Work Text:
The constant thrum of rain buzzed through the air, as Suo watched through the open sliding door from where he was seated on the floor just within. He held a cup of steaming tea in his hands as he stared out into the traditional Chinese garden in his backyard. The rain fell steadily and the rolling thunder vibrated within his chest each time it rumbled through the sky.
It was a comforting sound, and he felt quite at peace. But there was an air of loneliness to it as well.
Suo’s home might have everything he needs to survive, but….it felt unbearably empty in times like this. It’s why he usually tried to spend his days out in town with his classmates. But on a day like today, with such a heavy storm, everyone had wanted to go home early. And enemy gangs rarely bothered to harass the townsfolk in such weather either, so there was no need to patrol right now. Thus, it seemed he would be spending his evening alone.
It’s not as though he isn’t used to this. Sure, his Master sort-of functioned as his legal guardian and technically, legally, lived in this same house, but…..well, that man was most often gone on trips back to China, sometimes for months at a time. Currently, it had been a little over two months since Suo saw the man, or even spoke to him, but it’s not as though the boy could complain. He had everything he needed here. Food, money, a roof over his head….It was livable. And it could certainly be worse, he thought as his mind wandered to Sakura’s run-down apartment.
Really, this was fine.
Suo may only be fifteen, but he was mature enough to care for himself. He couldn’t allow his Master to think otherwise by reaching out to him over something as childish as feeling lonely.
Still, he couldn’t help but wish he could be with his friends right now instead of sitting here alone. It was strange, wanting to be with others. He hadn’t cared for the idea as much prior to joining Furin. Sure, he’d been just as lonely back then, but he hadn’t known what he’d been missing. Not really.
He wondered briefly if he should message the others but resisted the temptation. What would he even say? Everyone had been adamant about going home so they didn’t have to be out in the bad weather. They were probably using it as an excuse to spend some time with their actual families anyway. Suo didn’t need to distract them from that just because he was feeling childishly bored.
Childishly lonely.
As if on cue, the sound of a notification came from his phone, barely heard over the lull of the rain.
Setting his teacup down with a graceful swiftness, Suo slid his phone from his pocket and opened his class’ group chat. There he saw a goofy sticker taking up a large portion of the screen, some character intensely holding a videogame controller. The message along with it was from Kiryu, of course, asking if anyone wanted to play Among Us. Suo honestly didn’t know what that was, and he hastily responded as much. ‘Can’t say I’ve heard of it.” he sent back only seconds after reading his friend’s request.
‘Prompt as always, Suo-chan,’ Kiryu replied, sending yet another sticker of that goofy childish character, this time giving a thumbs up.
Ah, yes. Suo is always prompt to answer his classmates. Because he’s professional like that. Not because he’s desperate for human interaction or anything.
‘Anyway,’ Kiryu continued, ‘It’s a fun game where we have to complete tasks while trying to figure out who the imposter is on our crew and not get killed! Wanna play?’
Did he want to play? He wasn’t sure. Stuff like this always gave him such conflicted feelings. “Games are for children,” his Master’s words echoed through his head. “You are mature for your age, Hayato. You must focus on becoming a respectable adult.” Those words felt like something heavy settling in his gut as he struggled between the desire to follow the teachings his Master instilled unto him and that natural desire to feel less alone. He found himself trapped in a rare moment of hesitation, unsure of how to reply.
Before he knew it, the chat was flooded with messages from their other classmates, several of which volunteered to play with Kiryu. ‘Sorry, Suo-chan! Looks like we have a full game already. Maybe you can play next round?’ his friend commented after a while of silence on his part.
He breathed a sigh of relief - or was it disappointment?
‘That’s quite alright. I’m a bit busy this afternoon, so I won’t be able to join you. Have fun though!” He made sure to follow it up with his usual smiling emoji. It seemed to work, as everyone moved on after a few more texts and left to go play their game, he assumed.
‘Busy, hm?’ Suo thought to himself with a bitter emptiness as he sat alone in the dark room, nothing but the sound of rain and thunder to keep him company. He had absolutely no plans, of course. His home was spotless as always, so no point in cleaning - he couldn’t even think about making a mess of the place his Master could return to any random day. There was no point in doing laundry either - all of his clothes were to be washed by hand and hung to dry outside, which couldn’t be done on a rainy day like today. And it’s not like he had dishes that needed washed - he rarely ate as it was, and when he did, he would always clean whatever he used right away, as his Master had taught him. So really, what productive thing could he possibly be busy with? He’d read just about every book his Master had left him, and he’d already finished his training and meditation for the day.
Another sigh dragged out from his lips, this one feeling as though the whole world were weighing him down. If this was what adulthood felt like, he wasn’t so sure he actually wanted to become an adult.
It was a thought he immediately reprimanded himself for.
He couldn’t let himself think that way. How disappointed would his Master be if he found out Suo had such a childishly negative outlook? How disappointed would his Master be if Suo were to act on such a thought?
The teen shivered involuntarily. Of course he wouldn’t act on such a thought. He didn’t truly feel that way anyway. He could never. But….still. It wouldn’t do to linger on such ideas. He had to get out of this headspace before he lost his inner peace to it. So, he picked up his half-drank cup of now-cold tea and took it to the sink to empty and wash. Afterward, he slipped on a pair of shoes and grabbed an umbrella, deciding that a walk would do him some good.
Even as his shoes and pantlegs quickly became drenched by the onslaught of rain, Suo couldn’t find himself to care. He let his eye wander around his surroundings as he strolled further into town. The distinct lack of townsfolk that were normally out and about didn’t help his lingering loneliness. It all seemed so dull and almost lifeless. Even the shops that remained open were still seemingly empty from the outside, aside from the storeowners.
Suo didn’t want to involve himself with them right now. After all, he had no reason to buy anything. He had everything he needed at home.
He kept walking, letting his mind blank as the drum of rain on his umbrella kept him grounded.
He didn’t pay much attention to where he was going and instead just let his legs carry him almost on auto-pilot. Before he knew it, he was approaching Café Pothos. Blinking in surprise, he almost decided to continue on ahead when his eye suddenly caught sight of a familiar bi-colored head of hair. Faltering in his step, Suo redirected his path to the door and schooled his passive expression into his signature smile as he entered, closing his umbrella. “Sakura-kun, what a surprise!” he greeted his friend.
“Eh?” Sakura responded questioningly, his mouth full of omurice as his head turned toward the door. He promptly chewed and swallowed as Suo walked in and took one of the counter stools beside him. “Weren’t you busy tonight?” he asked gruffly.
Suo just smiled, answering without a beat. “I’ve been out running errands,” he lied smoothly. “And then I saw our beloved grade captain sitting all by himself, so of course I decided to spare some time to bother him.”
Kotoha smiled from the other side of the counter. “Well, I’m sure Sakura’s glad you stopped by,” she said teasingly. “I think he was feeling a bit lonely,” she tacked on with a snicker as the boy in question flushed red.
“Who the hell says I’m lonely?! Don’t go making shit up!” Sakura argued in his typical angry-bashful manner. “I just came here ‘cuz I was hungry, that’s all,” he grumbled as he aggressively stabbed the omurice and continued eating.
‘Ah, of course Sakura-kun feels the same as me,’ Suo thought to himself while continuing to smile as though unfazed by the whole situation. “Aw, it’s alright if you missed your friends,” he joined in on teasing his captain. “But you know, you could have joined Kiryu’s little game if you had nothing else to do.” He felt like a hypocrite saying that, but it’s not like the other knew any better.
Sakura grumbled to himself as he shoveled bite after bite of his meal, his face flushed pink in embarrassment. “Whatever. It’s not like I know how to play that damn game anyway.”
‘Ah, right. He’s as clueless as I am when it comes to things like videogames, isn’t he?’ Suo observed. He certainly understood feeling out of place when it came to such topics. “I’m sure the others would be happy to teach you.”
Kotoha perked up at the mention of games. “Oh! What game is it? Maybe I could teach you!” she said excitedly, already pulling out her phone. “Come on, let’s play together!” After a few annoyed (on Sakura’s behalf) exchanges, the young café owner had essentially forced the bi-colored teen to download the game and was walking him through how to play. “You know, you should play with us too!” she said, perking up as she looked over toward Suo, who had been silently watching the exchange. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”
Suo just blinked, feeling suddenly out of place. A trickle of dread fell to his stomach like a stone. “Ah, no, that’s alright,” he declined with a polite but apologetic smile. “I left my phone at home,” he lied, ignoring the odd look Sakura gave him. He couldn’t risk downloading a game onto his phone. His Master was in charge of the phone plan after all, and if he’d happen to see that something so childish had been downloaded….well, Suo didn’t even want to think about the reprimands nor the disappointment he would receive.
“Aw, well we can take turns with my phone then!” Kotoha announced cheerfully, but Suo simply declined again, saying he actually preferred watching. “Suit yourself,” she just shrugged and decided to drag some other Bofurin members into the game via text. Pretty soon, the café was filled with the sounds of Sakura frustratingly shouting at the game after Kotoha snuck up and killed his player mid-task.
Of course, Suo quickly learned that his friend was very bad at the game, especially with another player present to see his very obvious reactions that gave his role away so easily. Still, Suo found it all very amusing and simply laughed quietly to himself each time Sakura became visibly or vocally frustrated. Although a part of him still felt a bit outcast at not being able to take part, just being around friends already helped dissipate that feeling of loneliness.
He felt a bit melancholic when the gaming came to a end, as Kotoha had to close down the shop and had kicked the boys out for the night.
As they slowly made their way through town in the direction of Sakura’s place (Suo wasn’t quite ready to make his way home alone just yet), the quiet of the night settled in. The rain had passed at some point while they’d been in the café, but it seemed everyone else was either already home or making their way there for the night. The silence in the aftermath of the storm was surprisingly comforting, walking alongside another person like this. Even if he kept feeling Sakura’s questioning gaze fall on him throughout the walk.
“Hey, Suo,” Sakura’s voice suddenly stated, his tone somewhat serious. “Why did you lie back there?” he asked.
Suo paused in his steps, turning his head to the side so he could get a better look at his friend. “What do you mean?” he feigned innocence, though internally he felt a flicker or panic. Had he been that obvious?
“You told Kotoha you left your phone at home,” he stated. “But didn’t you say you were busy doing errands before that? You had no problem texting the group then…And anyway, you stayed a lot longer than someone who just happened to make a little time would’ve done.” Sakura ran a hand through his white hair, his face scrunching in confusion as he tried to piece things together. “I guess it just doesn’t make sense.”
“Ah,” Suo responded quietly, followed by a soft chuckle. “Well you see, I just made up an excuse so I could get out of playing that game,” he admitted with his typical amused tone of voice, not wanting to bother with lying again and digging himself a deeper grave. Sakura could be pretty dense most of the time, but there were always times like this where he was surprisingly perceptive to Suo’s deception.
“Hah?” Sakura said, giving him an exasperated look. “So what, you just decided to go for a walk during a fuckin’ downpour, just because?”
“Yep,” Suo answered with that sickeningly sweet smile of his.
Sakura just shook his head, muttering something about ‘elusive bastards’ under his breath as he dropped the subject and continued to walk forward until his run-down apartment was in sight.
“I guess this is where we part ways,” Suo said as they reached the entrance to the apartment complex. He spoke as respectfully as always, smiling all the while, but he was already feeling the crushing weight of loneliness at having to part ways to return to his overwhelmingly empty home on the far side of town. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sakura-kun,” he said with a small wave and turned to leave.
“You know,” Sakura’s voice called out, causing Suo to stop in his tracks. Suo half-turned to look back at him, seeing the captain’s face a bit flushed as he rubbed at his neck. “Next time you can just text me….if you need to get out of the house or whatever,” he mumbled, glancing embarrassingly off to the side. Of course Sakura understood. He lived alone too, after all.
Suo found himself blinking in surprise before a genuine smile settled on his lips. “I’ll expect you to do the same,” he replied with a hint of thankfulness in his voice.
Sakura grumbled a few more comments before finally saying goodnight and heading inside his apartment.
A hint of warmth had settled where that emptiness had originally taken place in Suo’s chest. He felt comforted by the thought that he didn’t have to be truly alone. Neither he nor Sakura had anyone to go home to, so there was no burden in the fact that they could spend their time together while everyone else spent time with their families.
So when Suo finally continued the long walk home in silence, he wasn’t surprised that it no longer felt so lonely.