Work Text:
Love Olympics
Tony Stark was in the Hall of Justice.
Ostensibly it was because Bruce had found evidence of his weapons not only in Gotham, but also in Metropolis. ‘Tony will be absolutely insufferable if I don’t bring him in on this,’ Bruce had said. 'Which would be more annoying than working with him.’
They were pretty sure it was a booty call thing though. When Tony was out of the suit, he was all over Bruce, regardless of when Bruce was out of his own or not (although it was usually not, because Bruce hated being vulnerable, even in the Hall)—sitting in his lap, draped over his shoulders, once Bruce had even sighed and picked him up in a bridal carry because Tony “wanted to smooch.” He came limping out of Bruce’s bedroom each morning despite the fact that there was a perfectly serviceable guest room, and he’d had a bite mark on his shoulder he was complaining about one day.
“It’s nice, you and Tony,” Diana told Bruce. She offered Tony a smile. “You work really well together.”
“We are not partners,” Bruce told her sternly. “Tony is a slut and I’m comfortable with him and that’s all.”
Diana stared at him, speechless.
“Bruce!” Clark exclaimed, horrified.
“Tony, say something,” Bruce said, unconcerned.
Tony blinked tiredly at the group before he took the cup of coffee from Bruce’s hand, slurped down half of it, and answered, “I’m easy and Bruce is familiar. And hung,” he added, and Barry choked on his scrambled eggs trying to scream in horror. He beamed at the rest of the group. “I’m happy to be the Justice League’s bicycle, though!”
“What does that mean, bicycle?” J'onn asked, and then, “Why is Clark turning purple.”
“He means everyone can have a ride, J'onn,” Bruce said.
“I fucking love how weird you are,” Arthur said, honestly delighted. “There’s two of you now. I’m so disappointed that Iron Man isn’t animal themed though.”
“I can put on cat ears in the bedroom if you want,” Tony offered, and Arthur threw his head back to laugh.
Diana frowned, looking between he and Bruce again. “But I was so sure…”
“We have a lot of shared experiences that we’re simply not going to have with anyone else,” Tony explained with a shrug, and Bruce nodded, pouring himself another cup of coffee. “We’re comfortable with each other. Which is why I get to do this!” he added cheerfully, punching Bruce in the shoulder.
Bruce leveled him with one short glare before he took a sip of his coffee. “You do it again and I’ll throw you out of the Hall.”
“I will literally go tattle to Alfred,” Tony replied, unafraid.
“Hal is going to be so upset he’s missing this,” Barry muttered, recovered and tapping on his phone. “Can you punch Bruce again? He’ll never believe me.”
Bruce leveled Tony with a glare. “I will hit you back.”
“You don’t pull your punches,” Tony muttered petulantly. He took another sip of coffee, then asked, “Is Clark going to be okay?”
“Farm boy morals,” Bruce huffed.
“Oh,” Tony said, lightly tapping Clark with his foot. “Well, you’ll either get used to me or you won’t.”
Diana finally shook her head, unable to help a smile. “He got used to Bruce, and you’re at least friendlier.”
“He pretends to be,” Bruce allowed. “He’s mean in other ways.”
“Like tattling to Mr. Pennyworth?” J'onn asked, and Tony laughed.