Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’M NOT YOUR LITTLE GIRL NO MORE! I’M A GROWN! FUCKING! BITCH!”

Microphone feedback invaded the room, piercing the brief calmness in the air; it now lay shattered in pieces on the floor as Hanna’s Offspring made their presence known. Gripping the mic in one hand and slicing the air with the other, Flower thrashed around center stage, gray hair tousled in an organized mess.

“I DON’T WANNA LIVE IN YOUR PATRIARCHY! I ONLY CARE THAT YOUR LOVE IS PREDATORY!”

Behind her stood the three prominent musicians of Hanna’s Offspring: guitarist Oliver – who’s small stature dwarfed the size of the guitar on his hands, bassist Fukase – thoughtfully fingering the strings of his bass in just as organized a mess as their lead singer, and drummer Piko Utatane – who, while afraid to break a nail in his daily life, swung his drumsticks against the drums in an almost otherworldly manner.

The soles of Flower’s combat boots squeaked against the floor of the makeshift stage, occasional poundings to the wooden material sending a booming sound echoing throughout the room. She flashed a wicked grin to her audience of one: their behind-the-scenes manager, Meiko Sakine, who gave her a cold stare in return. Her arms lay crossed under the chest of her white button-up, black bra exposed underneath in a sleazily-stylish fashion. Her appearance contrasted heavily with the frontwoman of the band, with sweat dripping down her skin, not afraid to get herself or her clothes dirty if she had to.

Performing let out a deep need for control within Flower, allowing her to bury her desires and release her energy without judgment – or at least judgment that remained behind closed lips and blank glances from her observers. It was better than sex, better than any satisfaction she had ever received from other desires in her life. It was hers, and hers alone.

Leaning forward, free hand pressed soothingly against her own shoulder, she let out a shrill growl, reverberating throughout the air as the band matched the tone with their respective instruments. Oliver and Fukase plucked where Piko paradiddled, allowing Flower to steal the show as she lowered further and further to the ground, until…

“FUCK!”

…slamming her palm against the floor of the stage, signaling the rest of her band to silence. Fukase and Oliver’s guitars shook in their respective palms, the sounds slowly fading away as Piko stood from his seat at the drums. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he checked his nails, smoothing over the turquoise-colored nail polish carefully coating them.

“We need to work on your vocal control, Flower,” Meiko said, breaking the brief silence, “your range is spectacular, but you need to keep your pitch stable.”

Fukase slid his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, allowing his guitar to reverberate in front of him. “Not even a ‘good job’, huh? Just straight to the critique today.”

Flower stood from her crouched position on the stage, wringing out the hand she had just moments ago slammed against the stage floor. “Eh, she’s always like that,” she replied.

Meiko’s painted red lips pressed into a straight line. She uncrossed one of her arms to push up the glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. “As I was saying…you four need to get it together. Your tour is coming up in just a few weeks, and you need to be ready for the possibility of rejection.”

“Hmm,” Flower hummed, playfully swiveling her body in Oliver’s direction, “what do you think she means by that statement, Oliver?”

Oliver lifted his brows, pulling his guitar in on himself. “M..Me?!”

“I think she’s saying we suck,” said Fukase.

“Nobody was talking to you,” Flower teased.

“I’m being serious,” Meiko interjected. She leaned forward in her seat, placing her hands in a praying position over the bridge of her nose, “you four need to really start thinking about how serious you want to take this. Not everyone is going to like this particular sound you’re going for, and you need to get a hold of that so that negative audience reception isn’t a shock.”

“She’s right, guys,” Piko perked up, resting his hands carefully atop the drumset, “we need to be ready for anything that gets thrown our way! Like she said, part of that is being ready to face rejection.”

“We know, Piko,” Flower said. She gave him a gentle look, “we’re just messing around.”

“I’m not saying that you guys are bad by any means,” Meiko started, standing from her seat, “you guys can put on a good performance, but I know you can just as much so give a great one. It takes practice.”

Flower watched from the corner of her eye as Fukase rolled his eyes. “Thank you, Meiko,” she said, turning away from him as she looked at their manager, “we know you’re just giving us the best advice you can. We’re just nervous.”

Meiko let out a low hum, her eyes dancing over Fukase before turning away from the stage. “I think that’s enough for today. I expect to see you all back here tomorrow at the same time.”

As Meiko pushed the door open, leaving the room which withheld their practicing stage from the outside world, Flower turned and gave Fukase a rough shove. He stumbled backwards, barely catching himself on his heels as he shot Flower an offended expression.

“What the hell was that for?!” he exclaimed.

“For being a total asshole,” Flower shot back. Still, she kept a laid back expression plastered on her face, “Meiko’s just trying to help, man. Give her a break.”

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Fukase huffed. He lifted the strap from his guitar off over his head, awkwardly allowing his guitar to sway as he gripped the handle with the other, “I was just trying to make light of the situation. She’s harsh.”

“She’s just being honest. It’s what we pay her for,” Flower smirked, “and you should leave the joking to me.”

“Ha ha,” he replied flatly.

“Your scream was really strong this time around,” Oliver spoke up. He had already hopped off the stage, approaching his guitar case which rested near where Meiko once sat, “but I agree with Meiko, you might need to keep better control of it…” he glanced back, giving her a pitiful smile.

“I honestly thought it was really good!” Piko said.

“You think everything she does is good,” Fukase mused, following Oliver off the stage, “what are you, her little orbiter?”

Piko huffed dramatically, crossing his arms. “Don’t be mean!”

“Yeah, don’t be mean to my little orbiter,” Flower said.

Fukase let out an ugly cackle as Piko playfully shoved Flower. “Fine, I’m telling you your music sucks from now on!”

Flower let out a snicker. “Nooo, come on! Don’t be like thaaat!” she droned, throwing her arms around Piko and squeezing him tightly, “some best friend you are.”

Pretending to be mad for a moment, he kept his head tilted away. Eventually, however, he gave in, sighing against Flower’s embrace. “Fine. One more chance!”

“You two are ridiculous,” Oliver hummed, approaching the stage. With his guitar case swung over his shoulder, he propped his hands atop the surface of the stage and rested his chin on the backs of his hands.

Fukase approached, standing next to Oliver to strike the exact same pose. “Like two lovebirds.”

Piko wrinkled his nose. “Ew, gross.”

“That’s rich coming from one of you,” Flower said, gesturing to the two men copying each other with little notice.

“At least I’m proud of my love,” Fukase said, leaning over to give Oliver a quick peck on the cheek.

Flower grinned at the two before feeling her phone buzz in her back pocket. She unwrapped her arms from around Piko, slipping her cell phone out to see Miku’s contact name flashing upon the screen, her effortlessly flawless face smiling back at her.

“It’s Miku,” she said, “gotta take this.”

“Uh oh, wifey calling!” Fukase said.

Flower rolled her eyes as she hopped off the stage, giving Fukase a light hip bump before heading out of the room they practiced in and into the outer hallway. Before the call went to voicemail, Flower tapped the accept call button with her thumb. She briefly admired her own black nail polish before putting the phone up to her ear.

“Hey, babe,” Flower said.

“Oh, phew! I was getting worried you weren’t gonna answer!” Miku giggled, her melodic voice singing from the other side of the phone. Every time Flower heard that voice, she had to take a moment to pause and relish in the moment. She never wanted her to stop talking.

“Now why would I go and do that?” Flower replied, her smirk dripping from every word.

“I can hear your smile from over the phone,” Miku said. She paused for a moment, shuffling with something before returning, “Ruby called and invited me to go clubbing tonight with her and Gumi. Obviously, I had to invite you,” she explained, “think of it like a double date! Or, I guess just a singular date with some friends.”

Flower shifted her balance from one foot to another, her eyes bouncing around the plain hallway. “I don’t know, Miku…I’m trying to focus on rehearsing right now. You know, with Piko and them?” she sighed, “I really want this first tour to go off without a hitch, and Meiko’s got us really stressing.”

“That’s exactly why you need to come out with us!” Miku insisted, “come on, we can go out, dance, have a few drinks…”

“Weren’t you just saying the other day I needed to start focusing more on my music?” Flower interrogated, albeit in a lighthearted way.

“Yeah, well, that was the other day. Today is today!”

Flower smiled. “You do drive a hard bargain…”

Miku giggled from over the phone; Flower could practically see her swiveling her body back and forth, a tell she always gave when she was trying to be flirtatious. “It’ll be a good time, okay? Plus, you’ll get to spend all night with three cute girls on your arm.”

“I don’t know if I’ve got enough arms for that.”

“I don’t mean literally, you dork.”

Flower snorted. “I know, I know! Okay, fine, sure. I’ll go out with you ladies tonight.”

“You act like such a man sometimes,” Miku hummed.

“Ouch.”

“You’re adorable though, so it’s fine,” Miku said, “okay, I’ll let you go now. I’ll be able to chat your ear off when you get home anyways. We can get all dolled up together.”

“I don’t know if I’d call me getting dressed getting ‘all dolled up.’”

“Fine, then I’ll get dolled up and you can sit there and sulk,” Miku replied, “love you!”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

Flower hung up the phone, stuffing it back into her pocket as she popped the door open. “Gotta head out now,” she said, popping her head back in the room she was just screaming her head off in a few moments ago, “let’s get going, Piko.”

Piko picked up his drum sticks. “Coming!” he said, throwing on his neon turquoise leather jacket. That thing was tacky as hell, but Piko couldn’t seem to let go of it.

“See ya, Flower,” Fukase said, while Oliver gave a childish “bye bye!”

Abandoning the two lover boys inside the rehearsal room, Flower and Piko strolled out of the building, Piko’s hip, neon-clad outfit contrasting the darker tones embodying Flower’s appearance. Out of instinct, they grasped the hand of the other. They looked as though they had come out of completely different fashion magazines; if you had passed them on the street, you may have wondered to yourself, “how in the world did those two ever get acquainted with each other?”

It wasn’t as much of a mystery to them as it was to everyone else. Piko had simply approached Flower one uneventful day in elementary school, and the rest was history; the two immediately clicked – joined at the hip, if you will.

Piko slipped his hand from Flower’s grasp, pulling the passenger side door of his freshly painted white car open. “After you!”

“Such a gentleman,” Flower waved him off as she slid into the car.

As quickly as they were out the door, they spent about half of that time peeling out of the parking lot, Piko and Flower now cruising down the busy streets of Los Angeles. It was a warm summer evening, and Flower had shrugged off her leather jacket before sliding her seatbelt on. She rolled down the window, the wind whipping past with cutthroat precision; she enjoyed resting her chin on the cushion of Piko’s car doors, which always gave off the mixed scent of peppermint and leather. Flower watched as people, buildings, and fellow cars flew past in a flurry of colors. She could stay in this city forever.

“What did Miku call you about?” Piko asked, eyes glued to the road.

Flower’s eyes paused on a woman walking her dog before the two figures became blobs of color in the distance. “She wants me to go out clubbing tonight with her, Ruby, and Gumi.”

Piko gasped, eyes practically glittering in the remnants of whatever sunlight was left in the day. “Oooh, with the fancy famous people!” he cooed, “don’t forget about me when you’re famous, too!”

Flower twisted in her seat, lifting her head from the windowsill and propping her elbow atop the car’s center console. “You say that like you aren’t already on your own way there.”

“To where?” Piko asked, taking the question literally.

“No, like–” Flower stifled a laugh before continuing, “on the road to being famous! We’ve got a whole tour starting in a few weeks, remember?”

It was no secret at this point that Hanna’s Offspring had slowly started rising in popularity after one of their songs blew up on social media just a few months prior. Before they knew it, the washed up punk rockers – as much as Fukase and Flower equally hated that term – were suddenly cast into the limelight. Albeit, the “limelight” was still quarantined to smaller-scale interviews and social gatherings with other musicians who were towing the line between online influencer and real-life celebrity, but it was a start nonetheless.

“It’s weird to think about myself in that way, y’know?” Piko said, “especially when put on the same pedestal as the others…and you.”

“What do you mean?”

Piko smiled awkwardly, stealing a few glances at Flower as he continued driving. “It’s just…I’ve always seen you guys as more popular than me,” he explained, “even when you and I were dating, it just felt like you were always a podium higher than me! It’s like we’re gonna be on the same playing field now…which is weird. Fun, and exciting, but still weird.”

“Ugh, don’t even bring up us dating.”

“It wasn’t that bad!”

“Maybe for you, but I was fighting the craziest compulsory heterosexuality demons,” Flower reached into the pocket of her baggy black pants, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She held one out to Piko, “want one?”

“No! And don’t smoke in my car!” Piko yelled, gently swatting away the outstretched cigarette.

“I’ll smoke it out the window,” Flower reassured, stuffing the rest of the box away and pulling out her lighter.

“Those things are gonna kill you one day!”

“I’m trying to quit,” Flower insisted, shortly before placing the lit cigarette between her lips, “anyways, back to us dating. Gross.”

“You’re so cruel to me.”

Flower exhaled a puff of smoke, allowing it to waft out the ajar car window. “There’s nobody else I’d rather treat horribly.”

“Awee!” Piko hummed sarcastically.

The car fell silent for a moment, the sound of the wind whipping and the faint scent of smoke hanging in the air.

“But seriously,” Flower started, “you’re just as deserving as any of the rest of us are for success. You’ve worked your ass off to get to where you are now.”

She lifted her free hand, resting it atop the center console. Piko removed one of his hands from the steering wheel, giving Flower’s hand a tight squeeze.

“It’s just hard sometimes, seeing you having fun with so many other successful people,” he explained, “not that I don’t feel happy for you! I do! I just…I guess it sometimes feels like you’re going to leave us all behind one day.”

Flower leaned her head in Piko’s direction, her cigarette dangling dangerously out the window. “It’s okay, I get it,” she said, “you can’t always control how you feel. I can promise you though,” she paused, shifting back towards the window to take another puff of her cigarette, “I will never leave you for some fake LA girls.”

It was inevitable that Flower’s girlfriend – the Hatsune Miku – would evolve into such a successful popstar practically overnight. With her peppy lyrics and flashy stage presence, it wasn’t surprising when her music climbed the ranks of the Billboard Top 100’s. Neither was it surprising that other established artists like duo-act Ruby and Gumi would want to spend time with Miku, nonetheless Flower; to them, two girls dating was as exotic as seeing some once in a lifetime, nearly extinct creature rather than a relationship to be taken seriously. But Flower couldn’t just start talking shit to Miku’s face about her friends: that would only spell trouble.

“What if I become a fake LA girl?” Piko teased.

“I don’t think you have it in you to be fake to anyone,” Flower grinned.

“Yeah, you’re probably right…” Piko sighed heavily before smiling, “thanks, Flower. Sorry for being weird.”

“You’re not weird at all,” Flower assured him, pressing the unlit tip of her cigarette to her lips, “you’re sweet.”

After driving up to the gated neighborhood where Miku lived and insisting with the security guard that Flower did indeed leave there – and no, she hadn’t been kidnapped – for nearly thirty minutes, Piko pulled up in front of Miku’s house.

“Just wait,” Flower started, “one day, you won’t even need to tell that security guard who you are. He’ll already know.”

Piko laughed as Flower unbuckled her seatbelt and threw her leather jacket back on. “Wanna borrow some of my perfume? You reek of smoke.”

“Sure. Miku’ll get all pissy if I make the house smell like smoke, too.”

“I don’t blame her,” Piko said, popping open the glove box and reaching over to hand Flower a bottle of perfume, “it’s vanilla! She’ll love it!”

Flower spritzed some on herself, making a sour face in disapproval. “If you say so.”

Piko rolled his eyes, taking the bottle of perfume back. “Yeah, yeah, get out of my car.”

“Love you too!” Flower hummed, mimicking Piko’s chipper tone of voice as she slid out of the passenger’s seat. She slammed the door shut behind her.

“I’ll call you later!” Piko called out, his voice muffled from the inside of the car.

Flower lazily waved to Piko as he drove off, walking up the long walkway to the front porch and giving the front door a light knock. No matter how long Flower had lived with Miku in her house, she was never able to get over just how large it really was. Something about it always made her uncomfortable, seeing how much money people like Miku were able to splurge on unnecessary items that some people out there would forever go without. She wondered if, perhaps, the more time she spent with wealthy people, the more akin to them she would become.

The front door swung open, and Flower turned to see her girlfriend standing in the doorway. A giant grin was plastered onto her pale face as she dashed forward, giving Flower a tight squeeze. “Ughh, I thought you were never coming back! It feels so lonely now when you’re away,” she took a pause, inhaling deeply against Flower’s jacket before pulling back. She rested her hands on Flower’s biceps, “you smell like vanilla.”

“Piko’s,” Flower said.

“Of course,” Miku replied with a smile, giving Flower a quick peck on the lips, “well, come on! I’m not gonna be able to get ready without my knight in shining armor helping me!”

“What happened to me getting all dolled up, too?” Flower asked with a smirk.

“Oh, honey,” Miku swooned, pressing her hand to the side of Flower’s face, “you’re dashing already.”

Chapter Text

“Order for Galaco!”

It was a warm summer day, and a young Rin Kagamine bustled busily behind the counter of Lola’s Bistro and Roost — her place of employment; sweat perspired at the roots of her hairline. She was wrapping up her shift, rushing the last few orders that were adding onto her clock. Rin rolled up the sleeve of her barista uniform, wiping away beads of sweat with her forearm as she headed into the back of the building.

“Alright, I’m clocking out!” she hollered down the hallway to where her manager’s office sat.

Not expecting a response, Rin quickly gathered her personal belongings, scribbling frantically on the timesheet before throwing herself out the back door. While working at Lola’s was far from being the worst job in the world, Rin had yet to get used to the busy nature of the people of Los Angeles, constantly flying by in a flurry of business and personal drama that Rin didn’t want any part of. She still tried to keep up her sweet persona with everyone she interacted with despite keeping to herself most of the time; even so, Rin didn’t expect to work here long.

Rin rushed down the sidewalk, shoving her way through crowds of people as she glanced down at her lock screen – 6:25 PM. She had to hurry to the bus stop in the next five minutes if she didn’t want to wait for the next one – or even worse – have to resort to walking home in the slowly rising heat of summer’s earliest month. A nauseous feeling settled in the pit of Rin’s stomach as she briefly considered it for only a moment, and she did her best to mentally brush it off before continuing to dart down the street.

She reached the bus stop in record time, scrambling into the vehicle as it squealed its way in front of the station. Claiming a seat by the window, she rested the side of her temple up against the layered glass; the bus exhaled, jerking to a start before continuing off down the road. Wiping sweat from the back of her neck with her free hand, she silently promised herself that she would have a nice cold bath when she got home.

Rin pulled out her phone to send a quick text before spending the rest of her bus ride musing to herself.

CONTACT: lenny :D
just got off work :) thinking of u
hope u have a safe flight <3 can’t wait for u to get here already!!! >_<

Having just moved from Japan to Los Angeles a few weeks before her boyfriend’s eventual arrival, Rin found herself lonely and longing for him to land in LA already. However, a deeper part of her nibbled at her heart with anxious bites, causing Rin to doubt if what she was doing was really what she wanted. It had been drilled into her head since childhood to settle down with the right man, to build a family from a young age in order to have a successful, fulfilling life. She knew she was heading down the right path. Yet, something felt off, almost as if there was an aspect of herself deep within that she was neglecting to water.

She had little time to reflect on her feelings. The bustling urgency of city life was the forefront of her focus as she arrived at her stop after what felt like hours, yet couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes. Rin got off at her stop, stuffing her phone into the pocket of her work pants as she made her way down the street towards her house, a small one-bedroom shack wedged between hundreds of other similar-sized homes. It wasn’t in the best condition, but it was what she could afford right now.

Rin unlocked the door before heading inside. The walls of the living room were half-painted with a baby yellow color, the other half a dreary gray that had been the original color before Rin arrived. She promised herself that she would finish painting the other half at some point…while also unpacking the several moving boxes that still sat sealed around the room. She would get to all of it. Even if it had to be after her boyfriend had already arrived, she knew she would get it done. She had to.

That’s what a proper girlfriend would do.

Rin stared thoughtfully across the room before feeling her phone begin to buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out, looking down at the screen and nearly jumping at the contact name: lenny :D.

Quickly, she answered the call, pressing the phone to her ear. “Len?”

“Rin!” his voice came over the other line, slightly muffled by chatter and additional feedback plaguing his surroundings. Rin smiled as he spoke, “I just saw your text, so I thought I’d call. How was your day? Doing anything fun?”

“It was busy,” she sighed, “I’m probably just going to spend the night at home. Shouldn’t you be on the flight to LA already?” Rin wondered aloud. She glanced over at the clock on the far wall of the room, which read 6:50 PM.

“There were some maintenance delays,” Len explained, “but the wait shouldn’t be too long. I’ll definitely be down in LA by tomorrow, it just might be a few hours later than we thought.”

“That’s too bad,” Rin frowned. She paced around the room briefly before turning in the direction of the bathroom, “I miss you,” she hummed.

“Fuck, I miss you, too, Rin,” Len said over the phone. A deep exhale escaped from his lips after he spoke, “but we only have to wait until tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

A loud whooshing noise came in from the other side of the phone. “I gotta get going now, but I just wanted to call and let you know I was thinking about you. We won’t have to worry about the distance sooner than you think. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Len.”

Her words rang hollow deep within her chest as Len hung up on the other line. She kept the phone pressed to the side of her face. It buzzed suddenly against her cheek, and she pulled it away to see a notification on her lock screen.

CONTACT: lenny :D
hearing your voice has me feeling crazy already

CONTACT: lenny :D
would love to get a sneak peek of what i’m gonna see tomorrow

Rin’s mind went blank as she stared down at the message. She knew that she was supposed to feel some sort of rejuvenation, some semblance of excitement from being desired, but she just felt a ravenous black hole rise up within. It slowly ate away at her, absorbing everything about herself that she once thought she understood. She had begun to wonder if she had ever known her true self at all.

In robotic movements, she set her phone down on the bathroom counter and began to run a cold bath. She lifted her shirt slightly, picking her phone up to snap a quick photo. She sent it off without much of a second thought – well, actually, many thoughts weighed her down, her shoulders slumping lower and lower as she undressed. Rin climbed into the bathtub, hearing her phone buzz and not bothering to respond to whatever Len had decided to send in return.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, sitting adjacent to the water that poured from the spout of the tub. It continued to pour, and pour, and pour…slowly reaching to Rin’s eyes and filling them as well.

Rin was deeply unhappy; she knew this, but she was just as aware of the fact that she was trapped. She was trapped between two worlds, the world in which she currently lived, and the one she wished her life could’ve been.

-

In spite of what she had told Len, Rin decided tonight would be the night to go out.

Not only did she not want to spend all night feeling miserable for herself, wasting away in a sea of tears and self-loathing, but she knew that there would be little opportunity for her to get away with this in the future. She had never been unfaithful to anyone before – much less her boyfriend, who she had been dating for the past year – but if she thought it would keep her relationship with Len further intact, she would do what she had to do.

Slipping on a pastel yellow plaid sundress with a simple pair of sandals (the fanciest clothes she had managed to unpack out of her moving boxes), Rin looked herself over in the mirror before heading out into the city. The nightlife of Los Angeles always intimidated her, but she pushed through her discomfort as she made her way down the dimly lit streets. As a woman, she couldn’t lie that she wasn’t reasonably paranoid, but she quickly hopped on a bus headed in the direction of the club she was headed to and hoped that that would keep creeps away, just for tonight.

Her goal posts of what she wanted to do that night continued to shift the closer she got to the club. At first, she tried to convince herself she simply wanted to go out and make new friends. Yet, she knew if that was the reason, her heart wouldn’t be pounding, her eyes shifting in a panicked manner as she got off the bus. She didn’t even really know anyone out in LA, but she was still convinced someone she knew would see her doing something wrong. Something immoral. Something that has nothing to do with simply making friends.

Rin approached the line leading up to the club. Her hands shook violently as she stood in line, reaching into her white clutch purse and retrieving her cell phone from inside. She scrolled mindlessly on her phone, attempting to push any doubt out of her mind as she thumbed her screen. She contemplated calling Len and coming clean…but come clean about what? She hadn’t even done anything yet.

And maybe it would be better if he didn’t know.

She tossed her phone back into her clutch purse before she did anything too stupid. Rin stepped further in line, eventually finding herself at the head of the line, face to face with the bouncer: a tall, bald, muscular man who seemed to glance her up and down. She grabbed her ID from her purse, holding it out to him without saying a word.

“That’s quite the outfit you have going on there, lady,” he said. He turned her ID over in his hand, eyeing her age: twenty-one, “you know there isn’t a picnic going on in there, right?”

Not knowing how to respond, Rin just awkwardly giggled, a nervous smile spreading across her face. “Ha ha…”

A few beats of silence passed between the two before the man scoffed, shaking his head in disapproval as he handed Rin back her ID. “You’re gonna get destroyed in there.”

Disgust bubbled up in the back of Rin’s throat, but she swallowed it down, entering the building at his reluctant approval.

Rin elbowed her way through the dance floor as she made her way through the club, swift protests emerging from the mouths of dancers as she passed. She could feel remnants of shame rising and bubbling in her chest, threatening to explode in a flurry of tears and choked sobs. She stumbled her way to the bar, her sandals flopping against the soles of her feet and squelching against the sticky floor of the club, adding a pathetically awkward charm to her every move.

Her eyes danced over the stools of the bar, uninteresting Californians stirring around suspiciously. Rin tensed, shifting awkwardly in place as guilt continued to flood her, her mind buzzing loudly.

Should I be here? Am I doing something bad? I lied to Len…what the hell am I doing? That guy at the door was such a creep. Oh, god, this was a mistake. I should just go home.

By the power of a sudden glance, she froze. Ice shot through her veins as her eyes settled on the back of a seemingly familiar figure. But, it had to be impossible. Her lips parted in shock before biting down on her lip in a self-soothing gesture. Rin’s heart pounded deafeningly in her ears in time with the bass of the music thumping throughout the club. Slowly, cautiously, she approached.

“...Len? What are you doing here?”

The figure seated at the stool with their back to Rin slowly swiveled around. Rin immediately felt her temperature rise from one of deathly frigidity to smoldering heat as she realized it was not Len after all; instead, a gray-haired man locked eyes with her. Clad in a fluffy, sleeveless light brown vest over a black shirt, he had Len’s signature style mimicked almost to a tee, but that was where the similarities between the two swiftly ended.

Rin took a step back, embarrassed. “S-Sorry! I thought you were my boyfriend!”

The boy gave her a confused look, leaning forward. “What did you say?”

Reeling in the sudden intensity of the sound filling the club, Rin shuffled closer again. She bent down to where he sat, yelling in his ear, “I thought you were my boyfriend!”

He inched back in surprise. “What?”

Trying her best to be polite, Rin bit back a snappy remark, instead repeating, “Your hair looks blonde in the lighting. I thought you were my boyfriend!”

“You broke up with your boyfriend?” he asked.

Nearly at her breaking point, her shoulders sidled up to underneath her ears, ready to call this whole interaction off. However, the playful expression painted on the boy’s face suggested something of a flirtatious joke, and upon processing this, Rin relaxed. “Very funny.”

While the boy was undeniably cute in Rin’s humble opinion, she was ready to turn away. She had frequented boys dressed in similar attire to this one, who attempted to make her swoon with the same lines and fake promises over and over again. And anyways, she knew deep down that she hadn’t gone to this club tonight to meet a boy.

Rin wouldn’t get the chance to turn and leave as the man extended his hand out for a handshake.

“I’m Flower. You?”

She silently debated walking away, but she knew that she was too polite for that.

“Rin,” she said, returning his handshake, “Rin Kagamine.”

For a man, his hands felt soft – almost gentle. She held his grip for a moment, the two exchanging a longing glance. He pulled away to fiddle with the carabiner hanging from his black pants. With a softly angled face and heavy lidded violet eyes, there was an almost androgynous swagger to him. Rin wondered, if she had seen him a different day, if she would have mistaken him for a tomboy instead.

There was a safeness to this exploration, a line which – in Rin’s mind – had not yet been towed. It was one thing to consider what it would be like to be with someone else, someone who wasn’t Len, someone who wasn’t a man. However, saying that aloud would mean admitting to the possibility that the life she had begun to carve out for herself wasn’t what she truly needed. And that was a terrifying ordeal that she did not want to delve into.

“Flower’s a weird name for a guy,” Rin said.

He cocked an eyebrow. “That’s because I’m not a guy.”

She paused, fluttering her eyelashes in Flower’s direction with a dumbfounded expression. “You’re not?”

Flower simply stared in silence as the gears in Rin’s head slowly turned. She couldn’t explain the feelings welling up within her chest. It wasn’t anything magical, nothing like the “love at first sight” trope common in mainstream media. Rin didn’t fall to her knees in that moment and bare her soul to Flower, weeping about how painful simply finding another woman attractive in this moment made her feel. She didn’t say anything for a while, in fact, simply staring at her in silence.

Rin’s eyes traced the same softness in Flower’s face that she had been admiring for its androgyny just a few moments ago. She soaked in her vaguely feminine features, the certain glisten she held within her eyes and the jarringly feminine eyelashes that decorated her otherwise masculine eye shape. It wasn’t that men couldn’t have these features, it wasn’t that they couldn’t be gracefully rugged yet feminine at the same time.

But it was because, looking upon a woman with these very features, Rin realized there was nothing else she desired a deeper closeness to in her life.

Chapter Text

That evening, hours prior, Flower had watched as Miku spun ever-so-slowly in front of her body-length mirror. Her long, light blue hair was tied up into wispy pigtails, complimenting the matching color of her dress: a figure-hugging satin dress with sequins embedded deep within the fabric. She turned to Flower, fluttering her lashes, the thickness of her mascara awfully pronounced with every slight movement she made. Her light blue eyeshadow sparkled due to aid brought about by the overhead light above.

When Flower thought back to this moment and how beautiful Miku looked, she nearly forgot about the events which were to occur that very night, leading to a chain of events which she could never take back.

“So?” Miku hummed, clicking the heels of her white spool heels together, “what do you think?”

“I think,” Flower began, rising from Miku’s bed to gently cradle her hand in her own, “you look beautiful.”

A soft smile crept over Miku’s face as she pressed her palms against Flower’s biceps, gently cradling them. “You know just what to say to make me happy, don’t you?”

Flower leaned down, the two sharing a soft kiss. She wrapped her arms around Miku’s shoulders, clasping her hands behind Miku’s neck as she did so. Miku then pulled back, jumping at the sound of her phone buzzing on her desk. Flower released her hold on Miku, who swiveled away to lift the device from the tabletop.

“Hello?” Miku said. She glanced back at Flower, rolling her eyes playfully towards whoever was on her phone.

Flower bit back a chuckle, instead turning to face herself in the mirror she had just been admiring Miku in. She adjusted the light brown, sleeveless fur vest over the tight black tank top she wore underneath; Flower had never been one to get all dressed up, and her primarily black outfit consisting of daily attire meant for a night out clubbing showed that.

“Yeah, we’re on our way out right now,” pause, “I’ll text you when we get there. Okay?” another pause, “okay! Kisses!”

Miku quickly ended the call, sighing loudly as she turned back to face Flower. “Hand me my coat, would you?” she asked, gesturing to the fluffy white jacket that hung on her bedpost, “Ruby and Gumi just left for the club a few minutes ago. We better get going.”

Flower lifted the jacket from the post, sidling up behind Miku and draping the jacket over her shoulders. “What are we waiting for then?”

The two girls headed out to Miku’s car, which was just as light blue as everything else about her. The interior of the car was sleek and modern, cushioned with expensive leather and spotless from head to bumper. Miku inserted the key into the ignition before popping on a pair of sunglasses, and after a brief stop from the gated community’s security guard, they were off.

“I won’t drink tonight,” Miku said after a few minutes of silent driving, “you can throw back as many shots as you want without worrying about having to take me home in the morning.”

Flower scoffed. “Yeah, like I’m gonna let you stop having fun with your friends,” she said, “it’s alright, hun. I’ll drive tonight.”

“Mm-mm!” Miku disagreed, “I’ve already made up my mind!”

Parting her lips to say something in retort, Flower fell silent as Miku’s phone buzzed, the screen flickering to life in the cup holder of the car. The lock screen exhibited a message from a contact name that Flower didn’t recognize.

CONTACT: <3
Let me know what club you want to meet at. I’ll keep an eye out for you. ;)

Flower squinted down at the phone as Miku quickly swiped it out of sight as she stopped at a stop light. “Who’s that?” Flower asked.

“Just one of my friends,” Miku answered without pause before slipping the phone under her thigh, “gosh, I’m starving, but club food is so expensive. We should’ve had something to eat at home.”

“Who?”

Miku rolled her eyes, leaning the back of her head against the headrest as she spun her head in Flower’s direction. “God, does it matter? I already said it was a friend, Flower!”

Flower flinched, scooting backwards into her seat. “Okay, Jesus, sorry.”

“Well, I already said it didn’t matter,” Miku snapped.

Flower glanced out the car window, the streets of Los Angeles glowing dimly from street lights and headlights from passing cars.

To everyone who knew them, it was no secret that Flower and Miku’s relationship was dysfunctional – rarely, however, was that dysfunction on public display for anyone else to see; outsiders only observed the aftermath, the fragments of their relationship shattered on the floor that Flower struggled to piece back together. Their arguments could span from muffled bickering behind closed doors to violent outbursts of rage and vitriol that existed on both sides. When Flower wasn’t the one letting her emotions spill over, she usually kept silent, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping that the problem would just go away.

Thankfully, with Miku not wanting to discuss it further, the confrontation ceased – this time.

“I know that you’re stressed about the tour, but I’m just trying to give you a nice night,” Miku said, eyes glued sternly to the road, “I don’t need you being all weird when I’m just trying to help.”

“I get it, I get it,” Flower interrupted, running a hand through her tousled hair, “I’m sorry, okay? Can we just have a nice night?”

Miku remained silent for the rest of the car ride, turning to Flower a handful of times to give her a stare that Flower couldn’t discern the meaning to.

Haphazardly leaving the car in a nearby parking lot, the two began the long, silent walk towards the club in the distance. Flower glanced over at Miku, attempting to hold her hand out for Miku to take. In response, however, she simply crossed her arms over her chest.

“Miku, baby!” Ruby called out near the front of the line filing into the club, “we’re up here!”

“Ruby! Gumi!” Miku replied, uncrossing her arms and rushing off to the two girls.

Flower trailed from behind as a distance as the three fell into a group hug. She awkwardly stuffed her hands in the pockets of her pants as Ruby pulled back from Miku, resting her hands on her biceps. “We haven’t seen you in so long! How have you been?”

“It’s been alright! Busy as always!” Miku said, pushing the black sunglasses she wore up on her face; it was a half-assed attempt to conceal her identity, but Flower knew that Miku secretly didn’t mind potential paparazzi all that much, “we haven’t been able to go out too much because of Flower’s rehearsals running late.”

Gumi slipped her arms from around Miku, her green eyes flickering up and down over Flower’s appearance. “Hey, Flower.”

Flower gave a pursed smile, holding her hand up awkwardly. “Hi.”

“How long have you guys been together now? It’s been a couple years, right?” Ruby asked, fiddling with her wallet as she extracted her ID from inside.

“Two years!” Miku replied, pulling out her own as well, “honestly, it feels like it’s been longer.”

“What does that mean?” Flower asked, albeit in a teasing tone rather than accusatory.

Miku glanced at Flower to flutter her lashes. It was almost as if she hadn’t been giving her the cold shoulder just a few minutes prior. “I just feel like we know each other so well, you know?”

Flower – simply relieved that Miku seemed to be back on speaking terms – smiled. “That’s a good point. Guess you know how negative I can be.”

Snaking her arm around Miku’s waist, Flower gave her a kiss on the cheek, making Miku giggle. Ruby and Gumi glanced at each other, both sharing a perplexed expression.

“It’s just…different,” Ruby said, taking her ID back from the bouncer, “I’ve just never seen two girls be together for…so long.”

Gumi laughed, following Ruby inside the building.

Flower glanced over at Miku, who appeared to either not be bothered by – or simply oblivious to – the comment. Instead, she scrolled on her phone, the screen angled away from Flower.

The group eventually shuffled their way inside, pushing through the crowds of people on the dance floor to reach the bar. Ruby was already itching to dance, and she placed her purse on the bar whilst swaying her hips from side to side. “I love this song!”

“Bartender!” Gumi called, flagging him down, “round of tequila shots!”

“None for me,” Flower said as the other three girls slapped their IDs down, “I’m the designated driver tonight.”

Miku pouted. “Come on, you can have at least one drink, right?”

Flower shook her head. “Nope. Somebody’s gotta be responsible around here.”

As the first round of shots flew by, Gumi turned her head towards Miku. “Honestly, it’s still weird to me that you’re with a girl. You don’t even really look gay.”

Ruby playfully gasped, gently pushing her. “Oh my god, Gumi, you can’t just say someone doesn’t look gay!”

Flower shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “How can someone even look gay?”

Ruby and Gumi fell silent, scanning Flower up and down with their eyes before laughing.

Miku didn’t say anything, instead throwing back another shot and turning back to her phone.

Flower – on the other hand – gave the two girls a judgmental glance. However, she did her best to keep from lashing out, instead opting for a different approach. “...I’m gonna use the bathroom,” she said, slipping from the bar stool, “I’ll be right back.”

She half-heartedly expected Miku to follow her in a flurry of rage over what was implied, to reach out and comfort her from the unspoken words which Ruby and Gumi had flung at her. However, she stayed seated at the bar, only looking up from her phone to watch Flower from the corner of her eye.

Flower stumbled into the bathroom, not making eye contact with anyone as she darted into one of the stalls, locking the door behind her. She took a deep breath as she pressed her back up against one of the walls, staring at the adjacent one with a blank stare. She just needed a minute to think about nothing, allowing her mind to draw a blank before the situation really began setting in.

She wished she could say that this was the first time Ruby and Gumi had ever said anything like that. The fact of the matter was that ever since Miku and her had gotten together, they had made constant criticisms of not just their relationship, but Flower as well. She had overheard the murmurs, the claims that Miku didn’t “have” to be gay, that she was too pretty to be anything but straight.

Flower pulled at her hair out of frustration, hands then running down the sides of her face. She heard a group of girls giggling from just outside the door, supposedly leaning over the sinks and doing their makeup in the mirrors.

It reminded her of how Miku always tried to feminize Flower, the chipped black polish coating her nails being the only part of herself she was willing to give up to femininity. She hated wearing makeup, hated dresses, hated anything that didn’t exert a masculinity that she could control. She wanted to exhibit a masculinity that she could make feel safe, and by extent, one that could provide a shelter of safety to her partner.

Sometimes, it felt like Miku didn’t want that, but it was a part of her identity. Flower would never be willing to sacrifice it without signing her own death certificate.

She took a few minutes to catch her breath. Miku was already being short enough with her tonight, so Flower resolved that she wouldn’t make a comment. She wouldn’t be an embarrassment to Miku for tonight, just long enough to make their relationship feel normal.

Eventually, she left, stepping back out into the bustling chaos within the club. Beelining towards the bar, a sudden weight began dragging her down, settling in her stomach as she saw Ruby and Gumi moving away from the bar. She quickly flagged the two down, intercepting their pathway to the door.

“Where’s Miku?” she asked.

Ruby and Gumi both stopped, staring at Flower like two kids who had just gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar. They turned to look at each other, saying nothing for a few passing beats, before Gumi spoke up.

“Miku wanted to go to a different club,” she said, “she told us you’d texted and said you weren’t feeling well, but you could drive us back home later if we needed it.”

Flower felt numb. Her skin tingled, a sudden wave of dissociation between her body and her mind. She couldn’t think of any logical explanation for this behavior, and no excuse this time around could explain why Miku would lie about that, if not for malicious reasons. However, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything in retort, no energy left to argue with the two girls or Miku – especially when she wasn’t here right now.

“Oh, right,” Flower made a face, shaking her head, “sorry, I…I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Ruby rose a brow. “Jeez, you must really not be feeling well. Go home and get some rest, okay?” she tilted her head to the side, side-stepping Flower with Gumi in tow, “we hope you feel better soon.”

Gumi nodded silently. “Yeah, we’ll see you around!”

Not bothering to stop them, Flower allowed Ruby and Gumi to sashay towards the exit of the club, giggling amongst each other like mischievous school girls. Flower watched the two leave, staring at the empty void they once stood in before turning back to the bar. She slid down into the seat she had once been accompanied by Miku and her friends in, now feeling isolated and alone.

“God damn it, Miku,” Flower muttered under her breath, grinding the joints of her fingers into the countertop of the bar.

In that moment, all Flower could think about was the ridiculous way in which she carried herself back on the car ride here. Fuck, she was so stupid. It was obvious that Miku had been texting someone else about meeting up at a club, and now she had just up and left Flower here…if she could go back in time, she would have handled that conversation completely differently. There was so much she wanted to say. There was so little that this could mean, yet left so much at stake for their relationship at the same time.

“Rough night, man?” the bartender asked, glancing up from polishing a cup to give Flower a pitiful glance.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she simply groaned. “Just get me a fireball.”

“I thought you weren’t drinking?” he mused, but upon seeing that she wasn’t amused, he continued flatly, “I need to see an ID.”

“I already gave my ID to the bouncer up front, are you kidding me?”

The bartender gave Flower a light shrug. She huffed, reaching into the pocket of her baggy black pants to pull out a matching black leather wallet. As the bartender went to the other side of the bar to tend to another guest, Flower fumbled with her wallet in search of the ID she swore she just had.

“...Len? What are you doing here?”

Upon the proclamation ringing out from behind her, Flower glanced over her shoulder towards a blonde girl standing behind her. Dressed in a pastel yellow sundress, she appeared completely out of place, appearing as though she was ready to go out on a picnic rather than spending her night dancing. Her face turned a rosy pink, and her eyebrows lifted as she realized Flower was – in fact – not the person she thought she was.

“Sorry, I–” the girl began, her words getting lost in a sea of music and chattering.

Flower squinted. “What did you say?”

The blonde glanced around, seemingly picking up on the volume of their surroundings. She leaned forward, hot breath and the scent of watermelon lip gloss drifting into Flower’s personal space. “I thought you were my boyfriend!” the girl hollered, causing Flower to inch backwards in surprise at the loudness of her voice.

“What?” Flower repeated.

The girl huffed. “Your hair looks blonde in the lighting. I thought you were my boyfriend!”

“You broke up with your boyfriend?”

She went to correct Flower, but upon processing the fact that Flower was giving a pitiful attempt at flirting, she scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Very funny.”

“I’m Flower,” she said, reaching her hand out for a handshake, “you?”

“Rin,” the blonde replied, interlocking their fingers together as the two shook hands, “Rin Kagamine.”

Upon their first touch, Flower wouldn’t feel any intense emotions like she had seen in the movies. It wasn’t love at first sight. Her life didn’t suddenly veer on a completely different pathway, nor did she feel a deep pang of longing within her chest for a life with someone whom she barely knew. Instead, she just saw a blonde girl standing in front of her, who was – objectively – very attractive.

“Flower’s a weird name for a guy,” Rin said.

“That’s because I’m not a guy.”

Rin blinked, her eyelashes fluttering subtly; they were obviously natural and untouched. “You’re not?” she asked, an awkward silence befalling the two before she spoke again, “well, Flower is still a weird name for a girl.”

“I think it’s a fine name,” Flower retorted, “but I didn’t come here to talk about names. What did you come here for?”

Rin smiled, taking that as an invitation to slide onto the stool next to where Flower was sitting. “I’m new to LA! Just trying to meet people out here, you know?” she explained, “it’s hard, though. People here aren’t as friendly as I thought they’d be.”

Flower absentmindedly flipped her wallet over and over again in her hands, elbows rested against the counter of the bar. “Yeah, tell me about it,” she replied, “and the people here who are nice? They’re incredibly fickle.”

“Well, you don’t seem fickle,” Rin replied, a certain innocence lining her words, “and I’m sure not everyone here is so bad.”

“I’d like to see you prove me wrong,” Flower scoffed, leaning her head in Rin’s direction.

Rin turned away from Flower’s gaze, her blonde bob glistening under the fluorescent lights of the club. Her face was slightly shielded by her hair, but a look of thoughtfulness danced over it as she turned back to Flower. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Don’t know if you could tell, but I’m not really into guys,” Flower joked, making a self-deprecating joke at the stereotyped nature of her appearance.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, a little more startled than what would seem normal for such a casual suggestion. Rin looked away again, a few beats of silence passing between the two before she turned back, “...do you have a girlfriend?”

“I do,” Flower answered honestly.

“Oh,” Rin answered, an obvious disappointment lining her words – perhaps a lot more obvious than she wanted to let on.

Flower thought back to that conversation she had had with Miku. The way that she had reacted, the way that she had been acting, the way that her and her friends all left Flower at this stupid club for no seemingly innocent reason…she knew it would make her a horrible person to proceed how she would, but the circumstances were still enough to spur her on.

“But,” Flower leaned forward, staring deep into Rin’s eyes, “she doesn’t have to know.”

Rin’s face flushed pink once more at the suggestion. “Huh?”

“I mean,” Flower smirked, stuffing her wallet away in her pocket. She held her ID in one hand, “you clearly have a boyfriend, and I don’t buy it for one second that you’re just here to ‘make friends,’” she said, holding her hands up to sign quotation marks with her fingers.

Rin said, “You don't know anything about me.”

“I’d like to know more,” Flower replied, “if you’d let me.”

A small, albeit skeptical smile traced the corners of Rin’s mouth as the bartender returned. “Scratch the fireball, I’ll take an Aviation instead,” Flower said, handing the bartender her ID, “the lady here will have…” her voice trailed off, glancing over to Rin.

Rin sifted through her purse, showing her ID to the bartender as well. “I’ll have a strawberry daiquiri.”

The bartender nodded, returning Flower’s ID before turning away to make their drinks.

This wouldn’t have been the first time that Flower had gotten herself involved with a – seemingly, as Flower didn’t like to assume – straight girl. They often utilized her as an experiment, an excuse to get back at their boyfriends, or worse, to seduce him into an attempted rendezvous with both Flower and their boyfriend; she hated those encounters, and she took a sip of her drink just thinking about it, washing away her disgust.

“I just moved here a few weeks ago from Japan,” Rin started, generous sips taken from her daiquiri, “my boyfriend is flying out tonight. He’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Trying to have some fun before your boyfriend gets back?” Flower asked.

“I’m not that kind of girl,” Rin insisted, “really. I just…I don’t know, I needed to get out and clear my head.”

Flower’s hardened expression softened, and she took a long sip of her drink before replying. “There’s nothing wrong with being that kind of girl,” Flower said, “but I get it. I was about to get wasted if you hadn’t interrupted me,” Rin gave her a strange look, so she continued, “I think my girlfriend’s cheating on me.”

“Ohh, so you’re projecting!” Rin teased.

Flower laughed, running a hand through her dyed hair. “I guess I am,” she said, the grin plastered on her face making her softer features more pronounced, “but seriously, I caught her getting a weird text message from someone else, and she wouldn’t tell me who it was. We were hanging out here with her friends, but they left while I was in the bathroom to ‘go to a different club,’” she sarcastically emphasized the last few words, raising a brow.

Rin’s face softened. Her soft pink lips downturned in a moment’s notice, and her light blue eyes filled to the brim with sympathy. She rested her hand on Flower’s exposed bicep. “That’s awful, Flower. I’m really sorry.”

Her palm felt soft, and she cradled Flower’s arm for a moment – the same way Miku had earlier that evening – before returning her hand to her own personal space. A jolt of electricity continued to course through Flower’s arm, and she downed more of her Aviation to get rid of the feeling. Straight or not, she always found herself tongue-tied by a beautiful girl, especially those who allowed her to speak her feelings; many mistook masculinity for constant self-assurance that never needed soothing from time-to-time. She was a girl just as any other woman, and she wanted to be cared for sometimes, just as she took care of her femme.

“Nothing that can be done about it now,” she replied. Flower licked her lips as she set her nearly-empty glass down on the counter, resting her forearms atop the wood, “it’s not like I’m going to start spamming her phone over it or anything.”

“Has she done this before?” Rin asked, “go off to see other people, I mean.”

“No idea,” Flower shrugged. She stared down at the counter before turning her gaze back to Rin, who was leaning forward in curiosity, “I don’t even know what I’m going to say to her in the morning.”

Rin’s eyebrows arched softly, and she lifted her daiquiri in her hand. “How about we try not to think about that right now?”

Flower gave her an amused expression, sitting still before lifting her own glass as well. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

The two clinked their glasses together, downing the rest of their respective drinks before Flower ordered another round. Round after round, the room felt lighter to both women, their movements less refined and more erratic. It didn’t necessarily matter what they said, nor what the topic of the conversation was. All that they were really focused on was how far away the thumping of the music was, and yet at the same time, how vibrant the dance floor looked.

“Wanna dance?” Flower slurred after another shot. She pushed the glass away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand in a boyish manner.

“You’re drunk,” Rin giggled.

“No no no, I’m just tipsy,” Flower assured, “do you feel drunk? I hope you’re not drunk. You’re really pretty.”

Rin blinked, blushing at Flower’s boldness. “No, but I probably shouldn’t drink any more if we don’t want that to change.”

“So…is that a yes to dancing?”

Laughing and stumbling over each other, they pulled themselves from the bar and out onto the dance floor. Flower gently clasped Rin’s hand, pulling her in as music reverberated throughout the room. She let go of Rin’s hand and instead trailed her palms down to her hips, squeezing gently as Rin threw her arms over Flower’s shoulders.

Rin’s breath felt hot on Flower’s neck as she pressed their bodies together. Her perfume gave off a vaguely citrusy scent, and despite the softness of Rin’s skin, Flower recoiled as Rin attempted to press her lips against her neck.

“S-Sorry,” Flower grimaced, “I don’t really like being touched.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Rin replied, pulling back slightly to give a gentle smile, “sorry for assuming.”

Flower tightened her grip around Rin’s waist, pulling her back into her chest. She began trailing gentle kisses up Rin’s exposed shoulder and eventually reaching her collarbone. “I’m guessing your boyfriend would be pretty mad if I left a mark, right?”

Rin raised her eyebrows solely at the mention of such a possibility. “What do you think?!”

Flower burst out laughing, pressing her forehead against Rin’s neck for a moment before sliding her chin atop her shoulder. She leaned over slightly, the two rocking back and forth awkwardly, unsure of what their next move should be.

“...Do you wanna go somewhere else?” Flower offered.

Rin went quiet for a moment, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Eventually, she answered.

“I do.”

Just as fast as they step foot on the dance floor, they found themselves running down the street, hand-in-hand. Rin insisted that her house was not only closer, but empty. Neither of them were willing to risk the possibility of Flower’s girlfriend suddenly stumbling into the house. Furthermore, Flower didn’t really find it all that necessary to tell Rin who exactly her girlfriend was, nor did she want Rin asking any questions about what Miku did for work. The size of their shared house would have made it impossible for no eventual comments to be made.

Tipsy – but far from drunk – the two slipped into Rin’s living room before stumbling into her bedroom. Flower pushed Rin back on the bed, crawling atop her as the two kissed breathlessly. Rin’s lips were fruity, stained red by the strawberry daiquiris she had been drinking just a few minutes prior. Flower parted their lips, looming above Rin, who’s eyes slowly opened.

“This is my first time,” Rin started, before hastily adding, “with a girl.”

“I know,” Flower smirked, “I don’t care about that. Just keep in mind, we probably won’t see each other again. Nothing personal, just how it is.”

Rin’s eyes skimmed Flower’s face before reaching forward, brushing strands of hair from Flower’s eyes. “I think I can live with that.”

“Ouch.”

“Not like that,” Rin exhaled from her nose, giving her a soft look, “I mean that you can trust me to not make it a bigger thing than it really is.”

Flower hesitated, her fingers dancing across the skin of Rin’s arm. She had hooked up with straight girls before – some of them never bothered her again, but some came back, pestering her at other parties for another moment alone, which Flower almost always turned down. She had a feeling that Rin would be like the latter, but thinking about Miku even for just a moment brought too much pain. There was too much anger bubbling inside her, and she needed a distraction.

Right now, just for tonight, she needed Rin.

“Okay,” Flower sighed, their lips inches away, “I trust you.”

Chapter Text

Rin woke up alone.

Her palm ran over the empty spot next to her in bed. She stared up at the ceiling in silence, her brain repeatedly clicking the rewind button to reflect the events of last night. The scent of vanilla still hung suspended in the air, and the vague aftertaste of Aviation danced across her tongue. If she kept herself still enough, she could still feel the faint sensation of Flower’s palms and lips covering her skin in goosebumps. She felt guilty, but for once, she felt alive.

Leaning over the side of her mattress, she lifted her white clutch purse, strewn out across the floor alongside her dress from the night before. She rummaged inside, exploring its contents blindly before pulling out her phone. Rin comfortably propped herself back up in bed, unlocking her phone to scroll through her contacts, stopping when she saw Len’s name.

Rin knew he was definitely still on his flight, but for some indiscernible reason, she had almost expected a text from him. It felt like her sins were written all across her body. Rin had never felt the way with Len as she had with a girl like Flower, and her stomach constricted aggressively at the connotations of what that could all mean. She looked up from her phone just to stare blankly at her dress on the floor, trying to devoid herself of any emotion.

However, she couldn’t remain in this moment forever, and she eventually managed to pull herself out from underneath her covers. Sweat stuck to her skin as she attempted to wipe away what she could from her body with her inner wrists. A part of her scanned hopefully over her bedside table, shuffling through the items for just a moment, wondering if perhaps Flower had left a note, an email, a phone number: anything.

But instead she was greeted with the sight of nothing.

She knew she shouldn’t be disappointed; she had already made a promise to Flower regarding the limits of their encounter. And yet, she already had several questions popping up in her head she craved answers for. What did this make her? Was she still straight? Sure, she had heard the argument that sexuality was a spectrum, but thinking about sleeping with a girl and actually doing it felt like two different things to her…but she was sure she still loved her boyfriend. Otherwise, wouldn’t she have gone through some sort of major awakening this morning, something that would have signaled to her that her current life was wrong? Did that mean she was bisexual?

Despite the heat already hanging in the air, Rin went to the bathroom to run a hot shower. The warm water cascading down her body made her feel less alone, seeping into her pores and leaving wet hair sticking to her neck. She closed her eyes, running her hands through her own hair, taking in the sensation for just a few moments; she could use her imagination to make the moment last longer, if just for a moment, long after it had already ended.

She eventually had to force herself to scrub at her hair and skin, getting rid of the scent of Flower’s vanilla perfume; Rin had always preferred more citrusy scents, but there was something oddly gentle about the scent in contrast with Flower’s more rugged persona. To Rin, it felt as though Flower had everything about herself figured out. It still caught her off guard how unapologetic she was about not being interested in men, the way she didn’t feel ashamed with being seen pulling Rin out onto the dance floor. It was like she didn’t care about what other people thought about her…Rin wanted that.

After a quick shower, Rin meticulously went through the few clothes she had already unpacked, trying to find the perfect combination of accessories to wear for when she saw Len. It had only been a few weeks since they’d seen each other in person, but Rin knew she had to look perfect for when he finally laid eyes upon her. She knew the things he appreciated like the back of her hand. She knew the way his eyes upturned when she wore an outfit he approved of – of course, he would never tell her what to wear out loud, but she could feel it burn into her when his eyes followed her movements longer than usual.

She decided to masterfully combine three of his favorite things: bows, skirts, and the color yellow. It wasn’t the most meticulous outfit in the world, but it did the job, consisting of a childish yellow and pink spaghetti strap top with a matching colored gingham skirt; she smoothed out the baby pink bow out that sat on her left hip. Taking a quick glance at her phone to check the time, she opted for messily tying her bob cut into two small pigtails, throwing in a ribbon for good measure. Then, she was off, grabbing her purse and cell phone as she rushed out the door.

The climate of LA was just as hot as yesterday, if not hotter. The sun beat down aggressively on her head, and she silently wished she had unpacked her parasol for a situation such as this. She headed to her respective bus stop, pausing every once in a while to take a quick glance at herself in a passing reflective building, a window, her cell phone screen, anything to ensure her appearance would be just as she wanted it to be for when she saw Len.

Several delayed bus rides and subsequent hours later, Rin found herself in a dazed state as she entered the airport. The midday sun was even more aggressive, and she gave a silent prayer of thanks as the cold airport AC danced across her skin. She pulled out her phone to scroll through her text messages with Len, double checking that she had the correct terminal as she maneuvered her way through the jam packed facility. Eventually, she reached the corrected terminal just a few minutes after the allotted time, and there she stood: waiting.

Giggling floated throughout the building and into her ears. She glanced over across the room, watching as two girls made a beeline towards each other from opposite sides of the airport. They tackled each other into a hug, spinning around in circles before crashing to the floor with their hysterical laughter filling the air. To Rin, the two girls were in their own bubble, and she found herself pressing into the outer edges of its slippery surface, unable to enter without popping it and ruining everything.

She wanted a love like that – a love that made everyone turn and stare, to feel pulled towards the connection like a magnet. It was the kind of love that left people shaking their heads, cursing the world that this particular couple were so lucky to find each other, everyone knowing that such a romance was typically reserved for Hollywood stars seen on television. But she knew she had what she wanted already, and still, she wasn’t happy.

“Rin! Over here!”

The sound of his voice brought her back into the reality she was living in. In the distance, she saw Len, wearing his iconic zip up black and yellow jacket — rain or shine, he was always wearing that thing – half-zipped and showing off a white t-shirt underneath. Wheeling a suitcase behind him with another duffle bag under his arm, he grinned widely, rushing over to where Rin stood. He dropped his bags behind him before pulling her into a tight hug.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hi.”

He pulled back and rested his palms atop her shoulders. “I missed you so much. Never put me through that again,” Len joked.

Rin smiled a close lipped smile as he pulled away, bending down to pick up his belongings. She looked him up and down, expecting some sort of emotion aside from the distant feeling of longing overtaking her perspective. Rin glanced back in the direction of the two girls she had seen earlier; though they were now gone, she could still feel their warmth in the spot they once stood. She wondered what it would be like if Len was a girl instead, but she quickly pushed that thought to the back of her mind as soon as it appeared.

That experience was yesterday, today was today. She decided there was no use in worrying about something that wasn’t relevant anymore.

“We still need to go pick up my car, but then we can be off,” Len said. He paused to glance her up and down, “your outfit is cute.”

At that moment, Rin smiled proudly. She was doing what she was supposed to. “Thanks!”

“I always liked that hairstyle on you. We sorta match,” he grinned, spinning around and shaking his head from side to side, his short ponytail swaying with his movements.

“Ugh,” Rin scoffed in playful disgust, “you need to cut that thing.”

“Never,” he grinned, turning back around to plant a soft kiss on her forehead.

Regretfully, they forced themselves to depart from the air conditioned airport. They stepped out onto the side of the curb outside of the terminal they had met up at, and stood for what felt like an eternity waiting for the car to be dropped off. After some time, however, the figure of the black-painted car came into fruition, and the two hurried to get inside the vehicle as soon as possible.

Len scoffed, kneeling down to inspect the driver’s side door. “I still have this ugly ass scrape on here,” he muttered, running his pointer finger over it, “once we get the money, we’ll need to fix this.”

Taking his bags from the ground, Rin carefully situated them in the back of the car. She gently clicked the trunk shut. “Hey, the car still works, right?” she pointed out, “at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.”

Len stood to his feet. “I mean, sure, but we’re gonna look like jackasses if we’re driving around a busted up car.”

“It’s not that bad,” she assured him, brows raised as she opened the passenger’s side door, “you’ll survive for a few more months.”

As the two climbed into the car, Rin turned the AC up to the max, which Len begrudgingly allowed. “You know you hate the cold. You’re gonna be freezing in a few minutes.”

“Then I’ll turn it down! I don’t wanna be melting in a hot car,” she said, holding a hand gently to her chest, “that’s not how you treat a lady!”

Len grinned, shaking his head as he started the car. “What would you know about treating a lady? You’ve never had to treat one!”

Rin smiled awkwardly, turning away to glance out the window.

Though Len acted like a bit of an idiot some…well, most times, he was a surprisingly competent driver. She knew that deep down, he wasn’t a bad guy, which is why she had decided to accept his offer for a date when they still lived back in Japan, which had started to feel like a million years ago by this point. Rin watched him as he drove, hands securely on the wheel and hair blowing in the wind from the slightly cracked windows.

“Want me to pop the sun roof?” Len asked, “there’s a remote path we can take back to the city. I saw it on a map.”

“You actually know how to use a map?” Rin replied, raising a brow at him.

“I’m not as incompetent as you think I am, y’know,” he grinned. Pulling to a stop at a stop sign, he slid the sun roof open before continuing down the road.

Once reaching the remote street, Rin realized just how shockingly desolate it was. Rolling hills of dried grass opened out into fields on both sides of the road. Rin unbuckled her seat belt, looking around for cops that didn’t exist before popping her head out of the roof.

With the wind whipping aggressively around her, she squinted slightly to shield her eyes from the subtle pain of wind slicing into her retinas. She lifted her hands above her head, letting out a “wooo!” as she did so. Rin opened her eyes wider, spotting a small herd of cows in the distance, grazing from the bits of flourished grass that were left. She briefly considered what it would be like to live on a farm surrounded by animals and far from civilization. It seemed nice…secluded in a comforting way, though simultaneously jarring due to her relatively outgoing personality.

“The wind feel good?” Len called out.

“It always does!”

The two remained this way – Len behind the wheel, Rin looking at the world around her from the sunroof – until the remote street ended and fed back into a busy road. Rin pulled herself back into the car, carefully sitting down in the passenger's seat before sliding the sun roof shut; she left the cover off, allowing rays of sunshine to glimmer downwards into the car. “I needed that.”

Len laughed. “You’re like a dog, I swear.”

“Are you calling me a bitch?” Rin fake-gasped, lightly hitting his arm.

“Ack–! Don’t touch me while I’m driving!” he exclaimed, stiffening his joints.

Rin laughed, leaning up against the car door as she turned the radio up for some background noise. Len then began shuffling through the stations, eyes still on the road as he did so, before turning on some Western rock station. Rin recognized it as a station he used to listen to back in Japan as well; he had a friend who would tinker with old-fashioned radios, and Len used to listen to such stations all the time via that alternative route instead of on his phone. He had never been the biggest fan of modern technology, which Rin always found quirky, albeit cute in its own charming way.

“Oh, shit, I was gonna tell you!” Len said, excitement lining his voice as he turned up the radio, “this is that band I like, Hanna’s Offspring! Did I tell you that they’re starting their first tour in a couple weeks? They’re performing around the LA area! I was thinking if I could scrape some of my money together, I could take you to go see them. They’re really good!”

“That’s the band from Japan, right?” Rin asked. She had never been all too interested in music herself, but with Len being into various rock and punk bands, Rin had picked up on the little bits of information he would tell her.

“Three out of the four members are Japanese, yeah,” Len nodded, “but they got their start somewhere in California. All I remember is that it wasn’t LA.”

The two sat in silence as the song played over the radio, but Rin didn’t pay all that much attention, instead taking to staring out the window. Eventually, the song died down, and the two radio announcers came on.

“That was Hanna’s Offspring with their classic hit song Break Out!” the woman said, “I swear, Dex, I couldn’t stop hearing that song everywhere last winter.”

“Well, Daina, I personally think it’s gonna be a classic, if it isn’t already,” the man replied, “this is the first riot grrrl – er, now called riot ghoul – band we’ve seen break out in the mainstream since…well, since Bikini Kill and Bratmobile!”

“And that was all the way back in the 90’s!” Daina exclaimed, “I wonder how Kathleen Hanna feels seeing a new riot ghoul band referencing her in their name.”

“I don’t think Kathleen really likes the new scene, from what I heard in a recent interview,” Dex explained, “but I think Hanna’s Offspring is really starting to break out into their own niche, especially for being an almost all-male band who still covers more feminist topics. I mean, I think we still kinda need that perspective. Have you heard about people’s reactions to Flower doing as little as cutting her hair?”

Rin took a pause. Slowly, she turned to look at the radio.

“The long hair was a huge staple to her look, in their defense,” Daina argued, “but I agree that the reaction has been way too much. Nobody batted an eye when Fukase decided to swap out his black hair dye for a bright red! There’s still so much pressure put onto women for what they decide to do with their own bodies, especially in the music industry. Punk is no exception.”

“I’m just gonna put this out there real quick, I have a prediction for how this summer's gonna go,” Dex said.

“Yeah? Spill.”

“I think we’re not only going to see a huge spike in listeners for Hanna’s Offspring, but I think this tour is gonna be what pushes them over the edge into really being a mainstream success,” he paused for a moment, “if their stage presence is great, and I mean phenomenal.”

“Well, let’s just hope they don’t sell out and get all corporate punk,” Daina said, “I don’t know how I’d react if Piko stopped thrashing around on those drums, or if their sound started to get all soft for some sort of mass appeal.”

“Those kids seem to have good heads on their shoulders,” Dex replied, music from another band suddenly overtaking his voice, “I think they have too much respect for their genre to do that.”

As the voices washed away and another song began to play, Len gave Rin some further insight. “That girl they were talking about, Flower? She’s the lead singer,” he explained, “honestly, I liked her longer hair better, but some people have been straight up cruel about it for no reason. It’s almost like they don’t even listen to the lyrics of their songs,” he sighed in frustration, shaking his head before continuing, “anyways, Fukase is the bassist, Oliver is the guitarist, and Piko’s the drummer. They’re all really talented, but I think you’d like Flower the most. She’s kinda spunky like you! Fukase is definitely my favorite though.”

Rin felt an intense emptiness in her chest, yet full with even more questions at the same time. Not wanting to jump to conclusions – I mean, people share names all the time – Rin pulled out her phone and quickly googled the name of the band. She clicked on images before tapping a group photo of the supposed band; immediately, her heart sank.

Sandwiched between a red haired man – supposedly, who she picked up on with context clues, was Fukase – and a feminine-looking white haired man, Flower stood. With her arm slung over the white-haired guy, her signature masculine eyes bore directly into the lens of the camera. Her feminine features appeared sharper in the image, either due to photographic enhancements, the lighting, the camera lens, or any other number of reasons. Perhaps, instead, it was all in Rin’s mind, her subconscious slowly beginning to forget what Flower had actually looked like up close and personal.

“That guy with the silver hair is Piko,” Len said, leaning over to look at her phone; they had stopped at a red light, “and the one next to Fukase is Oliver, the only non-Japanese guy. He’s British, I’m pretty sure. Then, of course, Flower’s the one in the middle–” an aggressive honk came from behind the car, and Len quickly scrambled back to his side of the car to drive forward at the sudden green light, “–you should look up old photos of her, with the long hair. She used to look a lot less boyish.”

Rin cradled the phone gently in her hands. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears as she heard what Len said next.

“Are you interested in going to see them? Like I said, I was probably gonna go watch them perform anyways, but if you’re really interested, you can come along! It could be like our first date in the states! Get it? Date? In the states?”

But she wasn’t thinking about a date in the states with Len. Instead, she was thinking about the possibility of seeing Flower again. If she didn’t go to this show, who knows when she would be back in LA, or if she would ever even see her again in-person. However, a part of her worried that that would mean breaking her promise, and Rin hated going back on her word. She meant it at the time, but seeing Flower’s face again – even just through a screen – drew her back into the same trance she felt the first time she saw her.

It wasn’t love, but it was something far from casual.

“I…” her voice trailed off, and she turned to face Len, “...I’ll have to think about it.”

Chapter Text

Miku and Flower didn’t speak about that night.

Flower had managed to sneak out of Rin’s place under the cover of darkness the moment she fell asleep. Upon discovering Miku’s car still outside the club that led to these events, Flower assumed it her responsibility to drive the car home. She had stumbled through the front door, crawling into an empty bed, before awaking the next morning to find Miku now laying beside her. It was almost as if she had never been gone.

“I’m going to make us breakfast,” Miku murmured, giving Flower a light kiss on the cheek before sliding out of bed, “there’s this new diet I’m on that I want you to try out. I’ve already lost three pounds!”

A tingling sensation danced across the surface of Flower’s cheek as she leaned back in bed. “Sure,” she whispered, “whatever you want.”

Miku’s white slip dress followed her movements, carefully cradling her slim body as she stood to her feet. Flower admired her light blue hair which hung tantalizingly over her shoulders, contrasting beautifully with her complexion. Miku always knew what to wear to make all eyes turn on her, and even in bed, it felt as though she was putting on a performance for a wider audience. Flower had constantly tried to reach into the corners of her heart, to understand the deepest recesses of her mind as she understood her own, but Miku wouldn’t ever budge.

Flower blindly reached for her phone as Miku left the room. She tapped on Meiko’s contact, preparing herself for the potential onslaught of criticism she would receive for making this phone call. Her head was swimming with too many thoughts, overflowing and spilling out from her eyes as Meiko answered the phone.

“Good morning, Flower,” Meiko’s crisp voice spilled from the other side of the phone. Flower could almost smell the cinnamon-scented perfume she always wore, “why are you calling so early?”

“You’re gonna hate me for saying this,” Flower started, “but I need to cancel rehearsal today.”

Meiko paused on the other side of the phone, an uncomfortable silence filling the air. “Flower,” she started, “we really need to work on your vocal control today. I put together some warm-ups we could do together. I wanted to get it done as soon as possible, especially since your guys’ first show is just weeks away.”

“I know, I know,” Flower sighed in frustration, running a hand over her face, “I’m sorry, really. I don’t want to cancel, but something came up, and I know I won’t be able to completely focus today. I can come in tomorrow, I promise.”

Meiko gave out a sigh in return. “Fine, but you guys really need to lock in–”

“I promise, Meiko. I’ll be on the ball for the rest of the summer. Just one day, okay?”

“Alright,” she said, “take care of yourself, Flower.”

“Yeah, thanks. You, too.”

Flower hung up the phone, setting it back down on the bedside table before rolling over. She pulled the covers up and over her head, nestling underneath them as her mind wandered back to the night prior. An intense feeling of guilt had been eating at her since the moment she woke up, making it impossible to think about anything else. It weighed her down. It made it unbearable for her to even contemplate crawling out of bed.

She couldn’t understand why she did what she did. Flower wasn’t the type to be unfaithful – quite the opposite, actually. She was the type to yearn, the type to forever dedicate herself to protecting the person she loved. Yet, she had betrayed Miku’s trust, even if Miku wasn’t aware of the actions she had taken; in fact, Flower herself still had suspicions about Miku’s potential unfaithfulness, but to her, they were just that: suspicions. Flower’s actions were real.

As she closed her eyes, she hoped that if she closed them tight enough, everything around her would simply fade away.

-

The coming weeks rolled by, and Flower threw herself into her work harder than ever. She studied old music videos and concerts from other riot bands, practicing her vocals and ensuring her minimal choreography was enough to encompass her stage presence. Flower was used to simply letting herself go when she was on stage as a form of controlling her emotions, giving her body up to the rhythm of the music and feeling it reverberate all throughout her nerves; now, she just had to learn how to masterfully harness it for her own benefit.

“Try to really control that freedom you feel and train it to be something better,” Meiko had told her, “something stronger.”

She listened to media outlets as she practiced. Whilst her bandmates prepared for rehearsals and engaged in small talk, she kept her headphones on, leaving various radio stations and podcasts at full blast as she warmed up. She zeroed in on the comments they made about her and perfected herself for what her fans wanted to see while betraying mainstream expectations.

When one small-scale podcast said they hoped to see Hanna’s Offspring perform their more underrated songs, Flower made sure that Meiko added those tracks to their set list. However, when another — and much more popular — radio show expressed interest in Flower still keeping a feminine edge to her look, she went out and bought as many boyish clothes as she could find to add to her wardrobe. A part of her wished that she felt brave enough to unapologetically explain to these media outlets the sudden boldness of her butch identity, but she had barely begun to explain the complexities to her closest friends, much less the entire world.

It was one thing for her to have occasional lyrics within her music about loving women, but that was because she wasn’t insecure about being a lesbian: she was insecure about being a butch. The situation with Rin had just made everything worse, like her unfaithfulness made her some sort of fraud – a faux butch, one could say.

Flower hadn’t seen or heard from Rin since, no sudden turn-ups on her doorstep nor awkward run-ins on the street. She was thankful that Rin had seemingly kept her promise, wherever she was. In spite of the general sense of anxiety the situation had been bringing her, a part of Flower wondered what Rin was up to now. While she didn’t necessarily know that much – if anything – about her, Rin reminded Flower of her old self in a lot of ways.

Perhaps she was projecting too much onto some random girl, but Rin had seemed intentionally unassuming about the world, a role which Flower unfortunately had much experience with attempting to replicate. Just like Rin, she had once been with men who made her feel like all she needed to do was to be small to be accepted, both emotionally and physically. However, she wondered if Rin would ever escape that cycle like she did. With the way she spoke of her boyfriend, she was unsure.

But Flower was sure of two things: she felt guilty, and she knew that their meeting was a mistake.

The morning of the final rehearsal before Hanna’s Offspring’s first show, Miku stopped her at the door before she could hurry out. Things between the two women had felt relatively quiet, almost empty, like a major piece of their relationship was now missing. With a smile on her face, she wordlessly held out a brown paper bag to Flower, which she skeptically took.

“What’s this?” Flower asked, peeking inside.

“Wellll, since you’re having your first show tomorrow, I was thinking you could start the same diet I’m on!” Miku grinned, placing her hands on her hips, “don’t worry, it’s nothing gross. It’s both healthy and yummy!” she tilted her head to the side, placing a gentle hand on Flower’s shoulder, “sometimes, reporters can be rude about the bodies of famous people, though I guess that’s obvious. I just…don’t want you to have to deal with that.”

Mixed feelings immediately flooded Flower. Was Miku trying to imply something, or was it just really poor word choice? She glanced between her girlfriend and the brown paper bag she now held, wrestling her thoughts just as she rustled with the bag.

She decided to give Miku the benefit of the doubt.

“I get it,” Flower smiled, gently resting her hand atop Miku’s, “thanks, Miku.”

Miku beamed, making Flower’s heart skip a beat. “Of course!” she giggled, “I’m gonna pack you a diet sheet for your tour, too. I’ll just put it with your bags so that you can have it with you on the go!”

“Well, I’ll tell you how it is,” Flower winked, giving Miku a quick peck on the lips, “I better get going.”

“Don’t be gone for too long!” Miku said, “I’ll start to miss you.”

“No promises,” Flower hummed playfully, making her way out the front door.

It felt like Meiko had them working twice as hard that day. Flower could barely feel her legs, and her throat ached as she crawled into her bed hours later in her favorite pair of pajamas: thick gray sweatpants and one of Miku’s stolen hoodies. The tension between the two felt like it was finally starting to lift as Miku casually stumbled in the room hours later without a second thought.

“Flower?” Miku asked, peeking her head into their shared living space, “Fukase came to say hi.”

Slowly, she pulled her head out from under the bed covers to see Fukase standing behind Miku in the doorway. Miku gave him an apologetic smile before walking off down the hall. Fukase then stepped in.

“You look like shit,” Fukase said.

“Nice to see you, too,” Flower replied, rubbing groggily at her eyes, “Miku’s got me on this new diet. Between that and rehearsal today, I’m exhausted,” she dropped her hands in her lap before looking up at him, “speaking of which, what’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with Oliver, getting your beauty sleep?”

“Came to check on you,” he stated bluntly, "you've been working way too hard. Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” he then reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out an electronic black pen, “wanna smoke?”

As responsible as Flower was trying her best to be, there was nothing more she wanted to do than sit and think about nothing. She gave him a hard stare before bursting into laughter, shaking her head in disbelief. “Sure, why not?”

Flower stood from her seat on the bed, slipping on a gray pair of slippers sitting next to her side of the mattress. “We’ll have to go into the basement–”

“–because Miku hates the smell,” Fukase finished her sentence, “I know the drill.”

The duo quickly left Flower and Miku’s shared room, beelining directly to the basement of the house; they passed by Miku in the kitchen, who gave them an understanding nod before laughing. Flower couldn’t help but smile, feeling a sense of nostalgia for the routine stroll that she was familiar with. For just a moment, she could feel like any other girl, the thoughts of Rin and the upcoming tour left at the doorway of the basement.

Miku and Flower’s basement was surprisingly quaint compared to the rest of the house. A small, beige plush couch sat in the middle of the room atop an ugly-looking rug Miku couldn’t seem to throw away. In front of it sat a small television that nobody really used, contrasted by the nearby mini fridge that Fukase always used. Finally, in the back of the room sat a small, round wooden table with four chairs propped around it; the two sat down across from each other at this table – after Fukase grabbed a snack, of course.

They sat in silence for a few passing minutes, simply passing the pen between each other and staring off at nothing. Fukase uncharacteristically broke the silence.

“So, what’s got you all wound up?” he asked, throwing his arms over the back of his chair.

Flower’s eyes danced from the pen to Fukase. “What do you mean?”

He gave her a look. “Flower, how long have we known each other for?” Fukase asked rhetorically, tilting his head to the side, “I can tell when you’re thinking way too much.”

Flower sighed, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She could feel the guilt tumble down the stairs of the basement, sitting with them like an elephant in the room. “Fukase…” she started, “...do you ever do something you think is a good idea in the moment, but end up regretting it after?”

Fukase lifted a brow curiously as Flower passed the pen over to him. “All the time,” he paused to bring the pen to his lips before taking a hit, “remember back in high school, when I stole those test answers from Mr. Kiyoteru’s room?”

Flower bit her bottom lip in an attempt to hide a grin, but it shined through. “Obviously I remember that. God, I remember your mom being so fucking pissed when you got caught. I’d stop by your house and she’d get all mad that you were grounded.”

Fukase began to laugh, which thereby made Flower laugh. The two giggled amongst themselves for a moment, from a combination of both the memory and the influence of weed in their systems. They eventually settled down, both sighing as they stared at each other in silence.

“But yeah,” Fukase said. He looked down at the pen, spinning it in-between his fingers, “we all make bad decisions. Shit happens, we’re human,” he leaned forward to hand the pen back to Flower, “why, did you kill someone or something?”

Flower took the pen from his fingers. “You know I don’t have the heart for that.”

“Eh, I dunno about that one,” he grinned, “you get kinda scary when you’re mad.”

“Okay, but not to the point of murder.”

Fukase leaned back in his seat once more, throwing his arms back behind the chair. “Does it have something to do with Miku?”

Flower glanced behind her at the staircase before swiveling back around to face Fukase. “...Kinda,” she admitted, taking a hit of the pen.

Fukase softened his expression a little. “...You wanna talk about it?”

Flower genuinely considered the offer, thinking back to how she felt when she first read that message on Miku’s phone. Even when trying to bury those thoughts and instead invest all her energy into rehearsals, she found them coming to the front of her mind at the most inconvenient of times. It felt like she was immediately stopped in her tracks, like she couldn’t go on anymore.

Surely, it wouldn’t be wrong to tell him only part of the story. It wasn’t like she was lying.

“...I think,” she paused, “I think Miku’s…cheating on me.”

Fukase blinked. He was never the type of guy to panic or make a scene, which always comforted Flower. Instead, he simply leaned forward. “What makes you think that?”

“I saw a message on her phone a few weeks ago,” she started, lowering her voice, “when we went out clubbing with Ruby and Gumi. It said something about…someone wanting to meet her at another club, and she ended up leaving with her friends while I was in the bathroom. She told them I had wanted to go home, which I never said.”

Fukase pursed his lips. “That’s awful, Flower. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he sighed, shaking his head slowly, “I would say that maybe it’s just a misunderstanding, but…I know it can be hard to talk to Miku about something like that. I know you guys…haven’t always had the best communication in the past. Do you need to stay at my place tonight or something?”

Flower shook her head. “No no, I’ll be fine,” she assured Fukase, “plus, tonight’s the last night I’ll be able to spend with Miku for a while, y’know? Since we’ll be on the road for a few months and all.”

“I understand. Just wanted to offer.”

The two fell silent again, taking a few puffs of the pen. “I’m actually a lot more excited than I thought I’d be,” Flower said, “about the tour.”

“What, you thought you’d be miserable or something?” Fukase asked, smoke blowing from his nose.

“No, just…I was thinking I’d be a lot more nervous. I feel like it just hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“You’re probably just feeling prepared,” he grinned, “unlike me. But hey, I’m not stressing because I know it’ll work out. It always does.”

Flower laughed. She uncrossed her legs, pressing her forearms against her thighs as she leaned forward. “Well, even if you fail spectacularly, I’ll be right there with you. That’s not gonna change.”

Lifting her hand, she propped her elbow atop her knee. Fukase reached out with his free hand, clasping onto her palm with his own.

“I’ll make sure not to take you down too far a peg,” Fukase joked, squeezing her hand.

She squeezed back. “Trust me, you’ll have a lot of work to do to get me to that point.”

Chapter Text

Whereas Flower spent the following weeks preparing for her tour, Rin prepared herself in other ways.

When she wasn’t working at Lola’s or begrudgingly unpacking moving boxes with Len, Rin found herself curled up in bed with her laptop, obsessively scraping the internet for as much information as she could find about Flower and Hanna’s Offspring. This included – but wasn’t limited to – reading hundreds of articles, trolling through old message boards, and viewing as many obscure interviews as she could find. She began to understand why people got so invested into celebrity culture: there was so much history to catch up on.

From the information Rin could find online, she discovered that Hanna’s Offspring had been around since the bandmates met in high school, with them releasing a few “underground” EPs here and there before finally coming out with their debut album just a few months back. One of their more popular songs – Break Out!, the one she had heard on the radio with Len – had begun to explode in popularity on various social media pages, catapulting them into the online mainstream. There seemed to be a lot of hype surrounding their upcoming summer tour as well as much controversy around whether or not going mainstream would turn them into “posers” or major sellouts.

She found herself briefly scrolling through a forum-based social media platform she rarely used, realizing that this site was where most of that criticism seemed to originate from.

dreamgxrl72
this is hoping that ho play more songs than just break out @_@ if they don’t perform stockholm or anything from the garage eps we’re cooked
REPLIES:
equisus
i doubt theyll play many but the new album isnt even that bad yall r dramatic :/
dreamgxrl72
break out mid LMAO
hoxriot
im sorry but us collectively deciding that hannas offspring should be abbreviated as ho will never not be funny

blasphemoussilence
why is hanna’s offspring trending rn there’s literally men in their band . also i thought we all knew that they’re total industry plants lmao ???
REPLIES:
modernhunger222
there was literally a man in bikini kill (one of the most influential riot bands) can you guys pick up a history book instead of just spewing nonsense about riot grrrl
burgerthey
*riot ghoul
blasphemoussilence
men shouldn’t be profiting off of women’s suffering lmao ??? you guys are weird
modernhunger222
girl where did i even say any of that . again pick up a history book

usermikuflowerwhenifindu
love watching ppl on my tl fighting over new vs old ho music when i just wanna see more mikuflower pics
REPLIES:
clusterbaby
hey bestie i don’t think we should be shipping real people it’s actually rlly weird! hope this helps!
usermikuflowerwhenifindu
you when you find out saying two celebs look cute together is harmless

Hatsune Miku was another name Rin had stumbled upon while researching, yet one she was already familiar with.

Despite her lack of interest in Western pop culture, she had certainly heard of Miku; originating from Japan and now residing within LA, she was a famous pop idol – though she had also dabbled in modeling – currently taking a break to write her next album. Her music always rose to the Billboard Top Tens and sat up there for months, but it had been a couple years since she had recorded and published her first two albums. People were starting to get antsy about when the new album was supposed to drop – if it ever would.

It seemed at some point after coming to California, Miku and Flower had become friends; there were rumors that the two allegedly lived together – and from there – rumors of them dating eventually flourished. However, Rin couldn’t uncover anything saying if they really were together or not, nor anything that even explicitly stated Miku was anything but straight, but Rin believed it. She thought back to the night she met Flower, reflecting on their conversation and her suspicions that her girlfriend was cheating on her.

Though it might have been a longshot, Rin eventually assumed that Miku was her girlfriend. What other conclusion could she come to?

“You’ve been listening to my band a lot.”

Rin jumped at the voice, her eyes darting across the room to see Len leaning in the doorway. He had his arms crossed over his chest with a grin plastered on his face as he approached.

“Your band?” Rin asked, pausing the song she had been listening to while researching.

Len crawled into bed beside Rin as she quickly changed the screen to her music program, curling up next to her to look at the screen of her laptop. “Yep. I called dibs on them first.”

She giggled, resting her head atop his. “I don’t know, I’m starting to learn a lot I didn’t know. Maybe I've already overtaken you in knowledge.”

He gave her a soft glance, reaching out with his hand to gently grasp her own. “In all seriousness, it’s really sweet of you to try and get into the stuff I like. I’ve been hearing you listening to their music around the house,” Len smiled, “I appreciate it.”

A pang of guilt ricocheted throughout Rin’s chest. In all honesty, she had never really considered how Len might’ve felt about her suddenly taking interest in a band that he liked. She had been too busy thinking about Flower.

“Speaking of…” Len trailed off. Rin watched as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, rustling around for a moment before pulling out two small ticket-shaped papers, “...I know you said you were still thinking about it, but the first show is in a few days, and I was able to convince someone to give us last minute tickets.”

“Len,” Rin gasped, “how much were those?”

“Don’t worry about that. I had some money saved away for a special occasion like this,” he assured her, cradling her hand in his own, “and, best of all, they’re VIP tickets! We’ll have special seating and everything, and–” he grinned, leaning into her, “–they came with backstage passes! We’ll be able to meet the band after the show and everything!”

Rin froze; she felt ice rush through her veins at the connotations of what that could mean. Seeing Flower again…she would be able to speak with her one more time. At least one more time. That’s all she needed.

Yet, a part of her continued to feel guilty. Not solely because of her infidelity with one of the biggest upcoming riot stars – though that certainly didn’t help – but because of how excited Len looked. She felt bad because he was excited, and she knew he had wholesome intentions deep down, unlike her. He simply wanted to spend time together, and she was completely indifferent to the matter.

“Plus,” Len continued, “you deserve to do something fun instead of just constantly working every day, especially since we just got done with college and barely went out then,” he smiled, “we need to get out more. Remember what I said about this being our first date in the states?”

Rin smiled, attempting to push down the sludge of guilt building up in the back of her throat. “I remember.”

Len stuffed the tickets back into his pocket. He gently lifted Rin’s laptop from her lap, wrapping his arms around her waist. “So don’t even worry a little about anything. I promise we’ll have the perfect night together.”

Rin gently set her hands atop Len’s. “Okay,” she hummed. She rested her head in the crook of Len’s neck, despite everything within her screaming that this was wrong, “I believe you.”

As the date drew closer, the two ensured to spend more time together. Doubts continued to swarm throughout Rin’s head, a part of her wanting to cancel the entire plan – but she knew that would draw more suspicion and concern her way. While she knew that being with Len and going out with him was the right thing to do, her skin simultaneously crawled the closer he got to her; guilt continued to fester within, and it only worsened when he had taken her out to look for new clothes for their night out.

While modeling a small yellow dress Len had picked out for her, he had tilted his head to the side. Rin had spun around, placing her hands on her hips.

“What do you think?” she had asked.

“I think,” he began, “I wouldn’t mind marrying you one day.”

It was all Rin could think about the days following, the comment hanging heavy in the air between them. At least, that’s how it had felt to Rin, but something about the look on Len’s face made her believe he didn’t think twice about saying it. For him, he simply said it, and it was the truth.

She wished she could be like that.

-

The stadium was jam packed, and it was hot.

Rin and Len kept their hands clasped tightly, worming their way through the winding crowds as they made their way up towards the entrance of the stadium. Thanks to their VIP tickets, they were blessed with going through their own metal detectors and skipping the massive lines altogether. After Len ogled over the merch stand and Rin attempted to calm her anxieties by ordering an orange juice mixed with vodka, the two made their way to the Meet and Greet section at the back of the stadium.

“Where are we going?” Rin asked.

“Meet and greet is before the show, remember?” Len reminded her, “I used to always assume they were after the concert, but that wouldn’t make any sense. And since we’ll be sitting front row, it won’t be too far of a walk to our seats after.”

“I didn’t realize we would be sitting so close,” Rin said.

“I was gonna have us sit up in the rafters,” Len started, “but I wanted to see Fukase up close.”

She lifted a brow. “You’re already gonna get to meet him. What is he, your man crush?”

“Maybe he is! Maybe I write secret, spellbinding fanfiction about him.”

Rin let out a laugh, gently shoving him. “You’re so weird.”

“Hey, you brought it up!”

The two giggled before standing next to each other in a comfortable silence. Rin sipped on her vodka-orange juice infusion as she pulled out her phone, opening the app-version of that social media website she had been scrolling through just a few days prior.

fortedeluxe
I STILL CANT BELIEVE ELEANOR IS OPENING FOR HO TN IM GONNA SCREAM
REPLIES:
fortedeluxe
part of me lowkey bought tickets just to see her since i couldnt go to her winter shows HEHE
Maddyrhhyone
she posted clips of her outfit tonight if you haven’t seen it yet idk if you have
fortedeluxe
OMG NO I HAVENT??? SEND THEM??? PLEASE???
spiceog125
more excited to see ia and yuuma 2nite but eleanor cool

Rin scrunched up her face in confusion. “Len, do you know who Eleanor is?”

He gave her a confused glance, before a look of recognition crossed over his face. “Oh, Forte? She’s some ballad singer. She’s pretty popular in riot spaces though because she’s friends with this girl named Ia, who’s in a riot band,” Len explained, “I’m pretty sure I saw on the website that they’re supposed to be the openers.”

“Ohh,” Rin hummed, glancing back down at her phone, “that makes sense.”

As minutes passed, while the two waited for the Meet and Greet to start, sudden screams erupted from the back of the line. The two blondes spun around, watching from a distance as a crowd formed, and Hatsune Miku herself entered the building. Rin wondered why they didn’t choose to escort her into the building more discreetly if she was going to show, but she realized that might be next to impossible due to her iconic light blue pigtails.

Another thought crossed her mind, too. From all the gossip blogs she had read (in spite of the fact that Rin didn’t care for them very much), she keyed in on one recurring rumor about Miku: that she craved attention. Rin didn’t believe that craving attention was inherently a bad thing, but she had read stories about Miku in which she would frequently show up to important, yet unrelated to her events in a supposed “attempt” to garner attention.

To Rin, this rumor just sounded blatantly misogynistic, so she didn’t believe it much; however, she couldn’t doubt that the thought crossed her mind, even for just a moment.

“I actually recognize a celebrity for once,” Rin joked, turning back to Len, “isn’t that fun?”

Len laughed. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words. What do you think of her and Flower? Assuming you’ve seen the rumors, and all that.”

Rin lifted a brow in a teasing gesture. “You? Invested in gossip?”

“Sounds like you really don’t know that much about me,” he huffed in a faux-offended manner, “if it’s about my favorite band, I’m gonna read it, okay?”

“Well, I’m not really sure what I think,” Rin answered his prior question, “but I don’t doubt there’s some evidence for it.”

“I think it’s interesting more than anything, but I don’t actually speculate on real people’s relationships much.”

“Oh, so now you’re doubling back?”

“Okay, I find it a little interesting, but it’s not like I'm not obsessed or anything.”

“Surely,” Rin giggled.

The two stopped their conversation as the line began to move forward. Where Len excitedly spoke to himself about meeting the members of the band, Rin found her head swimming through the countless possibilities of what could happen in those next few minutes. Was she making the right decision? She had thought about the possibility of this moment for weeks, but when she actually got to the front of that line, what would she even say?

Rin kicked herself mentally. She should’ve memorized some sort of script, instead of just bringing a note to give to Flower. Quickly, she fished through her purse, feeling her fingers grasp against a folded piece of paper; relief washed over her that she didn’t know she was suppressing. The message was still there.

Reaching the front of the line, Rin waited inches away from the doorway of the room holding the Meet and Greet. With the security guard’s back turned, just for a moment, Rin leaned forward to peek inside the room. Her eyes danced around before zeroing in on four figures sitting at a long, white fold-out table.

Sitting at the closest edge of the table to Rin – Oliver seated to her left – was Flower, casually leaned back in her chair. Rin watched her eyes light up as she spoke to the brown-haired fan in front of her, arms moving smoothly through the air as she spoke. It was like Rin’s heart jolted to a stop as she came back to the reality of that moment. She was really about to do this.

She straightened back up as the security guard slowly turned to face them, unable to analyze anything further about Flower, nor the conversation. A few beats of silence passed through the air before another security guard approached the doorway, waving for them to follow.

Len squeezed Rin’s hand in excitement, and Rin squeezed back, attempting to transfer her anxiety onto him.

The duo entered the room, and Len darted off giddily towards the table. Rin watched from a distance as he immediately held out one of the CDs he brought to get signed, falling into a casual conversation with Fukase and the rest of the band. Slowly, Rin pulled her eyes from the safety of Len, and immediately settled on Flower.

While those around them spoke to Len, Flower kept her gaze trained on Rin. Her lips were slightly parted, and her jaw held slightly slack, though not to an obvious degree. Rin’s heart squeezed, anxiety replicating the blood cells in her veins as she looked Flower up and down; she sported a spiked, black leather jacket over a dark purple tank top and vinyl black jeans. While Rin couldn’t read what Flower’s shirt said, she could read the expression on her face immediately: disbelief. Whether it was negative or not, however, Rin was unable to discern.

Slowly, Rin approached the table, fumbling with her purse as she did so. She glanced at Len out of the corner of her eye, who seemingly was keeping the other members distracted. Rin leaned forward, sneaking the piece of paper underneath the blue jean sleeve of her jacket and resting her palm on the table between the two.

Despite her heart pounding deafeningly in her ears and her hands shaking violently, Rin managed to choke out the word which would alter the course of her life forever.

“...Hello.”

Chapter Text

Hanna’s Offspring’s first show would be memorable in more ways than one.

Flower had awoken early the morning of their debut night, the moon barely having disappeared over the horizon as Miku rushed in and out of their shared bedroom. She practically pushed Flower out the door between reassurances of missing her as well as ensuring that all her belongings were readily packed – including the diet plan Miku had meticulously crafted for her. Flower silently thanked Miku under her breath for keeping her so organized.

“And don’t forget!” Miku called as Flower rushed out the front door, “I’ll be there tonight to support you! You’re gonna kill it, babe!”

It was going on nine o’clock by the time that Piko pulled up into Flower’s driveway. She wobbled her way down the chiseled stone walkway, bags in hand as she tossed them into the backseat of Piko’s car. They landed with a thud just as Flower did so in the passenger’s seat.

“Guess what day it iiiiis!” Piko sang as he pulled out of the driveway.

Flower stuck her head out the window, waving to Miku, who returned the gesture from their doorway. “Damn, I wonder,” she remarked with a grin.

The two quickly found themselves flying down the street as they had always done. This time, however, a lightness filled the air, almost as if something fundamental had shifted over the course of the previous night alone. The atmosphere surrounding them felt lighter, and everything had a rose-tinted gradient wherever Flower looked. The problems she had been enveloped in suddenly felt smaller. She felt good.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” Piko beamed, hands gripping the steering wheel in barely-contained excitement, “we’ve been talking about it and practicing, but now that we’re actually performing tonight, I can barely believe it!”

“Save all that energy for tonight when you knock your debut outta the park,” Flower replied. Her head peeked out the window of the car door, wind lightly brushing through her hair as the world zoomed by around her, “you’re gonna need it.”

Their conversation felt nostalgic, like nothing had ever changed since the two had stumbled their ways out of high school and into a new world they could barely recognize. At the same time, however, it was refreshing – it was a break from the repetitive nature of constant practice and robotic car rides that barely survived from Flower’s lack of sleep. Simply, it felt like she could breathe again.

Eventually, the two reached their destination, pulling into the parking lot that sat just outside the stadium they would be performing at in just a few hours. They scrambled from out of the front seats of Piko’s car, quickly unpacking both of their bags from the backseat of the car. Piko then threw his arm around Flower’s shoulder as they walked whilst she looked back at her texts to ensure they were headed in the right direction. Snaking around the side of the building, they reached the second parking lot as Flower teased Piko for accidentally parking in the wrong place.

In the distance, across the lot, Fukase and Oliver already stood in wait for the remaining members of their quartet. Catching sight of them, Piko released his gentle grip from Flower, suitcase trailing behind him as he moped over to the duo.

“Guys, Flower is bullying me!” he whined, practically tripping over his own feet as he approached.

However, Fukase and Oliver seemed to be more interested at staring at something in the distance. Once the four members were bunched up together, Oliver lifted his arm, pointing across the parking lot with his pointer finger.

“Shh! Look!” Oliver said.

Just a few feet from the four bandmates stood a tour bus – but not just any tour bus, their tour bus.

With a sleek black finish and dark red accents, the bus exuded an air of rebellion that begged to be taken seriously. The words Hanna’s Offspring cradled the side, the weight of the words almost being the sole thing supporting the doors upright. The windows were tinted, and with the bus sitting several inches off the ground – all thanks to the huge, tightly secured wheels – a sense of mysteriousness exuded from the bus. It was as though it hid uncertain secrets inside, and if you swung any of the doors open, you could never be sure of what exactly you would find.

“Holy shit,” Flower grinned.

“Aaah, you guys! I can’t believe this is actually happening!” Piko squealed, his sour mood suddenly gone as he slid his suitcase back and forth across the ground, “I’m so excited!”

“Excited is an understatement,” Fukase said, eyes wide as he slowly approached the bus. He ran the palm of his hand over the black paint, “I’m fuckin’ stoked.”

The group gaggled around the sides of the bus, analyzing it with an excited buzz charging throughout the air. With a sudden shove, one of the doors popped open, and out leaned Meiko from the inner gut of the bus.

“Surprise!” she exclaimed, causing Oliver to nearly jump out of his skin in shock, “what do you guys think?”

Flower raised her brows, turning away from the band’s logo painted on the side of the bus to eyeball Meiko. “Were you in there the whole time?”

“...Maybe,” she smirked mischievously, “I can be fun, too, sometimes. I’m not all doom and gloom. Check out the inside!”

With their bags trailing behind them, the bandmates piled themselves inside the sizable tour bus. The interior of the bus matched the outside to a tee, furnished with a black leather finish with black and dark red accented walls. The flooring was built from rich, dark brown wooden panels which were slick enough to almost skate across. Containing a built-in kitchen, bathroom, and personal sleeping quarters – with black privacy curtains to match – it was assured they would have everything they needed in spite of the small space.

“I call dibs on top bunk!” Piko called out, pushing past the others as he clammored his way up into one of the top bunks.

“Me too!” Oliver laughed, following not far after him.

Fukase and Flower stood next to each other, watching as the two boys scrambled to get their personal belongings in order. “Looks like they have their priorities in check,” Fukase joked.

Flower snickered. “No kidding.”

Meiko squeezed past Oliver and Piko as she reemerged from the front of the bus, presumably from the driver’s pit of the bus. “My husband, Kaito, will also be coming with us. He offered to be our chauffeur since he’s a much more patient driver than I am.”

Flower cringed mentally, imagining Meiko cursing like a sailor and swerving erratically across the road from the driver’s seat. She silently thanked whatever entity was out there for sparing them before approaching Meiko, holding her hands out in front of her. “Thank you so much, Meiko,” she said, “this means everything to us.”

Meiko smiled, stretching her arms out and lightly squeezing Flower’s hands with her own. “And you earned it all on your own.”

For the next hour, the group got themselves situated, unpacking as many of their personal belongings as they could before Meiko verbally kicked them out of the bus. Instead, the group followed Meiko into the back of the stadium, pushing the doors open as they pushed their way through the darkness and to the back of the stage. In the distance, a familiar melody wafted in the air, surrounding them as they traversed closer to the sound.

“I want us to run through some rehearsals before we get totally swamped tonight,” Meiko explained, “and I want you guys to watch your opening acts practice first.”

As they stepped out from the back of the stage through a side door, the group trailed Meiko as they walked around into the mosh pit below the stage. Meiko silently gestured for Hanna’s Offspring to sit, which they complied to. Flower immediately locked her eyes onto the stage.

In front of them was an up-and-coming artist that – while Flower had never met her personally – she could recognize from a mile away: Eleanor Forte, belting out a cover of The Smiths’ There Is A Light That Never Goes Out, strumming at an acoustic guitar in her hands. She was well-known for her melodic, yet powerful lyrics as well as her eye-catching pure white hair; this era in her career was being referred to as her ‘Cyberfrost’ era, hence the sudden cosmetic change that had caught her audience by storm.

Flower couldn’t deny the facts: she was beautiful.

The group listened in silence, her every word hanging idly in the air before gracefully taking to the air, floating further and further into the abyss until the next batch of vocals came out cool and smooth. Eventually, they tapered off all-together, save for the melodic plucks of her acoustic guitar before those, too, ceased.

Eleanor froze gracefully, holding her position before looking down the stage. Her gaze locked directly onto the group, and she smiled.

“I wasn’t expecting an audience so soon,” she hummed thoughtfully; her words were smooth like butter, and a faint British accent lined her tone, “you guys look much more intimidating in-person.”

Meiko stood from her seat. “Eleanor Forte, Hanna’s Offspring,” she stated, gesturing to the appropriate individuals as she spoke their names, “wonderful voice as always, Eleanor. Do you know where Entourage is?”

She hummed lowly before slowly shaking her head side-to-side. “I’m afraid not. They said they would be here in a few minutes…a few minutes ago.”

As if on cue, the same side door which Hanna’s Offspring had entered through swung open, and out stepped the three individuals in question.

“Oh,” Eleanor said, smiling to herself as she turned back down to the guitar she held in her hands, “I think I found them.”

“Sorry ‘bout being late!” IA hollered, her black platform boots clicking against the floor with every step she took, “woke up late. Traffic was horrible. All the good stuff.”

Just as Flower had never spoken to Eleanor before in her life, she had had the same lack of socialization with the two members of the band she was familiar with: IA and Yuuma. Aside from the occasional utterances she had heard on gossip forums about their mysterious ex-drummer, Flower knew little to nothing about them, the duo preferring to keep their private lives hidden. Instead, she was a casual consumer of their music.

Behind them trailed a dark-haired girl who Flower had never seen before in her life, but her questions were quickly quelled thanks to IA. “Everyone, meet Mew! She’s our – hopefully – permanent drummer! Go on, Mew, say hi!”

Mew smiled awkwardly, waving her hand stiffly. “Hi.”

Yuuma remained quiet, watching from the sidelines as IA speedily ran past the members of Hanna’s Offspring to give vigorous handshakes. “I’m so excited to be performing with you guys! I just love seeing new bands! It makes me so happy!”

Meiko spoke up. “Alright, you three, hit the stage. We need to warm you guys up before reviewing your setlist, quickly. I want to make sure that Hanna’s Offspring gets enough time to practice as well.”

IA shook Flower’s hand last before giving Meiko a playful salute. “You got it, boss!”

As Entourage took to setting up, Eleanor gracefully made her way off the stage. She approached the four bandmates who remained in their seats, her light turquoise eyes dancing over their figures before settling onto Piko. She stood in front of his seat, just a few feet away.

“Hello, friends!” she began, initially addressing everyone, “I just wanted to say, I hope that you guys have a fun time, with this being your first tour and all. I remember how nervous I was when I first debuted, much less performing in front of loads of people, but I promise it’s not that scary! You’ll all do wonderful, I’m sure of it.”

Fukase nodded, giving a short, “Thanks.”

“You have a really nice singing voice,” Oliver replied, “how do you disguise your accent while you’re singing?”

Eleanor laughed faintly, holding a hand up to her mouth. “Well, as they say, a magician never reveals her secrets. I’m afraid I can’t divulge my stylistic successes with you. Perhaps one day…”

She hummed thoughtfully before taking a seat in the empty spot next to Piko, who was now sandwiched between her and Flower.

“Piko, yes?” Eleanor said, “I’ve actually heard your drum solos a few times. I believe you’re very talented. I would love to do a collaboration sometime.”

Piko’s eyebrows shut up, dramatically holding a hand to his chest as he sputtered out a pathetic, “M-Me?!”

“Aww, look,” Flower teased, leaning forward in her seat to peek at Piko, “you have a fan!”

“Adorable. Piko’s finally making a name for himself,” Fukase egged on, stealing a playful glance from Flower.

Eleanor – rather than being offended or taken aback – let out a laugh. “It’s funny you all say that…I may have underexaggerated my interest in your band,” she admitted, “when you four first debuted, I actually had a bit of a celebrity crush on Piko.”

Piko whipped his head in her direction. “What–?!”

“Really?” Oliver questioned, leaning forward from between Flower and Fukase.

“That’s cute,” Flower grinned, lightly elbowing Piko’s arm, “you guys kinda have the same color scheme going on. You two should collaborate!”

Eleanor gasped, clasping her hands together. “That would be wonderful!”

A faint blush crossed Piko’s face. He shyly glanced at the floor. “U-Um, sure–!”

The two proceeded to exchange banter amongst themselves as IA and her bandmates took center stage. Despite being the least vocal, Yuuma took his position as lead singer behind the microphone stand propped up on the stage. Holding a guitar in his hands, he tuned it idly as IA prepped her position on the bass guitar. Mew, of course, was already seated at the drums.

“Alright,” Meiko announced, “whenever you’re ready.”

Entourage quickly ran through the first few songs of their setlist, bringing a powerful bravado to the room that Flower had never witnessed a band do before. Though Yuuma was quiet in daily life, he had a boisterous, booming voice that took on a life of its own, enthralling everyone into attention and forcing you to pay attention. IA and Mew played skillfully, but with a sense of urgency underlining their every movement; it was as if they didn’t, they would be going against everything that their band stood for: the urgency of their message.

Flower admired that.

The rehearsal of IA and her band went off without a hitch, meaning that Hanna’s Offspring would have their turn to rehearse and warm up. Meiko ensured the transition was flawless, constantly glancing back down at the time on her phone to ensure that they were on-schedule as Flower’s band scrambled to their positions out on the stage.

Flower had to admit that she was a little intimidated. With plenty of great singers and performers staring up at her, that same pressure she had been feeling the past few weeks returned with a vengeance, weighing her down heavily and making her feel sluggish. She attempted to shake off her nerves, tightening her grip around the handle of the microphone as Oliver began to play the opening riff to one of their songs on his guitar. Now was the time to give it her all, to act like this was the real deal. It was coming tonight.

Quickly, the bandmates fell into their usual comfortable positions upon the stage. Flower forced herself to treat this less like a rehearsal and more so as if it was already time for the concert, and she had to give it her all. She felt the weight that had begun to bog her down slowly lift, shedding from her body with every controlled turn and vocal utterance she made. She allowed herself to thrash around for the first song, exuding as much pent-up energy as she could afford to lose to get herself into character: her stage presence. She had to find herself, and fast.

As they continued trailing further and further down the setlist, a sudden sense of dread began to flood throughout her body as one thought looped on repeat: Miku was coming tonight.

She knew this for months in advance. She knew that this would be the last time she would see Miku before being gone for several months, and it scared her for multiple reasons. A part of Flower worried that she could no longer trust Miku after what had happened at the bar just a few weeks prior; she thought she could move on from it once it became clear that Miku didn’t want to discuss the topic, but in reality, it just made her fixation on it even intense.

Worst of all, Flower still felt like a horrible girlfriend. The guilt of cheating on Miku had continued to ebb at her no matter what way she sliced it. Now that she would be leaving Miku alone for months on end, it further cemented to her in her mind that she wasn’t worthy of being with a girl like her. It felt like she wasn’t worthy of anything she had.

Flower felt her stance falter as the current song neared its end, causing her voice to fluctuate in an offkey way she hadn’t intended. She cringed as the music finally halted, muttering a disgruntled “fuck” underneath her breath, barely being picked up by the microphone.

“Flower,” Meiko called out, “relax. Maintaining control isn’t about being as harsh on yourself as possible. You need to continue to allow yourself some breathing room, not cutthroat competition.”

Keeping her gaze glued to the floor, she stumbled back over to the microphone stand, jutting the mic inside. “I’m gonna take five.”

Without sparing anyone else a glance, Flower slipped into the back of the stage. She retraced her steps from the walk that Meiko had taken her and her band on, pushing the back doors open and stepping out into the fresh air. Standing in the parking lot, she began to slowly pace, attempting to control her thoughts with slowed breathing techniques. They didn’t always work for her, but it was worth it to give it a shot.

Miku had taught them to her.

Everything always made her think of Miku.

Flower abruptly ceased her pacing as the back door to the stadium creaked open, and out stepped Piko into the sunlight. He immediately shot Flower a soft look, slowly approaching her as he asked, “What happened in there?”

“Nothing,” she replied, shaking her head dismissively, “just lost my footing and got embarrassed, that’s all.”

Piko’s face contorted, shifting into a look of mild disbelief. “Flower,” he started, “we’ve been friends for years. I can immediately tell when you’re lying!” he said, momentarily raising his voice in a lighthearted manner. He stepped closer, “what’s going on?”

Flower felt a sense of deja vu wash over her, thinking back to the conversation she had had with Fukase about Miku the night prior. She again felt a part of her desire to open up to Piko, to spill the secrets she had stored deep within her chest so that she wouldn’t feel so alone. However, the fear of shame and rejection was still too much for her to bear, and she refused to let herself risk her image of innocence, no matter how horrible that made her sound.

“I just…” her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the words, “...I’m just having problems with Miku, and I can’t stop thinking about it is all,” she answered vaguely. Technically, it was the truth.

Piko’s face again shifted back into a look of softness, and he hesitantly lifted his hand to rest it on her upper arm. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

“No– not…not right now,” Flower sputtered out, “...maybe another time, okay?”

Piko didn’t say anything for a few passing moments. Silently, he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her into a tight hug. “Okay,” he whispered comfortingly, “it’s okay, Flower. I understand.”

She wasn’t sure if that was true, but still, she squeezed him back.

-

It was almost time.

Before the show could start, however, Flower would have to be subjected to one part of fame she had always been nervous about: the infamous Meet and Greet. She had heard some wild stories of fans going overboard when meeting their idols, giving them eccentric gifts and asking overly intrusive, incredibly inappropriate questions.

“Remember,” Fukase had told her in jest, “just smile and nod. Don’t let them know you could bite their head off if you wanted to.”

However, nothing Fukase – nor anyone else – could’ve said would prepare her for what she would experience that night.

The first few initial people had been perfectly fine – in fact, they were more than respectful, yet equally excited to finally meet Flower and her fellow band members. While some requested signatures of items they had brought, others simply asked questions, told personal stories of the importance of their music, and – occasionally – requested to take photos. All of these requests and interactions Flower had welcomed with open arms.

Some brunette girl who’s name Flower could not remember for the life of her had been talking her ear off about how impressed she was by Flower’s vocal techniques. She couldn’t lie – it definitely boosted her ego, and certainly instilled further confidence within her for the upcoming performance occurring in just a few hours. She felt good, she felt in her element, and she felt like she could bring herself to not worry about any additional life stressors, if just for tonight.

Eventually, her time was up, and Flower watched as the brunette girl exited the room. Fukase and her shared a quick glance across the table, chuckling to themselves over what that girl had said; not out of spite or malice, but out of appreciation for how lucky they were to have what they had. It was a lot more relaxed than the overwhelming intensity that Flower had expected.

She listened idly as a young blonde man approached the table, immediately making a beeline towards Fukase with a CD clasped in his hand. Amused, Flower peeked out of the corner of her eye, watching Piko and Fukase fall into conversation with this enthusiastic guy, who was practically brimming with excitement over Fukase doing something as small as signing a CD for him. Murmurs of the conversation floated through the air:

“I’ve been such a huge fan for so long. You’re seriously talented, man. All of you.”

“We appreciate it,” Fukase had replied, with Piko nodding in enthusiasm.

However, Flower found her attention turning elsewhere. The sense that someone was watching her had suddenly flooded through her entire body, and she glanced over her shoulder.

She did a double take.

Standing just a few feet away stood the girl she had been constantly thinking about– no, unhealthily dwelling on. It was Rin, clad in a blue jean jacket over a pastel yellow dress, echoing similarities to the outfit she had worn the first time they met. Flower felt her jaw go slack with shock, but quickly pursed her lips back together as Rin approached, an obvious uncertainty in her steps.

Rin stood in front of Flower at the table, fumbling with her purse for a moment before placing her arm down between the two.

“...Hello.”

Flower stared at her in silence. Her brain was working faster than her mind could keep up. What the hell was Rin doing here? Did she act oblivious this whole time about knowing who Flower really was? Was she trying to get a one-up on her, trying to rub it in her face that she knew a major secret of Flower’s that could heavily impact her life?

She didn’t know. All she knew was that Rin was here, some mystery guy was there, and she couldn’t get out of this awkward fucking situation. Scratch everything else she had ever proclaimed to be the worst: this was her worst nightmare.

Looking down at Rin’s hand, she saw a small folded piece of paper peeking out from her sleeve. No way.

Flower glanced over at Fukase and Piko, still preoccupied with their conversation. So, she turned back to Rin, mouthing the words, What the fuck are you doing here?

Rin’s face scrunched up into a confusing expression, one that looked puzzled and taken aback simultaneously. She mouthed back, I’ll explain later. Take the note.

What? Flower mouthed, no.

Please.

Flower felt her face break out into a scowl. Reluctantly, she snatched the note from Rin, pocketing it carelessly. Fine.

A hurt expression crossed over Rin’s face, which just confused Flower even more. Refusing to say anything else, Flower looked away, averting her gaze until she looked back up, and the two blondes were gone.

Turning to her right, she locked eyes with Oliver, who was staring blankly at her.

“What’s up?” Flower asked.

He stayed silent for a moment before turning to the next person approaching the table. “Nothing.”

The rest of the Meet and Greet flew past in a blur. Eventually, it drew to an end, and Flower left her bandmates in the dust, fleeing into one of the private bathrooms designated for performers only. She closed and locked the door behind her, taking in a deep breath as she approached the sink of the bathroom.

A million thoughts were running through her head at once, and they were all about Rin.

Leaning over, she turned on the sink faucet, splashing cold water aggressively against her face. She didn’t have time to think about this right now, hearing applause in the distance as the last bits of Eleanor’s performance crept through the walls. That meant that Entourage was about to go on. That meant that Flower had thirty minutes to get ready.

She needed to breathe.

After what felt like a million years (but, realistically, was more like ten minutes), Flower emerged from the bathroom. She made a beeline for the back of the stage, being careful as to not be seen by any fan by mistake. Immediately as she entered the back, she bumped into Piko, who’s eyebrows shot up when he saw her.

“Flower!” he exclaimed, “what happened to your makeup? It’s all smudged.”

Fuck. She had completely forgotten she was wearing makeup.

“Got stressed,” she admitted, “went to cool myself off, and I guess I forgot I was wearing it.”

Piko sighed, rolling his eyes dramatically before grabbing onto her wrist. “Quick, c’mere. I’ll fix it up for you.”

“I’m so glad one of us knows how to do makeup.”

“Yeah, you’re lucky I’m so much more put together than you.”

A faux-seriousness hung between the two before they burst into giggles. Piko held Flower’s face still, wiping the makeup off with a makeup wipe before carefully reapplying the dark eyeliner and shadow to her eyes.

“I’m still really stressed, to be honest,” Flower admitted, “I’m hoping that when I go up on that stage, I’ll just forget everything I’m worried about.”

Piko gave her a sympathetic look. “Hey, no matter what it is you’re worrying about, I know you’ll put on the best performance that you can. The Flower I know doesn’t crumble that easily.”

Flower smirked. “You flatter me.”

Piko grinned, standing up on his tippy toes to give her a platonic kiss on the forehead. “It’s the truth!”

“Okay, lovebirds,” Fukase said, appearing out of nowhere with Oliver in tow. Piko jumped back in shock, “we gotta get our shit together. Yuuma and them are performing their last song.”

“Oh, I’ve been ready,” Flower said.

She knew she was lying right through her teeth. It didn’t matter, though. It was time to get in character.

Once IA’s band’s final song drew to a close, the three of them filed carefully off the stage. Shortly after, the stadium was painted in darkness, shrieks of excitement and anticipation emerging from the audience. As the introductory visuals played overhead, Flower watched in silence as behind-the-scenes crew and stage managers buzzed around in a flurry of anticipation. She glanced through the darkness to lock eyes with Fukase, who gave her an excited thumbs up, holding his bass with his other hand.

As the lights came back on, the roar of the crowd picked up with an energy Flower hadn’t ever witnessed before. Immediately, the band dove into their first song, and it was on.

Adrenaline pumped through Flower’s body, and she had to keep herself from shaking out of a combination of both excitement and nerves. Thousands of individuals populated the crowd; Flower always found it strange how everyone else’s lives around her were just as complex as her own, and even stranger now that they had all culminated in being at the same place on the same night witnessing the same event.

The first initial songs flew by, and Flower felt herself transforming back into her old self. A grin spread across her face as she fell to her knees, sliding across the floor of the stage and emitting a shriek from deep within her core. It was far from what had been rehearsed with the rest of her band, and she knew that Meiko would be shaking her head just a few feet away behind the stage, but she didn’t care. It was as though she had been transported back in time, to when this was the biggest thing she had to worry about.

Pulling herself up from the ground, the crowd continued to cheer as Fukase and Oliver’s guitars reverberated in the air. She glanced over her shoulder, winking at Fukase, who kept his brow raised in a quizzically playful response. Flower then turned back to her audience, taking a few steps across the stage before bringing the mic up to her lips.

“Hi.”

Cheers continued to emanate from the crowd at a higher frequency this time around. Flower laughed into her microphone, glancing back to look at her fellow bandmates. “Damn, they’re excited just from me saying hi.”

Fukase leaned into the microphone, which Flower extended out to him. “In more ways than one.”

This only led to further laughter and amused whistling. Flower playfully jutted her knuckles into Fukase’s arm.

“Anyways, before I get off track,” Flower remarked before singing whimsically, “how is everybody doing tonight?!”

She extended the microphone out into the audience, a grin plastered across her face as the audience hollered. Oliver played a riff on his guitar in approval.

“Yeah, you better be fuckin’ excited! This is the first ever, and I mean EVER, official tour date for Hanna’s Offspring! And you can brag and say you were here!” Flower exclaimed, pointer finger jutting out towards the audience.

Piko pittered up a drumroll as Flower continued. “Listen, we’re fuckin’ grateful as fuck for all of your support…and we’ve been listening to your feedback. That’s why EVERY SONG you will hear being played tonight comes straight from fan recommendations,” she leaned forward whispering, “hint, that’s you guys.”

Flower paced across the stage, standing at the edge before leaning down towards the audience members in the pit. “But enough chitter chatter! Let’s play some damn music, right?!”

Oliver played another riff on his guitar, picking up the rhythm of one of their songs as the audience continued to scream.

Blood pumping loudly in their ears, Flower and her fellow band members would continue to perform their hearts out. With Flower thrashing around on center stage, Fukase and Oliver both entertaining the audience from the sidelines, and Piko fervently – yet skillfully – slamming his drumsticks against his drum set, the charisma Flower was set on exuding was paying off. She watched as concert goers thrashed along with her, whether that be through rocking against one another, pumping their fists in the air, or waving fansigns around. She felt real. She felt in control. She felt alive.

“Before we play this next song,” Flower spoke into the mic as several more songs flew by at the speed of light, “I want to call all the ladies to come to the front.”

Shrieks of excitement echoed through the stadium as girls wedged their way into the front rows. Flower gave them a second to do so, sauntering around the edge of the stage, seemingly without a care in the world. “Because,” she paused, “at a riot ghoul show, ladies always come first,” she winked, “sorry, boys!”

Oliver played a few mockingly sad chords on his guitar as Flower shed her jacket, causing the audience to laugh. “Fuck, I’m burning up. Completely unrelated to the beautiful women in the front row.”

Flower flashed Fukase a wicked smile, tossing her jacket in his direction, which he playfully kicked away across the floor.

“ALRIGHT!” Flower hollered suddenly, jumping up and down in place, “I WANNA SEE YOU LADIES THRAAAASH!”

Thrash, they did. Flower put on an appeased expression, nodding in approval as she continued to belt out lyrics, these next few songs more in relation to women’s empowerment and other feminist issues. At one point, Flower loomed over the pit once again, taking the hand of a girl in the audience to sing directly to her. As the crowd continued to cheer, Flower suddenly remembered.

Miku was in the crowd.

After concluding the current song, she let go of the girl’s hand, awkwardly stumbling away from where she stood. That wasn’t a bad thing to do, right? She was just playing into her stage persona, into her character. It didn’t actually mean anything, but for some reason, she felt a sudden sense of panic overtaking her.

Miku was judging her. She knew it.

Flower continued to perform her heart out as best as she could; she still felt genuine excitement to be here experiencing this once-in-a-lifetime moment. However, a voice was nagging at her in the back of her head that she had done something wrong. She always did something wrong.

As the show eventually began to wind down, Flower continued to pace around the stage. “You know,” she started, “we ‘celebrities,’” she sighed, saying the word ‘celebrities’ with air quotes, making the audience laugh, “see a lot more than you think we do. We’re always watching…always listening…”

Flower placed her free hand on her hip, her body directly facing the audience. “We’re people, too. Over the years, Hanna’s Offspring has fostered a small community, but now that community is growing. There’s more fuckin’ people here than I could have ever imagined,” she paused as the audience whooped, “but that means there’s also a lot more criticism, and a lot more gossip. Whatever you say, we would appreciate it if you could be as respectful as possible…especially when it’s about a certain someone cutting her hair.”

The audience roared in laughter and loud “ooh”-ing noises. Flower laughed as well, waving the audience off. “This last song is about policing women’s bodies, and about how that impacts us. And, best of all, it’s a new song, so don’t sing along,” she joked.

As Hanna’s Offspring performed their final song of the night, a bad feeling continued to wash over Flower. Not just because of Miku, not because of Rin, not because of external pressure…but because of something mysterious she was far from ready to identify. All she felt was the following: something big was going to happen this summer, and she wasn’t sure if it was gonna be good.

“THANK YOU, AND GOODNIGHT!”

The audience let out one final cheer, and then it was over.

-

Later that night, when the rest of her bandmates had long gone to sleep, Flower sat in bed in her pajamas. With the current drawn closed and the bus quietly driving across the road under Kaito’s control, Flower stared at the unfolded piece of paper in her hands. It was the paper that Rin gave to her.

Hey,

I don’t really know what to say, but I need help. I don’t want anything weird or personal from you, I just want advice.

At this point, I hate to admit how desperate I am. Please message me. I promise I will explain everything.

{738) ###-####
- Rin Kagamine <3

A part of Flower wanted to rip the note up into shreds and throw it away due to its vagueness. She wanted to rid herself of this entire chapter of her life, even if she knew it was her fault she was in this situation in the first place. She hated that she felt trapped with Miku, but deep down, she knew all that she desired was to please her and make her happy. She just hated that she also couldn’t stop thinking about Rin.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Flower practically jumped from her position in bed, stuffing the note under her pillow as she sat straight up. Turning to the sound of the voice, she saw a silhouette standing right outside her bed, and she pulled the curtains back to reveal Oliver standing in front of her.

“Oliver?” she asked, squinting at him in confusion, “why are you still up–?”

“I know that you took a note from that girl we met today at the meet and greet,” he said, “I saw you.”

Flower froze. “...What?”

“I don’t really care about your personal life drama,” Oliver stated bluntly, “it’s none of my business. I just think you should be careful.”

She raised a brow. “...Why?”

“I’m not sure how the two of you are…involved, but,” he grimaced awkwardly, “you know Miku will murder you if she finds out you’re doing anything fishy behind her back.”

“How did…how did you even come to the conclusion that this random girl that you don’t even know and I are doing something scandalous?” Flower egged on, though still apprehensive.

“I just know,” Oliver asserted, “I could just tell. I know these things,” he added somewhat cockily.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, and despite the fact that she didn’t even want Oliver of all people knowing any of this information, she found it slightly amusing the way he spoke to her. Unsettling, sure, but simultaneously amusing.

“You just know these things? Since when did you get so mature?”

“I’m less than a year younger than you,” Oliver reminded her, “you just like to treat me like I’m a kid. That’s all.”

As Oliver began to close the privacy curtain, Flower stopped him.

“Wait,” she started, holding her hand out, “...please don’t tell anyone.”

Oliver stared at her blankly. “...I won’t lie for you,” he answered honestly, “but I’m not gonna start sharing that sort of gossip around. I’m not that kind of person.”

“Okay, okay,” Flower said, seemingly assuring herself, “...thank you.”

He said nothing else. Wordlessly, Oliver closed the privacy curtain.

Flower sat, frozen in place for a few passing minutes before laying back down in bed. She stared at the ceiling, attempting to piece together what just happened in her head. Closing her eyes, she let out a quiet plea to anyone or anything who may be listening to tell her what to do, to give her advice, to send a sign…anything.

But, instead, the only thing welcoming her was silence.

Chapter Text

CONTACT: (738) ###-####
so much for “always keeping your word”
what the fuck was that yesterday????
i don’t like how you acted like you didn’t know who i was before we hooked up
if that’s what was going on
that feels shady as hell

Rolled over on her side in bed, Rin stared blankly at the screen of her phone gripped tightly in-between her hands. Her eyes continued scanning the series of texts over and over, almost as if she scrubbed through them hard enough, she could change their underlying meaning. But she couldn’t. The intention remained.

Rin made a contact name for Flower before responding.

YOU
im srry i didnt mean to make u uncomfortable :(
i swear i didnt know who u were before we met
like im actually rlly telling the truth
basically my bf is a rlly big fan of ur music and offered to take me to ur concert which i only realized after he offered so i was like “ya sure” bcuz i rlly rlly needed to talk to you
im so confused about so many things
especially after meeting u
srry if thats weird

Shame filling her body, she set her phone to sleep mode before burying her face in her pillow. Careful not to awake a sleeping Len next to her, she let out a silent, muffled groan of frustration; this was a poor attempt of hers to keep the tears of anxiety from spilling out her eyes. She felt so disgusted for making Flower respond in this way to her, but she felt even more disgusted about what had happened last night. Not from seeing Flower again, but from something else. Something that had taken place after the concert.

This wasn’t the first time she had felt horrible after sleeping with her boyfriend. She knew that as his girlfriend, topics like sex and intimacy shouldn’t disturb her as much as they did. It felt like everytime that sort of contact was initiated, she could feel her folding in on herself as though she would never bloom again if she was touched. Thus, she tried to avoid it as much as possible, and it hurt her even more when Len gave her that soft look, that glance that told her he understood. There was nothing wrong with him, and out of guilt, she would frequently force herself to do things that she didn’t want to do.

Rin’s phone buzzed. Practically jumping out of her skin, she immediately removed her face from within her pillow and turned her phone on once more.

CONTACT: f :]
it is, in fact, weird to randomly show up to what is basically my place of work unannounced
i should’ve blocked you already, much less texted you

YOU
why havent u ?

Flower’s typing bubble disappeared and reappeared a few times before sending a reply.

CONTACT: f :]
what do you want from me? unsolicited advice?
or, even better, let me guess
like i knew would happen, us fucking made you have some sort of sexuality crisis and now you want to consult me to figure out what all of that means
like i’m some sort of guinea pig for you to experiment with

Rin glanced over at Len in paranoia. Seeing that he was still rolled over, sleeping, she turned back to her phone.

YOU
i dont see u as a guinea pig
or as an experiment
ure ur own person and u have the right to say no

CONTACT: f :]
oh my god
i was 100% right wasn't i

YOU
50%
like i said u have the right to say no

CONTACT: f :]
yeah i know that
you’re actually crazy
you’re overstepping my boundaries and trying to get me to feel bad for you so i don’t say no
or at least play nice or something
i’m not responsible or obligated to help you with anything

YOU
and i understand that trust me
like i said i didnt mean to come off stalkerish or pressurey or anything
u werent the person who suddenly caused everything to spiral for me
ive been having these doubts even before my bf and i were together
i just cant deal with it anymore and ur the only person i feel like i can talk with and not be judged
or someone who at least will give me an honest answer
u seem so much more sure about everything than me
i wanna be like u and i know i sound desperate rn but pls
help me

Rin nervously tapped the back of her phone case with her pointer finger as Flower’s speech bubble continued to disappear and reappear.

CONTACT: f :]
confident? me?
you don’t even know me

YOU
id like to know u
when we first met didnt u say u wanted to know me ?

Again, Rin waited.

CONTACT: f :]
i need to think about it
give me time

YOU
i can do that
im sorry

In a confusing mix of frustration and understanding, Rin flipped her phone upside down, allowing it to bounce lightly against the surface of the mattress. She knew she wasn’t in any place to make demands, nor did she want to pressure Flower into doing anything she didn’t want to do, but a part of her wished that she had gotten a more definitive answer than what was essentially a “maybe.” Plus, it gave Flower the chance to ghost her, and Rin wasn’t sure as to what she’d do if that happened.

After sulking under the covers for what felt like ages, Rin peeled them from her body before lazily pushing herself up off the mattress. She rustled through her closet before pulling out her work uniform, holding them under her arm as she headed across the hallway and into the bathroom.

Taking off her pajamas and standing underneath the warm water, Rin’s brain continued to rush through a flurry of emotions rather than slowing down underneath the warmth streaming down her neck.

-

Rin’s day at work was slow. She found herself in a dazed, zombified-like state, mixing up everything from customer orders to her own words. Rin had a track record of being a reliably hard worker in spite of the little time she had spent working at Lola’s, so while she wasn’t given much of a hard time from her boss, she still felt shame well up inside her. Throughout the day, she struggled to push down tears of frustration, but managed to get to the last few minutes of her shift without fountains of water pouring from her eyes.

As she stood behind the counter preparing to both wrap up her shift and close up shop, one final customer awkwardly approached the counter. Rin immediately recognized her as being one of the regulars, though the two hadn’t had the chance to chat, with Rin never being cashier when the regular was ordering. However, giving the girl a smile, Rin did her best to make her feel welcome.

“Hello!” Rin hummed, “what can I get for you?”

The girl removed a pair of dark green shades from her eyes, which matched her strikingly green hair poking out from underneath her dark hoodie. “A chocolate Vietnamese iced coffee. Extra ice, please.”

Rin quickly punched in the order. “And your name?”

She cleared her throat. “Gumi. G-U-M-I.”

“That’s a cool name!” Rin hummed as she wrote down the girl’s name, “very, like…punky.”

Gumi lifted a brow, an amused expression on her face. “Thanks.”

After ringing up the drink for her customer, Rin turned back around as one of her remaining co-workers began making the drink in her place. “I’ve seen you around before, but I don’t think we ever got the chance to chat!”

Gumi seemed visibly taken aback, glancing up from the tiled floors and locking eyes with Rin. “Oh–? Um, yeah, I’ve seen you, too.”

Rin grinned. “You came in here looking all mysterious. I would’ve thought you were hiding from the paparazzi!”

Gumi smiled smugly. “I mean, it’s LA,” she said, “you never know.”

“What, are you implying you’re a secret celebrity or something?”

“Maybe,” Gumi shrugged, “or maybe I’m just playing along to make myself seem more interesting.”

Rin hummed. “I guess we’ll never know…”

As the small talk dwindled, Rin’s coworker – a middle aged woman named Prima – bustled past, setting Gumi’s drink down on the counter. “One chocolate Vietnamese iced coffee with extra ice!”

Gumi picked up her drink, taking a sip before giving Rin a casual nod. “Thanks,” she said shortly.

Rin nodded, giving her a light wave before turning away. “Have a good evening!”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rin watched as Gumi stood still for a few moments. Awkwardly, she turned away, seemingly contemplating as to whether or not she should make another comment or not; however, she ultimately surrendered, exiting through the front door of the coffee shop.

Rin’s mind remained on the girl for a few moments longer before her memory eventually faded away. She kept herself busy, bustling around the back of the shop in a robotic fashion. All that she wanted to do was get home already and sulk around the house, staring vacantly at her phone in wait for Flower to text her back.

Almost as if on cue, she felt her phone buzz faintly in her pocket. Quickly, she dug through her pocket for the device, pulling it out to stare in a flurry of excitement at the notifications on screen.

CONTACT: f :]
i’ve thought about it
i’ll help you
but only on a few conditions

Chapter Text

YOU
hi babe
i miss you
tour has been fun so far
maybe not as eventful as i initially thought but the guys and i are having a good time
text me when you can

Miku wouldn’t respond to Flower that day.

Instead, Flower sat with the three figures before her, all of them hunched over and around one of the tour bus’ low tables. Uno cards in hand and spread out across the table, she peeked over her hand, eyes skimming through the cards she held.

However, rather than being as focused on the game as her bandmates were, her head was swimming elsewhere. She held her breath expectantly, awaiting a text from Miku that she knew deep-down would likely not be coming that day. She hadn’t heard from Miku since yesterday morning – far before last night’s concert had happened – and anxiety was gnawing at her over the possibility that she did something wrong during her show. Sometimes, she wished that Miku would be more communicative to keep her from spiraling like this.

Flower had also decided to text Rin that very morning, though she hadn’t heard back from her yet. There was a part of her that hoped that she wouldn’t respond, a part that told her that – perhaps – everything would go back to the way it was if she simply didn’t reach back out. And yet, there was a part of her filled to the brim with curiosity over what Rin possibly would say in response; perhaps a part of Flower really did want to have a heart-to-heart with Rin, but she tried not to give that side of herself too much credit.

“Flower, your turn.”

Snapping back to reality, Flower blinked erratically. She stared at the cards in front of her before placing down one of her own. “Sorry, I was somewhere else for a second.”

“Well, lock in,” Fukase smirked, “this Uno shit gets serious.”

“I’m literally going to kick your ass, Fukase,” Piko interrupted.

Fukase and Flower both burst out laughing at Piko’s uncharacteristic bluntness.

“What the hell, why just me?” Fukase chuckled.

“Because we stand no chance against Oliver. I need someone to take my anger out on.”

Oliver sat at the end of the table, holding only two cards. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look, just bring the direction back to me. I can do something about it,” said Fukase.

Heels clicking against the floor, Meiko stepped into the room from the head of the tour bus. She slowly approached the table, arms crossed under her chest as she watched the game play out over Oliver’s shoulder.

“Meiko!” Flower called out, “you should play the next round with us.”

“NEXT round? ” Piko and Fukase both questioned in unison.

Meiko laughed. “It doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”

“Come on, guys, we have nothing else to do,” Flower reminded the group, “the next stop isn’t for…what, two more hours?”

Meiko squinted, bobbing her head from side to side. “More like an hour and a half. We’re gonna make a stop to grab some food though. I’m starving, and Kaito knows of a good diner out this way. Think we’re almost there.”

“Ah,” Flower said. A dull pang stabbed her gut; she hated to admit it, but Miku’s diet had been taking a toll on her. She tried to think about food as little as she could, but it was almost like an earworm: stuck in her head on loop.

“Uno!”

“Oliver, I hope you die,” Piko spat faux-dramatically as Oliver set down his second-to-last card.

Fukase’s brows shot up. “Damn, Piko,” he said, an amused tone lining his words, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this upset about anything.”

“You’re never going to guess what card I have,” Oliver interjected.

“I hope it’s a card of death and it kills you and you die,” Piko grumbled childishly.

“Not nice,” said Flower.

“Piko, I literally told you to reverse the order–”

“–I didn’t have a card for that!–”

“–because I have a plus four. Flower, you’re our last hope.”

Flower watched as Fukase placed his card down while she prepared her own. “Alright, watch this.”

Everyone turned to watch her in silence…

Completely changing the game, she placed down a completely normal card.

“There’s no way you just threw like that,” Fukase said.

“I didn’t have anything either!” Flower retorted in defense.

Piko threw his cards on the table. “I’m never playing with you guys again.”

“Reverse!” Oliver cheered, placing his final card down onto the table: a blue reverse.

“Oliver,” Fukase started sarcastically, “we might have to break up.”

“Looks like the tour is over,” Meiko said, walking away with her arms still crossed, “good run, guys.”

Flower leaned back, watching as her bandmates playfully bickered amongst each other before feeling a buzz in her pocket. Shifting awkwardly in her seat, she pulled out her phone, watching as the screen came to life. For a moment, her heart skipped an excited beat at the prospect of Miku potentially messaging her, but it quickly crashed into the pits of her stomach as she realized it was far from her.

CONTACT: rin
im srry i didnt mean to make u uncomfortable :(
i swear i didnt know who u were before we met
like im actually rlly telling the truth
basically my bf is a rlly big fan of ur music and offered to take me to ur concert which i only realized after he offered so i was like “ya sure” bcuz i rlly rlly needed to talk to you
im so confused about so many things
especially after meeting u
srry if thats weird

Immediately, anger began pumping through her veins. Her eyes repetitively scanned Rin’s messages over and over before typing up a snarky reply. Under any other circumstances, perhaps she would’ve been more patient and understanding, considering the context of Rin’s feelings that played into their current circumstances. However, Flower felt a concoction of her own emotions – confusion, frustration, disrespect – that were too strong to simply let simmer on the backburner.

It was just too much at once.

YOU
it is, in fact, weird to randomly show up to what is basically my place of work unannounced
i should’ve blocked you already, much less texted you

CONTACT: rin
why havent u ?

That was a great question. Flower attempted to craft up a logical response, but as her thumbs froze, she realized she didn’t have one. Instead, she retreated, rethinking her battle strategy before resorting to a more familiar emotion: exasperation.

YOU
what do you want from me? unsolicited advice?
or, even better, let me guess
like i knew would happen, us fucking made you have some sort of sexuality crisis and now you want to consult me to figure out what all of that means
like i’m some sort of guinea pig for you to experiment with

The tour bus slowed and creaked to a sudden stop. Flower glanced up from her phone, watching as Meiko reentered the room. “Alright, if we scramble, we might make it just on time for their breakfast special.”

Flower glanced back down to her phone as Meiko pushed open one of the tour bus’ doors.

CONTACT: rin
i dont see u as a guinea pig
or as an experiment
ure ur own person and u have the right to say no

YOU
oh my god
i was 100% right wasn't i

CONTACT: rin
50%
like i said u have the right to say no

YOU
yeah i know that
you’re actually crazy
you’re overstepping my boundaries and trying to get me to feel bad for you so i don’t say no
or at least play nice or something
i’m not responsible or obligated to help you with anything

CONTACT: rin
and i understand that trust me
like i said i didnt mean to come off stalkerish or pressurey or anything
u werent the person who suddenly caused everything to spiral for me
ive been having these doubts even before my bf and i were together
i just cant deal with it anymore and ur the only person i feel like i can talk with and not be judged
or someone who at least will give me an honest answer
u seem so much more sure about everything than me
i wanna be like u and i know i sound desperate rn but pls
help me

Gnawing away at her bottom lip, Flower began typing a message before stopping herself. She stared blankly at Rin’s words, slowly deleting the half-finished response she had begun typing. She felt uncomfortable with the sudden shift to emotional intimacy occurring in the conversation. Flower was barely comfortable discussing these topics with those closest to her, much less a girl she hardly knew. So, she attempted to deflect.

YOU
confident? me?
you don’t even know me

CONTACT: rin
id like to know u
when we first met didnt u say u wanted to know me ?

Fuck.

“Who’re you texting?” Fukase said, suddenly popping up behind her.

Flower jumped in her seat, practically smashing her finger against the power button and putting it into sleep mode. “Nobody.” Smooth.

Fukase lifted a brow, giving her a skeptical expression, but said nothing else about it. “...Well, whatever. Hurry up. I wanna get pancakes.”

She glanced over Fukase’s shoulder, realizing that the others were congregating by the door in wait. “Shit, sorry–”

Quickly, she typed a last-minute response to Rin’s message as she stumbled out of the tour bus.

YOU
i need to think about it
give me time

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She refused to check it at that moment.

Flower didn’t bother doing much of a survey of the diner, instead lost in thought as her body followed the others on autopilot; Meiko relayed that Kaito would be staying inside the tour bus to keep watch while she grabbed him something to eat. The group sat down, Flower ruminating in her own dazed state as her order repeated in her mind: ice water and a plain salad. It wasn’t that hard to forget, but it was all she wanted to think about at that moment.

It was simple. It was easy. It was preplanned.

It was just food.

The breakfast went by in a fog, Flower allowing the conversation to go in one ear and out the other. Admittedly, she was hungry; the waitress eventually returned, beginning to place the dishes down on the table in front of them.

“And, finally, a plain caesar salad,” the waitress said, placing Flower’s bowl of salad in front of her.

As the waitress left, Fukase spoke up. “That’s the saddest salad I’ve ever seen. Plus, salad for breakfast? And no croutons?”

Flower shrugged, lifting her fork to begin eating what was essentially leaves in a bowl. “Nope, has to be plain. It’s part of the plan Miku has me on.”

“She’s not here, though,” Piko pointed out, “I won’t snitch.”

“Oh, you boys wouldn’t get it,” Meiko hummed, “women have to put much more effort into their appearance than you do.”

Flower glanced up from her bowl. She immediately felt uncomfortable. “ It’s not like that… ” she mumbled under her breath, barely audible.

Gendered language made Flower uncomfortable. She had always had a distant connection with being a “woman” or whatever she was supposed to be, but it wasn’t like she necessarily had gender dysphoria. If there was simply an opt-out option, she would probably take it; her sexuality always meant more to her than her gender identity.

“Hey, I put effort into my appearance!” Piko huffed.

“He’s right,” Fukase smirked, “what would we do without our resident metrosexual?”

Oliver laughed as Piko squinted quizzically from across the table. “Don’t call me that.”

Flower glanced back down at her food. She knew that she was starving, but a part of her realized that she had found it easier to completely disconnect herself physically from food as much as possible. Sure, her mind would obsess over it, but it was completely different to mentally distract yourself from the thoughts than it was to try to fight them when the food was right in front of you.

She took a bite. She couldn’t fathom how these diets possibly worked for anyone.

-

Eleanor’s voice wafted through the air as Flower sat backstage next to Piko, vocals fading away as the song came to a close. Hanna’s Offspring and their respective opening acts were undergoing rehearsals, with Eleanor’s performance just now coming to a close. As Entourage made their way up on the stage, Eleanor slipped into the same backstage area that Flower and Piko resided in.

“Hello, Flower,” she hummed before turning to face Piko, “hi.”

Flower nodded while Piko gave Eleanor a wave. “Hello!” he replied.

“So,” Eleanor started, her eyes pointedly positioned on Piko, “what did you think of the performance?”

“Me?” Piko asked, tilting his head to the side, “well, the times I’ve heard it, you’ve always made it sound good!”

She giggled as she approached Piko, gracefully taking a seat across from him on the floor. “Thank you, thank you. I wanted to ask if you were still interested in that collaboration we were talking about yesterday?”

A smirk danced along Flower’s face as she listened to the two talk. She didn’t take personal offense to Eleanor holding much more interest in Piko – they would become friends eventually. Plus, Piko was one of the most oblivious people Flower had ever met; holding Piko’s full attention was probably Eleanor’s best bet.

Flower felt a sharp pang – not in her stomach, but deep in her chest. She had to admit that she missed the early crush and honeymoon stages of love. Overtime, it began to feel as though Miku became even more icy to Flower, showing no signs of thawing anytime soon.

Maybe that was part of what played into her sleeping with Rin: the search for something new and exciting. She didn’t want to admit that it ran deeper than just simple revenge cheating, but perhaps it did…and perhaps she could somehow use this emotional safety net as a way to rekindle what she once had with Miku.

Without thinking much of it, Flower pulled out her phone as she listened to Eleanor and Piko playfully converse just a few feet away.

YOU
i’ve thought about it
i’ll help you
but only on a few conditions

Flower stared at her screen for a few moments in disbelief, despite being the one who typed the message. Reality instantly set back in. She couldn’t believe – after everything she had thought through – that she would even bother to return Rin’s text, much less respond like this . However, she wasn’t given much time to review her impulsive actions as she almost instantly received a response.

CONTACT: rin
i knew u would text back
whats the catch ?

YOU
well the conditions obviously

CONTACT: rin
u make it sound so mysterious

In all honesty, it was because she had just made them up off the top of her head. She wanted Rin to believe that she wasn’t that easy to push around, and maybe she wanted to convince herself of this “fact,” too.

YOU
i don’t want anything romantic or sexual between us

CONTACT: rin
ok

YOU
uh
that's actually pretty much it
i’m open to helping you with whatever issues you’ve got going on, but i just want us to stay friends
i have a girlfriend and i don’t want to fuck things up with her if that makes sense

Rin’s speech bubble appeared before eventually vanishing. A few minutes later, a response finally appeared.

CONTACT: rin
sure
if u can stay away from me that long ;P
jkjk

YOU
haha

CONTACT: rin
x3
but in all seriousness flower
ty for giving me a chance

YOU
sure
y’know aside from the huge u.s. tour and all, this is the most exciting thing that’s happened to me in awhile

CONTACT: rin
well im glad to be up there among your stardom