Chapter Text
Millennials ( 3 ) - 8:23
Seungcheol - guys it’s confession day
Joshua - no
Jeonghan - no
Seungcheol - GUYS ITS CONFESSION DAY
Joshua - capitals don’t make you special
Seungcheol - and money doesn’t grow on trees but here we are
Joshua - Monopoly money does.
Seungcheol - why am I here again?
Joshua - because you love us
Jeonghan - because we’re your only friends.
Millennials ( 3 ) - 8:25
Millennials ( 3 ) - 8:26
Seungcheol - ok are you two done now?
Joshua - yes, speak peasant
Seungcheol - so...who are you two writing to for confession day?
Seungcheol - ;)
Jeonghan - the smile is uncomforting
Jeonghan - I’m uncomfortable
Seungcheol - good
Joshua - I’m writing to my delivery service
Joshua - nuggies on campus hit different
Seungcheol - that’s so wrong on so many different levels
Joshua - because I’m so many levels higher than you
Joshua - peasant
Joshua - I’m the biggest bird
meow ( 4 ) - 8:35
Wonwoo - did you guys remember to bring your pens and paper to school?
Soonyoung - yes, thanks dad
Jihoon - oh yeah it’s confession day
Jun - I was the one that broke Wonwoo’s controller two years ago I said that it was broken when I walked in but I actually chucked it at the wall and it broke when I was playing minecraft
Jihoon - no. school love confessions you knobhead
Jun - oh never mind then
Wonwoo - you WHAT?
Soonyoung - isn’t Minecraft supposed to be therapeutic?
Jun - not when ur cats die.
Jun - worst day of my life.
Wonwoo - you broke my controller????
Jun - no!
Wonwoo - you confessed to it you little scum, I will not hesitate to kick you out of our dorm that was my favourite controller it had my Yoshi stickers on it, even Soonyoung’s nails couldn’t get them off.
*JUN has deleted 1 chat*
Jun - what confession??
min x3 ( 3 ) - 8:39
Seokmin - guys! Who should I write to?
Minghao - why are you asking us?
Seokmin - because idk who to write to?
Minghao - we can’t help you pick who you want to scar for life.
Seokmin - what?
Seokmin - I don't scratch…
Mingyu - ignore him, who does your heart call to?
Seokmin - pizza
Minghao - this is hopeless.
Mingyu - give him a chance
Mingyu - seok, do you giggle cutely at anyone when you see them?
Seokmin - the pizza man
Minghao - oh lord.
Violent peas in a pod ( 3 ) - 8:42
Vernon - chan stop staring at the sun I’m too broke for eye surgery
Seungkwan - aren’t you supposed to be in class?
Vernon - I am
Seungkwan - how can you see Chan then?
Vernon - he’s in the middle of the courtyard, moping around and craning his neck at the sun like a seagull pretty hard to miss
Chan - stop staring at me u psycho
Vernon - go to class then??
Chan - I can’t
Vernon - y?
Chan - I’m going to be alone for life
Seungkwan - here we fucking go again
Seungkwan - thanks vernon
Chan - no one loves me
Chan - I’m worthless
Chan - I’ll never find love
Vernon - you’re not gonna be able to find anything if you’re blind
Vernon - stop staring at the sun
Seungkwan - how about you find your way to class! I can’t be friends with two losers
Vernon - two??
Chan - I’ll never be happy
Vernon - Seungkwan what do you mean two losers????
the ogs ( 2 ) - 9:05
Arsonist - josh
Therapist - han
Arsonist - in a threatening situation how do you write a confession to one of your best friends
Arsonist - theatrical*
Arsonist - dafuq
Therapist - I honestly wasn’t going to question threatening
Therapist - but thanks for the clarification.
Therapist - and about your theatrical situation
Therapist - wait?
Therapist - are you
Arsonist - yes
Therapist - in love
Arsonist - yes.
Therapist - with
Arsonist - yes!
Therapist - me?
Arsonist - no.
Therapist - no?
Arsonist - no what the fuck are u dumb
Therapist - I could be smarter
Arsonist - I meant cheol smartass
Therapist - oh
Therapist - OH.
Arsonist - I need to write to him but he’s like sooooo oblivious
Arsonist - it’s bad.
Arsonist - I said ‘you look handsome’ once and he replied, and I quote ‘I do not like hansol!’
Arsonist - Must have heard ‘you like hansol’
Arsonist - I’m still yet to know who hansol is
Therapist - oh hansol, I know hansol, he takes film studies
Therapist - but yeah
Therapist - why don’t u just write anonymously, most people do anyway
Arsonist - touché
Therapist - good luck.
Arsonist - well that’s ominous
Dogs > cats ( 2 ) - 9:10
Seokie - Mingyu I have a question
Gyugyu - we literally have a group chat
Seokie - Minghao scares me
Gyugyu - oh
Gyugyu - fair enough
Gyugyu - go on
Seokie - do u know joshua hong?
Gyugyu - nope why?
Seokie - awe man…
Gyugyu - seok?
Gyugyu - yo?
Gyugyu - Seokmin why?
Gyugyu - who the fuck is Joshua hong??
Seokmin to Minghao ( 2 ) - 9:12
Seokmin - Minghao
Minghao - ugh
Seokmin - oh thanks
Minghao - what do you want
Seokmin - do you know joshua hong?
Minghao - no
Seokmin - really? But he was at ur party last year
Minghao - really? Didn’t notice
Seokmin - ???
Minghao - yes i know joshua hong.
Seokmin - i was gonna write a confession to him
Minghao - oh.
Minghao - well im glad u were ‘gonna’ because that idea needs to go down the drain
Minghao - like rn, just forget it
Seokmin - why? I saw him petting ants with some other guy, it was cute
Minghao - that ‘other guy’ was yoon jeonghan
Minghao - and they were not ‘petting’ those ants. they were murdering them.
Minghao - murdering them in cold blood
Minghao - you really want that in your life?
Seokmin - …
Minghao - think of the ants Seokmin
Seokmin - :(
Minghao - think of the ants.
Dogs > cats ( 2 ) - 9:18
Seokie - who’s yoon jeonghan?
Gyugyu - whyd u keep asking me who people are?
Gyugyu - i’m not a fucking dictionary how am i supposed to know??
Seokie - god darn it mingyu
Gyugyu - why do you need to know who these people are?
Gyugyu - seokmin u better speak up
Gyugyu - 3
Gyugyu - 2
Gyugyu - 1
Gyugyu - beep!!
Gyugyu - dang that normaly works.
Seokmin - your ominous countdowns will not crack me
Gyugyu - no cookies for you.
Seokmin - fudgers :(
Gyugyu - naughty language, sleep on the streets
Seokmin - shnookerdookies! >:(
meow ( 4 ) - 9:34
Jun - meow
Jihoon - meow.
Soonyoung - horanghae!
Jun - where's wonwoo he usually comes when we do the ritual?
Jihoon - maybe doing something productive with this life
Jihoon - idk
Wonwoo - im reading my confessions
Jihoon - oh nvm throw that idea out the window then
Wonwoo - throw me out while your at it
Wonwoo - ‘i’ll be your fortnite duo, we can get a crown and i can make you my king’
Jun - smooth
Wonwoo - who plays fortnite anymore?
Wonwoo - this is so lame
Wonwoo - and its anonymous
Soonyoung - secret pining
Soonyoung - what a trope
Jihoon - we arent doing this again.
Soonyoung - sonic deserved better!
Soonyoung - pining for knuckles only to be killed by him
Soonyoung - i would have treated sonic better
Jihoon - please
Jihoon - stop
Soonyoung - i speak my truth
Soonyoung - you cannot silence me.
Millennials ( 3 ) - 10:00
Seungcheol - Guys i got a confession
Joshua - really?
Joshua - someone made some bad decisions
Seungcheol - love u too
Seungcheol - wheres han?
Joshua - went to hand out candy to the college kids
Seungcheol - he’s selling drugs isnt he??
Joshua - yes hes selling drugs
Joshua - we told u thats the code
Joshua - now delete that chat my nan reads my messages
Seungcheol - tf why?
Joshua - because shes in love with Jeonghan
Seungcheol - well thats just wonderful
Seungcheol - is she ok?
Joshua - she has dementia
Joshua - must be forgetting all the times i tell her that hes not the right guy for her
Seungcheol - welp
Seungcheol - wish i could forget about the things jeonghan has done
Joshua - true dat
*Seungcheol has deleted 1 chat*
the ogs ( 2 ) - 10:05
Therapist - are u done emotionally manipulating kids into taking drugs?
Therapist - cheol knows abt the confession
Therapist - so its game on
Arsonist - its not manipulation if they walk away with a smile
Therapist - this logic will put u behind bars one day
Therapist - gonna be the best and worst day of my life
Arsonist - wait cheol read the confession??
Arsonist - where r u two?
Therapist - he read it over text so idk, im in the courtyard
Therapist - theres some kid staring at the sun
Therapist - should i help?
Arsonist - obviously not
Therapist - i think hes crying
Arsonist - so?
Arsonist - shua u bitch u went over didnt u?
Therapist - hes mumbling about never finding love
Therapist - this is sad
Arsonist - im disappointed in u
Arsonist - what happened to building your resistance.
Therapist - hes sobbing into my shoulder
Arsonist - joshua.
Therapist - hes telling me that he has no one to write to
Arsonist - Joshua. Dont do it.
Therapist - …
Arsonist - dont say it.
Therapist - i told him he could write to me and id write him one back so that we could both pretend people yearn for us
Arsonist - BETRAYAL.
Therapist - IT IS NOT BETRAYAL.
Arsonist - WE USED TO WRITE TO EACH OTHER.
Therapist - YEAH BUT NOW U HAVE CHEOL DIPSHIT.
Arsonist - die
Therapist - never.
Violent peas in a pod ( 3 ) - 10:39
Chan - guess who got a confession! :)
Vernon - not u
Chan - shut up!!
Seungkwan - chan lying isnt the answer
Seungkwan - we, as ur parents, do not approve of this.
Chan - haters
Chan - I’m moving out
Seungkwan - and going where exactly?
Chan - to live with Joshua
Vernon - omg joshua hong????
Chan - yeh?
Chan - how do u know Joshua hong?
Vernon - me and Josh go wayyyyyy back
Chan - well he confessed to me lol
Vernon - no way?
Vernon - srsly??
Seungkwan - can we include Seungkwan?
Seungkwan - who’s Joshua, how’d u know him booboobear?
Chan - god stop or ill leave this chat
Chan - test me again
Chan - i dare u
Vernon - when i was on the flight to Korea i met him, turned out we were going to the same place
Vernon - crazy coincidence
Seungkwan - orrrrr
Seungkwan - he was stalking u!
Vernon - smooklebum u know ur wrong for that
Vernon - josh would never
Seungkwan - never met him but the name josh gives my odd tingles
Seungkwan - u sure he wasn’t stalking u?
Seungkwan - maybe he was a fan of that burner conspiracy twitter account u had that had like 100k followers like 5 years ago?
Vernon - omg
Vernon - i remember that account
Vernon - i still think that french people are aliens btw
Chan - can we move on?
Seungkwan - no
Seungkwan - this josh guy is ticking me the wrong way
Seungkwan - sketchy bitch
Chan - no he hugged me in the courtyard
Seungkwan - he touched you?!
Chan - don’t put it like that it makes it sound so much worse
Chan - he just hugged me
Seungkwan - he touched you inappropriately???
Chan - that is NOT what I said.
California gurls ( 2 ) - 10:51
Vern - JOSHHHHH
Josh - VERNNNN
Josh - long time no talk brother from another mother
Vern - question
Vern - and its gonna sound weird
Vern - did you touch my child?
Josh - what in the world.
Josh - might just be the weirdest thing I’ve heard today and I’ve heard a lot
Josh - since when did u have a child man
Josh - guess its been that long
Vern - me and Kwan adopted illegally
Josh - ok I’ve heard enough
Josh - who’s ur child and why am i being convicted of touching them?
Vern - chan
Vern - he said u touched him in the courtyard
Josh - i hugged him???
Vern - don’t shoot the messenger bud
Josh - wtf is going on
Josh - who sent you?
Vern - one shall not speak
Josh - i….plead….innocent?
Josh - ig
Vern - innocence means nothing in the name of god.
Josh - must have eaten some of jeonghans candy
Josh - I’m tripping HARDD.
Joshua to Chan ( 2 ) - 10:59
Joshua - ur dad is taking me to court help
Chan - oml
Chan - i hate them all
Chan - don’t call him my dad it gives me the ick
Joshua - hansol then
Chan - oh that’s kinda worse
Chan - lets reel it back to Vernon
Joshua - Vernon is taking me to court
Joshua - u might want to tell him this is a bad idea
Joshua - my best friend is a hound
Chan - i have so many questions
Joshua - he has so much blackmail
Joshua - he has albums upon albums
Joshua - quit before its too late
Joshua - save us all
Chan - well anyway thanks for writing that confession
Chan - mother thinks i get bitches now
Joshua - go get em son
Chan - why am I everyone’s son?
Joshua - there’s an energy
Joshua - its like i just have to
Joshua - the universe
Joshua - the voices
Joshua - you.
Joshua - they’re all telling me, I must protect you, my son.
Chan - i thought u were different from the rest Joshua hong
Chan - maybe Seungkwan is right
Joshua - ???
min x3 ( 3 ) - 11:20
Minghao - the fuck does ‘I watch you from my window’ mean?
Mingyu - i think its kinda self explanatory no?
Minghao - yes I know
Minghao - but the implications worry me
Seokmin - awww that’s so sweet! Did u get a confession?
Mingyu - ohemgee hao maybe you wont be single for life :D
Minghao - does no one else find this worrying??
Minghao - just me?
Minghao - ok