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Sonic could never keep his attention on something for long. It wasn't long after Maddie and Tom had gotten him his first phone that they learned to occasionally make their silly blue son sit down and delete a bunch of apps that he'd downloaded for fun and immediately forgotten about. Some of them caused a little bit of trouble, and he promptly had to be taught about the dangers of just clicking shiny buttons involving dollar signs, but Sonic was a good kid and promised to stick to free apps like wooden block puzzles or the occasional free to play MMO (with Maddie vetting what he signed up for through his email, of course).
When Tails and Knuckles came along, the types of apps on Sonic's phone suddenly changed. Tom noticed a quick search dictionary that was showing a lot of use. Maddie discovered a star chart mere days later. When they started seeing bird call recognition apps they decided to get the boys more books that they could pour over together.
The real kicker was when Tom caught Sonic asking Tails why Duolingo didn't have an option for ancient Echidnae runes, yet had entire courses on Klingon. It turned out Sonic was attempting to learn another language because Tails had made a neat translation app while they were on the run from Knuckles and wanted to refine it. Knuckles offered to teach them Echidna during their down time, much to everyone's surprise (usually he was kind of a loner and was too busy trying to get used to living in Montana where the rules were different). Tom and Maddie were very happy their kids were learning more about the world and were all for it.
Until about four months later when a black hedgehog with red stripes showed up.
The first time they saw him was during a post baseball game picnic. Everyone went from chatting happily to on their feet and wary as the new stranger approached from the treeline with a purpose, red eyes locked in a dead stare on Sonic. Knuckles stood protectively in front of Tom and Maddie and Tails hid behind Sonic, all of them prepared for a fight.
The dark hedgehog strode right on up to them until he was within less than five feet of Sonic, opened his mouth, and began speaking.
"Hola usuario BlueBlrr, soy de Duolingo. Tienes cuatro meses de retraso en tus lecciones."
Everyone stood there in silence. No one moved. Somewhere a cricket chirped.
Tom cleared his throat. "Uh, Mads?"
"Yes Tom."
"That was Spanish, right?"
Maddie nodded. "Sure was."
"What'd he say?"
"Sonic is four months behind on his Duolingo lessons."
"Are you sure?" Sonic whispered loudly. "That sounded like a threat."
"Nope," Maddie said, popping the 'p' sound. "One hundred percent, absolutely certain. He said he's from Duolingo and Sonic is four months behind."
The black hedgehog nodded confirmation, his intense stare never once leaving Sonic's face. Sonic and Tom both fidgeted uncomfortably, Tom struggling with his instincts to hoist his son away and Sonic from bursting with questions. Tails was already fidgeting with his translation gadget again. Knuckles just looked lost.
"Mother? Please remind me what Duolingo is."
Maddie unlocked her phone and handed it to the echidna. "Language learning app. Sonic started it four months ago to learn Spanish."
Tails peeked around from behind Knuckles at the phone. "Don't they usually have an owl that gives you notifications?"
Sonic flinched.
"You muted the notifs, didn't you," Maddie said.
Sonic nodded.
Maddie took his phone and made a show of allowing the notifications while Tom squinted at the dark hedgehog.
"So... you're not here for like, the emeralds or anything? Aren't you one of these guys? ...Duolingo hires aliens?"
The stranger didn't reply or so much as flinch. The moment the notifications were back on, however, he smirked at Sonic.
"Lo sabré si no los completas."
He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a bright green flash. The Wachowskis shared a mutual look of bafflement.
"Well," Maddie said. "That was weird. Ice cream?"
The second time the black hedgehog appeared was about two weeks later. Sonic was out early in the morning for a run and had gone well out into the wilderness for a breath of fresh air when he noticed something following him. He skidded to a halt only to come face to face with the red striped stranger. Sonic yelped and flinched back. The stranger just folded his arms and looked at him.
"Dos tragos dobles de espresso frío."
Sonic peeked out from between his arms. The black hedgehog glared at him.
"Un cuarto de taza de leche."
"I-I started the lessons!" Sonic protested. "I did! Look," he squeaked, fumbling for his phone and shoving it at the other, "it's right here! I did this week's lesson!!"
"Dos cucharadas de azúcar morena clara compacta."
"Dos?? Dos, that's two, right?"
"Cuarto de cucharadita de extracto de vainilla."
Sonic paused.
Wait a second...
The stranger took a step forward. Sonic panicked and ran for it. To his absolute horror, the black hedgehog kept up with him, continuing to speak even at breakneck speeds that quite literally no other living being should have been able to manage. Even the Egg guy had to use a machine!
"Cuatro onzas de cubitos de hielo."
"How are you doing that?" Sonic shrieked.
The black hedgehog smirked at him and shot forward, outpacing him. Sonic gawked. Then he put on the real speed. They were shortly neck and neck, matching each other within nose-breadths.
Sonic had never run like this before. He'd run out of desperation from Eggman, and for fun all the time, but there was never a competitor laughing at him or, or to fight, or...
The black hedgehog launched off of a tree and did a triple axle spin, landing with a graceful pirouette before catching back up in the blink of an eye. That just wasn't fair. It was really cool.
And the whole time he still talking in Spanish.
"Coloque dos tomas dobles de espresso frío, o media taza de espresso instantáneo preparado en frío o café preparado fuerte, un cuarto de taza de leche, dos cucharadas de azúcar morena, un cuarto de cucharadita de extracto de vainilla y cuatro onzas de cubitos de hielo en una licuadora. Comience a baja velocidad y aumentando a alta velocidad, mezcle hasta que esté grueso, suave y cremoso, de veinte a cuarenta segundos."
"Whatever I did," Sonic wheezed, starting to turn towards home where Mom (and thus a translation) was, "I'm sorry! I'm doing my Duolingo lessons!"
In no time at all they were at the Wachowski's front doorstep. Sonic tripped over the front step and went tumbling inside in a messy ball of panic, rolling right into Knuckles' waiting hand. Sonic unfurled and leapt into a fighting stance, somewhat behind Knuckles, who was confusedly looking between himself and the dark hedgehog now standing in the doorway.
"Vierta en un vaso y cubra con crema batida," the hedgehog said, and vanished with another flash of green energy.
"...What did he say?" Knuckles asked.
"I don't know, man," Sonic sobbed. "I don't know."
The dark stranger didn't appear again for another two weeks. Sonic was just starting to relax a little bit, helped greatly by the fact that whenever he could he was stuck to the side of at least one family member. On Monday it was following Tom around all day, police cruiser or no. On Tuesday it was Tails, even if he got really bored sitting around watching his kid brother play with Crazy Carl's biplane. Wednesday it was Maddie's clinic, and he was kicked out at least once or twice for getting into trouble by letting out someone's dog on accident. Thursday he annoyed Knuckles so badly he got punched, but they made up over playing with clay and Knuckles teaching him about a thing called pottery.
Friday was when it happened. Sonic had completely forgotten the hedgehog existed in favor of playing baseball with Knuckles and Tails. The kit was the batter today, with Knuckles acting as the umpire and Sonic the pitcher.
Tails was the worst of them at hitting the ball. He could easily tell them how fast the ball was going just by eyeballing it (though he'd deny it, saying something about precise instruments and measurements), but he couldn't really hit the ball. Sonic and Knuckles had just started going easy on him in a wordless mutual agreement that playing fair involved helping out their little brother a little bit. Tails was still nervous about being the batter or the pitcher, but he was getting better.
Sonic was winding up for a nice easy curveball. He shot Knuckles a cocky grin and was taken aback by the stunned looks on his brothers' faces. Then he felt the left side of his body prickle, and he understood.
"Oh come on," he groaned.
"Te has atrasado en tus lecciones otra vez, BlueBlrr."
"My name is Sonic."
The black hedgehog bared his teeth. Sonic flinched back- he'd never seen anyone do that in real life, not even the drunk guys at the bar that he and Tom went to on their bonding excursion roadtrip thing when Tom officially met him, and to be honest it was a lot more intimidating in real life. That, and the hedgehog's teeth were a lot sharper than Sonic's own. They actually looked almost sharper than Maddie's kitchen knives, and that was pretty freaky. How did he not cut his own gums with teeth that sharp?
"Sonic."
"Okay that's actually worse, can you go back to-"
"Un taza de café."
"-using my- no? Can it at least-"
"Una media taza de leche."
"-wait until the game is- no? You're just gonna keep going?"
"Dos cucharadas de cacao en polvo."
Sonic's ears flicked. The black hedgehog had taken half a step closer and was staring intensely at him again, every word stated with ever so slightly more malice than the last.
"Okay, that last one sounded kinda familiar. Something about uhhhh..."
"Chocolate," Tails said helpfully.
Sonic glared at his brothers. Instead of helping or doing anything, Knuckles was reading over Tails's shoulder and Tails was- Tails was...
"Are you taking notes?"
"I'm curious!"
"Azúcar al gusto."
"Can you at least tell me what he's saying?" Sonic begged.
Tails opened his mouth, looked at the black hedgehog, and closed it. He shook his head. Knuckles snorted and waved at Sonic.
"A true warrior trains not only his body, but his mind. If you are behind on your lessons, Sonic, then you ought to do them until you have caught up."
Sonic groaned.
"Hervir el café del modo que guste y servirlo en una taza. En una cacerola, mezclar la media taza de leche con el cacao o chocolate y el azúcar. Llevar a fuego lento y revolver hasta que los ingredientes se mezclen completamente."
"Seriously, Tails, please! It's just gibberish to me!"
"Antes de que hierva, retirar la chocolatada del fuego y batir bien hasta que forme una espuma. Vertir la chocolatada sobre el café. Como toque especial puede espolvorear cacao, chocolate rallado o en polvo, o canela encima de la espuma."
"This sounds interesting," Tails said, not listening at all.
"Indeed. I am curious."
"Guys!"
There was a flash of light. Sonic looked over, unsurprised, to see that the hedgehog had left.
Well if that was how he wanted to play it...
Sonic could play this game. He could play this game forever if he needed to. He gritted his teeth and glared at his traitorous brothers.
Sonic didn't do another lesson at all for a while. So far the strange dude had shown up once every two weeks, so he figured he'd have at least until then to prepare himself for the next onslaught of words he didn't understand in a menacing tone.
He was wrong.
One week after the baseball game, Sonic woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. It was pitch black in his room, not even the usual fairy lights or trinkets giving off a sense of light. All he could see in the darkness was two glowing, glowering eyes staring into the depths of his sleep addled soul.
He refused to admit that he shrieked. And technically he didn't! Because a hand clamped over his mouth with a vice grip and muffled any sound he wanted to make. The stranger leaned in closer-
"We've been trying to contact you regarding your car's extended warranty."
And then he actually woke up, gasping for breath. Outside the birds chirped, and the twinkling rays of sun lighting up drifting bits of dust let him know that it was morning. All of the fairy lights in his room were on. Tails was peering at him with concern. Sonic pawed at his mouth and sat up, looking about him wildly. Nothing was disturbed, no other hedgehogs except himself, not so much as a hair out of place to let him know whether it was a nightmare or reality.
"Are you okay?" Tails asked meekly.
"This is going to sound really bad, but I think I'm watching too much TV."
Tails' jaw dropped. He recovered quickly and shook his head, putting on a serious expression. "You're right. That does sound bad, coming from you."
Sonic gave him a sidelong look.
"You might need to go touch grass," Tails said seriously.
They stared at each other for a minute. Sonic was the first to snort, followed very quickly by Tails' giggles.
Yeah right. There was no way Sonic of all people needed to go outside more often. Tom and Maddie could barely keep him inside, especially now that the entire town had gotten to know him. He was always out and about, exploring, getting bumps and bruises, coming home with a wild turtle and being sent out to put it back in the river four miles away and then told to wash his hands, being told Crazy Carl's totally not true but still true stories about things he'd seen in his youth, and so on so forth. Sure, he liked his comic books and TV, but Sonic was out in the sun touching grass all the time.
But he absolutely had to rethink that touching grass thing when they went downstairs only to find the black hedgehog sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee.
"Good morning, boys!" Maddie said cheerfully, pouring some batter into a pan on the stove. "Anybody hungry for pancakes?"
Sonic pointed at the black hedgehog and gawked. He looked between Maddie and the intruder upon his peace, nightmares, and now favorite spot in the kitchen, and also at Knuckles, who was sitting next to him as chill as could be. It took him a good few seconds to find his voice.
"W-wuh- mom! What is he doing here!? Why is- what!?"
"Don't point at people, Sonic, it's rude."
"Mom!!!"
"What? Shadow's very nice."
"He is very knowledgable about rocks," Knuckles added, as if this was any consolation.
Sonic paused and squinted. Tails ducked around him and sat at the remaining chair in the kitchen beside Knuckles, giving the black hedgehog a little wave. Said hedgehog nodded back and sipped his drink.
"Shadow?" Sonic echoed.
"That is his name." Knuckles shoved the syrup towards Tails as Maddie set a plate of pancakes in front of them.
"Oh. Huh." Sonic cleared his throat and put the dramatics back on. "So why is he in the kitchen!?"
"We were trading yoga routines," Maddie said easily. "Plus it's a cold morning, so I invited him in for coffee."
"He does yoga?"
Tom entered the kitchen and patted Sonic on the head on his way by to steal a pancake. "Morning Maddie, boys. Hello Shadow, nice to see you. Maddie, have you seen my keys?"
Sonic felt quite betrayed. "Even dad? I thought you'd be on my side!"
Tom gave him a confused look. "What? I am on your side! He specifically promised he wasn't after the master emerald or anything and no violence is allowed in the house or to any of you."
"So he's just a family friend now?"
Tom and Maddie shared a look. Maddie gestured at the hook on the wall that they'd installed to keep track of things like house keys for each of the boys. Tom, being one of the boys that needed to keep track of his keys, took them off the hook and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He gave Sonic's ears a brief scratch.
"Gotta go! See ya."
"Bye dad!"
"Good luck with your guardian duties, father."
Sonic grumbled and pulled out a chair at the kitchen table instead. Maddie set out a plate of pancakes for him and gave him a kiss on the head. He swatted her away, but she smoothed out his quills and there wasn't much he could do against that.
The rest of breakfast passed relatively peacefully. Maddie and Shadow had an irritatingly nice sounding conversation in Spanish, and when everyone was done eating Shadow left without incident. It was really irritating. It was even more irritating when Tails tried asking innocently about blended coffee drinks using his little translator thing.
Sonic grouchily went for a run.
It only got worse from there. Sonic continued to refuse to do his Duolingo lessons and Shadow appeared every Sunday for coffee and had irritatingly pleasant interactions with everyone except Sonic. Once in a while Shadow would just ominously spout something while looking dead at him, and Tails or Maddie would immediately write it down, and no one would tell him what it was. Even Knuckles was starting to pick it up.
Three weeks of this passed before Tom took pity on him. They went fishing together, just the two of them. Neither of them said anything about Spanish, or Duolingo, or Shadow, and for a day everything was right again.
When they got back Tails apologized for making him feel excluded. He still wouldn't share what the heck they were all hiding, though, and Sonic was really starting to feel- well, lonely. He wouldn't admit that he had a slight bit of a problem where he got depressed if he wasn't included, or that it reminded him of his entire childhood, and it wasn't like he felt hurt that his own family would hide something from him over a stupid app. It was almost enough to make him start working through the lessons again just so he could be in whatever stupid secret club this was turning out to be.
But then Shadow started showing up twice a week, following him around everywhere for exactly an hour on Wednesdays and just casually having coffee while they all ate breakfast on Sundays. And Sonic wasn't going to take that lying down. This was his family. He was going to fight back in just as petty a manner as Shadow was.
Sonic taught himself American Sign Language in a day. And the only person he talked to with it was Ozzie.
The following Wednesday, he waited. Like clockwork, Shadow appeared out of thin air at 9:00 AM sharp. Sonic ignored him and signed at Ozzie.
"What a try-hard. Does this guy shop at Hot Topic? Look at those stripes."
Shadow snorted. Sonic looked over. Shadow unfolded his arms and signed back.
"Your accent is off. You said 'plaid' instead of 'stripes'."
And then he disappeared.
This time, Sonic did scream.
It finally got to him when Shadow began following him around three times a week. Two weeks of that, having the occasional nightmare, and increased cuddle time on the couch where he was squished between Tom and Maddie for movie nights and slathered with affection was all he could take.
Sonic sat down and blew through his lessons as fast as his stupid phone would let him. He didn't even internalize any of it. He just wanted Shadow to stop hounding him and messing up his life.
On Sunday he came downstairs and slammed his phone down in front of Shadow. The black and red hedgehog silently sipped his coffee, unflinching, and met Sonic's eyes.
"Up. To. Date," Sonic snarled. "And I am deleting this app. Unsubscribing."
To prove his point, he made a show of going through the steps to stop using the app. He then deleted it, making sure to show Shadow every step of the process and ignoring the looks Maddie and Tom were giving him. Everyone else was silent.
The very stupidly cute sound of a kitten mewing sounded loudly through the kitchen. Shadow reached into his quills, and Sonic was quite stupefied as he retrieved a black phone and checked it. Shadow turned the screen back off, stored his phone, drained his coffee and stood up. He walked around the counter and held out his hand to Maddie.
"It was lovely chatting with you, ma'am."
"Oh! Uh. Y-yeah, it. Yeah," Maddie said, clearly stunned as well, and shook his hand.
"Have a nice rest of your day."
Shadow turned and strode right out the front door. Everyone stood there and gawked. Sonic was the first to recover, scrambling to follow after him.
"You knew English the whole time!?"
Shadow, now standing on the front porch, raised an eyebrow at him while typing something on his phone. Instead of answering Sonic, he marched down to the driveway and stood there with his arms crossed. Sonic followed him.
"So what was with the menacing statements? What was this great secret you all were keeping from me!?"
"Coffee recipes," Shadow stated.
"Cof- what."
"I am contracted by a company with an image to uphold," Shadow said. "It is unwise to use threats. I happen to have an excellent resting bitch face, as you have no doubt noticed, so coffee recipes work well when you do not know what they mean."
"Why coffee?"
"I happen to like coffee."
Sonic was floored.
The great secret- the thing driving him to feel lonely- was coffee recipes?
"Why wouldn't anyone tell me then?" he demanded angrily.
"Why did you start learning Spanish?"
"Because mom-"
Sonic scowled and scuffed his feet.
"Mom's got Latin-American family," he mumbled. "I overheard her saying something like it'd be nice to talk Spanish with someone so she could keep up her skill."
Shadow gestured behind him. Sonic blinked and turned to see Maddie standing on the porch with a slight frown, the rest of the family peeking through the windows or around the door in a terrible attempt to hide while still watching. She stepped down and wrapped Sonic in a tight hug.
"¡Estoy orgullosa de ti!" she said.
Sonic blinked. Then he blinked again. "Wait- wait I- I understood that. You're... proud of me?"
"And I'm sorry. It was unfair to make you feel excluded. Tails and I wrote down everything that was said, if you want to go back through and look at it."
"N-no, that's- I'm good. I don't really like coffee."
Maddie smiled at him and scritched his ears. Sonic wiped his eyes on her shirt by pretending to snuggle her.
They were all distracted by the approaching sound of an engine popping. Sonic looked up and watched in awe as a girl with blond hair and a sick black leather jacket rode up on a hot pink motorcycle, parking herself at the base of the driveway. She took off her helmet and shook out her hair, waving at Shadow, who waved back and trotted down to meet her.
"Hey, Hope."
"Hey! Done with your job?"
"Mmhmm."
"Neat. Where we going next?"
"Home, please."
The girl, Hope, unlatched a helmet and handed it to Shadow, who looked at it with disgust. Sonic bit his lip to keep from laughing.
"Do I really have to wear this?"
"Safety rules, kiddo! Auntie 'Ria would have my hide if you scratched up that face."
Shadow put the helmet on. Sonic really did burst out laughing this time at the comically wobbly and cartoony green owl now sitting on the hedgehog's head. It was huge and silly and perfect. Shadow's head turned in his direction- probably a glare- and he got on the bike behind Hope.
Maddie startled and waved. "Hey, Shadow! Text me that quill shampoo recipe!"
Shadow shot her a thumb's up. Hope revved the engine and the duo rode off down the street. Sonic cast Maddie a glaring side eye.
"You got his number?"
Maddie looked down at him. She put her hands on her hips.
"He knows good hygiene. Do you want to keep fighting me every time I try a new pet shampoo for your fur?"
"...Uh..."
"That goes for you too, mister," Maddie hollered, and suddenly Knuckles was nowhere to be seen.
Agent Stone bit his lip in intense concentration. With one final touch of his expert hands, the latte art was complete, displaying that magnificent moustache. He set the tool down and stared at the cup longingly.
"Such genius," he whispered. "Such... brilliance. Such a man. Cut down... too soon."
He bent down and was about to kiss the latte art when his door was knocked off its hinges. A dark figure stomped in and trampled over the fallen wood, leaping right onto the counter. The black and red hedgehog leaned in uncomfortably close to Stone's own face and bared its sharp fangs.
"Hola usuario TheOneTrueRobotnikFan, soy de Duolingo. Llevas tres meses en tus lecciónes."
Stone shrieked.