Work Text:
Vainglorious
“This is your own fault, you know?” Bucky asked, picking through a bunch of flowers before he found a pretty hibiscus. He popped the entire thing into his mouth.
“Gross, you’re supposed to dry the—” Tony began, but apparently he thought better of it, because he just shook his head and turned away.
Bucky plucked out a lily and took a bite out of one of the petals. “You’re the one who thought it would be a good idea to tempt the fae,” he continued, unperturbed.
Tony scowled. “I wasn’t trying to tempt the fae. That’s poisonous.”
“Not to me,” Bucky replied, shrugging. He turned to look over at the closet, where Steve was apparently packing all of Tony’s clothes into a satchel that looked like it could only fit one shirt. “Doll, did Tony tempt us?”
“Of course he tempted us,” Steve scoffed, beginning to wad up a silk shirt, which Tony squawked and snatched from him. He blinked at Tony, unimpressed, then reached in to grab another shirt to shove into the bag. “Walking through our circle, dressed in fine clothes, calling us assholes when we wouldn’t let him leave—”
“Most people,” Tony said loudly, shoving himself between Steve and the opening to his closet. He snatched the second shirt away from him. “Do not find being called an asshole attractive! Fucking cut it out, you brute, you’re going to ruin all my clothes—”
Steve blinked at his empty hands, then looked back up at Tony, raising an eyebrow. “It’s novel. People normally try very hard not to insult the fae.”
“You deserve it and more!” Tony exclaimed, then slapped Steve’s hand away from his diadem. “Don’t touch that.”
“We’d make you a better one,” Steve huffed, sulking away from his closet. “Something grand, maybe, with gold and sapphires.”
“Rubies,” Bucky corrected, taking another bite of lily.
Tony hovered in front of his closet a moment longer, just to make sure Steve wouldn’t dart back over when his guard was down, then grabbed the satchel to upend it. Half of all the clothes he owned came tumbling out.
“Be careful. I store spells in there,” Bucky said, smirking when Tony immediately flipped the bag back upright.
“Put you in prettier clothes, too,” Steve mused, eyes going dark and speculative. “Silks, and satins… some lace, maybe…”
“Ooh, lace!” Bucky agreed. He handed Steve the bouquet that some prospective beau had sent Tony. “Try the hibiscus. It’s good.”
Steve plucked one out. “Don’t mind if I do.”
“Stop eating my proposal gifts,” Tony hissed, rushing over to snatch the vase out of Bucky’s hands.
Steve and Bucky just frowned at him, unimpressed. “You don’t need any proposals,” Steve said. “You’ve promised yourself to us.”
“I didn’t know I was promising myself to you, you crafty bastards!” Tony exclaimed angrily. “And it won’t even work! My country needs an heir.” He frowned at them and hoped it didn’t show any disappointment, because in other circumstances, he would have loved a roll in the hay with them. “You two don’t really have the necessary parts.”
“We can get you an heir,” Bucky promised. The filthy grin on his face and spark of magic over his fingers didn’t really leave a lot of questioning as to how.
Tony blinked at him slowly, disbelieving, then raised the vase over his head and threw it at him as hard as he could.
Steve caught it, but they both got splashed with water and slapped with flowers. “Okay, look, maybe we should talk about this,” he offered hastily when he noticed Tony stomping over to where his other proposal gifts were. One of them looked like a sword.
“Maybe we should talk about this,” Tony repeated, voice mocking, before he found the sword and grabbed it up.
“God damn it why are we so attracted to assholes,” Bucky huffed, scrambling out of the way as Tony lunged toward them with a furious scream.