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For the past few months, the Tonys had been getting Christopher to skip school regularly so that he could help them out.
“What did you tell ‘em?” Tony B asked when the other two got in the car.
“Orthodontist,” Tony S sounded pleased with his lie as he started the engine.
“You told them you were taking him to the orthodontist? You shoulda said dentist!”
“What fuckin’ difference does it make?”
“He’s gonna come in tomorrow with no braces and they’re gonna wonder where the fuck he was!”
“So he got assessed for braces but didn’t get none,” Tony S stayed nonchalant as he drove away from the school. “Why you getting so worked up about it?”
“They see a spate of crimes in the newspaper on the days Chrissy’s been skipping school, they could work out–”
“Jesus Christ, will you listen to yourself? You think they got Chrissy down as some criminal mastermind?”
“What if they call his mother, ask her what he’s been up to?”
“They do call my mother, she don’t give a shit. She barelys even answers the phone.”
Tony B looked over his shoulder at Christopher and felt some pity for him.
“There, you gonna unbunch your panties now?” Tony S looked at the other Tony and saw him looking stressed. “Fuck’s the matter with you anyway?”
“Kelly… She’s driving me crazy with the teething, up all night screaming.” He lit a cigarette.
“Can I get a cigarette?” Christopher asked.
“No,” the Tonys responded.
“Why not?”
“You can get a whole carton after we’re done, til then, you gotta wait,” Tony S used the most fucked up incentive for the most fucked up chore.
“Come on! Can’t I just–”
“You want your orthodontist to cancel your appointment?”
Christopher sighed and slumped backwards in his seat. “…What I gotta do today?”
“We got our eye on a car and it ain’t for sale.”
“Shit, really?” Christopher perked back up.
“Yeah, stick that in your backpack.” Tony B gestured at a wire coat hanger in the other backseat. “You know what to do.”
“I don’t got a backpack.”
“Where the fuck’s your backpack? You just got outta school.”
“It broke… my mother didn’t get me a new one yet.”
Tony B looked at him with a combination of pity and frustration. “Just put it under your shirt before you get out.”
“You remember what we taught you with the hot wiring?” Tony S looked at him through the mirror.
“Right, red to red.” Christopher nodded.
“And since we taught you to drive, you been practicing still?” Tony B asked.
“Tony took me last week.”
“Kid’s doing good,” Tony S sounded impressed. He gestured for the other Tony to hand Christopher a piece of note paper.
Tony handed him it.
“You’re gonna go to this address, and you’re gonna boost this car. Then you’re gonna drive it straight to Pussy’s, you remember where we shown you?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“That’s all you gotta do, Chrissy. Get the car and get outta there. But you gotta stay within the speed limit, stop at the lights, don’t do nothing they’ll pull you over for. We’re starting you off with an easy one here, you already know the way.”
“Yeah, all right.” He put it in his pocket.
“Wait, wait,” Tony B had some concerns when it came to his literacy skills. “Read it back to us.”
“What?”
“Just read it back to us, Chrissy.”
Christopher took it back out of his pocket and started to read it all aloud, speaking slowly and monotonously.
The Tonys looked at each other, trying not to laugh at how dumb he sounded. They were forcing themselves to be nice to him so that they could manipulate him into doing stuff for them.
“There, that it?” Christopher looked at Tony B once he’d read it all.
Tony B took the paper from him. “What street?”
“Uh… Franklin.”
“What license plate?”
“You want me to remember that? It’s got numbers and shit!”
“You hear that, Ton? It’s got numbers and shit,” Tony B repeated him mockingly.
They both laughed.
“If you’re so fuckin’ smart, you tell me what it says.”
“BXB 522,” Tony B said without hesitation.
“Bullshit. Let me see that.” Christopher took it from his hand and looked disappointed when he saw it was right.
“All right, enough with the pop quizzes. We took him outta school for a reason.” Tony S gestured for the other Tony to leave him alone. “Just make sure you don’t lose that paper, Chrissy.”
He put it back in his pocket. “What if somebody sees me?”
“It’s the middle of the day, everybody’s gonna be at work. We picked that street for a reason.”
“What happens if I get pulled over?”
“You’re a kid,” Tony B sounded reassuring. “They’ll just give you a slap on the wrist.”
“That true, T?” Christopher looked at the other Tony, not trusting this one.
“Listen to your cousin here. The cops’ll go easy on you, a kid your age,” Tony S continued the lie. “Now, I’m not saying it’s gonna happen… but what you gonna do if you get pinched?”
“Keep my mouth shut,” he repeated the line they’d been drilling into his head for months.
“And?” Tony B wanted the rest.
“Call one of youse and ask for a public defender.”
“See, I told you the kid was smart,” Tony B said to the other Tony.
Christopher felt a bit unnerved by him being unusually kind. “…Thanks.”
“All right, I’m gonna pull over once we’re nearby and you’re gonna go down to Franklin, boost the car and meet us at the shop.”
Tony B looked over his shoulder at Christopher and saw that he was a little on edge. “You got nothing to worry about, Chrissy.”
He looked between the two Tonys. “How much I get for this?”
The Tonys glanced at each other.
“5 dollars a car,” Tony S decided on the spot. “You do good on this one, we get you doing more.”
“I’m doing all this shit for five fuckin’ dollars?!”
“It’s a hell of a lot more than you’d be making on some paper route.” Tony B flicked his cigarette butt out the window.
“And don’t forget the carton of cigarettes we’re throwing in there.”
“You think I give a fuck about some cigarettes? I’m the one who could get caught here!”
“You fuckin’ listening to us?” Tony B looked over his shoulder. “Most you’ll get is a slap on the wrist!”
“I could get more money from a fuckin’ allowance!”
“And do you get an allowance?” Tony S sounded smug because he knew what the answer was.
“No…”
“So either you boost the car or you get a paper route for half the money,” Tony B told him. “No skin off our back, we’ll find some other kid to do it.”
“Yeah, we’ll have him do everything else for us too,” Tony S said as he pulled over. “Bet he won’t bitch about it neither.”
Christopher looked between the Tonys again and sighed petulantly. “All right, where I go from here to get to Franklin?”
“Head up there.” Tony S pointed forwards. “Then two lefts and a right.”
Christopher nodded and opened the door.
“Wait!” Tony B had another realization. “Which way’s left?” he asked Christopher.
“What you mean?”
“Just tell me, which direction’s left?”
Christopher held his hands out and made L signs with both of them to see which was left.
“Jesus Christ…” the Tonys muttered, barely stopping themselves from bullying him.
“It’s that way.” Christopher pointed left.
Tony B couldn’t reply because he knew whatever came out of his mouth would’ve been mean.
“Very good.” Tony S leaned over the seat to pat him on the cheek and look him in the eye. “Now go be a good boy and get us the car.”
He nodded and put the coat hanger under his shirt, then got out and walked away.
“…You think he’s gonna get pinched?”
“That’s if he don’t drive into traffic first.” Tony B held his hands out in L signs.
They started laughing but it died down quickly. Both of them looked disappointed.
“It ain’t fun without him here to hear it.” Tony S began the drive to Pussy’s shop.
“We gotta be nice to him forever now? It’s killing me here!” he sounded like he wasn’t even exaggerating. “You know how much shit I coulda said to him just then?”
“Once he gets a taste for the life he’ll be in too deep to give a shit… Then we can fuck with him.”
“He better get that taste quick, I’m getting fuckin’ agita.” Tony B lit another cigarette to relieve his stress. “I mean, Christ, I had to call the kid smart! He boosts a car for 5 fuckin’ dollars and I compliment his intelligence.”