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“Tubbo!” Tommy shouted, jumping onto this best friend and tackling him to the ground. “I’m gonna kill you!” Tubbo just cackled back, making a whirling gesture with his finger and a gust of wind hit Tommy on his side, knocking him over. Tubbo took it as his opportunity to jump up, running a little ways away from Tommy before flipping him the bird, waving Tommy’s red bandana he’d stolen above his head.
“Can’t kill me if you can’t catch me!” He shouted back, laughing as he ran off, weaving between tents. Tommy ran after him, catching up quickly. He’d always been faster than Tubbo, despite Tubbo having better endurance. Something to do with having magic, Tubbo had explained to him at some point- mages needed better stamina than just running because of the way that it sapped him of energy.
Tommy caught him at some point, taking his bandana back and punching Tubbo in the shoulder. He immediately regretted it at the considerably harder punch that Tubbo hit him with.
“Boys!” Sam’s voice came from behind a tent and Tubbo and Tommy both straightened, not quite able to get their stupid grins off their faces before Sam came into view.
“I’ve got some bad news.”
Tubbo’s face fell and Tommy’s heart dropped, looking at Tubbo from the corner of his eye but not moving his head.
“Yes, Sir?” Tubbo asked. His voice was emotionless and clear. They’d always been friendlier with Sam- it was something about how the older man pitied the two young teenagers that somehow found themselves part of a war, one a wind mage and the other stubbornly attached to him.
“Toby, you’ve been assigned the Northwest post. You’ll be moving in two days.” Tommy dimmed a bit. It wasn’t the first time they’d been moved, but he quite enjoyed spending time with Sam. He was nice.
“Tommy won’t be coming with you.”
Tommy inhaled sharply.
“What?” Tubbo snapped, angry all too suddenly. The wind whistled through the air, leaving a breeze through Sam’s hair.
Tommy’s clothes didn’t move a bit. The wind split around him and Tubbo, redirecting so it wouldn’t hit them at all.
“They said that we’d stick together. That was the deal.” Tubbo demanded, taking a step towards Sam. The general raised his hands like a guilty criminal.
“They’ve seen Tommy on the battlefield, and they said he’d be of more use over here than the Northwest one.” He tried explaining, the wind drowning out most of his words. “Tubbo!”
The wind stopped suddenly. Tubbo’s hands clenched into fists.
“I’m not going without Tommy.” He said. Sam looked at Tommy, and he just shrugged. His best friend had it all down, really.
“What Tubbo said. It’s both or none.”
Sam frowned, genuine pity in his eyes.
“This isn’t an option you guys can make. It’s not something I decided either. It’s this, or ten years in jail for abandoning your post and not fulfilling your four years.”
Tubbo hesitated.
They’d made a promise.
Both of them or none of them.
But the entire reason they’d joined- it was for the free bed and food, really. The war was a pretty big downside, but they’d both agreed it was better than the streets. Maybe it was still worth it, even apart.
“When am I leaving?” Tubbo asked finally.
“Morning of the second day.” Sam repeated, and Tommy’s hand found Tubbo’s, squeezing it four times, a long pause between the first and second one, and a short pause between the third and the fourth.
Tubbo nodded, bitter hatred in his eyes towards the General. “Fine.”
Sam turned to Tommy, wordlessly asking for an answer.
“I hope you die.” He seethed, turning heel and walking towards his tent, Tubbo half a footstep behind him. He heard Sam say something but he didn’t hear what, too busy focusing on his hand in Tubbo’s, practically dragging him into their shared tent.
“No way are you serious about this.” He demanded.
Tubbo looked away. “Tommy, I-”
“Tubbo.” Tommy repeated, his voice more forced this time. “Tubbo, we are not splitting up. We said we stayed together. We promised. ” A gust of wind blew the tent door open before it flapped back down.
“Tommy, it’s better for both of us.” Tubbo said, his voice taught. It sounded like he was a robot, just repeating words from a script. “We joined for the food and bed. We get the food and bed.”
“Apart?” Tommy said, his voice cracking. “Tubbo, I’d rather be on the street together than in the biggest mansion you’ve ever seen apart.”
“It’s not our choice.” Tubbo said finally, looking up at Tommy with regret and devastation in his eyes. “I leave the day after tomorrow. We make today and tomorrow worth it, and then I’ll see you soon.” Tubbo’s smile didn’t reach his eyes as Tommy’s breath caught in his throat.
“Okay.” Tommy whispered, not okay at all. But if it was what Tubbo wanted, then Tommy would learn to be okay with it. “We’ll see each other again. Right?”
“Surely.” Tubbo grinned, bright again. He tugged Tommy out of the tent, pulling him towards the edge of the camp and further than. They wandered into the forest, talking about nothing and everything.
(“Did you have those bread rolls Niki made earlier? They were amazing.” “You didn’t keep some for me?” “When have I ever- Ow! Tubbo!”)
They wandered to the creek and clear water that ran through it, Tommy yelping when Tubbo threw the cold March water in his face. If any of them ended up with their feet soaked and sleeves drenched in creek water as they continued their walk through tall evergreen trees, no one would know.
“Do you wonder about how shrimp can see more colours than us?”
“What?” Tommy asked, far too concentrated on the butterfly that was fluttering from leaf to leaf, bright orange with burnt brown markings.
“Why are we outdone by something with less vertebrae than us? Why do they get to experience more joy? What kind of life are we living where we see only three spectrums?” Tubbo turned to look at Tommy like he seriously expected an answer.
Tommy had no answer.
“Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re a nerd.” Tommy stared back, utter seriousness on his face. A gust of wind pushed him a couple of steps back. “This is only proving my point!” Tommy shouted back at him, the birds flying off the branches around them. Tubbo flipped him off.
“Look, there's a bunch of flowers here,” he beckoned Tommy over, the blond’s eyes widening in interest. It was a collection of forget-me-nots and huge black dahlias. Tubbo’s fingers brushed against the petals of the darker flower in awe.
“Forget-me-nots,” Tommy smiled, going to pick up some of the small blue blooms. Tubbo hummed and let go of the huge dahlia, wandering a little further into the forest.
“I found a house!” he called out, and Tommy’s curiosity piqued, holding the small forget-me-not bouquet in his hands.
“That’s shed-shaped at best, Tubbo,” he remarked skeptically, peering into the well next to it. It looked like it reflected the night sky. Tommy looked up, just to make sure it hadn’t turned into the middle of the night.
He was rewarded with a beam of sunlight directly in his eyes.
Very much daytime.
“Yeah, but there’s all this actual stuff. There’s a bed here. And a kitchen and a sink-!” There was a little noise of alarm from inside the shed-house.
“Tubbo?” Tommy called.
“Yep! There was just a spider.” He called back. Tommy wrinkled his nose. “C’mon, we still have to see that sunset and the fireflies.”
“Sam’s probably gonna yell at us,” Tubbo mumbled back through a mouthful of blackberries. He held some out to Tommy who took them gratefully. Did he know where Tubbo got them? Absolutely not. Was he going to eat them anyway? Without a doubt.
“I could not care less, actually.” Tommy snarked, rolling his eyes. “He can go stuff his stupid agenda up his ass.” Tubbo snorted, walking towards Tommy and putting a heartfelt hand on the blond’s shoulder.
“Tag!” he yelled before darting off, going in and out between the trees with Tommy laughing behind him. For a fleeting moment, it felt like the ephemerality of childhood and innocence all over again.
They broke the treeline to meet face-to-face with a grassy cliff and a clear sky. It wasn’t the best place to see the sunset by far, but recently it had become Tommy and Tubbo’s favorite for no particular reason apart from the beauty of it all. There was moss growing on the rocks that jutted out of the landscape and Tommy and Tubbo sat on their own respective boulders. Tommy fiddled with dried, broken twigs, and snapping them into smaller pieces before throwing them off the side.
“I can’t believe you’re actually gonna leave,” Tommy said finally, squinting at the pink sky. The clouds were a beautiful shade of orange and gold. Tubbo sighed, leaning back.
“What if we just ran away?” He asked. Tommy snorted.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I'm being serious, Tommy.”
Tommy turned to Tubbo, seeing genuine contemplation in his eyes. “We could run.”
“Where to?” Tommy sighed, looking away from his friend. “It’s a lose-lose situation. We’re stuck here for four years, right? It’s only been two. It’s ten years in prison. I can’t not see any of this for ten years.” He waved to the forest- to the cliff. To the sky. “I’d miss it too much.”
Tubbo didn’t say anything. Just exhaled a little sharper than usual.
“I guess so.”
They stayed there for a couple more hours, mostly in silence, sometimes breaking it for a couple of words. It was a good day. They slowly picked their way through the forest, stopping only for the small clearing full of fireflies. Tommy watched, amused from the side as Tubbo ran directly into them and they scattered. It looked like the stars on earth rising to meet the ones in the sky.
When they finally made it back to the camp, the majority of the lamps and lights had already been extinguished for the night. There were a couple left- probably from Sam who’d left them on for them. Tommy and Tubbo put out the last of them before retreating into their tent, wordlessly shuffling around.
“Hey, Tommy?” Tubbo whispered, right as Tommy had begun to drift.
“Mmm?” Tommy mumbled back, just to show his attention. After everything that had happened today, he really didn’t have the energy to do much more.
“I’m sorry about all this.” Tubbo said quietly. “I’m sorry I have to do this.”
And yet, Tommy was asleep, the last words he’d heard being his name.
The next morning Tommy woke up, he woke up alone.
“Tubbo?” He called, yawning as he slipped his boots on and left the tent, squinting in the early sun. Another soldier- his name was Ranboo, if Tommy remembered- paused in his tracks, looking at Tommy with wide eyes.
“Don’t you know?” He asked. “Mage Toby left during the middle of the night. He abandoned post.”
And Tommy’s heart stopped.
“W… What?” He said breathlessly, hand going to pull on one of his curls. “What did you say?”
“He- he abandoned post.” Ranboo repeated, voice slightly more meek this time.
Tommy didn’t even realize.
He’d been asleep- he’d been asleep, and Tubbo had left him behind. Vaguely, he registered the feeling of his knees hitting the hard dirt, slightly damp from morning dew and humidity.
He couldn’t.
Tubbo wouldn’t have left him behind, and yet here Tommy was.
Alone.
Tommy closed his eyes tight, pushing the palms into his eye sockets like it’d change everything, like it’d reverse time, like Tubbo would come back.
And Tommy screamed.
“Tubbo!” Tommy shouted, jumping onto this best friend and tackling him to the ground. There was a sense of deja vu to it all that he shook off, grinning at Tubbo. “I’m gonna kill you!” Tubbo just cackled back, making a whirling gesture with his finger and a gust of wind hit Tommy on his side, knocking him over. Tubbo took it as his opportunity to jump up, running a little ways away from Tommy before flipping him the bird, waving Tommy’s red bandana he’d stolen above his head.
“Can’t kill me if you can’t catch me!” He shouted back, and Tommy whispered the words with him under his breath- why did he know them?- laughing as Tubbo ran off, weaving between tents. Tommy ran after him, catching up quickly. He’d always been faster than Tubbo, despite Tubbo having better endurance. Something to do with having magic, Tubbo had explained to him at some point- mages needed better stamina than just running because of the way that it sapped him of energy.
Tommy caught him at some point, taking his bandana back and punching Tubbo in the shoulder. He braced for an impact. Tubbo’s punch came exactly where he thought it would- a considerably harder punch than the one that Tommy had hit him with.
“Boys!” Sam’s voice came from behind a tent and with it, a sense of dread. Tubbo and Tommy both straightened, not quite able to get their stupid grins off their faces before Sam came into view.
“I’ve got some bad news.”
Tommy’s heart dropped.
He knew what this was.
He knew what was going to happen. He wasn’t going to let it, he wouldn’t he couldn't-
Tommy shut his eyes.
“When am I leaving?” Tubbo asked finally. Tommy stumbled away. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t watch his friend leave again. Watch him run away.
Watch him leave Tommy behind.
“Morning of the second day.” Sam repeated, and Tubbo’s hand found Tommy’s this time, squeezing it four times, a long pause between the first and second one, and a short pause between the third and the fourth.
Tubbo nodded, bitter hatred in his eyes towards the General. “Fine.”
Sam turned to Tommy, wordlessly asking for an answer. Tommy just shook his head.
He couldn’t.
He couldn’t watch and do nothing about it.
Tommy closed his eyes tight.
“Tubbo!” Tommy shouted, and he knew. He knew how this would end. He jumped onto his best friend and tackled him to the ground. Tubbo just cackled back, making a whirling gesture with his finger.
Tommy ducked, dodging the burst of wind, holding Tubbo down and snatching his bandana back.
“Tubbo, listen to me,” Tommy said urgently, panic lining his voice. Tubbo didn’t hear it, too busy laughing and shoving Tommy off of him. Flipping him the bird. He didn’t wave the bandana above his head.
“Tubbo!” He called, and Tubbo’s footsteps hesitated, turning back towards Tommy.
“What happened?” he asked, concern in his voice.
“Tubbo, Sam is gonna-”
“Boys!” Sam’s voice rang out on cue and Tommy felt dread, rising in his throat. He closed his eyes tight.
“Boys!” Sam’s voice came from behind a tent and Tubbo and Tommy both straightened, not quite able to get their stupid grins off their faces before Sam came into view.
“I’ve got some bad news.”
Tommy immediately took Tubbo’s wrist, dragging him away as fast as possible.
Tommy refused to live this in every timeline. He refused for every single one of these endings to be that without Tubbo. That or nothing at all.
The world unravelled itself under Tommy’s feet from behind him, like threads being pulled from the fabric of the world into a dark void. Tubbo’s hand slipped out of his.
He shut his eyes tight as he fell into the darkness behind him.
“I can’t believe you’re actually gonna leave,” Tommy said finally, squinting at the pink sky. The sense of deja vu washed over him again, over and over and over again. The clouds were a beautiful shade of orange and gold. Tubbo sighed, leaning back.
“What if we just ran away?” He asked. Tommy mouthed the words with him. He knew what Tubbo was going to say. He responded back, like a memorized play.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I'm being serious, Tommy.”
Tommy turned to Tubbo, seeing genuine contemplation in his eyes. “We could run.”
“You’re gonna go without me” Tommy sighed, looking away from his friend. “You’re leaving tonight, aren’t you?”
Tubbo’s eyes widened.
“How did you know?” He whispered like the trees would hear and tell on him. The wind whipped through Tubbo and Tommy like a chasm between them.
“This is the thirty-second time I’ve had this conversation with you,” Tommy said quietly, staring back at the sky. “And every time, you leave anyway.”
Tubbo sighed.
“I have to.” He confessed. Tommy’s hope that flickered like a flame died out, smothered by the words.
“You leaving finally triggered my powers, y’know?” Tommy mentioned, flicking a half-snapped twig away. “Time loops. Time powers. I dunno. Somethin’ like that.”
Tubbo had half the heart to look guilty about it. Powers only appear when a traumatic event has befallen the user. Tommy had never asked where Tubbo got his wind abilities from, and Tubbo had never offered.
They stayed there for a couple more hours, mostly in silence, sometimes breaking it for a couple of words.
It was rehearsed. Everything was rehearsed. The words stayed the same, with just a tiny bit more tension and hesitation than the first time.
Tommy felt sick. All of this was fake.
They slowly picked their way through the forest, stopping only for the small clearing full of fireflies. Tommy watched from the side as Tubbo ran directly into them and they scattered. It looked like the stars on earth rising to meet the ones in the sky.
He’d seen it a hundred times. Every time, every re-do to try and find where he went wrong.
Every. Single. Time.
Night fell and so did the sickeningly familiar routine with it.
“Hey, Tommy?” Tubbo whispered, right as Tommy was supposed to have begun to drift.
He was not asleep. There was adrenaline and grief and desperation running in his blood.
“Yeah?” Tommy called back, just to show his attention.
“I’m sorry about all this.” Tubbo said quietly. “I’m sorry I have to do this.”
And Tommy turned around, turning to face Tubbo.
“Stay.” he whispered. Just one word. Anguish lined his words, caught in his throat. “Please.”
Tubbo paused.
He’d never paused before.
In all thirty-two loops, he never paused.
Hope rose in his chest.
“Okay.” Tubbo said quietly. Tommy exhaled, the weight of the world lightening on his shoulder.
Everything would be okay.
It’d all be okay.
They drift asleep.
Tommy wakes up the next morning to the feeling of sunlight streaming through the crack of his tent, and he looks over to see Tubbo asleep.
And yet.
And yet, after everything.
Tubbo is gone.
Tubbo left anyway.
Tommy shut his eyes tight.
Blood dribbled onto his lip. His eyes snapped back open, fingers going to feel it.
It was a nosebleed. He was still in the tent- he hadn’t jumped, he hadn’t re-looped.
“What?” he mumbled to himself in disbelief, wiping the rest of his nosebleed away with the back of his hand. He closed his eyes again, trying to get the same feeling he had the first time, the swooping in his stomach and sense of deja vu.
Nothing.
There was nothing at all.
Tommy practically darted out of the tent, nearly running into Ranboo. He remembered his name now, after dozens of loops.
“Where’s Tubbo?” He demanded.
“Don’t you know?” Ranboo asked, and Tommy knew what he was going to say, word for word. “Mage Toby left during the middle of the night. He abandoned post.”
Tommy inhaled sharply, hand going up to the bandana around his neck. It was red- the first thing that he and Tubbo had bought when they got their first paycheck from the military. He had gotten a red one, and Tubbo had gotten a green one.
“He was supposed to stay,” Tommy looked up at Ranboo helplessly. “He was supposed to stay this time.”
“This time?” Ranboo asked, quizzically, and Tommy just stumbled away, shaking his head.
“It was different this time,” he repeated to no one in particular. A drip of blood from his nose splattered against the dirt, echoing in Tommy’s mind.
Someone in the distance called Ranboo’s name, and the tall soldier backed away from Tommy, jogging towards the call.
“Good luck with your friend.” he called out, half-heartedly waving to Tommy.
Tommy didn’t even realize.
He was too busy in his mind- Tubbo had left, he’d left when he said that he’d stay.
He’d left Tommy all alone.
Tommy hadn’t even realized he’d walked all the way to the cliffside past the forest until he was already there, sitting down at the same rock as yesterday. The sun was high in the sky, beaming down on the blond teenager. He sighed, closed his eyes, and tried to jump again.
Nothing.
His sleeve was already stained with blood from all the times that he’d tried, tried and failed, to re-loop.
It was numb, as he watched a worm inch by. Scrunching up. Flattening out. Scrunching up again. Tommy lost himself in the monotony of it all. The wind that rushed past his ears sounded like Tubbo.
Everything sounded like Tubbo.
The colour of the trees reminded Tommy of his best friend’s uniform. The sky reminded him of the creek they’d laughed around on the last good day. All those memories were tainted now- tainted with repetitiveness and desperation.
He got up, at some point, gaze fixated on the ground as his feet wandered back towards the camp. There was really no end goal anymore, not when Tubbo had left him behind. He found himself staring at the little house-shed that his friend had pointed out the very first time. He peered down the well, still reflecting the stars.
A crunch of a snapping branch behind him.
Tommy whirled around, staring at everything that had ever mattered to him.
Tubbo had a half-smile on his face and a backpack on his shoulder, joy and pride in his eyes.
“Tubbo?” Tommy whispered. Like talking any louder would ruin the illusion- like Tubbo would disappear into the air like mist.
“Tommy,” his best friend echoed, and Tommy laughed, a little disbelievingly and full of ecstasy.
Tubbo had come back for him after all.