned against chuuya.
"He's around one, two at most a few months at least. It varies on his mood when he's little." Chuuya said, speaking with the lady. I kept my face hidden and went to suck on my fingers. I don't normally like people.
"He's shy I see, how cute. What's your name, baby?" She cooed, smiling right at me now.
I whimpered and tried to hide more, I don't think it was working. Chuuya thankfully steps in and smiles back at the woman. "Osamu Dazai, he is very shy around new people." Chuuya confirmed for the lady.
"Oh my goodness, you two are just so cute together." She said as the door to the elevator opened. She looks over then chuckles. "This is my floor, nice meeting you two. Bye Osamu!" She said before walking out.
Once the door closed Chuuya nuzzled me. "You did so good, you didn't cry once. Good job. I know it was scary, but you're so brave." He said softly, as he holds me against him.
"I don't like strangers... scary..." I whispered, as I kept my face hidden behind fishy.
"You're okay, as long as I'm around no one can hurt you. I won't let that happen." He promised me, and I believed him.
Finally we reached our floor, Chuuya steps out and walks down the long hall to his place. I looked around as he walked. This place is big! I watched Chuuya stop in front of a door and pull his keys out. He unlocks the door and steps inside. I gasped as I looked around. It's bigger than I remember! My eyes widened when I see a window, it's huge and shows the whole city view!
"Chuu! We high up! Pretty!" I said, excitedly then squirmed so I can be put down. He chuckles then puts me down, I giggled as I wobbled over to the window and looked outside. "I wanna be tall like this!"
Chuuya laughs again and ruffled my hair. "Eventually." He said, humoring me. He then picks me up and sets me in a playpen he had already set up. He grabs my pad then makes sure I'm settled before he goes to move all my stuff inside with the workers. "I'll be coming in and out, if you need me just call for me. Okay?" Chuuya asked as he looks back at me.
"Okay! I be big boy, I won't be a baby this times." I said then went to play on the pad. I hummed along to the music that was playing on the game. I always did enjoy when I could use the pad. Chuu didn't let me use it often. I squealed happily when the bright pictures popped up.
The day went by, Chuuya came in and out like he said. The workers were nice too. One of them came over and we talked- kind of. He asked what I was playing, I just held up the pad. He then said I was smart for doing so well in the game, that made me happy. Chuuya had come over after that. I smiled and showed him my game too, he said I did very good! They both left to finish the work and I was alone again. I was growing tired, sun was setting but Chuuya wasn't done. I didn't want to bother him, but I didn't want to sleep in here. I want my bed. I whined as I rubbed my eyes, I was growing frustrated, even if I was going to tell him- he wasn't up here! He hasn't been up in forever! As I sat there rubbing my eyes I choked out a small sob. I was tired and getting cranky. Where was Chuuya!?
"Crap, the baby is crying. Uh- where's that guy?" I hear one of the workers say.
"I think he's at the truck, he had so much shit- I mean... stuff. No wonder it's taking so long." Another worker said, then they both looked at me.
"Well- go get him! Dealing with a crying little was not in the job description." The first worker argued then huffed as he watched his friend leave to find Chuuya.
I hiccuped as I let out small cries as time passed, I didn't want to cry, I tried to be good, it just wasn't working. When I finally saw Chuuya I felt a little better. Maybe now I can sleep? Oh! Maybe he'll let me sleep in his arms! I whined as I did grabby hands towards him. Chuuya gives me a small smile and picks me up.
"Oh my, is my baby sleepy? I can see your eyes are heavy. It is getting pretty late. How about we get you to bed?" Chuuya said as he starts walking to what I assume is my room.
"Nooo!" I cry and cling to him tightly. I hide my face against his chest and cried more as I rubbed my nose on his shirt, I didn't like the snot leaking out from crying.
"Zai that's-" He sighed then kept walking to my room. "It's time for bed, baby." He said softly as he placed me in bed. He walked over to a dresser and pulls out some Pajamas. "Car or cat?" He asked, holding up two sets.
"Kitty car!" I demanded, I wanted both!
"It won't match..." Chuuya points out, seems like he's struggling to agree to mismatched clothing.
"Kitty. Car." I huffed, kicking a little.
"Okay, okay. Cat shirt or car shirt?" He asked as he looks back over at me.
"Kitty!" I exclaimed, I loved kitties. They're cute!
Chuuya gets me dressed then puts away the clothes I didn't wear and tosses my work outfit in the dirty laundry. Once he's done that, he picks me back up and takes me to the bathroom. He brushes my teeth, makes sure my face is clean and I'm ready for bed. I whined again when he placed me in bed, and tucked me in. Why can't he hold me!?
"You're okay, I still have work to do so I have to get back out there. You need to sleep in bed tonight. Alright?" He said softly, as he brushed his fingers through my hair a few times to calm me.
"Chuu... Nooooo..." I wanted him to stay!
"Baby, you have fishy. You'll be okay for another hour or two. I'll be done in no time. When I'm done I'll come check on you and give you an extra kiss goodnight. How's that sound?" He smiled as he brushed his knuckle against my cheekbone. I sniffled and looked away.
"But, if I sleeping- I won't know." I choked out, as I try not to cry.
"You'll know, you'll feel this." He said then leaned in and kissed the top of my head. I looked up and smiled.
"You really think I'll know?" I asked, still uncertain.
"Yes, baby. I do. Now it's time to sleep." Chuuya said softly as he continued to pet my head. I yawned and felt my eyes growing heavy again.
"Night, night, Chuu...." I mumbled, before shutting my eyes.
Maybe he's right and it'll be fine.