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Was it casual? That's what Jirou Kyouka of The Explosions thought every time she stared at her bassist Yaoyorozu Momo. They had somewhat intimate relations in motels, in dusty bar bathrooms, and even at the dinner table in front of Momo's parents. Kyouka assumed that made lovers. Kyouka took that girl on dates, and cared for her when she had fights with her parents - Kyouka did everything for her. She assumed it would change the situation, that Momo would finally admit they were lovers. That was all Kyouka wanted.
But Momo still claimed they weren't lovers.
Kyouka could have her fingers inside of Momo, and the taller girl would still claim they weren't together. So, excuse Kyouka for sounding bitter. It wasn't fair. Her friends were all whiskered away in romantic relationships with clear communication. Bakugo had Midoriya, Kaminari had both Monoma and Shinsou.
Todoroki had Momo.
One week ago, Momo had confided that she was now in a relationship with Midoriya's best friend, Todoroki Shoto. He was the son of a famous businessman, and he was attractive. He had eyes that glittered, and he would've been perfect if his face wasn't horribly scarred on one side. Kyouka should've said something like 'I'm happy for you' or better yet, 'Was I nothing to you.' Kyouka didn't say anything like that. She said goodbye.
They had a show in three days for some big talk show. It was supposed to be huge for the whole band. Everyone was excited.
And then Bakugo asked her to write a song. Their conversation went something like this:
Bakugo: Headphones, write a song.
Kyouka: Why?
Bakugo: That damn situationship got you. Sapphics are weird.
Kyouka: Okay...
Bakugo: You're a loser, the way you're still hung up with her.
Kyouka: I'm going to take that swan dive off the roof now.
That meant Kyouka had to write out an entire song with nothing but her broken heart and whatever weed Kirishima had bought off of the stoner from their math class. She had been chewing on her pen, tearing apart the cute rose design until it was nothing but chewed-up rubber. Kyouka was having a minute, dude. The only person who enjoyed watching her work manically at three am was Kaminari. That guy could go hours without sleep if they didn't shove him into bed. Seriously, one time during their first year of high school, Kyouka had seen him go an entire week without sleep. It was terrifying.
"Write about Yaomomo," Kaminari said, strumming Kyouka's acoustic guitar. Kyouka threw a piece of crumpled-up paper at his head. He barely ducked. "What? I'm serious. We sing songs about the people we love all the time. Do you not remember how Bakugo Katsuki confessed to Midoriya using that poem-turned-song he wrote? Picture You was insane, Jirou." Kyouka groaned, chewing on her pen again. Kaminari grabbed her pen. "Jirou, you're in love with her. Write the song. Write about how fucking miserable she's making you."
Kyouka snorted. "When did you become such a smartass?"
Kaminari scoffed, though he wasn't offended in the slightest. He was definitely one of the smartest people Kyouka met. He just missed a joke or two here and there. "Since I smoked half a thing of weed and realized Aizawa added me to his close friend's story on Instagram?"
"You're joking."
"I am not."
Day 01
Kyouka had not moved from her shared apartment with the rest of the band. Well, Bakugo was particularly moved in with Midoriya, and Kaminari had moved out to live with Monoma. (see: nepobaby) Ashido was starting to get antsy. All Kyouka had written were the starting lines. She was starting to realize she would probably never finish this. Kyouka banged her head on her composition notebook until her brain started to think.
"We need a day out," Ashido yelled, rounding up everyone into the kitchen where Kyouka was. "Jirou's losing her mind, and I think we could all go for some good old-fashioned sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll." Before anyone could interrupt her (Bakugo), she raised her hand. "And before anyone interrupts me, just know, that I bought enough weed off of Shinsou Hitoshi that could probably kill Toshinori. Our old Humanities teacher would probably die if he heard about the shit we do."
Bakugo cracked his knuckles. "Izuku's already got a great place in mind. Sad bisexual with the composition notebook, get the fuck up. Dress like a slut, start pregramming. The Explosions are getting drunk tonight." The dress like a slut thing was funny coming from Bakugo. He dressed in whatever Izuku told him to wear, since despite being a child of nepotism, Bakugo dressed like a homeless guy. It wasn't even in a cool Kurt Cobain way, he genuinely looked like dog shit. Kyouka has said this to his face, by the way. Multiple times.
She dressed herself in the sluttiest clothes she owned. Kyouka did her eyeliner and her blush. She even bothered to use dabs of concealer on some of her acne. Kyouka never dressed up, unless you counted the times she would go to the pier with Momo and meet all of what Momo called her 'fair weather friends'. She was famous, and those girls were not. All Kyouka saw in that light was Momo in her pretty sundress, and her eyes that glowed in the dim pier lights. Kyouka was head over heels for a girl who wanted nothing more than to marry a man.
Kyouka stared at the club, filled with women and men of al backgrounds. In the pocket of her leather jacket, Kyouka had her notebook and her stupid pen. She could get a drink, bum a smoke, and hide in the alley until she got her mind cleared. If only her bandmates would let her go.
Clubs like this reminded Kyouka of Momo. She saw that beautiful woman everywhere. From the paintings on her wall to the bra that she left in Momo's dresser, to even the stupid rings Kyouka wore. Everything was just a piece of Momo she had lost. She lost all of it to a man. What did a man have that she didn't? Was it the fact Todoroki had a dick? Kyouka could have one by the time she walked out of Spencer's. It wasn't fair. She lost years of kissing, and fucking, and giggling for some dude.
"You're still thinking about her," Midoriya pointed out, sitting beside her at the bar. Kyouka shrugged, ordering two shots of whiskey for the two of them. Thank you Monoma for the fake IDS. "You don't have to pretend with me. I pined after Kacchan until last year. I might be your manager, but I'm also your friend."
"I miss her, Midoriya. I see her in every fucking thing." She slid her notebook over to him. "Bakugo called me a loser for being caught up still. I dunno. I thought me and her could've really been something. I'm just hurt that she didn't think of me the same way."
Midoriya looked around, before looking at Kyouka's work. He hummed a tune under his breath, trying to get a feel of the melody. "I never thought Todoroki would even date a girl if I'm being honest. I heard rumors that it was some business deal for the family image. Enji's a piece of shit." Midoriya blew the smoke out of his mouth, before putting it out in his glass of whiskey. "I believe that deep down, Yaoyorozu still loves you. She's just looking for something 'normal'." Kyouka watched him say it in quotations, before leaning back on Bakugo's chest. The blond boy appeared out of nowhere. Kyouka giggled at the motion that Bakugo loved playing bodyguard. Midoriya could take care of himself, Bakugo was just a loser for the freckled boy's love.
"What do you have so far, Jirou?" Bakugo asked, leaning over his boyfriend's shoulder. He was drunk, way too drunk. Bakugo's cheeks always got red when he drank. Plus, his tie was loose and he was smiling. Midoriya was enjoying this side of Bakugo alongside everyone else. "It's probably pretty good. You're a fucking amazing writer. They gotta hand you a Pulitzer prize one of these days."
"Okay, one I think you've had way too much to drink, blonde, and two? Of course, you can read it. Your boyfriend's a pretty good guy when it comes to this stuff." Bakugo sat on the bar, tapping his fingers on his thigh as he read the lyrics. Bakugo traced the words with his nails, which had been done by Ashido. She was a pretty good nail tech and loved testing out designs on the guys. Midoriya and Bakugo had matching designs, while Kyouka and Ashido did too. Kirishima got matching ones with Hanta, who was probably kissing a hot guy or something.
He had been pretty whipped for Todoroki, and they were kind of in the same boat. The night the reveal happened, both of them drank three bottles of red wine and cried their hearts out to Jeff Buckley. He was doing better than her from an outside perspective, but Kyouka knew he was hurting. If worst came to worst, they would just marry each other for tax benefits.
"You should talk about the rumors. I heard from an employee of my old man that some people were saying you were just some chic Yaomomo was fucking on the side. They kept saying it was for publicity. The hag told them to cut that shit out, and called me about it while I was cooking dinner the other night." Bakugo dropped the craziest shit when he was drunk. Kyouka grabbed her notebook from Bakugo, pulled out her pen from her pocket, and got to work.
Day 02
Everyone had been bugging her about the melody. Kyouka had been sitting in Monoma's music room, tearing at her highlights. She had been banging on drums, strumming guitars, and messing around with harmonies until her head began to throb. She needed to finish this song. In less than 48 hours, she would have to present this song to the world. Kyouka was still nursing a massive hangover, having woken up in Kirishima's room with a Ghostface costume on. Pictures would probably end up on Twitter later.
"You look like hell," Monoma Neito pointed out, handing her a cup of warm tea. The blond boy had tamed down quite a bit since their first year of high school. Kyouka had thought he was annoying and selfish, but he had issues just like everyone else. She really liked him. "You're still on that girl, huh?"
"Does everyone know I'm writing a song about it or what?"
Monoma shrugged his shoulders. He sat on the ground beside her, playing the drumsticks that were dented with Bakugo's fingers. "I know because you guys once had sex in my guest bedroom." Kyouka had almost forgotten about that. "I don't care about it anymore. I just think you shouldn't force yourself to think about the lyrics too much. Just write and all that bullshit. Denki and Hitoshi are obsessed with lyricism. I prefer the beat."
"Yeah, 'cause don't all rich people love classical music?"
Monoma snorted. "Very funny, asshole."
"I'm hilarious actually."
Monoma sat with her as she workshopped the lyrics. She ended up calling the entire band (plus Midoriya) to work out a few kinks in the melody. Monoma suggested she take the day off tomorrow and keep the lyrics as raw as possible. Shinsou came in halfway through the session to listen in. Kaminari was with Ashido for a few hours so they ended up hanging out the entire day. She third-wheeled...again.
Kyouka then sent everyone's parts separately. If she texted the group chat, then she would have no reason to text Momo.
momo yaoyorozu
attached is your part for the upcoming performance
no lyrics?
thats new
im trying new things
oh okay
good night kyouka <3
Read
Day 03
Yeah, so Kyouka was going to die. She would have to see Momo for the first time since the incident, and she wasn't emotionally ready. Damn this all to hell. She couldn't do this! What was she supposed to do? Kyouka could barely keep herself calm when she was shaking hands with Momo's parents. She was pretty sure they hated her, but that was probably ancient history.
She spent four hours of her day trying to come up with some icebreakers to have a friendly conversation. It wasn't going well. Kyouka spent another two hours losing her mind on the phone with Bakugo, who was sick of her shit. He explained that Todoroki would be there, cheering for his woman from backstage. If Kyouka avoided looking at him, then her heart wouldn't shatter into more pieces. That was rich coming from someone who famously crashed out because his crush was friends with a girl who, by the way, is in a relationship with a woman. Love you, Uraraka! But she took his advice to heart nonetheless, before locking herself in her bedroom.
Kyouka picked up the guitar Momo had bought her for her 17th birthday. It was inscribed. It read 'To my rock star'. Kyouka didn't play much rock music without Momo. She became a distraught mess. Kyouka thought back to the song she wrote for Momo months ago. It was supposed to be on the album, but it was barely completed. Ashido was even writing a song, and she was hoarding it behind her piles of cheetah print journals. The only person who had gotten close to reading any of them was Kirishima, though his plans were thwarted when Ashido came home early from dance class.
She strummed a chord, humming the beginning of Guilty Pleasure.KIt was probably the most innuendo-filled song she'd ever written, well, unless you counted the one she spent three days writing. Momo made her feel guilty for loving her. There were warning signs, Kyouka concluded, but she was so wrapped up in Momo's glossed lips and pretty eyes she never bothered to stop and smell the roses.
She hadn't done an acoustic version of this song yet. Kyouka grabbed her phone and opened her camera app. She pressed the red circle button, clearing her throat. "Okay, I probably sound like a girl who has never been chill in her life, so bear with me. Here's an acoustic version of Guilty Pleasure written by yours truly." She took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "I want this like a cigarette. Can we drag it out and never quit?" She plucked at the strings, rocking a bit as she sang. Kyouka had always felt most like herself when she was singing. If she stopped singing, she would stop breathing. "And oh my god, you are heaven-sent with your dirty mind, yeah, you're perverted."
That line was inspired by Momo's favorite movie But I'm a Cheerleader. Momo said she related to the main character. Kyouka spent every day watching that movie, just so she would have something to talk about.
"You give me guilty, guilty pleasure."
I miss you.
"You give me guilty, guilty pleasure..."
Day 04
Kyouka threw up seven times on the way to the set. She cried her eyes out, wrote out her will, and sent paragraphs to her parents about how mortified she was to do this. She had to present her song about a girl in front of that girl. This was worse than death. She needed an automated weapon in her mouth. Bakugo rubbed her shoulders, telling her everything would be fine. Everything was like a whirlwind around her. She felt kind of sick again.
"You chose the sluttiest outfit to perform in," Ashido said, sticking pins on Kyouka's costume. She had the pin cushion in between her bubblegum pink lips. She was adorable. Kyouka pressed a kiss to Ashido's forehead, which earned a jab with a needle. "Does this have something to do with Miss Kiss and Tell?"
"I'm trying something new-"
Her eyes wandered to the arrival of Momo and Todoroki. Momo had dressed up on the theme, wearing torn leggings and rings. Kyouka's rings. On her fingers were all the rings Kyouka had lost during their escapades. Kyouka needed to lie down. Todoroki's hand was around Momo's waist. They looked perfect. Two perfect rich kids with their perfect lives. Kyouka was nothing compared to Todoroki Shoto.
"Oh, Kyouka. I was wondering if we could talk-"
Kyouka pretended not to hear her as she put in her hearing devices in each ear. "I'm really not listening to you right now, Yaoyorozu." Momo's expression fell. Kyouka had never called Momo by her family name, not even when they first met. "I'll see you on the stage."
She stood behind the curtain, hearing the talk show host introduce the band. "Introducing the band with a flare for dramatics, give it up for The Explosions." Katsuki did a drum roll as the curtain opened. She could feel the bright lights on her skin. Kyouka grabbed the mic from the stand, dragging it. This was just one big show. Kyouka was a performer, so now she was giving them hell.
"My friends call me a loser 'cause I'm still hanging around." She watched Momo out of the corner of her eye, chewing her bottom lip as she played on her base. Don't focus on her, Kyouka chided herself. Focus on yourself. "I've heard so many rumors that I'm just a girl that you bang on your couch." She pretended to dance around the microphone stand, humming to herself. "I thought you thought of me better, someone you couldn't lose." Momo's eyes met hers, and if it weren't for the bright lights burning her forearms, and other areas of exposed skin, Kyouka would've let herself drown in Yaoyorozu Momo's beautiful black eyes. "You said, "We're not together" so now when we kiss, I have anger issues."
"We're not together, Kyouka."
"You said, "Baby, no attachment", but we're knee-deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out. Is it casual now?" Bakugo snickered as he bounded his sticks into the drums. Kyouka should've hit him with those drumsticks when she had a chance. But she was only thinking about Momo. The car sex that became so normalized they did it every car ride together, and the bra Momo left in her glovebox with a cigarette stuck between the loops. "Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach." The phrase 'Is it casual now' repeated as Kaminari grinned. He gave her a thumbs up. The glitter was melting down her cheeks, giving the illusion that she was crying. "I know what you tell your friends." Momo told her friends that Kyouka was just a friend. Yeah, a friend who knew every inch of her godly body. It was always fucking casual. "Then, baby, get me off again. If it's casual, it's casual now."
Her voice cracked, but not with inexperience, but with emotion. This song was raw. Kyouka hadn't changed a single word since she finished it. Typically, she would go back and forth until she found the right things to say, but with this one, she kept her negative emotions hidden. This was her beating heart that she pressed in Momo's outstretched palms, waiting to be swallowed.
"Dumb love, I love being stupid," Kyouka sang as she sunk to her knees, leaning on the mic stand. She looked up at the lights, gripping the microphone like it was a lifeline. "Dream of us in a year. Maybe we'd have an apartment and you'd show me off to your friends at the pier." A silly dream for an evil situation she was now freed of. "I know, "Baby, no attachment"." Kyouka closed her eyes, the mic close to her lips. But we're knee-deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out. Is it casual now? Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her house on Long Beach. Is it casual now?" Kyouka glanced at Momo, and her heart felt like she was singing directly to her.
Maybe she was.
"It's hard being casual when my favorite bra lives in your dresser." Kyouka crawled toward the center of the floor, lying down. She propped her knees up. "And it's hard being casual when I'm on the phone talking down your sister, and I try to be the chill girl." Kyouka mocked a rich woman's laugh as she sang the next bit, holding on to the positive memories she had of Momo, though, looking back on it, there weren't many. "That holds her tongue and gives you space. I try to be the chill girl but honestly, I'm not..."
Her breath caught in her throat. Breathe, Kyouka.
Kyouka sat up, using the microphone stand to rise. She stepped down from her platform, tears boiling in her eyes. She circled Kaminari. People used to think the two of them were dating. Popcrave was all over that rumor. It was actually kind of funny now that she really thought about it. "Knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out. Two weeks, and your mom invites me to her Long Beach house. I know what you tell your friends." Kyouka motioned using two fingers to, well, finger someone. She was walking toward Momo now. Her big final bow. "Baby, get me off again."
I miss you.
She knelt in front of Momo, looking up at her for a moment. Momo looked like she was about to kneel, but stopped herself. "I fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner. Your parents at the table." Momo's cheeks were bright red as she continued plucking the strings with her nimble fingers. Kyouka traced Momo's shoulder with her nail, humming. "You wonder why I'm bitter?" Kaminari was grinning as Bakugo pounded on the drums. Kyouka couldn't think over the bright lights, It was only her emotions on that stage, escaping out of every pore on her face. "Bragging to your friends, I get off when you hit it." Momo used to brag on the phone, about how amazing it was to be with a girl in a sexual way. She got Kyouka off with just the sound of her giggle. "I hate to tell the truth, but I'm sorry, dude, you didn't..."
Kyouka walked back to the center of the stage, tears prickling in her eyes. She was useless as she gripped the microphone stand, pressing her forehead against the cool metal. Focus, Kyouka.
"I hate that I let this drag on so long, now I hate myself..."
Momo's eyes burned through her skull.
Kyouka knelt on the ground, clutching her chest. She was no longer looking at the crowd as she squeezed her eyes shut. She could see flashes of the only good memories she had of Momo behind her eyelids. "Hate that I let this drag on so long, you can go to hell..." Everything stopped.
The crowd erupted into cheers as the curtains came to a close. Kyouka sat down, her chest tight. She just did that. She did that on live television. Kaminari jumped beside her, tugging her up as he hugged her close. He spun her around, laughing like she had just won a prize. "That was amazing, Jirou. I can't believe you wrote that in three days. Holy fucking fuck, you're so talented." He bombarded her with kisses all over her cheeks. Kyouka shoved him just before Monoma and Shinsou came to congratulate her. They stole Kaminari away as she trudged backstage.
"That wasn't shit," Bakugo mused as he tucked his drumsticks into his back pocket. "I'm proud of you, Kyouka."
Kyouka fanned her face as the glitter ran down her face in a shimmery mess. "Wow, Bakugo Katsuki proud of lil ol' me? What are the odds?"
Bakugo rolled her eyes. "Shut up." He ran up to Midoriya who was shaking with excitement. He was their manager and was also probably the best guy when it came to setting up performances. Kyouka felt better. She laughed as Bakugo spun Midoriya around, even though she knew Midoriya could carry twice his weight with that sleeperbuild of his. Midoriya shoved Bakugo's glasses back onto the blond's face, causing him to sputter in embarrassment. She had almost forgotten to mention that Bakugo wore glasses.
She grabbed her hoodie from its place on the amps, pulling it over her bare arms. She went to turn the knob on her dressing room door before a hand stopped her. Kyouka looked up, meeting the gaze of Yaoyorozu Momo's red eyes. She had been crying, and Kyouka knew it was her fault. "Please, Kyouka, can we talk?"
Kyouka should've said no. Hell, she should've thrown her dressing room door in Momo's face. but Kyouka wasn't a chill girl, and she let Momo inside. "What do you want, Yaoyorozu? If this is some bogus apology for ruining my life, I don't want-"
Momo's hands rushed to her face as she pressed her lips onto Kyouka's. Listen, she shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as she did. She was supposed to be fine. That song was supposed to be her goodbye to all of the emotions Momo brought her. Kyouka put her hands on Momo's hips, tearing at the fabric covering the hips she had left lipstick kisses on a dozen times. Kyouka was playing the role of the other woman, again. This wasn't healthy.
"Wait, fuck, you're cheating on Todoroki. Don't make this about your guilty complex," Kyouka spat, wiping her mouth. She missed Momo's lips. They were always so soft and tasted of the most expensive lipgloss "You came here to talk, and I don't want excuses, Yaoyorozu."
"I'm a lesbian, Kyouka, and Shoto's a gay man!" Momo yelled, her voice making Kyouka feel like shit. She was shaking, almost to the point of hyperventilating. "It's a pr move from his dad and my parents. I don't-I could never like a man. I love you. I've always loved you. Hearing your song, I remembered why I loved you."
Oh.
Oh.
Oh shit.
Kyouka blinked. Momo's parents did give off homophobic vibes, and Midoriya had mentioned how Todoroki's parents were a piece of shit. Now, Kyouka felt like a piece of shit. She didn't know what to do. "You could've told me. You led me on, even if you were in love with me. You told everyone I was a girl you just had sex with. Was everything between us casual, Yaoyorozu Momo?" Kyouka spat, motioning around the room. "I treated you like a lover, I'm sorry I cared."
"Nothing was casual, Kyouka. I love you-"
"Nothing you say can change what you did. You could've communicated it with me. I'm your keeper no matter what happens. I would've helped you-"
"You don't know what it's like, Kyouka." Momo's voice was loud again. She was tearing at her chest, tears making her makeup smudge on her usually perfectly put-together face. "Your parents support you no matter what. They love you, even if you kiss a girl over a boy. My parents care. I had no one else to confide in about that. Shoto loves Hanta, but he can't do anything about it, now can he?" She pulled something out of her pockets. Kyouka noticed they were letters. "I wrote letters over the last week, I confessed everything. I couldn't come near you without remembering I couldn't tell you how I felt. Nothing was ever casual, Jirou Kyouka."
Kyouka grabbed the letters, skimming their contents. Her eyes burned as her own tears fell onto the neatly folded papers. Momo did love her. She was loved. She glanced up at Momo. "I'm sorry, Momo."
Momo gave her a teary smile. "I'm sorry too." She stepped forward, chewing on her bottom lip. "Can we start over?"
"I'd love that."
Day 25
Momo giggled as she nestled her face in the crook of Kyouka's neck. This relationship wasn't perfect. Momo still had to hide until she was 21, just long enough to inherit her family's fortune. Todoroki and Hanta were dating too, kissing like losers in the kitchen in between bites of soba. This was the band's biggest secret. Kyouka didn't mind it, just so long as it wasn't casual like before. This was an actual relationship now. Momo had asked to be her girlfriend with a poster and tickets to Kyouka's favorite concert. It was a double date filled with disguises and stolen kisses in the VIP tent.
"No attachments?" Kyouka asked, braiding strands of Momo's hair. Momo threw her head back to make eye contact with Kyouka, blush spread across her porcelain cheeks.
"Kyouka, my darling, you're my favorite attachment."
So what if by the time the band made it big they kissed on stage at Coachella, in front of everyone? They could do that now! So what if Momo's parents saw? They were adults now, no longer the same kids who cried on stage and confessed their fucked up situationships on live television. Todoroki and Hanta played as backup dancers in the Casual music video. Momo was a siren. They premiered the music video at their very first international music festival.
Everyone saw them on screen, loving each other. Casual by The Explosions no longer applied to Kyouka. It was the product of a time she wouldn't want to forget. Kyouka was far from being a chill girl, but now, she didn't have to be.