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i. Aqua
The first time, Kana is a child still, too young yet to be a disappointment, too young to know anything other than the joy of her art and the pleased tilt to her mother’s mouth.
The first time, she is secure in her own talent, clever enough to know that Aqua only made it there through the force of his connections, but not clever enough yet to see the threat in him, this boy with starry eyes and messy hair.
It is only when the camera starts rolling that she finally notices, much too late, and her blood runs cold and her eyes bloom hot, and not all the acting talent in the world would be enough to stop the tears that leak, unbidden, down her cheeks.
To love is to be changed, Kana muses, much later. And in the long, hard years of her adolescence, she had been changed, by so many people and for so many reasons - but it was Aqua who had changed her first, and most irreversibly, without even meaning to.
That counted for something, Kana thinks.
That counted for a lot.
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ii. Taiki
Himekawa doesn’t impress her, when she meets him. She’s watched his work, of course, but there’s something unbelievable that the hero on the screen is the same as this man, whose tired eyes and scruffy chin look less charming in this light. An acting legend, she thinks, and yet not much different from the boys at school, with their grubby clothes and dead-eyed stares.
Other than Aqua, of course. He is, irritatingly, the exception to most things.
The rehearsal changes things. In character, Taiki seems to transform, all that awkwardness suddenly giving way to blistering charisma. Kana can feel his eyes tracking every movement she makes, seeking an opening.
Kana certainly won’t give him one. Failed child actor she may be, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of talent.
They step forward and back in perfect rhythm, every emotion she projects finding a mirror in his face. Back, to the side, a leap forward, easy and electric - and now their faces are very close together. A dance, the writers had called it, and Kana can’t find it in herself to pretend this has been anything but.
The clash ends with Taiki’s character pointing a sword up at her. Kana tilts her head down, staying in character and affecting dismay, hiding the smugness she knows must be stealing across her face.
Now they all know. Lalalie, and the producer, the writers, the audience, Aqua - everyone is looking at her. Kana suddenly understands why Akane insists on such a self-centred method of acting - the spotlight makes her feel heady. Kana can see it now, the turn of fortunes that awaits. It is close enough to grasp.
Kana looks up at Taiki, notes the dark patches beneath his arms, the mop of hair that’s only been made worse with the exertion, the eyes that are fixed on her even now. She had forgotten what it was like, to be seen so clearly. She smiles up at him, and tries to suppress the giddiness that rises within her when he smiles back.
To be considered an equal by Taiki Himekawa - Kana couldn’t think of anything better.
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iii. Akane
Kana watches Akane watch her. The lights flashing around them are pale and tinted blue, setting off Akane’s makeup perfectly. The stage staff have done a good job; in this light, her rival looks near ethereal, every graceful movement glowing.
Akane steps forward; their weapons clash. This close, her face takes up all of Kana’s field of vision: the pale expanse of her forehead, the elegant tilt of her jaw, the blooming crease of her mouth. Akane’s eyes are fierce and fever-bright. She wants a fight, Kana can tell. The thought makes her want to laugh. The little girl from the interview is no more; the admirer has transformed into a rival.
Kana’s own competitiveness rises in turn, the leashed beast now given free rein. But then Akane steps back, and the spell is broken. Kana can make out the dark expanse of the audience, can feel the anticipation building in them.
Akane may want a fight, but Kana has not come this far without her fair share of surrenders. What does it matter if Akane takes this victory? It’s Kana who must prove herself, who needs to secure whatever goodwill the producers have for her.
She grits her teeth, and when the lights shift, she shifts with them, into the cool shadows.