Work Text:
Sheldon Cooper had never been one to shy away from making demands—at least when he knew he was right, which, in his mind, was most of the time. But today was different. Today, he had a mission, and that mission involved convincing President Siebert, the president of Caltech, to give both him and Amy a raise. The tricky part was that Sheldon couldn’t reveal the real reason for the request—at least, not yet.
Because Amy was pregnant.
They had found out just a few weeks ago, and though Sheldon was still adjusting to the idea of becoming a father, he had already begun to meticulously plan for every possible scenario. One of those scenarios was ensuring they had the financial security to provide for their child. But since they hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet, Sheldon needed to get creative with his reasoning.
And if there was one thing Sheldon Cooper excelled at—besides physics, of course—it was creative reasoning.
Sheldon strode into President Siebert’s office with his usual confidence, a manila folder tucked under his arm. He knocked on the door precisely three times before stepping inside without waiting for an invitation.
“Dr. Cooper,” Siebert said, looking up from his desk, clearly not surprised by the unannounced visit. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“President Siebert,” Sheldon began, his tone formal and serious, “I have come to discuss a matter of utmost importance. It concerns the future of both myself and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.”
Siebert raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair. “Go on.”
Sheldon took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the delicate dance of persuasion. “As you are aware, President, both Dr. Fowler and I have recently been awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for our groundbreaking work on super-asymmetry.”
Siebert nodded, a hint of impatience creeping into his expression. “Yes, Dr. Cooper, I’m aware. The whole world is aware. What’s your point?”
Sheldon took a step closer to the desk, placing the manila folder down with a flourish. “My point, President Siebert, is that given our recent accomplishments and the significant contributions we continue to make to this institution, it is only logical that we receive a corresponding increase in our compensation.”
Siebert sighed, rubbing his temples. “Sheldon, we’ve been through this before. You’re already one of the highest-paid faculty members at Caltech. What exactly do you need more money for?”
This was the part Sheldon had been dreading. He couldn’t tell Siebert about the baby, but he needed to come up with a plausible—if somewhat unconventional—reason. And Sheldon being Sheldon, he had come prepared with several.
“Well, President,” Sheldon began, adopting his most persuasive tone, “it’s not about greed. It’s about necessity. You see, I recently read an article about the impending global helium shortage. As you know, helium is essential for many scientific applications, including cooling the superconducting magnets in MRI scanners, not to mention its use in high-energy physics research. It stands to reason that if the helium shortage continues, the cost of acquiring it will skyrocket. Therefore, I need a raise to start stockpiling helium for future experiments.”
Siebert stared at Sheldon, clearly trying to determine if he was serious. “Sheldon, I’m fairly certain Caltech’s budget can handle the cost of helium for your experiments.”
Sheldon didn’t miss a beat. “But what if the helium shortage becomes so severe that even Caltech can’t afford it? By giving me a raise now, I can ensure that I have my own personal supply, which will ultimately benefit the institution as a whole.”
Siebert shook his head, clearly unimpressed. “No, Sheldon, I’m not giving you a raise to hoard helium. What else have you got?”
Sheldon’s mind raced. He had anticipated that the helium argument might not fly, so he quickly moved on to his next carefully crafted reason. “Very well. Another reason I require a raise is to purchase a highly advanced home security system.”
Siebert raised an eyebrow. “Why on earth do you need a new security system? You live in a relatively safe neighborhood.”
“Ah, but that’s where you’re mistaken, sir,” Sheldon countered, leaning forward. “The crime rate in Pasadena has increased by 2.3% over the past five years. It’s a small but statistically significant rise, and as someone who values his safety—and the safety of his wife—it is imperative that I take preventative measures. A raise would allow me to invest in state-of-the-art technology, including motion-activated cameras, biometric locks, and a neural net processor that could analyze potential threats in real-time.”
Siebert stared at Sheldon, then sighed deeply. “Cooper, I appreciate your… thoroughness, but that’s not a compelling reason for a raise.”
Sheldon pursed his lips, realizing he needed to up his game. “Fine. If that’s not satisfactory, then consider this: Amy and I are planning to upgrade our kitchen appliances.”
Siebert blinked. “Kitchen appliances?”
“Yes,” Sheldon said, nodding earnestly. “Specifically, we require a new refrigerator with an advanced cooling system that will ensure our food remains at the optimal temperature for maximum freshness. You see, sir, a well-fed scientist is a productive scientist, and by extension, so is his spouse. A raise would allow us to procure the finest appliances available, thus increasing our productivity and, by extension, the contributions we make to Caltech.”
Siebert pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly trying to maintain his patience. “Sheldon, while I’m sure a new refrigerator would be nice, it’s hardly a reason to justify a salary increase.”
Sheldon huffed in frustration, his carefully constructed arguments crumbling under Siebert’s scrutiny. He needed this raise, but nothing he had said so far was working. He was running out of ideas—and worse, running out of time.
But Sheldon Cooper was nothing if not persistent.
He straightened his posture, deciding to go for broke. “President Siebert,” he said, his voice taking on a more serious tone, “the truth is, this raise isn’t just about me. It’s about ensuring that Amy and I can continue to focus on our work without unnecessary distractions. As Nobel laureates, our time is more valuable than ever, and we cannot afford to be bogged down by financial concerns.”
Siebert looked at him skeptically. “What financial concerns could you possibly have? You’re both at the top of your field.”
Sheldon hesitated, his mind racing for a plausible answer. But before he could stop himself, the truth slipped out. “We’re expecting a baby.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Sheldon’s eyes widened in horror. He hadn’t meant to say it—not yet, not like this. But it was too late. The cat was out of the bag.
Siebert’s expression shifted from skepticism to surprise. “A baby? Sheldon, are you serious?”
Sheldon swallowed hard, realizing there was no way to backtrack now. “Yes, sir. Amy is pregnant. But we haven’t told anyone yet, so I would appreciate your discretion.”
Siebert leaned back in his chair, absorbing the news. For a moment, he said nothing, simply studying Sheldon with a mix of curiosity and something that almost looked like respect. Finally, he let out a long sigh.
“Well, Dr. Cooper, that’s certainly a valid reason for wanting a raise,” Siebert admitted, his tone softening. “Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”
Sheldon felt his face flush, a rare occurrence for him. “I didn’t want to reveal the news prematurely. But now that you know, I hope you understand why this is important to us.”
Siebert nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I do, Sheldon. And while I can’t promise you a huge raise, I can authorize a 5% increase for both you and Dr. Fowler. Consider it a… congratulatory gesture for the upcoming addition to your family.”
Sheldon’s eyes lit up with a mix of relief and gratitude. “Thank you, sir. That is most generous of you.”
Siebert waved him off. “Just promise me you won’t spend it all on helium.”
Sheldon chuckled—a rare, genuine laugh. “I assure you, the helium shortage can wait.”
As Sheldon gathered his things and prepared to leave, Siebert leaned forward, his expression becoming more serious. “And Sheldon… congratulations. To both you and Amy. I’m sure you’ll be wonderful parents.”
Sheldon paused, his hand on the doorknob, and offered a small, genuine smile. “Thank you, sir. That means a lot.”
With that, he left the office, closing the door behind him. As he walked down the hallway, his mind raced with the implications of what had just happened. He had secured the raise, but more importantly, he had let the secret slip. He could only hope Siebert would keep his word and not spread the news before they were ready to tell everyone.
When Sheldon arrived back at their apartment, he found Amy sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up as he entered, her expression curious.
“How did it go?” she asked, setting the book aside.
Sheldon beamed, unable to contain his excitement. “It went well. We’re getting a 5% raise.”
Amy’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? That’s amazing, Sheldon! How did you convince him?”
Sheldon hesitated for a moment, then sighed. “Well… I may have accidentally let it slip that we’re expecting a baby.”
Amy blinked, processing this. Then, to Sheldon’s surprise, she smiled. “You did?"
Sheldon nodded, feeling a bit sheepish. “Yes. It was an accident, but once I said it, President Siebert actually seemed… pleased. He even congratulated us.”
Amy’s smile grew, and she stood up to wrap her arms around him. “Well, that’s wonderful news. I’m proud of you, Sheldon.”
Sheldon’s posture relaxed as he returned the embrace. “I suppose it all worked out in the end. Though I must admit, I hadn’t anticipated revealing the news to Siebert in quite that manner.”
Amy chuckled, pulling back to look at him. “It doesn't really matter. What's important is that now we have a little extra financial cushion, thanks to your, uh… unique negotiation tactics.”
Sheldon couldn’t help but smile at that. “Indeed. Though I do feel a bit foolish for attempting to justify a raise by citing a helium shortage.”
Amy laughed, “Really? You didn't think Siebert was going to believe you?"
Sheldon tilted his head, “I'll have you know I can sense the sarcasm, young lady."
Amy smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling with affection. “I know." Reaching over him, she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Sheldon. For everything.”
Sheldon’s eyes softened, and he nodded, feeling a rare sense of contentment. “Thank you, Amy. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”
As they sat down together on the couch, Amy reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “We’re going to be great parents, Sheldon.”
He looked at her, a small but genuine smile playing on his lips. “I know.”
The End