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As of late, Toya found himself looking for Akito in the halls far more often than usual. With their schedules being so different from one another, they rarely saw each other during the school days. Toya can’t help but feel a pang of disappointment when he just misses the ball of orange hair round the corner or an energetic cheer from the gymnasium as he walks to his next class.
Maybe today, if I finish all my assignments early, I could see if we can walk home together, assuming that he isn’t helping around with the sports club.
Toya’s thoughts were interrupted by a basketball, which somehow rolled its way to his feet. He bent down to pick it up and return it to the direction it came from. Standing back up, his eyes widened slightly as a familiar pair of eyes he admired so much, met his.
“Akito. Hi there. Here you go,” He held out the ball and stared at Akito expecting him to take it, but he didn't, he just stared right back at Toya. “Akito..? Aren't you gonna take the ball?” A weird expression must’ve taken over Toya’s face because Akito started to laugh at him. “Hello? Akito, are you okay..?” He just kept laughing, and it felt antagonizing for a moment. Toya felt his chest seize, making it harder to breathe.
God, what the heck is wrong with him? Do I have something on my face? Hopefully not, because that is just embarrassing!
“Yo! Akito, what's takin’ so long? Hurry up will ya?” A classmate had shouted from the gym, peeking his head out the door.
“Right, sorry! I’m coming now, don't worry!” He took the ball from Toya’s hands and smiled, slowly backing up. Before turning around he spoke, “You should smile more! Looks great on you.” Right on cue, Toya could feel the heat rise to his face and a small smile appeared as well. Akito grinned upon the reaction, “See! You look great! Alright, I gotta go now see ya!!” He leaned forward to ruffle Toya’s hair before running off.
The squeaks of the shoes echoed out the doors of the gym. Toya watched as Akito’s classmates surrounded him. The boy closest to him grabbed his shoulder letting out a sigh whilst opening his mouth to complain, “Jesus, dude! Took you that long to get a ball? It didn’t even roll that far!” Akito shrugged his hand of his shoulder before replying, “Sorry! My fat ass was holding me back!!” His classmates gave him a shove, nagging about how every second matters during practice even if it was really just a regular gym class.
Toya continued his stride towards his next class, not wanting to be tardy. He let his thoughts cloud his mind again. Jesus, Akito – I don’t even think I can stomach my sandwich anymore. But anyway, it must be nice being surrounded by so many people who can joke around with you so easily. You look so happy. I wonder, do you ever feel lonely?
*ping!*
Huh…? Oh that’s my phone…uhhhmm.. Toya reached into his pocket pulling out his phone to check his messages.
Tsukasa ☆彡
Toyyaaaa!!!!!
Are you free in likkeeee two days??
Wonderlands x Showtime is hosting a celebratory for the success of our most recent show!!!! Would love it if you could come!!!!!!
Also, you can invite Akito :D !!!!!!!
Toya (^^)/
Hi Tsukasa
I think that would probably be fine, I should be free
Also that sounds good! Excited to see you, I’ll make sure to bring it up to Akito! ^^
As he clicked send, he shut off his phone, pocketing it. He continued towards his class and for once he let his thoughts to wander instead of planning ahead for his next test.
—
God, was this painful. For the past thirty minutes Toya had been tuning out his teacher’s lesson. Sure, it could’ve been an important lesson but he really couldn’t care less. Besides, he’ll end up teaching it to himself later, anyway. At least that's what he usually does and it gets him to sail through the class just fine. On the other hand, the painful part of it was a certain boy that was on his mind for the last thirty minutes and it was honestly driving him insane.
Do friends seriously think of each other like this often? Probably. I mean I really love Akito as a friend, he's just so passionate about the things he likes! He’s so kind, like he tries to understand my situation even if he’s never been in my shoes before, or he can always find something in my words he can relate to and relay his feelings in a similar way. In a way, it just makes my heart squeeze and my chest contracts like I’ve just run a marathon, I can hardly breathe. It’s a wonderful yet nauseating experience. I’ve learnt to cherish it through watching him from afar and sometimes up close to. Although sometimes it feels like it flies too quickly, that I can’t take it all in, that it’s slipping past my fingers too fast and I find myself reaching further and further tightening my grasp, in an attempt to hold on but I can’t and it hurts.
Once again, I find myself asking you if you would ever feel the same things I feel for you?
—
The day dragged on longer than it should have. With all of his daydreams about Akito, the day should’ve slipped through him like sand through his hands. As much as he enjoyed being at school, he couldn't wait to rush out of both the classroom and its campus entirely. These thoughts were genuinely eating him alive, hopefully in order to ease his mind, he could immerse himself in his studies in the comfort of his own home. But maybe time was on Toya’s side towards the end of the school day, because it listened to him.
Before he realized it the bell rang, dismissing them. The head-splitting scream of the bell caused him to shoot up from his seat. Maybe a little too quick, because his classmate had jumped from their napping position or maybe it was from the bell who knows. Anywho, he slipped out a quick apology while sliding his bag onto his shoulder making his way towards the door rather quickly than usual. He really couldn’t help it. He wanted to leave so bad, and he was so close to the exit of the school gates before a voice rang out.
“Hey, Toya! Wait up!” Toya turned around almost comically slow, and he wished he pretended he didn’t hear his name being called and just started running home when he had the chance.
“Oh, hey Akito what’s up.” Toya asked as soon as the orange haired boy caught up to him.
“Nothin’ much but like goddamn do you usually speed out the school gates?” He paused for a second to catch his breath before continuing.“Also it's rare seeing you after school now so I kinda wanted to walk with you today being that there’s no soccer practice today thankfully.” He smiled at Toya letting out a sigh of content once his heart beat evened out.
Oh god, Akito what the hell are you smiling at?
“Ah, okay that’s fine I didn’t really have anything planned either besides studying so we can go get drinks or something?”
Liar. I'm such a liar. Well, not really the only thing I had planned was to go home and rot in bed. So I guess it wasn’t really anything major, but it’s not fine! I want to go home!!!!!!
“Okay sounds good, actually I think Ena has been talking about this new bakery that opened up not too far from here, can we try that out?”
Toya nodded, moving towards the side of the road as he waited for Akito to pull up the directions to the bakery. Once he had pulled it up, they set off on their pastry journey.
“How’ve you been recently, Toya?”
Toya looked over at Akito with a bit of concern in his eyes. It wasn’t an odd question to ask but it definitely was never the way they started their conversations together.
Just making small talk I guess.
Toya brushed it off like it wasn’t really anything big because it probably wasn’t anything major.
“Fine like always, could always be better.” He paused for a few seconds before asking Akito the same question.
“Oh same old stuff, I’ve been good though! Maybe a lot better than usual.” Akito smiled slightly as he finished, seemingly letting his thoughts carry him to his own world.
“Oh really? Why is that?”
“Oh! Uhmm, I don’t really know, probably just cuz I found a place in the soccer team after so long or maybe something else.”
Makes sense, he’s having so much fun now that he’s spending less time with me. God, I'm such a burden.
Toya let out a hum as a response and they fell into silence.
Awkward silence.
Oh god. It never gets like this between the two of them, so why is it so awkward all of a sudden? Maybe the lack of each other's presence during the school day? The distance that was put between them because of that? Maybe they’ve lost common interest within each other, they can’t even make a conversation up anymore?
Oh what the hell, who am I kidding. This guy has found a community that loves him while I am stuck in an empty pit with nothing. When I mean nothing I literally mean nothing. No food, water, plants. No sign of life besides me. Akito somehow managed to get out of this fucking pit leaving me behind. He’s seriously only here with me now to pity me isn’t that right? Is it too late to say I just remembered what I had to do at home? Okay. Wait, I need to get it together. It’s only awkward if I feel like it’s awkward otherwise it’s completely fine! Yeah, maybe I’m the problem.
“Tooooooyaaaa.” Akito’s voice had broken his chain of thoughts, leading Toya to just stare at him. “You okay? Toya?”
“I’m fine, just spacing out.”
“What's on your mind? Not too often this happens, right?”
You. Just kidding! Okay, what's a good excuse uhhh studying? Homework? Books??
“Oh. uh, nothing too serious, just some assignments I didn’t finish earlier in class.”
“Really? That's it? You’re such a geek dude.” Akito let out a light laugh.“I was worried for nothing then, huh?”
“Yep.” Toya let the P pop a bit before sighing.
There was something I needed to ask Akito right? Tsukasa texted me earlier I think. Everything’s been getting mushed together recently. Oh, right it was for Tsukasa’s party.
“Oh that reminds me, Akito.”
Akito let out a hum as a response, indicating he was listening.
“Are you busy in two days? Tsukasa invited me to a Wonderlands x Showtime celebration party and he said I could invite you.”
“Hmm... Wonderlands x Showtime huh… that's the last thing I wanna encounter, not gonna lie…”
Pleaseee come!!! I’m begging you…
“But I guess since you’re asking so nicely I could be your plus one!” He smiled at Toya, letting out a light laugh.
“Alright, sounds good then, but if you seriously don’t wanna go it’s fine.”
“Nah, I’ll be fine.” He waved his hand, shaking off Toya’s suggestion. They rounded the corner of the street, immediately being greeted by a row of shops. They continued to walk until Akito’s navigation app rang out their destination in front of them.
“Oh hey, looks like we’re here. Let's go inside.”
The scent of baked sweets spilled out the front doors as they entered. He felt his stomach gurgle, whether it be from his sandwich from earlier or his anxiety rushing through him.
“Hello! Welcome, welcome! Please take a seat anywhere!” The owner greeted them with a warm smile, waving them towards a quaint booth tucked away in the corner of the bakery. They waved back while making their way towards the booth. The owner placed menus in front of them, going off on a short spiel about the menu, giving recommendations when Akito asked. Toya watched Akito, as he was conversing with the owner about her baked sweets. The way his lips had curved into a smile whenever she talked about cheesecake, or any other sweets but especially cheesecake. Not only had a smile lit up his face, the way his eyes glistened each time the owner had graciously promoted the drinks with as much passion as she did with the pastries.
The setting sunlight slipped through the windows, casting rays onto Akito’s face causing him to squint a bit. Toya wanted to lean forwards and block the sun out of his eyes, but he didn’t; instead, he admired Akito even more closely than before. The rays had let Akito’s face shine even more. From his tousled hair to his eyes, his freckles and his cheeks dusted with pink to his lips, everything about him looked so perfect and it made Toya smile with so much joy.
“Toya.” Akito looked at him with a concerned look on his face. “You okay, dude? You’re spacing out a lot right now.”
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Maybe I’m just a bit tired.”
Oh, god. How embarrassing is that? I didn’t even notice the owner left. How long had I been spacing out? Staring at him? I hope he didn’t notice…
“M’kay then, let’s order something small, or at least I will, so we can get outta here quickly, and you can rest up.” Akito glanced over the menu once again, contemplating the many options that seemed so appealing, he wanted to try them all.
“Ah, no it’s okay, we can take our time, you can try whatever you want. I could always start on some homework while I wait or something.”
“Nah, it’s fine, I gotta do some other things like running errands for Ena and stuff so we don’t gotta stay long.”
“Okay then, that’s fine.” Toya looked over the menu for the first time since they’ve been seated. He was too busy watching Akito; he hadn't seen the collection of sweets. Everything looked delicious and he was surprised to see the large variety of pastries. His eyes settled on his usual go-to orders at other cafe’s. Oatmeal cookies and black coffee. After he made up his mind, he set the menu down, waiting for Akito to finish as well.
“Know what you’re getting yet?”
“Yeah, just oatmeal cookies and coffee.”
Akito laughs, “Just the usual as always then” Toya nodded before asking, “What about you?”
“Hmm, some apple pie sounds good right now.”
“Not cheesecake?”
“Nah… maybe another day or I’ll just order a small one for me and Ena to share later, but the way she was talking abt her special apple pie just made it look like I had to get it or smth and maybe a shake or something to go.”
Toya grimaces at the sweets overload, Akito laughed at his reaction before calling over the owner to take their orders. The two of them didn’t have to wait long for their orders to arrive in their hands. Afterwards, they thanked the owner and slid out the doors of the bakery, bidding each other farewell.
—
In turn, Toya has been at Tenma's a lot more than usual recently. Maybe it’s for the better, being that he isn’t always holed up in his room staring at the ceiling or staring at a homework assignment. Speaking of which, his assignments have piled up quite a bit recently. It isn’t so often this occurs unless something rouses his mind this much. Usually it’d be him focusing on his recital pieces but recently it’s been something rather embarrassing. Maybe not the person themself, but definitely the idea of it. Letting out a sigh, he scrolled through his phone as he waited for the cookies he made with Tsukasa and Saki to bake. He saw out of the corner of his eye the two blondes throw each other a look of concern, getting a shrug out of Tsukasa. Saki rolled her eyes before calling out to Toya.
“Toyyyyyaa! What’s on your mind” She snuck up beside him, practically shaking the phone out of his hands, almost landing on his nose. Toya gave her a look before picking his fallen phone off his chest.“Whooops! Sorry didn’t mean for that to happen, but anyways what's up?”
“Nothing… really” The siblings glanced at each other with a concerned look again.
“Wow… you’re really fooling the stuffed animals here too… Seriously what’s up though? We don’t get a sigh out of you that often!!!”
Damn. I don’t even know what to say? Where to start?? Oh my goooooddddd… This is sooo awkward…
“Earth to Toooyyyyaaaa”
“Gah, sorry it’s just so embarrassing to talk about, I don’t even know where to start.” He didn’t dare meet their eye, he would not let his nerves get to him today!
“Just speak your mind! Whatever is bothering you right now, no lies or nothing!”
God damn it. Is it too late to get up and go back home now? Whatever. I just need to suck it up and tell them, won’t get me anywhere if I keep it to myself.
“Okay, It’s just… recently like I’ve hit rock bottom…” He let out a breath he had been holding in for way too long. “Like, I just feel like I don’t fit in anywhere y’know? ‘Course I feel at home when I’m with you guys, but at school? I don’t know if I belong there anymore and I thought I did when I met Akito. We just meshed together so well, like we completed each other. I don’t know, we just clicked so well, but now it just feels so so SO awkward when we’re together. I think it’s because we’ve drifted away based on our interests, and it just hurts so bad because I cherish him so much and I find myself longing for him everyday now, and it makes me so sad when I see him having fun with new people while I’m just stuck here. Stuck in the past and I’m clinging onto him so badly. I really really miss him by my side, y’know? And it sucks because, like, I just haven’t been performing as well as I should be, because I’m just so stuck on him. I probably shouldn’t be blaming him because it’s me that’s causing all these problems for myself, but I don’t know what to do and it just stinks so bad.” He spoke quickly, under a tone of mumbles but clear enough for the siblings to understand.
He doesn’t even realize that Tsukasa and Saki are hugging him, and he doesn’t realize he is practically crushing them to death.Toya hadn’t realized he was crying until he let out a shaky exhale and a ugly sob following, wiping his snot all over them because all he can think of right now is Akito. They sat and comforted Toya and he cried and cried, the cookies in the oven long becoming an afterthought for the trio, not caring if they burnt because really, all that mattered was Toya. No matter the day, despite the star Tsukasa is, Saki and him were just planets, they were planets that needed their Sun to function in order for them to keep pushing forward with their orbit. They needed Toya to be happy as well in order for them to keep a smile on their faces. They knew that words wouldn’t really get through, so within their actions, they expressed their comfort and Toya was so grateful for it.
“Toya,” Tsukasa whispered softly. “I’m sorry to hear you feel like that, it hurts to hear that seriously, because it feels like I haven’t been the greatest brother to you recently… but I’m really thankful for you.” For the first time in the past hour or two, he looked up at the siblings. He tried to hold his laughter when he saw they were both crying too.
“Why the heck are you guys crying too? It was just me ranting.”
“Toya, seriously? You just made us feel like the worst siblings in the world.” Toya froze, looking them dead in the eyes.
“Now who’s the one who said no lies or nothing! Because I smell two liars right now.”
“ARGH!!! Not this again, Toya!!”
“Uh uh uh! I know a liar when I see one..” Saki was the first to break the silence with her laughter, Toya and Tsukasa following as they hugged once more.
Once the giggles died out Toya spoke out again. “Seriously… You guys are the best siblings I could ever ask for, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys.”
“Don’t even mention it. You’re gonna make me start sobbing again!” Tsukasa accused him of jabbing a finger against Toya’s chest, causing a giggle to slip past Toya’s lips.
“Oh right, speaking of which Toya, have you ever considered that you like Akito? Like more than friends, romantically?” Saki spoke her thoughts out loud, Tsukasa let out a shocked gasp but it really wasn’t that surprising to him. It was painfully obvious to him Toya had a teeny weeny crush on the one and only, Shinonome Akito.
Here we go again with Akito. ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!
“Ro-” He coughed for dramatic effect. “Romantically?”
“Uhm, like! You know I’ve experienced this situation before… Of course, I’m not gonna say you like him for sure! That’s for you to decide! But, I’ve always envied people for being able to live the school life experience without hardships like I do! Not saying my situation is worse, I just mean they’re worried about other people’s opinions while I’m here being selfish, wanting to have what they want to have, wanting to experience being loved by your friends, wanting to be a part of the latest trends, et cetera! But I was always stuck in a hospital bed. In a way, I think we’re a bit similar, Toya. We long for love or more so a sense of belonging and I think that with me, I have you guys sure! But I’ve always wanted to have a special place to run to as well if you guys aren’t available! I want to be able to rely on other people and them to rely on me as well! That’s how I felt with Ichika, Honami and Shiho once we reunited, and that’s why I think you might feel the same way with Akito. Again, I’m not saying you like him, that's for you to decide but I could imagine a future with them and it was just so warming to finally find people I cherish so dearly wanting nothing more than to explore the world with them, I think those are things you should consider before deciding your feelings, Toya.” She gave his hands a light squeeze, and they sat there for a few moments, letting Toya take in and understand his feelings for Akito.
“Okay, thank you Saki. I’ll consider it.” He held her hands and gave her another hug before looking at Tsukasa and thanking him too. Tsukasa avoided eye contact, still trying to recover from Saki’s word of advice.
A future with Akito..? Maybe that’s an idea I wouldn’t mind entertaining.
—
Waking up in the Tenma’s residence, it always seemed like time liked to tick faster. Toya wished it didn’t. If anyone is being honest, it made Toya anxious for the doorbell to ring even more. He came to the conclusion last night that he did in fact like his best friend, Shinonome Akito. With this conclusion he wanted to run back to his monochromatic home, lock himself in his room and scream into his pillow. If he was being honest, attempting to face Akito at the moment might end up with Toya’s vomit all over Akito, and then he would die from embarrassment; if not, he would proceed to run across the entire world until Akito was gone from his life. Call him dramatic, but it was such a terrifying secret to hold. Like seriously, the thought of casually striking up with a chat after you’ve realized you’ve had a crush on your best friend all along? Everything finally started to unfold and it explains all the nervous laughter, the shaky and clammy hands, then tight chest and the feeling of wanting to run away from them.
I seriously just added another possible cause of death to my list. No way I am soo dead. Why the hell did no one tell me having a crush on your best friend was so freaking terrifying? I think I’m gonna throw up oh my god. Why does everyone always talk about the sappy stuff? Is this normal? Holy shit man. Akito, what the hell have you done to me???
“Toooyyaaa!!!!!!” Tsukasa shouted from the kitchen. Toya was sprawled out on Saki’s bed after freshening up in the bathroom. He was supposed to help out with the decorations too but god forbid his thoughts as Akito crept up on his mind again. As annoying as the ginger was right now to the Tenma’s, they didn’t really care. They let Toya take it easy, giving him the simpler tasks to complete.
His thoughts tuned back into Tsukasa’s shouts again, he rose up from the bed heading out to the foyer. “What can I help you with?”
“Toya! Can you pleaseeee make sure all the guests have the address and arrival time!! You could just text them on my phone! Or if you already have their number go ahead and text them on yours, doesn’t really matter.”
“Sure thing.”
He spent the next twenty minutes or so, running down the guest list, copying and pasting the same message over twenty times. It wasn’t supposed to be a huge party, but with all the plus ones and everything it turned into a rather large gathering. He checked off the names rather quickly, double checking every so often as he hit the bottom. The last person on the list was his most favorite person in the world!
Shinonome Akito
Man. I. Don’t. Even. Wanna. Text. Him. The. Address.
Besidessss he didn’t even wanna come anyway…
*ping!*
Toya glanced at his phone sliding up to see the notification that caught his attention.
For fucks sake.
Akito :p
hey toyaaaa
do you have the address to tsukasa’s house?
didn’t rlly wanna go but ena was talking abt it to me cuz mizuki’s goin so i’m getting dragged along too ):
Toya (^^)/
Yeah, here you go.
Lol you seriously don’t have to come if you don’t want to, just say no.
Akito :p
nah, i don’t gotta choice now
oh thanks btw
ugghh ena’s making me go help her get ready and get something for wxs or smth
gtg but i’ll see u later?
Toya (^^)/
Yeah, see you, take care.
Akito :p
^3^
—
Guests trickled in one by one and to Toya’s surprise they were on time if not early. He held his breath as he waited for Akito to walk through the door. He let out a sigh reaching down to pick up a cookie. Cheers erupted from the living area, Saki and her friends were currently putting on a mini concert for the crowd.
God this is horrible. Overwhelmingly horrible. Why are there so many people?
The Tenma’s residence was not by any means small. It was a little over average sized but it seemed so small with the way everyone was piled on top of each other or crammed up against each other watching the girls bring life to the party. He held his breath unconsciously, with his chest feeling tight, he couldn’t bear standing alone with the body heat of the others spilling into the kitchen. He needed to slip away for fresh air, but the front and back door were both blocked. He let out a shaky breath before sinking back into his thoughts.
So the plan is, I sneak past the crowd somehow and sneak into Saki’s room. Then I stay there for the rest of the night.
So he waited. He waited for them to let out a roaring cheer and he took his chance to slip himself from the kitchen into the shadows of the crowd and into Saki’s room. He plunged for the pillows and felt a sudden wave of tiredness wash over him.
This is so stupid. He groaned, rolling over to grab the nearest stuffed animal available. I literally told him he should decline the invite too. If he decided to skip, then he listened to me. Why the hell am I feeling so sad then? He held up the stuffed animal admiring it. He smiled, bringing it closer to hug him once again, noting the resemblance of Saki in the plush. Maybe… if I just forget about this silly crush on Akito maybe I’ll be sane enough to talk to him later. Toya felt his eyelids droop and he didn’t try to fight it. He let sleep take over him, diving into the dreamworld.
—
Toya woke up feeling a dip in the bed. He felt a light tap on his arm. In response, Toya turned on his side, away from whoever was bothering him. He felt the pair of arms pull him onto his back again before slightly shaking him.
“…Saki?” He hadn’t opened his eyes yet. He didn’t want to. The response didn’t come but they stopped shaking. He sighed slowly, opening his eyes. Quickly, Toya shut his eyes, turning on his side, he faced away from the person once again.
Yeah, I’m just dreaming because there is no WAY Akito is sitting right next to me right now.
“Toya.” Akito’s voice rang out in the room despite him hearing the singing voices coming from downstairs. Still, Toya stayed silent.
Wow what a crazy dream.. Life is great.
“Tooyyaaa, I know you’re awake you” Toya let out a sigh before turning to face Akito once again.
“Thought you weren’t coming,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes still drowsy from his nap. He really couldn’t look at Akito, so he let his eyes wander around the room. Saki had framed pictures with her friends, even ones with Tsukasa and himself, which were hung on strings decorated with stars and clips. The ceiling was decorated with glow in the dark stars; everything felt so nostalgic. His eyes continued to wander until they settled on the boy sitting next to him. He felt his heartbeat quicken ever so slightly.
Seriously you could’ve been anyone! Whyy Akiiittoooooo..!!
“We were just runnin’ a little late… some stuff came up last minute. I was gonna text you, but my phone was about to die.”
I’m literally gonna throw up all over him right now.
“Hey, you okay? Toya, look at me.” Toya’s face was engulfed by the warmth of Akito’s hands, this time he was forced to look at Akito. He was so close to Akito’s face, he felt his breath get caught in his throat. Akito just stared at him once again, not speaking once. He watched Toya with such fondness it made Toya feel so nauseous.
This is so bad. This is SOOO BAD.
Toya’s chest was rising and falling at an absurd speed. He reached up to Akito’s hands and tried to pry them off, trying to push himself away from him. Akito let go of his face, letting his hands fall to his sides. His eyes held a disheartened look.
“I can’t… I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“You can’t do what, Toya?” Akito reached for him, but this time Toya managed to escape his grasp.
“Toya… I can leave if you don’t want me here, but I can’t leave without an explanation why you’ve been pushing me away.”
Toya looked at Akito in bewilderment. “Me pushing you away? You can’t be serious.”
“Toya.. every time I come see you at school or just ask Tsukasa or literally anyone you talk to, they always say you’re busy or would rather not see me. Well, maybe not the last part, but their tone definitely seems like that.” He paused. “Honestly, it hurts me so much… It’s a little embarrassing to admit, but it’s been so long since we’ve last talked, it feels so.. so empty and lonely weaving through school halls without you. I’ve longed for you so much, I don’t want to let go of you so easily… which is why I’m asking for a explanation, I don’t care how selfish I’m being right now.”
“Akito… you don’t understand if you consider yourself to be selfish, what am I then? I… I’ve been running away from you.. From everything because I can’t believe how pathetic my feelings are..”
“What do you mean? Like, your feelings?”
“I mean… I find myself looking for you in the hallways so often, even though I know we don’t cross paths. When I want to escape from reality, I use you as a distraction.. Not in a bad way! By any means.. I mean like.. Whenever I want to escape from reality or whenever I just want to be alone. I can’t, because I just long for your presence. I think, I want to be by your side no matter what happens, so I envy you when I see you hanging out with your friends having fun with sports. It makes me realize how much you’ve grown while I’m still stuck in the past, like you’re gonna leave me behind, and it makes me realize how much I want to be with you, to be like you and have a community that appreciates you for who you are.” He felt tears slip down his cheeks, and Akito’s arms wrap around him.
“God, Toya. You’re insufferable, you know that?” Toya rested his head in the crook of Akito’s neck, his tears soaked his shirt but he didn’t care, he just squeezed Toya closer. “I feel the same way, there’s something in you that’s made me envy you. I don't know what, maybe it's just how you handle everything, how you’re so appreciative of everyone? Or how kind you are but because of that I want to always be with you, because if I can’t have it myself, I’ll settle with admiring someone who has what I want.”
Toya lifted his head up and met Akito’s eyes. “Akito..” He whispered, with tear stained cheeks and glossy eyes. “I think… I like you a lot.. Like more than a friend. I think that’s why I keep trying to push you away because I really feel like I need to throw up right now. It’s been eating me alive, and I will understand if you think I’m weird or just don't like me.”
“Me too.” Akito let out a little laugh, squeezing Toya closer.
“..You too?” Akito smiled at him, leaning in to kiss his tears away.
“I like you too, Toya, A lot. if it wasn’t obvious.”
Toya let a soft laugh out, smiling ever so slightly, at Akito. “I guess I didn’t realize…” He took a deep breath before mumbling, “What are we, then?”
“Whatever you us to be, I don’t really care as long as I’m with you.”
“Okay. Me too, then.”
Akito laughed and hugged Toya tighter than before. They collapsed on the bed enjoying the warmth they both emitted. Toya felt himself relax in Akito’s embrace and his eyes slowly closed again, tired from the spilled tears. Toya allowed himself to scoot closer into Akito embrace and let his eyes shut.
I think everything will be okay from now on for now at least, now that we've cleared the air and come to a consensus.
As long as we are by each other's side, we’ll teach each other how we see the world and the things we envy.
And of course with everything we’ve learnt,
we’ll learn to love each other wholeheartedly.