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Six months had finally passed. Six months from the day Ryuunosuke had made that fateful deal with the weretiger. Six months since he’d forever intertwined his and the tiger’s fate. One would kill the other. It was the only option, the only way either of them were to die. They were always going to reach this point; one dead at the hands of the other. That had been the future Ryuunosuke directly established when he agreed to the weretiger’s terms and set the date.
Atsushi was destined to end up with his forehead pressed to the barrel of Ryunnosuke’s gun.
They were both beaten bloody, aching, and shaking with exhaustion. Ryuunosuke had the weretiger pinned to the ground, too drained to fight, too debilitated to do anything other than lay limply against the cold cement and wait for Ryuunosuke to pull the trigger. Ryuunosuke’s free hand was clutching at the weretiger’s ripped button down, as his other hand shook violently where he was pressing the pistol to the tiger’s head. He was kneeling over his weak form, knees on either side of the other man’s body. From this close, Ryuunosuke could see every individual silver eyelash where they fluttered against the weretiger’s cheekbones.
Ryuunosuke tried to force himself to pull the trigger. His hand shook harder, but his right pointer finger refused to squeeze that dangerous trigger. One light touch and the weretiger would never bother him again. Even Byakko couldn’t recover from a direct shot to the head. One squeeze of that trigger and he could put an end to their entire rivalry. He won, it was almost over, he just had to finish it.
Evidently agreeing with Ryunnosuke’s internal monologue, the weretiger spoke up for the first time since Ryuunosuke got him pinned. “Are you gonna pull the fucking trigger?”
Ryuunosuke felt rage burn through his body. The weretiger thought he was so smart. He couldn’t even keep his mouth shut on his deathbed. The apple doesn't fall far, he thought bitterly. He used the base of the gun to deliver a swift hit upside the tiger’s head, and bit out a quick “shut up.”
The weretiger turned his head and spit blood to the cement next to them, but otherwise kept his mouth shut, as Ryuunosuke pressed the gun back to his head. His hair was spread out around him, creating a silver halo around his head. There was blood in his hair, bruising all over his face, and his lip was split and caked with dried blood, but even like this Atsushi was beautiful. His sunset eyes were gently shut in resignation as he prepared for his life to end. Ryuunosuke had never seen a more angelic being.
This was hardly the first time Ryuunosuke had thought such things about the other. Atsushi was heaven incarnate, and Ryuunosuke couldn’t help being pulled into his light. The deep ugly part of Ryuunosuke wanted to snuff out that light for good, but the stronger part wanted to keep it close to his heart and cherish it. Ryuunosuke hated everything about the soft warm feelings the other awoke in him. He hated the way they infested their rivalry, making it softer. He hated the way they made him feel like he’d never be good enough. Hated the way they made him want to be better.
Hated the way they made his hand shake as he held a gun to Atsushi’s head.
He needed to end this. He could kill his feelings for the weretiger along with the man that caused them. Dogs weren’t worthy of such feelings anyway.
He’d made a promise, a deal. He couldn’t back out of it now. The last six months had been leading to this exact moment. Six months of training, practicing, and preparing (six months of joint missions, shared lunches, and soft conversations.)
He should end this right here, right now, and finally prove that he’d been stronger than this stupid cat the entire time. Prove that he didn’t need Dazai’s approval, despite finally being worthy of it. Prove that Dazai never should have left him.
There was no other way out.
One of them had to die.
He could feel his thoughts spiraling, but he was powerless to stop it. Unable to do anything but kneel over the weretiger and tremble, struggling to pull the goddamn trigger.
Ryuunosuke was snapped out of it by the weretiger shifting underneath him. With great effort he used unstable arms to push himself up a couple of inches, pushing himself harder against the warm barrel of Ryuunosuke’s pistol, a silent repetition of the words he’d said a couple of minutes ago.
Ryuunosuke looked at Atsushi’s stunning eyes as they fluttered shut again, and made a decision.
One of them had to die.
He watched as Atsushi’s eyes shot open, and smiled as he pushed the gun to his own temple. This was the only outcome. Setting the angel in front of him free of the destiny the devil had bestowed upon him six months ago.
Pulling the trigger was significantly easier this time.
The bullet hit the ceiling as the weretiger flipped their positions, throwing the gun across the room, and sitting on Ryuunosuke’s thighs, pinning him to the ground. Ryuunosuke wondered idly how Atsushi had gotten the energy to do such a thing.
He felt inhuman nails digging into his shoulders as the tiger shook him violently. He realized with a start that Atsushi was saying something, and tried to get past the ringing in his ears to listen.
“What the actual fuck were you thinking?!? Are you insane!?!”
Ryuunosuke could only stare blankly, as Atsushi looked at him expectantly. Ryuunosuke couldn’t respond if he wanted to. The abrupt change of plans had rendered him completely speechless, and the gun going off so close to his head had left him dazed.
He noticed sluggishly that there were tears running down Atsushi’s face. Without thinking Ryuunosuke cupped his face and thumbed the tears from his cheeks. Atsushi wasn’t supposed to cry, this was for him anyway. Why would the weretiger care for such a trivial thing as Ryuunosuke’s life?
Then Ryuunosuke was being pulled into a crushing hug, his head gently cradled against Atsushi’s shoulder, as his form shook with sobs. Ryuunosuke felt a wet patch under his own face, and realized belatedly that he was crying too. He let himself relax into the soft, warm embrace of the other, crying quietly into Atsushi’s chest. For the first time ever, Ryuunosuke let himself be held.
When Atsushi pulled back, Ryuunosuke grabbed both sides of his face, and pulled him into a bruising kiss. It was chaste and violent, but it was also passionate and determined, so very much like their relationship. Atsushi peppered gentle, featherlight kisses all over his face in return, and ended with one gentle kiss to his mouth, sighing into the warmth there before pulling away.
“We need to get out of here and get cleaned up.”
Ryuunosuke nodded absentmindedly.
Atsushi looked at him seriously, “...then we’re talking about this. That was fucking scary, and you better not do anything like that again.”
Ryuunosuke coughed into his hand, effectively clearing his throat. “I apologize for scaring you, Weretiger. It won’t happen again.”
“Good. Don’t make me live without you, Akutagawa.”
Ryuunosuke was taken aback by the care in Atsushi’s voice. “I just tried to kill you?”
It was more of a question when he said it. A question practically begging the other for answers. How could Atsushi forgive every terrible thing Ryuunosuke had done to him? How could he care for such a terrible and broken man?
Atsushi smiled brightly and answered every question simply. “But you didn’t.”
Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes and whispered, “and I’ll never try again.”