Chapter Text
Where am I?
Gojo blinks. The white nothingness around him seems to spin- almost like he's drunk. He thinks he vomited at some point, if his soiled clothes are anything to go by.
"You are being given a choice," the voice echoes amongst the nothingness. Gojo looks around for the source but is met with only the bleak, white desert around him.
"Who are you?! Show yourself!" Gojo tries to conjure Red, but nothing forms in his palms. He becomes overwhelmed with a horrible dread- no powers?!
Gojo tries to channel cursed energy, almost like firing a blank. He comes up empty every time. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK! He's frantic now, inconsolable with fear. Not that anything is even here to console him- he's alone. He's totally and utterly alone. His body finally takes in the situation- he's… dead.
I just died.
Gojo crumples into a heap on the floor, nausea flowing through his veins, into his stomach, and out through his throat, vomiting all over himself again. Fuck! I'm dead. No no no no, this must be a domain-
"It is no domain, mortal."
"WHO ARE YOU?! WHO- hic - Who… hic," he begins to cry. Gojo, the honored one, alone in his strength, is dead. How could I die so young? I never got to… Gojo runs through a list of his regrets. It's a little hard to hear his thoughts over his sobs. It's like letting out a dam- all the emotions he couldn't release in life have come spilling out in his death.
Is anyone even mourning me?
He stays like that for some time. The voice doesn't interrupt him. Gojo cries and cries and cries and vomits until he's got nothing left to give. When his body can't expel anything else, he's left dry heaving. This situation is nauseating, and he feels like he'll be vomiting until his consciousness has finally dissipated. He keeps trying to trigger something. He looks around like he's trying to find something, someone. There's nothing, there's fucking nothing here.
The voice speaks again.
"You are dead, Gojo Satoru."
He tries to respond, but only another sob makes its way past his lips. It's hard to take- there's so much death and destruction he's leaving behind. There's a future he's not going to be privy to, there's danger he can't prevent. He's finally helpless. Gojo Satoru is finally useless- finally dead.
"You, alone, are the honored one, Gojo Satoru."
What use is that now?
"There is no use. But, you have lived admirably. I can extend you a choice, as a compromise for your misfortune."
That's about the only time anyone has called him unfortunate. What a way to spin his situation- where everyone considered him blessed with power, he's considered unfortunate by... God?
"W-what- hic- what s-sort of choice?" His voice is shot from screaming and crying. The voice grounds him in this moment of weakness, strangely enough.
"Your consciousness can rest and go to heaven-"
Heaven?
"-Or you may be reincarnated."
Reincarnation?
"Wait wha-" the voice leaves him again. Gojo almost thinks there's an echo, but it's just his thoughts reliving the statement- the offer- over and over again.
He thinks about his life: as a baby, being blessed with the six eyes. Gojo Satoru, the honored one, blessed with Infinity. Gojo Satoru, hunted for sport since birth. Gojo Satoru, who is so, so tired. Gojo Satoru, who wants to rest.
Rest is tempting. The only thing Gojo can't- couldn't- do.
Sad, he thinks. All this power and no peace that comes with it. Isn't that the point of a weapon? To make one feel safe enough to rest? Maybe Gojo was only a weapon for others, strong enough to make others sleep soundly. Perhaps Gojo never lived for himself, and all that civil servitude has made him weary.
He reframes his situation a bit. The room- if you can even call it that- is so under-stimulating. There's nothing hunting him here. There might be less to fear here than where he came from.
He lets himself bathe in it for a while.
Gojo lays down a ways away from his vomit. He realizes after a second of preemptive disgust that he can't even smell it. There are so few sensations here. He stares above him, and it's nothing but white. White white white. Like his hair. He runs a hand on his scalp and realizes he's sweating.
Gojo strips to his underwear. He stares at his clothes in a pile and fishes out his shirt to sit on, resuming his meditation.
"So… what's the reincarnation?" he asks, tentative. He just wants to know what he'll be missing.
"I could send you to a world without cursed energy."
Oh now is that an offer.
"What?"
"You would be reincarnated into a world with no sorcery and no curses. You, naturally, would not have the six eyes."
What?
Gojo's ears ring a little from the way he's become completely silent, ears searching for sound. He just breathes in noiseless little breaths. How can that exist?
Of course non-sorcerers exist, but no curses? No Kenjaku, no Mahito, no Sukuna. Just, normal people?
No Shibuya, no culling games, no cubic prison?
He spent all 29 years of his life fighting and killing curses, all for there to be a world where there are none?!
He feels cheated, and it sends a hot rush of anger coursing through his body. He can't stand it. He tears at his hair and claws at his face. He feels pain bloom from the streaks his nails have left. How unlucky does he have to be? He can feel a scream of pure fury rip apart his vocal cords; he wishes he could use Hollow Purple to just ruin this place- this place of nothingness.
Why why why why?! Why can't it be me?
Oh, but it can.
This is his chance to experience a normal life. This is his one fucking chance.
"I'll reincarnate."
And he wakes up in bed to the sound of an alarm.
"Fuck-" he rises too fast and ends up on the floor. Gojo looks at his body.
Was that… a dream?
Gojo looks around. He feels…smaller than he usually is. Why do I feel short?
He stands up and looks around his room. It's large- there's a gaming station with all his homework… Since when did I have homework? Oh wait, that math test…math test?
His closet is parallel to the bed on the right side. It's filled with nice shoes and clothes. He spots a pressed school uniform hanging on the closet door. The room itself is painted a gentle pastel blue, and it's got hardwood flooring with a plush navy blue rug under the bed. It broke his fall.
That dream was so surreal.
He stands up, feeling shaken, and stalks to his door with the intention to head to the bathroom. There's a full length mirror attached to the back of his door. His eyes meet in the mirror and everything comes rushing back to him.
He's an OP guy from another world with superpowers, then he died and became Gojo Satoru- himself- at 16 years old.
So that's why I'm shorter.
…And why I have a math test on Friday. Goddamnit. I'm the honored one, I shouldn't have to do calculus on a Friday.
Is what he thinks before he remembers he fucking died. Guess I'm not that honorable.
His old memories cram themselves in with his younger self's memories. His brain becomes all jumbled and packed and horrifying. He remembers all the things he's killed and all the dead bodies he's had to take home. It sends young Gojo into a spiral, and he can feel hot tears stream down his face. He stares back into his eyes, they don't glow like they used to.
"My eyes used to glow," he whines. He pulls at his leaking face, feeling the reality of the situation. He pinches his skin to make sure it's not a dream. He remembers how he used to always wear sunglasses- his face feels naked without them.
How did little me get through 16 years without constantly wearing sunglasses?
Does little me know anyone from my previous life?
A much more important question. Gojo wracks his new memories (or are they old for the new body he inhabits?) and finds that he's in the same school as everyone, but he's only friends with Shoko.
Oh fuck, I should write everything down!
"Satoru!" His mom yells up at him.
Mom! I mean- wait- what?
When was the last time Gojo heard his mother's voice? Obviously, last night, when young Gojo went to bed for the night. But old Gojo wants to cry upon hearing it. He feels childish now and wants to cry for his mommy.
He tries to dry his tears as best he can before rushing out of his room to her. "Y-yeah mom?" His voice almost cracks under the pressure of that word. He feels safe in her space. How long was it since I felt safe?
She looks at him, long white hair and green eyes. She's tall- his height- and radiant. Her smile is radiant.
"Satoru, good morning," she kisses him on the forehead, smoothing his bangs out of the way. She laughs, too. " Hehe, when are you going to cut your hair? I've been telling you, show your face. Girls like that," she teases.
"Haha, well…" he trails off. "Um… mom?"
She gets all serious on him, "Yes, Satoru?"
"Can I stay home…just for today?"
She puts down her phone to feel his forehead and check him in earnest, "What's wrong? You don't feel like you have a fever. Do you feel sick?"
The tears well up again. He's feeling so many emotions at once- relief, sadness, longing, loneliness. That's probably the worst one, he's alone again. Instead of being the strongest, he's the one with the fucked up memories and no one to share them with. He's the one who knows the horrible fate everyone here has avoided. He's ruined this Gojo's life- whom he's plagued with endless trauma and metacognition. This Gojo can't relate to anyone, maybe in every life he'll stand alone.
I guess I fucked up again. I fucked this kid's life up.
Fat tears stream down his face. Gojo sniffles once before pleading, "C-can I just stay home today, please?" his voice cracks on the please .
She frowns. His mother moves to hug him, gentle yet insistent. "Of course honey, I'll call in okay?" She moves to pull away but he holds her closer. He's fucking relieved to see her. He barely got to see his mother in… his old world. They stay like that, gentle sobs pulling from Gojo's throat to fill the silence.
His mother lets him pull away gingerly, sniffling a little thanks before sitting down at the table. She puts some water out for him, and he excuses himself upstairs with it in hand.
Once he's back in his room, he lets the tears fall freely. There's gonna be a lot of crying, I guess.
He resolves to write as much as he can remember from his past life into a document on his computer. He doesn't want to forget- he needs something to remind him to be grateful for this new life. He almost doesn't leave his room that day, alternating between crying, going to the bathroom, and writing again.
By the time night has rolled around, he's got a 100 page document on his old life. And that's single spaced with 11-point font. Fuck my life.
He skims through some of it, I lived a fucked up life, reading it back…
He's snapped out of his thoughts when he hears a scratching at the door. What the hell? The old Gojo thinks. He searches his 'new' memories for what that sounds could be.
I have a cat??
Gojo is excited and confused (somehow- even though it's his cat too, now), and he can't sprint fast enough to the door. He lets in this beautiful, little sphynx cat. "Catoru!" The name comes out of his mouth in reflex.
You named your cat, Catoru? It's not even white, it's naked… It's cute though!
"Catoru~" he picks it up, cuddling her.
It's not even a guy.
Gojo sits her on his desk. He sits down too, and Catoru moves to lick his fingers. He chuckles at the sensation. A cat, what a great idea, Gojo reasons. He glows a little, who knew animals could be this grounding?
Gojo realizes he hasn't checked his phone all day. He searches for it, finding it perched on the nightstand next to his bed. He finds missed texts from Shoko, telling him about her day- not a single one asking about how I've been… guess she doesn't change even in another life.
He sees one from an unknown number.
-Hi, I'm Geto Suguru. The teacher just asked me to deliver your homework to you, as class rep. Let me know your address. Oh, and I got your phone number from Shoko-chan.
Sent at 2:15 pm.
"Ha, Shoko-chan. Idio-"
Wait.
Suguru?
How could he forget about him?
Is he evil or something- no wait we're still in high school. Well, maybe he won't go crazy in this world. Suguru…
Gojo feels a heat bloom on his cheeks. This is his chance. Not simply living in a world without curses and magic bullshit, but finding… love? Did I really love Suguru?
He blushes when his brain supplies the memory his Suguru's death. Gojo realizes there's no one else in the world for him.
He won't fuck up this chance- in this life, he's going to marry Geto Suguru.