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When will you ever smile?
The question was never spoken aloud by the staff who kindly tended his home for him, but Toya wasn’t stupid. He knew they pitied him, stuck in the palace his entire life – barely stepping foot onto the town square. The antagonizing looks had roughed up Toya so much he’s learned to not waste any time on childish thoughts. Who are they to pity? Honestly, I don’t understand why they would think I’m suffering, but I suppose it’s because I haven’t had the chance to step outside the grounds of the palace. With his future set, in the fate of his fathers hands, he couldn’t feel any more happy. Without the worry of choosing a path, he was destined to follow the footsteps of his father before he was even born.
Life is too easy. I love it, Toya thought. Life is way too easy.
For the past eighteen years, Toya had lived in the gray palace plastered with family portraits and relics of past generations, and he was content with it all. He never craved for anything and certainly nothing less; he was born to serve by his name and there were never any objections. The routine was carved into him. Everything was fine, just fine, nothing more to it.
As of recently, Toya dived deeper into the world of his studies and became more intrigued with the villagers residing in his family’s kingdom. Books he’d never seen in his life somehow slid themselves into his hands. He was sure he had read the entirety of the library at least twice and even memorized all the titles and authors alphabetically. Confused at this sight, he paid the librarian a visit.
The door creaked open, and the sound caused a small figure hiding behind books had poked their head out.
“Ah! Greetings, Prince Aoyagi. How may I assist you?” She trotted over to him, a smile beaming on her face.
“Hi Kohane, I was just wondering where you got these books from. I thought I finally read the library top to bottom, but this book surprised me.” He looked over at the blonde girl who was hunched over a pile of thick books. He picked up a few books helping her carry them to a pile of disorganized books.
“A new book? I don’t remember putting a new book out…let me see it.” She took the book from his hands, admiring it closely. “Oh my goodness! This is the latest book in the series I’ve been reading! Where did you get this? It’s been sold out literally everywhere…! Oh goodness… is this a first edition? There are a few misprints and everything! This is so valuable, Prince Aoyagi!” She looked at him awestruck, eyes glistening.
That’s weird, I was sure it was Kohane’s and it just made its way to my study by accident.
“Oh, if it isn’t yours then whose is it?” She looked at him confused, and looked back at the book. She started flipping through it, looking at the pages very closely.
“Hmm… I’m not really sure?” She paused, flipping through the book once more, when she got to the end she shook the book upside down causing something to slip out of the book. “Oh my!” She reached down to grab it, releasing a gasp as she read the slip of paper.
“It’s addressed to you..? Prince Aoyagi.” He took the paper from his hands, unfolding it carefully before reading it.
Dearest Aoyagi Toya,
We met in a dream - you were laughing in it
That clear and beautiful laugh rings next to my ears
I touched it with my fingers and it fell into silence
Yours truly,
Dawn.
“O-oh.. So that’s what it says! I guess you have an admirer!” Kohane laughed it off, averting her eyes to the dusty bookshelves. “Hey, sorry, I should get back to cleaning! Feel free to stay until you’d like.”
Toya’s face was flushed with embarrassment and confusion. He stood there, stuck in his own world as Kohane swifted the dust off the shelves. First of all, Kohane shouldn’t have read that at all… Second? A love letter? An admirer? Was it even a love letter? He quickly made his dedication. He had to get to the bottom of this now .
Ugh, I guess I should ask Kohane since she already read it, too…
“Hey… Kohane. Can I ask you a question?”
She looked over with her brown curious eyes, clearly still very intrigued by the letter. She nodded, walking back over towards him with the broom in her hands.
“Assuming, you’re asking about the person, I honestly don’t have any idea, it must be someone outside the palace grounds – but who? We’re so heavily monitored and guarded, not just anyone could sneak past undetected.” He looked at her helplessly. “Then who could it be?” If Kohane didn’t have a clue, then he certainly wouldn’t have an idea either.
Unless?
“Hey, do you know about the phantom thieves that've been causing a ruckus recently?” He eyed Kohane carefully, taking in her reaction to him. She looked at him a bit confused, more-so surprised.“Yes, but you think it's them?” She asked carefully.
There’s a chance it could be, even if the suggestion seems ridiculous.
The idea of the phantom thieves were a bit childish, as they never performed harmful hijinks. They focused on creating a heartwarming show for the townsfolk to enjoy, though their ‘disruptions’ were apparently enough to hold a handful of money above their heads as they were not permitted to perform in the square.
“It’s possible I think, I wouldn’t underestimate their skill.” The room fell into silence as they continued rearranging and dusting the shelves. “I guess you’ve got a thief trying to steal your heart now, best be on guard from now on.” Kohane let out a small laugh as she broke focus from neatly stacked books. He smiled back at her. “I suppose it would be quite tragic if I were to fall in the hands of the thief.” They both laughed, continuing to clean, until Toya’s presence had been summoned for dinner.
—
It had been weeks since the first card was sent to Toya. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he sighed as he sipped his coffee, sliding his attention back to the novel he was reading. He had spent the days rereading the mysterious novel whenever he had time, hoping to seek out hidden details his admirer had written in the book. But he didn’t. He sighed, causing a few loose strands to float and settle back against his forehead.
So much for a thrilling adventure. It’s so intriguing though, could it have been a foolish prank? For them to throw me off my foot? Want me to seek freedom once and for all? Lure me to the edge of hope then open the latch and send me down to the depths of despair?
The sound of wheels echoed against the pavement as the shakiness caused the cups to jingle. A servant had made their way towards Toya as he was lost in thought. They stood at the table staring at him, not sure if it was the right time to intervene. Letting out a jump as Toya sighed again they took this chance to speak.
“A-Uhm! Your Highness, can I help you with anything?” It took him a second to register that the servant was there but nevertheless he smiled and shook his head. “I’m okay, Honami. Thank you. Ah, you can take my plate of cookies. I've had my share.” She nodded before bowing and taking off with the plate of cookies in her hands. He watched as she headed back inside. Once she had disappeared from his sight, he turned back to his book.
“ I just, over and over again, keep envisioning a new kind of future ”
Is that… singing? Toya looked around but his eyes never settled on anyone when their voice faded out. Weird, maybe I’m just hearing things? He stood up, scanning the garden paths and didn’t discover anything out of the ordinary. Yeah, I'm sure going crazy, maybe the people are right, maybe I’m stuck inside too much, which leads me to lack understanding of my surroundings.
“ I've been searching for a place where we can laugh ”
Wait, there it is again! Toya’s body involuntarily followed the voice, taking him to an overgrown area of the garden, untended for what looks like ages. Regardless, Toya took a liking towards it. It was something that defied the rules of neat, proper and appealing to the eyes of the rich, rules he seemed to abide by for the sake of his father’s old little heart. The garden was not by any means unflattering, he could see the wildlife flourishing, enhancing the beauty of nature at its finest works. His body moved on its own closer to the mess, Toya’s body seemed to have noticed a bench in which he quickly inched towards it, practically tripping and falling forwards onto it. He closed his eyes to brace the impact but it never came as he felt a pair of warm hands around his shoulders.
“W-woah! Way to warn me of your presence, jeez dude! Are you okay?” The boy seated on the bench steadied him and stared at Toya with wide, concerned eyes.
“Oh, my deepest apologies… I didn’t mean to… you know… fall into you. I tripped. Sorry about that.”
The orange haired boy threw his head back, breaking out in laughter. “Obviously! It’s okay, though, just making sure you’re okay!” He leaned forward, opening his eyes again to look at Toya. He froze, his jaw dropped ever so slightly when he recognized who Toya was. “Holy shit, you’re Prince Aoyagi! Oh shit – oh wait, I mean…fuck… Uh, sorry ‘bout my language and manners!” He shot up from his seat holding out his hand to shake Toya’s. Toya took it gladly, shaking it.
Wow. What an interesting guy.
“Oh wait, what are my manners? I completely forgot to introduce myself. The name’s Akito! Shinonome Akito! You can call me Akito” They made eye contact again, but Akito looked away with a sheepish look on his face.
“Pleased to meet you, Akito. Uhm, please feel free to call me Toya.”
“Sweet, okay.” He paused mumbling to himself. “First name basis with the prince soo sweet. God, what the hell.” Toya stared at him, taking in the features of the freckled boy. His cheeks lightly dusted with a pink hue complimenting the messily styled hair. Toya hadn’t really realized he was so close to Akito until he could feel his warm breath against his face. “Uhm…you can…sit if you’d like” He patted the seat next to him. He plopped down next to Akito, letting the view sink into his skin. The fountain in front of them was overgrown with vines, woven into the cracks. Rainwater collected from the last few years gave life to the mossy water. He watched the leaves and wildlife flutter around him. He took a deep breath, taking in the smell of florals that surrounded him.
“I’ve never seen you around here before. How’d you get within the palace grounds?” He took a glance at the boy next to him as he waited for his response.
“I was commissioned by the King recently. I’m a poet.” Akito let his eyes wander across Toya, and he noted the way his hair drooped just a little below his eye. He let his eyes drift down further, stopping at his hands. He froze, breath caught in his throat. “How do you like that book?”
“It’s wonderful, it’s something I’ve never read up until now. I’ve reread it numerous times now, each time I find something new, pulling me deeper into the world. Oh, also what’s more interesting about it is it showed up in my study one day.”
“Mm.. is that so? That’s good to hear then.”
“Have you read it before?”
“Nah, been wanting to though, I’ve heard it’s good.”
“Ah, I see. Anyway, is it possible I can read any of your works?”
“Uhm, I’m not sure if you’d like any of my works”
“How can you be so sure when you’ve just met me?”
“It’s just…doesn’t really seem like it’d suit you that’s all…”
“Well, that’s a bit rude and contradicting isn’t it? Assuming my tastes? What’s the saying…‘Don’t judge a book by its cover?’”
“Okay. Now you’re making me feel bad.” He reached into his jacket pocket pulling out a black leather bound notebook. “Fine, I’ll show you some short works.” He sighed as he flipped through the pages of his pocket sized notebook finally landing on a page he was satisfied with. He handed Toya the notebook, watching him carefully as he read.
“I just, over and over again, keep envisioning a new kind of future
I've been searching for a place where we can laugh”
Toya looked at him and smiled, “Hey, isn’t that what you were singing earlier? Are you a bard as well?”
Akito groaned in disbelief, covering his face. “Oh, good god. You heard that?”
“Yeah, it was really beautiful. That’s how I found you, I followed your voice.”
He ignored the comment, looking away. “…I don’t really sing. I kinda just write lyrics for my friend and she usually performs them in taverns and other public spaces.”
“Can you sing me something right now?”
“Right now? You have terrible timing dude.”
Toya just looked at him with a gentle smile and pleading eyes.
“God…” Toya watched as Akito closed his eyes, taking in a long breath.
“The reflected scenery starts to turn deep crimson,
The more I wish for it, the unknown story begins to shine.
Even now we stay like this, I wish we stay like this forever
And never forget about this”
Toya held his breath, there was something about it that stood out to him so much. It felt so personal and directed towards him. It described the feeling of yearning, the fear of changing into the unknown. “Akito, that was lovely, did you come up with that just now?”
“I guess so? I had a broad idea of what I wanted to write before, but everything just clicked now.”
You’re brilliant. I wish you could keep singing for me, Toya thought, a smile stretching across his lips. Silence had taken over and they sat there for a few more minutes before Toya stood up.
“I should probably head back, they’ll be searching for me soon enough. See you around.”
"See you.” Akito watched Toya disappear through the leaf door before he muttered, “I’m afraid we will not be meeting again anytime soon, unfortunately . ”
—
Just when Toya thought his life was pulling forward with steady motion, Toya received a letter a week or two after he met Akito. Followed by another two weeks, two more came. Toya and Akito never crossed paths since the first time. Almost reaching two months, Toya couldn’t help but feel a bit lonely. He longed for the freckled boy, he wanted to escape to him and compel to the gnawing whim that had clouded his mind. Toya had expected to maybe catch a glimpse of the boy on the palace grounds but it was like he vanished, truly a figment of Toya’s imagination. God, this is so weird. I never expected Akito, out of everyone, to make me feel like this. Like I want to break the routine just to go see him?
Trying to ease his mind from the unsteady chain of thoughts, he focused back on the book in hand. Tonight, the moon was clouded by rain clouds, regardless Toya still enjoyed the view from his balcony. He spotted the garden from earlier and smiled, despite living here his entire life he never paid attention to it, not until Akito brought life to the untended garden.
There was a sudden rustling beneath him, breaking his train of thought. Toya leaned over the ledge a bit, squinting to see if he could make out the culprit.
“Hello?” He called out. He heard a string of curse words. He listened more closely and he realized there was more than one person there. He called out to them again. The voices shushed each other. God whoever it is, they are terrible at being stealthy,
“Pancake Monster, you suck at this. Jeez, we didn’t even make it to the window yet and we’ve been spotted!”
“Stop calling me that! That's not my name!”
“Yeah yeah..Whatever. Anyways. What are we supposed to do now?”
“No fuckin’ idea.” The two of them sat in silence for a couple more seconds before one of them broke the silence.
“Hey it’s silent, you think he’s gone?”
“Ar-“
“I’m still here.” Toya said, still peeking over the edge. He leaned a little further still trying to piece out the two intruders. “Who are you guys? And what’s your business here?” They went silent again, not knowing what to do; they just hid in the shadows, expecting Toya to give up eventually. Still trying to make shapes out of the shadows, he leaned forward, but his foot slipped a bit causing him to slip forward tumbling over the railing. He yelped as he slipped, grasping for one of the poles. Barely catching the ledge, his heart pounded against his rib cage.
“Oh god! Are you okay?!” The grass shuffled underneath their feet as they scurried closer to Toya.
“Do we help him?”
“Obviously dumbass! He’s the fucking Prince?!”
“And because you ha– OW! Rude much!”
“Sun, what did you expect ?????”
“I don’t know! Didn’t Moon specifically say not to get involved with the Prince if anything goes wrong? To abort the mission?”
“He’s hanging off the fucking edge, Sun, if you didn’t realize. He’s in danger? We’d be cooked and sentenced to exile if we let anything happen to him!”
“Uhhm…you guys, is it a little too late to say I have a really really bad fear of heights?” Toya could feel his wet fingers start to unravel from the pole as he lost his grip.
“Oh god, what the hell were you thinking then hanging over the ledge like you were gonna jump, then?! Oh— Don’t tell me you were gonna com-“
“Don’t be stupid, Dawn! Get it together! Okay, fine, we’re helping you down from there. Just wait, Your Highness!”
“I don’t really have any other place to go…”
The three of them were being over dramatic as the balcony wasn’t that high off the ground, around four to five feet. It just seemed a lot higher than usual tonight. Toya’s room was designated a floor lower than the other members of his family due to his fear of heights and him wanting to enjoy the fresh air and view whenever he decides to refresh him after being holed up in his room for so long.
To Toya’s disappointment, he wasn’t able to make out the two enigmatic bodies in front of him, well disguised – even their hair. The only thing he could distinguish between the two was, one was a boy and the other was a girl around his age, only because he was caught in the arms of the boy whilst the girl expressed her fears of him falling apart.
“I deeply appreciate you for your help and apologize for the troubles.” He offered a hand of apology. The girl shook his hand nodding at him.
“No worries! Glad you’re all safe now!” She nudged the boy whispering, “Might as well just complete your mission now.”
“…Guess you’re right” The boy fumbled around with his jacket pocket for a bit before pulling out a familiar looking card, a card Toya’s been receiving sporadically these past few months.
Toya’s eyes lit up, “You’re the one who’s been sending me these letters!” He looked to meet the masked boy’s eyes only to see nothing but the tree that stood behind the boy just a minute ago.
“Hello? Where’d you gu-“
He felt something soft, like a cloth press against his nose and before he could fight against it, he felt the world closing in on him.
—
The blinding white light woke Toya up.
A dream?
Toya leaped out of bed running over the balcony. Looking over the edge carefully this time. He made his way back into his room, towards his desk he noticed his desk was not how he last left it. The letter I received from last night is here, that means it wasn’t just a dream. But how did I end up back here? Maybe the two of them snuck me backup here now that I think about it. I don't remember what happened after they disappeared. He walked back outside taking in the view of the garden. It looked like a maze from where he stood but the leaves had woven themselves into the cracks of the surface. His eyes searched for the boy he’d been longing for these long months. To his surprise he did see the boy, heading towards the overgrown garden. He turned around quickly, jumping at the sight of the maid standing behind him.
“Pardon me, Your Highness.” Honami bowed, a soft smile lit up her face.
“Ah, Honami. Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
“Yes…may I assist you with anything?”
“Not at the moment..” He paused. Wait a minute, this is my chance! “Actually, if anyone calls for me, could you say I’m a bit busy? I’ll be walking in the gardens, but you don’t need to mention that to them.” He smiled at her and she bowed, taking her leave. Soon after she left, he clambered over the balcony, his legs and arms shaking and numb before closing his eyes and jumping down. He took a light tumble, which knocked the air out of him. He laid on the ground for a few moments before opening his eyes, the sun blinding him. He watched the clouds, drawing out shapes in his head.
So this is what death feels like then.
He laid there for a couple more minutes until a warm voice called out to him. That singing, its Akito’s. He scrambled to his feet quickly building speed as he trailed the voice. The willow tree? He’s going to the willow tree? It was an odd spot for anyone, even for a commoner within the palace. He smiled, as it was a spot he appreciated himself, one he never visited enough. Though he rarely had the chance to escape nowadays, as his father had wanted him to focus on learning the etiquette of neighboring countries prepping for the day where he finds his bride. Toya’s breath continued to race unsteadily, as he grew closer to the tree and the singing became more clear. His heart warmed at the lyrics and smiled, forcing himself to push forwards even faster. He pushed away the hanging branches covering the entrance, racing towards Akito, sitting down with a serene look on his face. His feet pounded against the ground, leaving the fallen leaves to crunch, catching the attention of the seated boy.
“Toya?!” Akito's throat let out a strangled sound as Toya jumped into his arms causing Akito to fall onto his back. Toya’s arms squeezed around Akito, letting out a laugh.
“I’ve missed you so much!” Toya’s grin seemed to shake Akito’s insides as he grew warmer, melting into Toya’s embrace. He was pulled into another hug. He smiled as he took in the scent of the blue haired boy on top of him. “Goodness, Akito, you don’t understand…” Toya breathed heavily on top of him, he cupped Akito’s cheeks staring into his eyes with so much fondness.
“Sorry… I need to catch my breath… Forgot my… my stamina is horrendous.” Akito laughed, looking at Toya, who still had his hands on his face.
“Akito… has anyone ever told you how pretty you are? Your eyes, despite them being a beautiful green shade, I still can see the constellations in them...” Toya brushed thumb against his cheek, admiring the sun-kissed skin littered with freckles.
Akito was still beneath him, warm but frozen. With flushed cheeks, Akito pulled Toya down, connecting their lips. Toya felt his heart burst into flames, his body flooded with heat. His thoughts had turned into a broken record player as it repeated the same word over and over. More . Despite how overwhelmed he felt, he craved for more. Deepening the kiss, he squeezed Akito tighter, not wanting to let go. Not wanting for this chance of happiness to slip away so easily like it did last time. He felt Akito’s hand on his chest, pushing him back. He opened his eyes to Akito staring up at him. Toya leaned down for another kiss but Akito shook his head.
“Sorry.. Need a moment to catch my breath” He sat up, Toya following movement as well. They sat there for a few moments, before Toya moved to sit beside Akito, interlacing their hands.
“Can you sing me something?” Toya murmured, leaning over to rest his head on Akito’s shoulder letting out a sigh of content.
“You have terrible timing…But ‘course I can” He cleared his throat before taking a long steady breath.
“We met in a dream - you were laughing in it
That clear and beautiful laugh rings next to my ears
I touched it with my fingers and it fell into silence”
Those words… I’ve heard– no seen those before!
Toya sat up straight in distraught. He grabbed Akito’s shoulders, shaking him as he spoke, “Akito! You–you’re Dawn?” He let out a shaky breath.
Akito’s eyes widened as Toya stared at him ecstatically. “Oh fuck, you weren’t s’pose to know that” He groaned, flopping towards the ground with his head in his hands.
“Oh my god, Akito. You’re Dawn!” He leaned over to Akito, grabbing his wrists. His smile was contagious, but Akito was too embarrassed to return it. Toya laughed, hugging Akito. “I can’t believe it… to think that I fell in love with you and your writing…That explains how I’ve never seen you around the palace these last few months!! Oh, but I did see you last night, no? Akito…You’re pretty bad at being a phantom thief you know?”
“Oh my god Toya. You’re insufferable! It’s not my fault! I’m new to that whole thing and it didn’t help that I was partnered up with a newbie as well!” Toya just laughed until his stomach hurt and felt like he couldn’t breathe. He calmed down after a while and they laid in each other arms for long enough for Toya to feel his eyelids droop. He forced himself awake, he didn’t want this moment with Akito to end yet, so he sat up taking Akito’s hand into his once again. He looked over at the boy with such a serene look on his face as his eyes were closed, basking in the sunlight slipping through the cracks of the willow tree branches.
“Akito, tell me, when you hold my hand, what do you see?” Silence had fallen over them, but Toya waited patiently for Akito’s response. He looked off into the distance where the leaves and bushes swayed left and right.
“I can see the ice mounds melt, uncovering the beauty of nature. Where an opportunity has opened its hands, where the chance to escape reveals itself. I can see a place—no, a future with you, when I hold your hand. No matter what season it is, sunburnt or frostbitten, I’ll always want to be with you, even if it’s a selfish desire.”
Toya’s cheeks warmed by the response. He grinned at Akito, who looked at him with a soft smile. It was a side Toya wants to keep seeing in the future. He leaned into Akito’s touch before speaking softly, “I don’t think it’s selfish to want something like this, even if the odds are against it. I wish we could stay like this forever, too. It's scary to imagine what the future will hold for me more importantly, the nation– but I know I’ll never forget about this day, when everything starts to overflow with crimson, this day where we are together. I’ll always remember, just like that phrase you sang earlier. With something so heartwarming to resonate with my heart, I’ll still shout for you.”