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Genshin Impact Impact is a fantasy open-world action RPG. It is also one of the stupidest games he’s ever played.
It’s garbage. It’s a complete waste of time, and he says this as a fan of their other titles, like Stars Rail, and 4th Impact. The game may be halfway playable, but the storyline takes up 90% of playtime with zero plot progression. Most gameplay simply involves spamming the keys to skip dialogue.
The actual storyline is also utter trash, despite how promising it initially appeared. The player follows the Traveller in search of their lost sibling, traversing across regions and encountering gods and monsters alike while awakening powers of their own. What it actually ended up being was an obscenely pay-to-win cash-grab gacha game with the same copy-paste anime characters for the player base to drool over for the next month before recycling the same formula. The game’s overall quality took a nosedive at the same time the game’s sales skyrocketed in the most twisted inverse joke of the century.
It’s a shame considering the rest of the game’s aspects, its stunning graphics, open-world environment, beautiful soundtrack, and the single best character in the game: Kazuha.
Who. Got. Killed. Off.
Kaedehara Kazuha. A wandering samurai, the last of his noble clan. An Anemo sword user, rated SS tier by even the most degenerate of degenerate meta tryhards. A Vision wielder from Inazuma who narrowly managed to escape the Vision Hunt Decree from the Electro Archon.
Of all the incomprehensible plotlines in GII, he was the most excited for this one. How could he not? While the first two regions had different threats facing their nations and Archons, this was the first region where the threat was coming from the Archon themself. A war against the people and their god.
Instead, any semblance of character development was an automatic death flag. Kazuha, after experiencing tremendous loss, was just beginning to grow into himself when he got fridged.
Stupid. Unnecessary. Worthless as expected. Kazuha’s death wouldn’t have been an issue if it’d been an appropriate ending to his character or served as a message—of which it filled neither criterion. Only the half-baked brainless characters who served no purpose other than to add to the protagonist’s harem survived!
So why did he play it? Look, it wasn’t completely horrible—there was tons of foreshadowing, plotlines, mystery and intrigue, and buildup.
And. All. For. Nothing.
They all died like his favorite character.
Seriously. F*ck this game!
With the fury of a broke college student running on three hours of sleep and injustice from the thousands of hours he’s sunk into this godforsaken game, he turns to the one weapon in his arsenal that he has as a player—negative review bombing.
“Stupid devs! Stupid game!” He curses, glaring at his screen, his fingers flying with all the finesse of a seasoned keyboard warrior. He doesn’t realize his elbow knocks into his mug, tea spilling over his keyboard, until it’s too late.
With his last words being, “Stupid devs! Stupid game!” he dies.
In the endless darkness, the last thing he hears is a mechanical voice sounding in his ear.
[Activation Code: “Stupid devs! Stupid game!” System automatically triggered.]
It sounds suspiciously like text-to-speech voiceovers. Ah. So this is how he gets sent off. Cursed by the Internet once more.
“Lord Harbinger!”
“Lord Harbinger, please wake up!”
“Lord Harbinger, can you hear us?”
…wait.
Slowly, he opens his eyes, only to be greeted by blinding light, and three unfamiliar faces all swarming him.
Didn’t he die? How is he still alive? And just who are staring at him like he’s the second coming of Christ?
More importantly: where the f*ck is he?
Just when he thinks that, the booming voice returns, bright blue 3D block letters appearing in front of him.
[Welcome to the System! This System operates in line with the design concept: “YOU CAN YOU UP, NO CAN NO BB.”]
Ah. Okay. So he didn’t die. Clearly, he’s hallucinating.
[We hope to provide you with the best possible experience. It is our sincere wish that during your experience, you can fulfill your desire, and according to your wishes, transform a stupid work into a high-quality, magnificent, first-rate classic. We hope you enjoy!]
“What the—“ is the first thing he manages to say before he doubles over coughing.
“He’s awake!”
“My Lord, are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” he says, brushing them off. He’s sitting up on the grass. It’s so…green. Lush. Vibrant. Like an open-world RPG. “I…where are we?”
[Current Location: Stormbearer Mountains, Starfell Valley, Mondstadt
Exploration Progress: 64%
Distance from Traveler: 850 m away from objective]
…there’s no way.
The masked strangers stare at him. They whisper to each other.
“The Doctor’s medicine is probably taking an effect—“
“—perhaps side effects? Lord Harbinger isn’t feeling well—“
The more he listens, the more his headache worsens, yet, the more things are starting to make sense.
…no. Things aren’t making sense. Far from it.
“Lord Scaramouche?”
The moment one of them says that, the automated voice returns.
[System fully activating in 3…2…1!
System successfully activated!
Linking User account…complete!
Role Bound: The Sixth of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers, Balladeer, Scaramouche
Weapon: Solar Pearl, Electro Delusion prototype 6-C
Starting I-Points: 100]
What the f*ck?! What the actual f*ck?! What kind of bullsh*t is this?!
[Congratulations! Welcome User to Genshin Impact Impact!
You are now connected to the System, and have been bound to the account: “Scaramouche.” OOC restrictions currently in place.
As the plot progresses, new areas and new quests will become available. You may obtain I-Points by completing certain quests. Please ensure that your I-Points do not fall below 0. Otherwise the System will automatically dole out punishment.]
Shut the f*ck up.
He got isekai-ed! He actually got f*cking isekai-ed! This has to be a joke! There is absolutely no f*cking way he got isekai-ed into Genshin Impact Impact of all the things!
[Correction: The User was “transmigrated” into Genshin Impact Impact. ]
“Who asked you?” He says, and the masked strangers jerk back and fall to their knees.
“Our apologies, Lord Harbinger!”
“We are contacting our medic! They will be here shortly!”
He, or rather, Scaramouche, barely registers their whimpering, choosing to channel his sheer rage toward some disembodied robotic voice from the heavens.
What. The. F*ck. Is going on.
[The System is glad the User asked! Please refer to the introductory messages above.
Welcome User, to the world of Teyvat!]
He glares. Glares and glares at those stupid floating block letters until his eyes feel like burning, all the while his company yells in the distance, the System’s stupid message ringing in his ears.
And then, like any normal person would do in this scenario, rolls his eyes heavenward and promptly passes out.