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Alex has always felt like he was too much. He can’t remember a time where he didn’t feel that way. He knew he was different from his older sister and twin brother; they were calmer, less noticeable, less chaotic.
His dad always favored June. He would never outright say it, but everyone knew it was an unspoken fact. As for Marco, he was the golden child, whereas Alex has to work hard to even remotely achieve anything, Marco’s just effortlessly good without even trying.
It’s not like his parents don’t love him, they do and he knows it. He just feels like he’s never enough, always second or better said, third best.
When Alex was twelve he came back from summer camp to find his father gone. He'd moved to California and was divorcing his mother, all without telling Alex. June knew, Marco knew, he was the only one left out because he was not home. He never understood why they never told him. Something this important, this monumental thing for their family, and he got left out.
When he got home he was devastated. June and Marco tried to console him, tried to be there for him but they didn’t understand how completely wrecked he was to come home and find his father gone.
Life went on. He went to highschool, he joined clubs, tried his fucking best but, there was his brother.
Always being compared to him takes a toll on Alex, but he never shows it. He just works harder and harder. He misses June who’s off to college, who he talks to in the beginning but that slowly fades as she starts her new college life and gets friends who aren’t her little brother.
His relationship with his father is practically non-existent. He doesn’t want to talk to him, blames him for leaving without telling him. Meanwhile, June and Marco visit him during one of their breaks, leaving him alone back home with their mom.
He loves his mom and she loves him, but she loves his accomplishments more. He wishes he could be enough whether or not he was killing it in the debate club or if he scored almost as many goals during lacrosse as Marco.
The feeling of being too much became overwhelming during highschool. He notices the way his teammates stop listening to him when he’s in the middle of a rant. Teachers telling him to not answer so detailedly when he wants to give an answer during class. Even his own family tells him to take it down a notch during dinner or at the odd time they all come together during the holidays.
He notices the way his skin color is the only one close to his dad’s. June and Marco’s complexion is closer to their mother. They can pass for white, something he never can. He remembers going out with the guys, having a fake ID, and being the only one who didn’t get in. He knows why that was, saw the way the bouncer was looking at him. Marco stayed with him, he would never leave him alone, but it still fucking hurt.
June came out as bi the first time she came home from college. She met a girl named Nora who’s apparently brilliant and she can’t stop talking about her. Alex is happy for her.
His parents accept it without issue because of course they do. They’re democrats, his mother is the mayor of Houston, while his father is close to becoming a senator.
Marco never comes out. He shows up one day with a guy and introduces him as his boyfriend. His mother hugs him and his father tells Marco over facetime he’ll give the guy the shovel talk when he visits them next.
Alex notices something during his junior year of highschool – sometimes when no one’s watching he checks out the other guys when they all shower together. It’s all normal guy stuff because it can’t mean anything else. Alex can’t be anything else.
When he and Liam start watching porn together, it’s just bros being bros. When eventually they jack off together, it’s just because they’re so comfortable together. When they jack each other off though, Alex figures something about that isn’t entirely straight.
He can’t think about that though, he’s already so much. Too loud, too chaotic, too brown, he doesn't want to add too queer to that list. So he puts his feelings away, safe and sound.
When he meets Henry during their senior year, all that changes. They don’t get off on the right foot. Henry dismisses him when he tries to introduce himself and Alex figures he’s a British snob who thinks he’s better than anyone.
Henry, however, quickly befriends Marco which only annoys Alex more because it’s another instance which proves his twin brother is more liked than him.
He sees a lot of Henry because he’s at their house all the time. They avoid each other most of the time, unless it’s to bite each other’s heads off.
It angers him how pretty Henry is with his tawny blonde hair, his legs for days, and his icy blue eyes. He just wishes Henry’s personality wasn’t so fucking shitty.
One evening when his mom is gone for the weekend for work stuff, he facetimed with June because it’s been a while since they did that one on one.
Once he hangs up, his phone rings with an unknown number. He frowns and debates whether to pick up or not but, ultimately decides it's better to be safe than sorry.
“Hello,” he says apprehensively.
He hears someone clear their throat before saying, “Alex?” with a distinguished British accent.
Alex feels himself frown, “Henry?”
“Erm, hello, I’m sorry for calling you but I’m here with Marco and he’s well and truly pissed. I don’t know how to get him home without any help.”
“Text me your location and I’ll come get him.”
He hears Henry letting out a relieved breath. “Thank you, Alex.”
He’s nearing the place that Henry texted him and sees Marco and Henry sitting on the sidewalk. Marco seems to be totally out of it while Henry looks somewhat uncomfortable.
He steps out of the car and walks towards them. “Hey,” he says awkwardly.
Henry looks at him, not with the usual disdain on his face. “Hello, thanks for coming.”
“He’s my brother,” Alex scoffs, “of course I was coming to get him.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Henry says.
Alex wonders how the fuck he did mean it but decides he doesn’t have time for this. “What happened?”
“Apparently Marco and his girlfriend broke up and he decided to drink his sorrows.”
Alex blinks, Marco didn’t tell him that.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Alex says to Henry.
Henry gives him a look. “I don’t mind dealing with that, he’s my friend. I just wish I could have stopped him sooner. Instead he’s sloshed and will definitely be feeling this in the morning.”
“He’s so going to regret this,” Alex laughs. “He’ll be okay though, he has me,” he takes a beat before continuing, “and you. You’re a good friend to him.”
Henry looks at him in surprise, “I try. He’s a good friend to me as well.” Alex nods at that.
“Do you need a ride home?” Alex asks him.
Henry seems to hesitate, “I was actually going to stay over at your house, but I understand if you’d rather not.”
Alex rolls his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. Help me get him in the car.”
The car ride back to Alex’s house is silent except for Marco snoring softly in the backseat.
Once they’re inside, he and Henry get Marco upstairs and dump him on his bed. He grabs pain killers and a bottle of water and leaves it for him on his desk so he can take them in the morning.
They walk downstairs and go sit at the kitchen table. He’s made a coffee for himself and a tea for Henry, having seen how Marco makes it for him.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” Henry says, breaking the silence. “You didn’t have to.”
“I know you hate me, but I’m not a complete asshole, you know?”
Henry looks at him in confusion. “I don’t hate you. Why would you think that?”
“How about the first day of senior year,” Alex scoffs, “when I tried to introduce myself to you and you looked at me like I was gum on your shoe and you walked away without saying anything?”
Henry flushes and all Alex can think about is how fucking pretty he looks and isn’t that unfair.
“I’m sorry about that, I was extremely overwhelmed. Having my first day at a new school in a foreign country, and my dad just died a year prior to that and I was still processing that. I basically was an arse to everyone.”
Alex takes that information in, wondering if he truly could have been so wrong about him. “Yet you befriended Marco and were still kinda rude to me.”
“You didn’t make it particularly easy. You avoided me most of the time, and whenever we were in close proximity, you would bite my head off.”
Alex snorts and he knows Henry’s right but he won’t admit that, at least not out loud.
After that evening, things changed between them. Alex saved his number and they started texting pretty frequently. He would no longer avoid Henry when he was over and even join him and Marco on occasion.
It all came to a head on New Year's Eve.
A classmate of theirs was hosting a party and the three of them were in attendance. Marco ditched both of them after a while, wanting to dance with some guy he met earlier that night.
Alex drags Henry to the dance floor, claiming he just needs to experience some old fashioned American high school dancing .
They’ve been dancing for a while – the countdown starting soon, when Henry leans closer to him and says, “I’m going outside.” Then he walks away, and Alex wonders why.
Alex walks after him because of course he does, he never learns to leave things alone.
Henry is standing outside, staring at the sky.
“What are you doing out here?”
Henry doesn’t turn around, but starts speaking slowly when Alex is close enough.
“I told you my dad passed away about a year ago, right?” Henry says.
Alex doesn't reply, sensing correctly that it was rhetorical as Henry continues talking.
“It’s my second New Year’s without him and I just like the thought of being here with him. I’m looking for Orion, which is easier to find here than in England,” he sniffles before continuing. “I don’t want him to be alone.”
Alex comes closer and wraps an arm around Henry. “You’re so fucking wonderful, sweetheart. I’m sure your dad is watching and appreciates you being here with him.”
Henry looks at Alex, “You think so?”
Alex replies resolutely, “I know so.”
Alex wraps his other arm around Henry, enveloping him in a bone crushing hug. “I can’t believe how wrong I was about you,” he says honestly.
Henry draws back before looking at him. There's something in his eyes that has Alex’s stomach swooping. He doesn’t know who leans in first, but before he knows it they’re kissing.
It’s soft, hesitant from both sides, but once they feel it’s reciprocated, the kiss deepens.
They both lean back to catch their breaths and look at each other a bit shyly.
Alex was aware Henry was gay, he had always been open about it. He can see Henry is confused though because as far as everyone knows he is straight.
“It’s been a recent realization – I’m bisexual,” he says softly. “Nobody knows yet, I’m not ready for that.”
Henry smiles at him and grabs his hands. “That’s totally fine, love, you don’t owe anyone anything. I won’t tell anyone, I never would.”
“I know, thank you though.”
After that, more kissing happened. They started hanging out more without Marco, just the two of them. At first they tried to be casual, but they soon figured out there was nothing casual about them.
They started making plans, talking about college, both of them wanting to go to NYU. Marco seems glad that they finally got along, but luckily hasn’t noticed anything else.
When both their acceptance letters have come in, they’re so happy, and Alex knows he wants to be open about himself and Henry with the important people in his life.
His dad is visiting, has some work related things in Texas, and June is there as well, already done with her junior year in college. Alex is nervous because everyone is together so this is the perfect time to tell everyone. His parents shouldn’t have a problem with it. They know Henry, Marco, and June are queer, and yet, there’s a part of his brain that isn’t 100% sure.
“You can do it, love. You know you don’t have to tell them right?” Henry tells him through the phone.
“I know baby,” he sighs, “but I want to. I want to love you openly, like you deserve.”
“You need to do it for yourself, not for me even if I love you for it.”
“Love you too,” Alex replies. “It’s for me as well because I’m kind of sick of sneaking around.”
“Okay, darling. Take a deep breath and call me after, okay?”
They hang up and Alex walks downstairs. The doorbell rings and there are June and his dad. He missed them, June especially.
It’s nice to have all of them together in one place ,and for once his parents seem to be civil. No fighting has happened yet , though he doubts it stays that way.
After dinner, when they’re all outside enjoying the sun slowly setting down, he decides now is the time.
He clears his throat. “I want to tell you guys something.” They all look at him and he can feel his hands starting to sweat.
“So, um, recently I’ve discovered some things about myself and have been working through them and trying to accept them and I wanted to share it because I love you guys.” He breathes in shakily. “I’m bisexual.”
It’s silent for a beat before June walks up to him and crushes him into a hug, “I’m so proud of you lil bit, welcome to the club.” She kisses his cheek and he feels relief all over his body.
Next is Marco who just walks towards him and claps him on the back before smiling at him softly. “Are you finally ready to tell me you’re dating Henry?”
Alex splutters, “You knew?”
“Of course I knew, you weren’t exactly subtle about it,” he smirks. “I’m happy if you’re happy, bro.”
His mom and dad have been suspiciously quiet. He doesn’t like that but maybe they wanted to let June and Marco come to him first.
“Sugar,” his mom starts and Alex does not like that tone, “are you sure?”
Alex can feel his heart in his throat. “What does that mean?”
His mother has the audacity to look apologetic before answering. “You’ve only dated girls, you’ve never even looked at other guys. I know how much you look up to your sister, and how hard you compete with Marco. I just feel like you might be trying to be more like them.”
Alex thinks he hears June and Marco let out an angry mom , but he isn’t sure because he can feel himself starting to panic. Why can she accept his brother and sister but not him? Why is he always getting compared to them?
“I’m sure your mom didn’t mean it like that, mijo,”his father interjects. “She’s just surprised and wasn’t expecting it. If this is what you tell us, we believe it and accept you.”
His mom says something but he doesn’t hear it because he’s walking away. He has to get out of here right now. He grabs his phone and keys, and is out of the door in seconds.
He drives and drives until reaches Henry’s house. He doesn’t know how he got there, but here he is. He can feel the dried tears on his cheek as he takes a deep breath before getting out of the car.
He knocks and Bea opens the door, takes one look at him, and gestures for him to come in. He hears her say, “he’s in his room, you can go up,” and shoots her what he hopes is a grateful smile, before walking upstairs.
He knocks and Henry tells him to come in, and before he knows it he breaks down in Henry’s arms. Henry lowers them to the floor and just holds him. He cries until he’s sure there are no tears left and eventually leans back to look at Henry.
“What happened, love?” Henry asks, voice soft.
He can feel the tears in his eyes coming back -apparently not cried out yet. “My mom basically said I was copying June and Marco and asked if I was sure if I was bi.”
Henry looks at him, a shocked expression on his face and it looks so funny that Alex can’t help but let out a laugh.
“I’m sorry, you just looked like a surprised fish and after everything I can use something to laugh about.”
Henry gently nudges him. “I get it, darling. Your mom really said all that?”
Alex nods sadly before replying. “My dad tried to stick up for me and she said something to that in return, but I didn’t hear what because I had to get out of there.”
“I’m so sorry, Alex. She had no reason to say any of that.” Henry pulls him closer until their bodies are flush together. “Hopefully she’ll understand how ignorant it was of her to say and if not, well, then to hell with her. You have plenty of people who will support you.”
“Thank you baby,” Alex says, pecking Henry on the cheek. “Do you think it’s okay if I stay here tonight? I really don’t want to go home.”
“Of course, my love. I’ll let mum know, but you know she adores you.”
Alex laughs at that, dimple showing. “At least one mom likes me.”
“Don’t do that,” Henry says, giving him a stern look. “Don’t make light of the situation, you’re allowed to be upset.”
“I know, Hen. Trust me, I know.”
As Henry walks downstairs to let his mom know he’s staying the night, Alex grabs his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans and sees he has messages from June, Marco, his dad, and his mom.
bug
Alex, mom was way out of line, please don’t listen to her.
We love and support you and we told her off. Marco said you’re probably with Henry, please be safe <3
inferior twin
mom’s wrong and we all said as much. i know you’re at henry’s, let us know if you need anything.
dad
Mijo, I’m so sorry about what your mother said, she’s wrong.
We love you, and support you no matter what.
I’m sorry we started fighting. Please come home so we can talk about this.
mom
Sugar, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I should've never said what I said.
Please let us know you’re safe and come home so we can talk. Love you.
He stares at the messages, sends something back to everyone and puts his phone down. He doesn’t want to deal with any of this right now.
Henry comes back and helps him stand up. Both of them go to lie down on Henry’s bed, legs tangled together. He lies on Henry’s chest, his heartbeat steady, calming him even more.
He tells Henry about the messages, hearing him say back soft reassurances and all he can think of is how grateful he is for him.
Tomorrow he’ll deal with everything that happened, but he knows he has Henry, June, Marco, and his dad’s support. He hopes his mom comes up with a good apology, though he doubts he'll be able to forgive her anytime soon.
As long as he’s in Henry’s arms though, nothing else matters.