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By the time the Mizukage has realized that her antidote only partially nullified the effects of the deaging agent the incoming Hokage has been exposed to, the suddenly scrawny and expressionless Hatake Kakashi has cut the throats of the two foreign ANBU in the Hokage tower and impaled one of Konoha he doesn't recognize with a calligraphy brush through the eye. Tsunade, understandably preoccupied with saving lives, inter-village diplomacy, and the assassination attempt-cum-coup by a group in Kirigakure against their new leader on Konoha soil, only manages to dispatch a single ANBU to follow him several crucial seconds after he's fled.
The ANBU has a passing familiarity with Hatake Kakashi and is highly-skilled and trained. Unfortunately, despite all that, he does not catch up to Hatake Kakashi before he finds his target.
His target, who is currently doing a handstand challenge in a small training ground tucked away in the outskirts of the village. It has been twenty minutes, but Gai is determined to make it to twenty-two this time, even with all the blood rushing to his head!
At twenty minutes and forty seconds, a familiar set of feet enter his upside down vision and say, in a cold tone that Gai recognizes but has not heard for some years now, "You are not Maito Gai."
Gai, absolutely certain he is indeed Maito Gai, is confused. It's distracting enough that he loses count entirely, which is just as well, because this is beginning to seem like a situation which he should handle while he's right way up.
He carefully bends his elbows. Then, he bombastically pushes himself up into a glorious somersault in the air, does an extra flip for effect, and then lands with grace and beauty in the wonderful wheelchair that Sakura and Lee designed just for him. The bedazzling was all Tenten.
"Rival!" Gai says, enthusiastically but with concern. "I am most certain I am Maito Gai!" He squints at Kakashi, whose clothes look strangely baggy on him. What happened? His rival can be very lazy, but this is taking bedraggled to a whole new unacceptable level!
Unless...
Gai gasps and pulls a shuriken from his chair. "Imposter! You cannot deceive me! My rival is much more handsome and hygienic than he may initially be perceived as, and your paltry disguise is not only poorly done, it is an insult to the future Hokage of this village!
"Poorly done," fake Kakashi repeats flatly. Then pauses. "Handsome?"
Gai is incensed! Clearly the man was a fool to think such a harebrained idea could work, let alone against Gai, but to not even try to do a better job pretending to be him is an insult to Gai and his beautiful long-standing rivalry with Kakashi!
Moved to tears by the insult, Gai throws the shuriken and also everything else in the chair, which includes a walking stick, several more shuriken and forty kunai, as well as a large ham and a green onion. The fake Kakashi dodges all of it, but that wasn't the point.
"Gnrk," the fake Kakashi says when Ningame lands on him. An ANBU flickers in and touches the fake's neck, and he goes limp the way Kakashi only does when he's passed out. Gai begrudgingly gives the fake some credit.
"Thank you for your assistance, Maito-sama," the ANBU says, bowing. "I would appreciate it if you could accompany me and Hatake-sama back to the Hokage tower. The Hokage will be able to explain everything to you there."
"Understood, ANBU-san," Gai says gravely. This must be a serious situation.
Ningame says, "Is that the ham for the birthday party?"
It was indeed the ham for the birthday party, but an exhausted Kurenai just washes it with water and chops it up for the party platter without a word. She also doesn't blink an eye at the slightly banged up young Kakashi who trails in after Gai with one eye covered by his hitai-ate.
"Did the Sharingan come back too?" she asks Gai.
"I'm right here," not fake Kakashi says bitingly.
Kurenai rolls her eyes. "So?"
Kakashi has a mutinous expression on.
Gai says, "No."
Kakashi glares at him. Gai, unperturbed, hands him a bowl to make the pasta salad, which he starts to make without even breaking his one-sided one-eyed staring match.
Sakura walks in holding Mirai who shrieks and shouts, "Ungai! Unkaka!"
"What," Kakashi says.
"Uncle Gai and Uncle Kakashi," Sakura translates, and frowns at Kakashi. "You look weird."
She gets the one-eyed death stare, which she ignores to pass Mirai to Shikamaru, who comes into the room after her. Mirai shrills happily. Kurenai is smiling at them. Gai is getting misty-eyed.
Kakashi stops looking at any of them and aggressively tosses the ingredients in the bowl.
Gai wakes up in the middle of the night with Kakashi sitting on his hips.
"Ummm," he says.
After Tsunade had explained the situation to Gai and Kakashi, she let both of them go. ("If this damn fool hasn't turned on us yet, he's not about to do it now," she'd said.) Kakashi had followed Gai meekly to help Kurenai prep for Mirai's birthday party, sat in the corner silently and menacingly with Sasuke during it, and then wordlessly helped Hinata and Naruto clean up all of the popcorn on the ground. Kurenai had thanked everyone who had helped out and then Gai had walked Kakashi to his apartment because Gai didn't know when Kakashi had moved there and there was a possibility that it wasn't the same apartment that the youngified Kakashi remembered. Kakashi had gotten a lot harder to track after Dai had died.
"I'm seducing you," Kakashi says, straight to the point in a way that is very unlike him.
Gai pulses his chakra. Three slow, pause, two fast.
Kakashi eyes him and pulses his own. Four slow, staggered staccato of six.
Gai relaxes.
"Why didn't you do that earlier?" Kakashi asks. It's not a complaint, just curiosity.
"You didn't either," Gai points out.
"I," Kakashi says, and pauses.
Gai watches him. In all honesty, Gai had forgotten about the chakra codes in the moment. Not entirely, clearly, which just goes to show that all that time spent drilling himself to memorize them after that strange week that Kakashi had decided it was necessary was worth something, even several years after the last time Kakashi had bothered to use one.
But at some point, Kakashi had stopped needing to test Gai every time and started trusting his own instincts and Gai's. Strangely, that's what finally really convinces Gai that this Kakashi, no matter how young he looks, really is the Kakashi that Gai remembers from yesterday. His body may look different, but it still remembers all the years they've had with each other.
The silence has gone on for a weirdly long time and Gai is sleepy. He pats Kakashi on the hip and says, "Good night," and falls back asleep.
Gai wakes up to a pale, naked back in bed with him. It probably isn't supposed to be funny, but young Kakashi's boldness is an admirable and unexpected trait! He swallows his laughter, pats a sleeping Kakashi on the shoulder, and then gets out of bed to tuck him in tightly in the blankets.
Before breakfast, Tenten and Lee stop by to join him with an extra carton of eggs. Tenten commandeers the kitchen to make some omelets while he and Lee make pancakes. Sakura shows up with Naruto, Sasuke, an entire family pack of ramen, and her cooking field kit, which she sets up in the corner of the living room. Sai sneaks in through the window with Yamato and watch unblinkingly while Naruto and Sasuke cook enough ramen for twenty people.
While Sakura sets the table, Kakashi appears in the bedroom doorway, cocooned in blankets.
He says, mildly accusingly, "You used ninja wire to trap me in these sheets."
Gai responds, "You wouldn't stop wriggling around."
"Kinky," Sai comments. Several people make faces of exaggerated horror.
"Omelets are ready!" Tenten says cheerfully, which somehow gets breakfast started.
Midway through breakfast, when all the omelets are consumed and Naruto and Lee are successfully making a significant dent in the ramen, Sakura steeples her fingers together and says, "So about this seduction plan—"
Kakashi chokes on nothing, or possibly on the pancakes that have been steadily disappearing from his plate in chunks.
"Sensei didn't tell us, Yamato did," Tenten says.
"I did not," Yamato says, slightly muffled by his mouthful of ramen.
"He told us by not denying it when we asked," Sai says.
"You told them to ask me about it," Yamato grumbles.
"I only introduced it as a hypothetical," Sai says. "If you had denied it, they would have believed you."
Naruto says, glumly, "Yeah, I would have preferred to be in denial, believe it." Sasuke nods.
Lee says, "I respect your passion! However, it is quite unexpected and lacking... romance."
"Hence," Sakura says primly, "we have decided to help you."
"Sensei deserves to be wooed!" Lee adds.
Gai is getting misty-eyed again. "My precious student!" he bellows, and then opens his arms for a hug. He and Lee bawl into each other's arms.
"I don't need help," Kakashi says.
"You're still trapped in blankets and ninja wire," Sasuke points out.
"Maybe I like it that way!" Kakashi says, then adds quickly in response to the several horrified expressions, "Wait, not like that."
Gai roars with laughter.
Team Seven kidnaps Kakashi while Gai and his former students go train with Kurenai and Asuma's former teams. Gai spars once with Shikamaru, who gives him a lot of great ideas and feedback for navigating a fight with the wheelchair afterwards, and then spends the rest of the time watching them train or spar, occasionally giving advice or correcting a stance.
He's so, so proud of them all.
He feels Kakashi before he sees him. A subtle shift in chakra. Two short, one staccato, three short.
His response: four long.
Kakashi appears at his side. He's not wearing his hitai-ate over one eye anymore.
"I don't," Kakashi says, "love you."
"Noted," Gai says, watching as Hinata narrowly avoids losing an eye and then sweeps Ino's feet from under her.
Kakashi nods. "I still want to have sex," he reports.
Gai hums in response. "I thought you didn't like physical intimacy," he says.
"I don't."
"Ah."
Kakashi's posture goes ramrod straight for a moment, then relaxes into its usual slouch. "I want to with you."
"Mm."
"You don't believe me?"
"I do," Gai says. Why would Kakashi lie about this? But they have come this far into their lives without Kakashi ever broaching the subject before, so there's something else causing Kakashi to do all this and he wants to know what it is before making a decision about what to do about all this.
Kakashi says, stiffly, "If you don't want me, just say it."
"Hm."
"That's not an answer!"
Gai blinks at the outburst. That's not what the young Kakashi he remembers would have ever done and neither is it something that his Kakashi would have done.
As he turns his head to look at Kakashi, Kakashi abruptly disappears.
So he gives chase. It's not as easy with the wheelchair, nor with Kakashi determined to lose him in a way that Gai hasn't seen since they were both teenagers.
But if anything, Gai is even more stubborn and determined than he used to be, so he follows Kakashi through the trees, the market, the Hokage tower, the woods, up the monument and back down, around Kakashi's apartment building a few times, from one side of the village to the other, through the old Hatake complex, and back into his own apartment.
"You've gotten stronger," Kakashi says, sweat dripping down his neck. He's panting a little. "Faster. Your endurance is incredible."
Gai grins. "I know." He wheels the chair closer to Kakashi, who doesn't move away. It's basically a concession. "Why did you run?"
"You don't want me," Kakashi says, avoiding Gai's searching eyes. "I hoped you would."
Gai tsks, puts his hand on Kakashi's hip before he can bolt again. "How did you jump to that conclusion?"
Had Kakashi always been this insecure? Gai supposes he must have. Gai had never noticed. He'd been too busy with his own.
"You were always chasing me," Kakashi says. "Always looking. You... You called me handsome."
Gai blinks. "I meant," he says gently, "how did you jump to the conclusion that I don't want you?"
Kakashi flinches away from his touch and backs away until he's in the corner of the room.
"You didn't seem interested when I told you I was seducing you," he mutters.
Gai tries not to laugh. "Your timing could be better," he says.
Kakashi seems to consider this. "So when you're sleeping or out in public in front of your students was bad timing."
"Our students," Gai says.
Kakashi waves his hand dismissively. "I don't even remember them."
"They remember you," Gai points out.
"I suppose they do," Kakashi says, grimacing.
Gai tries not to laugh at him again, but it's an adorable expression. He's never seen Kakashi do such a thing.
"When is good timing then?" Kakashi demands.
Gai rolls his eyes. "Let's stretch and cool down first," he says. There are twigs in Kakashi's hair. "Maybe take a shower? Then I'll tell you all about seduction."
Kakashi's eyebrows jump up into his hairline. "You?"
Gai winks. "Me."
They stretch and cool down, and then Gai falls asleep while Kakashi is taking a shower. When he wakes up, he's in bed with Kakashi again, but Kakashi is wearing the shuriken-print pajama set that Naruto got him for his birthday last year and watching him, awake and laying on his side, head propped up on a hand.
He's also old again. Gai is pleased to see it.
"Are you seducing me again?" he asks.
Kakashi flutters his eyelashes. "Maybe I am. Is it working?"
Gai hides his grin. "If I say yes, will you keep the pajamas on?"
"I knew you only loved me for my fashion sense," Kakashi laments, and puts his hand to his forehead and pushes his chest out to shove his heaving bosom in Gai's face. "How dare you objectify my clothing choices."
Gai cracks and laughs so hard that he nearly rolls off the bed. He's saved by Kakashi's arm around his middle, dragging him back from the edge. They end up cuddling, Kakashi the big spoon, his knees tucked warmly behind Gai's.
"I needed physical exertion to flush out the rest of the poison," Kakashi confesses into the back of Gai's neck, his breath tickling the short hairs there. "My stupid teenage self looked at you, at how we were still alive and had all these people in our life that we love and love us back, and it made him horny with jealousy and repression."
"So you're telling me instead of going for a run or training, he tried to have sex with me?"
Gai feels Kakashi shrug. "I didn't say it was a smart idea," Kakashi says. "He was just looking for reasons to try to have sex with you."
"He?"
"I," Kakashi corrects quietly, and presses a soft, gentle kiss to the back of his neck.
"What else did he lie about?" Gai prods.
"You know already, huh?" Kakashi leans forward to catch Gai's earlobe in his teeth, applies pressure as punishment. Gai shivers. "You want to hear it?"
"You never said anything before," Gai says. "I wasn't sure. I'd rather be sure."
Kakashi sighs, and then rolls over Gai's body so that they're facing each other.
"I do love you," he says, almost sternly. "I want us, like this. Rivals, friends, lovers. If you'll have me."
"Would you have said anything if you hadn't been turned young?" Gai asks. He has to know.
Kakashi groans and flops over on his back, covering his face with a hand. This time, Gai has to grab him before he falls on the floor. They'll need to buy a bigger bed.
"I planned a whole thing," Kakashi says. "It was going to be in Ichiraku. Ino has been sourcing so many red roses for me. Lee helped me make a banner. I wrote a speech."
"What!" Gai says, face squished uncomfortably into Kakashi's shoulder. "That's so romantic!"
"I know," Kakashi groans dramatically. "And it's all gone to waste. Lee tried so hard to help me, and it was all for nothing. I was such an insecure shithead as a kid."
"It wasn't for nothing," Gai says, and leans up to kiss Kakashi on his jaw.
Kakashi wraps an arm around Gai's shoulders and then they wrestle until Kakashi is the big spoon again.
"I'm going to seduce you properly next time," Kakashi promises.
"Not if I seduce you first."
Kakashi snorts with laughter. "Is that a challenge?"
Gai laughs along, kisses Kakashi's palm. "I love you. Let's deal with everything else later."
"Sounds like a plan," Kakashi says.
(It turns out that Gai is allergic to flowers. They send all two dozen bouquets to Tsunade instead via Naruto and his shadow clones.
"What the fuck," Tsunade says. "Where did they even find all these?")