Work Text:
Eddie walks into the apartment to see Robin banging on the bathroom door.
"Come out of there, dingus. We have to go!"
From the other side of the door Steve, his voice muffled by the finest press board three minimum wage employees can afford, shouts, "Never!"
"I swear to God, getting you out of the closet was easier than this. Come! On!"
Eddie has been witness to more than a few Robin VS. Steve battles and he's always ready to jump in on whichever side is right, or has the best chance of winning.
Or whichever one is funnier.
"What's going on Buckley? His Majesty forget how doors work again?" Eddie raises his voice towards the bathroom, "You have to pull, Steve. Pull. Door opens in."
"Door doesn't open at all," he shouts back, prompting Robin to hit it again.
"Come on. You promised."
"I promised to go with you. I did not promise to humiliate myself."
Eddie's not sure whats going on but it's starting to sound serious. He lowers his voice and moves closer to Robin. "Hey," he says, softly. "What is this for real? Steve sounds pretty upset."
Robin turns to lean back against the door and shakes her head. "Its nothing, it's that charity thing Chrissy set up for her gym."
"Yeah, aerobics in the park, right? So what's the big deal?"
"It's..." Robin trails off and looks down at her outfit.
All Eddie sees is shorts, albeit a lot shorter than her usual, and a cropped tee shirt.
"So it's sexy aerobics," Eddie asks. "Well, what's the big deal, then. I still very fondly remember a certain someone's old jogging shorts before they finally gave up the ghost. This isn't much worse."
The bathroom door swung open quickly and Robin stumbled backwards. Used to Robin's newborn giraffe level of grace Eddie lunged forward to catch her.
Once he got her steady on her feet again they both turned to see Steve framed in the doorway.
He was wearing shorts similar to Robin's and a cropped tank top.
"Its not much worse," Steve repeated. "What are you even talking about?"
Eddie gestured to Steve's outfit. "Its short-shorts and a tank top. A little slutty but not that different than your usual workout clothes. What's the big deal?"
"The big deal," Steve repeats. "I'll show you the big deal."
Eddie knew Robin was saying something but as Steve turned around all he could hear was the rushing of blood in his own head.
They were shorts. Short-shorts. THOSE short-shorts. Specially crafted by - Eddie assumed - some kind of demon of temptation to sculpt and cling to every curve of Steve's not insubstantial ass.
A smack to his shoulder brought him out of his reverie. He snapped back into consciousness to realize Steve had turned around and now on further examination the view from the front was just as good as the back. If not a bit less... detailed.
"Are you wearing a cup," Robin squawked.
"No one at this event needs to see my whole dick, Robin," Steve pouted. His hands were on his hips which just lifted the shirt and exposed a tanned expanse of flesh.
Eddie... needed to sit down.
"So you can see why I'm not going," Steve said.
"The hell you're not," Robin answered. "We made a commitment and we are gonna follow through."
"You made a commitment," Steve said. "And I know you're more interested in getting next to Chrissy than whatever charity this is supposed to be for anyway."
"I am not," Robin snapped. "I care a lot about-- this."
Steve snorted. "Its on your shirt, Robs."
And in truth blazoned across the front of her tee shirt and Steve's tank in broad letters was MACARTHUR PARK CHARITY CAKEWALK.
"Oh," Eddie huffs. "I get it."
Now both of them are glaring at him and he gestures to their outfits. "Y'know. Cake."
Steve groans and pushes past the two of them to go back to his bedroom.
"Its not funny, Eddie," Robin hisses.
"And I'm not laughing," he replies. "Its a good cause, a good song, and a funny bit. Your girlfriend is significantly cooler than I thought."
"She's not my girlfriend," Robin snorts, heading up the hall after Steve.
"Skill issue," Eddie mutters. He idly notices the shorts don't flatter her quite as much but then he's biased.
Eddie debates whether he should try to mediate or let Steve and Robin fight it out. To be honest the result will be the same either way.
Eddie makes himself a sandwich and tries to ignore the fight.
Fifteen minutes later he's halfway through a peanut butter and mayo when Robin goes marching for the door, Steve trailing behind her.
"Have fun, kids. Hope it doesnt rain," Eddie calls out. Robin laughs and Steve gives him the finger.
Eddie hums to himself and bites into his sandwich. He wasn't planning to go back out but... he hasn't been to the park in a while. And it looks like a good day for it.