Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Maggies heart was breaking and filling with a blood chilling profound fondness at the same time. Her heart broke for this man as he screamed and wailed a bravado that did nothing to mask the sheer terror she knew he was feeling in this moment. She knew because she was feeling the same way. He was acting out the turmoil she felt inside. Despite this she knew she couldn’t quite grasp the depth of his care for her daughter, for his obvious love for her.  

She knew love when she saw it and this was love. She had had her suspicions all throughout Dana’s disappearance. Perhaps even before then, from the little smile that crept across her daughters face whenever she spoke of him. She’d put his self flagellation down to his guilt over losing her. The tortured look in his eyes whenever she showed up to his apartment with a tray of lasagna or soup looking for more details or updates, but mostly a motherly instinct to have him fed. He needed to be alive to find her after all, and she knew he wasn’t feeding himself properly. 

The answer, watching him now, was just so simple. He was in love with her. Fiercely and profoundly. She felt foolish for ever thinking it could be anything else. 

She squeezed Dana’s hand and walked around the curtain into the hallway.

“Stop!” She shouted in a voice remembered from when her children were small, and they did. It always felt like magic when that happened, her children had rarely done so. She walked up to the security guard and Fox. 

“Let go of him, he’ll behave, won’t you Fox?” She looked at him hoping he would calm enough to work with her. “For Dana?” she added, when he still glowered.

“I…” he started angrily and then tossed his arms forward so his jacket was thrown back on his shoulders, collar still askew, from where the security guard had pulled him, discombobulated it.

Maggie reached up and fixed the collar.

“This is my daughters partner.” She didn’t elaborate and he didn’t correct or explain further. “He’s distraught. Can’t you see that?” She stared down the security guard, hoping he was feeling ashamed,

“He can’t behave like this ma’am.”

That’s fine, he just needs to talk to the doctor so he can get the information he needs. He’s with the FBI.”

She waited as both men remained stuck in their poses and egos. 

“Will you let him go? Please?” She asked softly.

The security guard threw his hands up and stepped back. 

“I’m gonna be right over there, you hear me?” He said to Mulder. 

“Yes Sir” mulder saluted at him insolently and turned to Maggie. 

“Lets find a doctor.” She said and he nodded following her to the nurses reception desk.

Maggie asked for the doctor to be called back. He had disappeared for whatever reason and the nurse said she would call them when he was available. 

“Come on, Fox lets sit for now.”

She walked towards the bed where Scully lay and felt him tense next to her and stop.

“I can’t” he whispered as doubled over breathing ragged. 

It was like looking through a terrible looking glass at her own pain. 

“Come here” she said placing a hand on his back and guiding him left to a row of seats against the wall. He let her guide him and when they sat and she looked up at his face she could see tears where running down his cheeks and his fine brow was crinkled. He was on the edge of breaking down completely, she felt it emanating from him in waves, breath shallow and quick.

“Fox?” She said taking his hand. “You need to breathe okay?” He was shaking his head looking up at the ceiling lights.

“Breathe in, i’ll count.”

And she counted slowly to five “and exhale.” She counted again, he had closed his eyes but was listening to her and breathing with her. She patted his hand. “That’s good.”

She kept increasing the count until it got up to ten and then he started doing it automatically. His body relaxing back into the wall. 

“She’s here with us.” She was soothing him as well as herself. “Thats all that matters right now, we got her back. Whatever happens now…” her voice broke “Whatever happens, she’ll be with us. No one can take that away.”

Mulder looked at her, tears trembling in his eyes, more sorrow than she’d ever seen in them before. She wasn’t sure he had taken in what she’d said, he had a hardened look on his face that scared her a little. 

“Do you want to see her? You can hold her hand.” 

“No” he said to forcefully. “No” he repeated softly. “I cant. I have to know what happened and then I have to find the people responsible. I can’t…” he swallowed and then took a deep steadying breath. 

“You’ll stay with her? No matter what? Make sure she doesn’t… Make sure nobody touches her?” 

“Yes and Missy will be here soon and Charlie’s coming when he gets off work.”

He nodded and then said “I’ll put in a call to skinner get some FBI protection to stand by her room.”

He stood and rubbed his face.

“Will you come get me if the doctor comes?”

“Yes, of course.”

And he strode off on his long legs fishing for the cell phone in his jacket pocket. 

Chapter Text

He picks her up from the hospital a week after she wakes up. She’d called him at work the day before to inform him she was getting out and to ask for his help getting to her place.
He’d come every evening after her family had left to visit her, a mix of not wanting her to be alone for a second, and wanting to be alone with her. Mostly he brought all the food cravings she requested and they ate and shouted answers at Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and then watched reruns of whatever was on. He was really good at Jeopardy and she was really good at wheel of fortune.
Yesterday, to celebrate her impending release, he’d brought her, her favorite greasy mushroom, fried egg, cheeseburger, from the local diner near work. When he pulled out a package of bright purple Snoballs, that had almost been an afterthought from the checkout counter, she’d insisted they eat them first because “Life is short!”. They split the package, squishing them together in a cheers before the first bite.

Her face lit up when he knocked on the open door. A mix of relief and excitement peaking out from behind Missy’s figure.
“Hi Fox” she said.
“How are you Melissa” he nodded at her.
“Ready to get busted out of here?” He asked Scully, as he walked to the opposite side of her bed.
“I told her I could do it but she insisted on you.” Missy looked at him with a slightly smug smile on her face.
He pushed his lips together in answer and looked down at Scully looking up at him.
“Alright well I’ll stop by tomorrow to make sure you’re settled okay sis?” She bent down to hug Scully goodbye.
“Okay, thanks Missy” came Scully’s muffled voice from her shoulder.
She smiled at Mulder before sweeping out of the room in a mess of layers of lace and boho skirts.
“You kids have fun” she said at the door with a smirk.
Scully rolled her eyes, and looked at Mulder apologetically. 

“She’s just happy Im back, full of the big sister energy she missed out on for a month and half.”
A nurse came in with a wheelchair and started the checkout procedures with Scully. As she was being helped into the wheelchair, ‘just procedure’ the nurse had assured her, she looked up at Mulder.
“Thanks for doing this. Missy would've had to drive my car and she’s a terrible driver.”
Mulder chuckled as he picked up her bag. “Alright come on miss Daisy.”
“Not you too.” She whined as he chuckled from behind her.

———
She walked through her apartment like a castaway adrift on her own ship. She’d grown more and more quiet the closer he drove her to her apartment. And had stood in front of the building for a solid five minutes before deciding to go in. Mulder standing silently with her, wondering if he should’ve taken her back to his place. 

She stopped to inspect everything like it was her first time here. She brushed her hand over the kitchen table as she walked from the living room to the kitchen.
Mulder stood silently watching her with fascination. Wondering at how elegant she was despite everything.
He cleared his throat. “Your mom cleaned up when you were in the hospital, just dusted and mopped. She didn’t want to go home but she needed a break so she came here.”
“You guys stayed with me.” She knew the details of her family’s support already so he wasn't sure if this was a question. She didn’t turn to look at him just kept looking around, at the moment, the pantry.
“Missy and your mom did, I…”
He swallowed.
She looked up at him.
“I tried to find who did this to you so I could kill them.” He stated unemotionally.
She blinked, swallowed and then her lips drew apart opening in such a familiar way. He was drawn back to long car rides and pit stops and her thinking face when he said something insane but worth a second thought. 

She said “Oh” matching his statements emotion as she wandered to the fridge and ducked into it.
He came as close as the dining table feeling like she was a tightly wound string about to snap. “She probably told you already but she brought you some food.”
She stood up, still looking in the fridge.
“But I can take you to the store… if you need something...” he trailed off, slightly perturbed by how she was being. In the hospital she’d been cheery, cheerier than he’d ever remembered. This change was worrying, but he didn’t quite know if he could or should attempt fix it.
She shut the fridge, then turned her back to the kitchen to look out of the window.
“I don’t feel like I missed anything, but everything around me feels different. Further away…” she said softly, far away herself.
“The doctor said your memories could come back.” He was leaning against the kitchen entryway now, watching her. She was so lost being back here, he wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, maybe she should’ve gone to her moms.
“I hope not” she said quietly as she turned around leaning against the window sill. She met his eyes for the first time.
“Do you… did you find out who did this to me?” She asked. They hadn’t talked about it yet. Talked about what it was like her being gone.
He shook his head looking down, ashamed.
“I might have, but your sister” he sighed “She convinced me revenge wasn't going to wake you up, and if you… while I was… I would’ve regretted it forever.”
She walked to him and brushed a hand on his arm as she wandered away.

“But we can try now. If you, you know, come back…” 

She disappeared around the corner.

“Or if you don’t…”

He found her in her bedroom staring at the window above her desk.
“Its fixed” she said.
“Yeah, I had the FBI cover it.”
“Thanks.”
She picked up the green sweater her mother had taken off the couch and folded. The sweater that felt like he had some ownership over, having spent the majority of his time he’d spent in her apartment asleep on her couch with it in his arms.
“Did I leave this out?”
“You left it on the kitchen table” when she looked at him confused he realized she had been asking no one, herself.
“I slept here sometimes, on the couch…” He had to explain now. “I missed you” his cheeks burned. He had never intended to tell her that, to tell her the only time he was able to sleep in the last months had been when he was so exhausted he could barely drive, but always found himself unlocking her door and collapsing on her couch just to smell the slowly decaying scent of her in the air, in that sweater; and dreaming about her coming through the door to him.
“Im sorry Mulder.”
He laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about Dana.” He said softly.
She looked away from him down at the floor.

“Im going to shower. Will you stay?” She found his eyes. “Please?”
“Of course, whatever you need. Do you want anything? I can order pizza?”
“No. I think I just want to sleep.”
“You have to eat, I’ll heat up the soup your mom left.”
She nodded and disappeared into the bathroom.

She came out half an hour later in a robe and silk pyjamas with white piping. He motioned to the table and put a bowl in front of her.
“Are you eating” she asked as she picked up the spoon.
“Yeah” he said sitting down with his own bowl of chunky tomato colored soup “I’m gonna miss your moms cooking.” He said off handedly searching for conversation.
She looked at him for explanation as she took a spoonful of her moms version of Maryland crab soup with chicken instead of crab like she liked.
“Your mom would bring me food sometimes.” He shrugged, he didn’t want to elaborate, if he did he’d probably start crying at the table at the generosity he never deserved. At the kindness her mom had for him when he was the one responsible for losing her daughter.
He looked down into his soup and ate and after a minute feeling her eyes boring into him, she continued to eat as well.
When they had finished, or as finished as Scully could manage he cleaned up and did the dishes. As he walked back to her wiping his hands on his pants he said
“Okay I can come over tomorrow, the same time…”
The panic in her eyes was clear.
He faltered, the words dying on his breath.
“Stay.” She begged quietly “Will you please stay?”
“Of course” he answered automatically. He hadn’t wanted to leave really, afraid she would disappear, all alone here.
He put a hand on her shoulder. “He’s dead Scully.”
In answer she said “I’ll give you a toothbrush” she took his hand and he obliged her to the bathroom.
They brushed their teeth standing together over the sink. He found her face in the mirror and she smirked at him through her toothbrush foam.
He chuckled and said speaking to her reflection “I have to pee.” Just as muffled by his own toothbrush.
She laughed and answered a muffled “Okay”
When he opened the door she was waiting for him.
“Night Scully.” He said as he made to make his way to the living room.
She stopped him with a hand slipped around his forearm.
“Will you…” she bit her lip as she looked into her bedroom. There was no discomfort in her asking him to sleep in her bed, just at the thought of being alone. He understood. He wished he could tell her how much he understood. Instead he took her hand and walked with her to her bed

They stood across from each other, the bed between them and he chanced a smile at her.
“You cant sleep in jeans.”
He removed them.
She removed her bathrobe and slipped under the sheets.
He climbed in after her and was careful to keep his body from touching her. She turned off the bedside lamp and lay facing him.
“Will you hold me?” Came her whisper, he hardly heard it but knew from the moment she’d touched his arm, what she was asking for. Because his mind had been screaming for it too.
He obliged without question or pause. He turned over and shifted his body to her, feeling her silky pjs on his legs. His mind blank except for this moment right now, after everything.
There was no want or confusion. Happiness flooding him at being able to provide her the comfort she provided him in just being alive. 

The pure contentment of her being here and alive and in his presence. She had been lost. Gone and had returned. It was beyond feeling. It was cataclysmic. It was changing him in the depths of his soul.

They were partners and they were friends and they were entwined in ways they couldn’t quite understand but at the moment it didn’t matter what the definitions of their relationship were. Tomorrow they would return to normal. That was unspoken and understood. But tonight, they both needed the comfort of each other, they needed to disappear into each others bodies, in the purest way two people could.
He enveloped her in his arms and she sighed with a small vocal “Hmm” into his chest, her head fitted under his chin, her arms tucked up against his stomach, hands resting against him. She fit her knee between his legs and he wrapped his around her thigh.
“I cant believe you’re here.” he said into her hair. “I feel like I’m dreaming you.”
“I’m happy I’m not dead too.”
He chuckled, then sighed.
“Goodnight Dana” his thumb brushing circles on the spot of baby soft skin behind her ear.
“Night Mulder” she sighed back, as she burrowed her head closer into his neck, reminding him of a cat getting comfortable.
They both slept a deep, unmoving sleep, staying entangled as they were when they slipped into unconsciousness. Their bodies demanding rest, after so long being awake, searching. After so long, being awake, unknowing, lost.
When they woke in the morning they felt rested for the first time in a long while. They stayed entwined, holding onto each other for almost an hour, holding onto the peace between them, listening to each others breath. Dozing between waking and the twilight of shared sleep.
They shared breakfast and a hug and he left her to her sister.