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“The real question,” Nikaido Yamato said, staring at the crusty brown thing that had once been a caterpillar that some of the younger members of Idolish7 had brought in from outside to be their pet, “is how do we tell them that it died?”
“We could just get another,” Sougo suggested. “If we find one fast enough they might not be able to tell the difference between them.”
Mitsuki shook his head. “Iori’s been keeping a growth log, he fills it out three times a day,” he said. “Believe me, he would notice that it was a different caterpillar immediately. Yamato-san’s right—we’re going to have to tell them it died when we were supposed to be feeding it.”
The three oldest Idolish7 members looked at the corpse of the caterpillar once more. It remained exactly as it had been when they’d found it this morning: hard, brown, hanging off of one of the branches Riku had oh-so-carefully arranged in the enclosure a little over a week prior.
“We did remember to feed it,” said Mitsuki, eyeing Yamato who had had a free evening yesterday. “Right?”
“Yes, right,” said Yamato. “Look, there’s still leaves and everything in there—”
“I was just checking,” said Mitsuki. “It might have starved to death!”
“Maybe it was dehydration,” Sougo suggested. “I mean, it kind of looks like it dried out…”
“That quickly, though?”
“I dry up that quickly if I haven’t had enough to drink in a day,” said Yamato.
“Shut up, old man,” said Mitsuki. “The caterpillar obviously never drank alcohol—”
“Yamato’s trying to feed our caterpillar what ?!”
The three of them jumped, turning as one to see Iori staring at them, arms folded.
“He’s not!” said Mitsuki. “We were just—debating whether or not caterpillars drank water. Also, uh, on the subject of your caterpillar…”
“It ran away to go live on a butterfly farm,” Sougo said quickly.
Iori’s eyebrows drew themselves up into perfect upside-down Vs. “It ran away to go live on a butterfly farm,” he repeated.
Mitsuki and Yamato locked eyes, and silently agreed that they had to ride this train of stupid lies all the way to Iori-lecture station.
“Yeah, it, uh, unzipped the enclosure—” Mitsuki glanced back at the enclosure, which had not been opened since the caterpillar was fed last night, where the caterpillar’s corpse still hung, brown and stiff, from the stick. “—zipped it back up, did, uh, did the same with the front door, and then…got a…taxi to the nearest butterfly farm. Where it is living happily. Playing with butterflies.”
Iori made a face as though this had physically pained him to listen to. “Nii-san…”
“That’s definitely the truth,” said Sougo quickly.
“Yeah,” said Yamato. “It just left behind this weird brown shit on a branch to say thank you.” He paused. “Shit is a compliment in caterpillar world.”
“That’s not—look,” said Iori, pained, “do any of you know where butterflies come from?”
“Well, they have farms,” Sougo said slowly, “so I would guess artificial insemination?”
“No, the butterfly farms are a metaphor for pet heaven,” said Yamato. “Like, if your dad runs over your puppy with his truck, he says that it ran away to live on a butterfly farm.”
“I mean, yeah, obviously,” said Mitsuki, “but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also real, right? I’m guessing they hatch from eggs, like birds.”
“Eggs are involved, yes,” said Iori. “I honestly expected better from you, Nii-san.”
Mitsuki winced.
“I’ve got to disagree with Sou,” said Yamato. “They fuck nasty. Final answer.”
Iori let out a half-sigh, half-groan, and said, “Butterflies lay eggs on plants, which hatch into caterpillars, who eventually form chrysalises, which is I’m guessing the structure Yamato referred to as a ‘shit on a branch’, and then, a week or so later, they emerge from the chrysalis a butterfly.”
“Ohh,” said Sougo. “So it’s currently in the process of becoming a—”
“So we were right when we said it ran off to live on a butterfly farm!” said Yamato.
“You were lying because you thought that our caterpillar had died,” said Iori, “and you chose the absolute worst lie you could possibly have given.”
“And yet the lie contained a grain of truth,” said Yamato, “as it is becoming a butterfly, and you guys are raising it like a farm animal, right?”
Iori eyed Yamato coldly. “Believe whatever you want to believe,” he said. “I’m going to go fill out my observation log.”