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Kryten had sent them off to the main bunkroom on Starbug while their future selves boarded. Lister is annoyed, Kryten has been acting odd towards him since the call. Not upset, not like he’s found out that Lister is going to die or anything, but just off. He’s been sending strange looks to Rimmer too, mostly when Lister sits near him or talks to him or even just looks at him. It's almost like he’s waiting for something to happen.
And he had asked Lister some weird questions earlier, like what he thought of Rimmer, or if he had found himself feeling unwell. Lister shrugs to himself. It’s probably nothing, just one of Kryten’s weird neurotic moments. He can be worse than Rimmer sometimes. He can’t wait for this all to be done and for everything to go back to normal. Still, he finds himself curious about what has Kryten acting so strangely, and so he rigs up a camera to see what's going on. All Kryten had said was that he isn’t dead, but he still wants to know what the smeg is going on.
He lets out a triumphant cheer as he gets the camera working and he immediately goes to check the feed, Rimmer and the Cat leaning in close in hopes to catch a look.
The older Rimmer swans in first, in a jewel blue suit. Lister rolls his eyes at the familiar pomp, then does a double-take as his eyes reach Rimmer’s face. Smeg, he looks good for his age. His curls have loosened into soft waves and there are grey hairs beginning to grow at his temple, but he carries the age well. Lister feels his neck go warm as the older Rimmer turns his head to smile at something off-screen.
The Cat slides in afterwards, his bright suit breaking Lister from his thoughts. It’s sparkly, in a deep purple colour and his hair has it’s classic bump, although it’s less high than he favours currently.
Kryten is next, although he looks about the same. His body seems newer, a different colour, but his head is similar to how it is currently, maybe slightly paler than the Kryten in front of him.
Lister's own future self walks in last and he grins. He's wearing a leather jacket covered in patches, similar to the one he favours currently, with a patterned shirt unbuttoned underneath. His face is lined and his hair is beginning to grey but he thinks he looks good. Older and maybe a little more serious than Lister is used to seeing himself, but he’s alive and upright and seems to have all of his limbs.
“Hey, I look good. I still got it.” Rimmer grumbles behind him at the news and Lister rolls his eyes. Cat vibrates impatiently at his right shoulder.
“What about me? Where am I?” Lister bats his hands away from the viewpoint.
“Not yet man, I’m still looking!” The older Rimmer comes back into view then, seating himself next to the other Lister. He studies him more carefully. He looks like the Rimmer standing just behind him and, at the same time, completely different. He's not as slim as he is now and lines are beginning to appear around his mouth, likely from his perpetual sneer. He looks good for a dead guy pushing sixty. Hell, watching him, Lister is forced to admit he’d look good for a living man pushing sixty too.
Rimmer, his Rimmer, is leaning in close now, trying to catch a glimpse of the screen.
“What, what is it? What do you see?” Lister shakes his head.
“Uh, nothing. Nothing man, everything is fine. You look-” he coughs. “Fine.” Rimmer shoves him aside, frowning.
“What do you mean, ‘fine’?” Lister watches him lean in to look. It's quiet for a few moments, aside from Cat’s impatient tapping of his foot, and Lister thinks back to how Kryten was acting earlier.
“I just don’t get what had Kryten so worried,” Lister says, arms crossed as he watches Rimmer, bent down to see the screen easier. “I mean, I'm alive and obviously not horribly injured, so-” He’s cut off by Rimmer spluttering, face turning red. He jerks away from the screen in shock. Lister quickly steps over, worried. He barely registers Cat pushing them both aside to look for himself, although they both jump a little at the pleased yowl that follows. Lister wonders if the future versions of them can hear it from the hold.
“What, what is it?” Rimmer shakes his head, eyes wide. Lister leans over Cat’s shoulder to get another look but, before he can, Rimmer slams his palm over the viewpoint. Cat huffs in annoyance and flounces over to the beds as Lister frowns, annoyed and a little worried. “Hey! What is it?”
Rimmer opens and closes his mouth a few times, then shakes his head. He swallows hard, seemingly steeling himself, before he uncovers the viewpoint and looks back in. His face, which had been slowly fading in colour, suddenly goes back to a violent shade of red. Lister shakes Rimmer's arm, only to be ignored, the other man seemingly transfixed by what he’s seeing. He tries to push Rimmer away from the screen but it’s like trying to move a mountain. Suddenly Rimmer lets out what can only be described as a squawk and lurches away. He looks at Lister for a long moment, face filled with horror and… something else, before he suddenly breaks the gaze and turns to sit down heavily on the bed closest to him. Cat watches from where he’s been lounging on Lister’s bed, disinterested. Lister pauses, looking at Rimmer's red face, before he shrugs, steeling himself, and leans back in to see.
On the screen the future versions of them and Kryten are sat at the metal table in the hold. Cat has his back to the camera and Lister can see that his hair is held back in a neat braid with a purple bow at the end. He smiles fondly at the familiar coordination, then his eyes drift across the screen to where his future self is sat.
The two of them are still sitting next to each other and for a moment Lister just watches, confused as to what could have set Rimmer off. Then, as he looks more closely, he realises with a dawning horror that their hands are entwined under the table. As he watches, the future him leans in towards Rimmer and mutters something, making the other man smile. He leans down and they share a brief smile, then Lister watches in horror as their lips meet. The Cat and future Kryten aren’t even looking, apparently uncaring about the whole thing. Uncaring about whatever virus or brain worm or weird mutant illness has caused two of their crew to act like this.
Sure, Lister has caught himself having a few stray thoughts about Rimmer. The first time they met, Lister had immediately clocked how attractive his new roommate was (of course, it had quickly been shattered the second Rimmer opened his mouth). But no matter how nice Rimmer is to look at, and no matter the fact that they almost get along these days, he still can’t ever imagine liking him enough to do this. To hold hands and whisper and kiss. Rimmer is a backstabbing coward who seems to have made his it his death’s goal to annoy Lister as much as possible. He would never go for him. And even if Lister let go of his (admittedly low) standards to date Rimmer, he can’t ever imagine Rimmer dating a man. He seemingly prides himself on his heterosexuality, always talking about the different ways he’s shagged birds (all lies, of course), or how in-demand he’d be on the almost impossible chance that they find real, actual women. Sure, Lister has sometimes thought that Rimmer could be overcompensating, but there’s no way the man would ever admit it to himself.
Or apparently there is. Because now this admittedly sexy, silver fox, future Rimmer has his arm around his future self’s shoulders and is whispering something to him, their heads tipped together. They look close, comfortable. Lister leans back enough to catch a glimpse of Rimmer out of the corner of his eye. Rimmer who has apparently been watching him, if the way he quickly snaps his head around to look at the far wall is any indication. Lister turns back to the screen, neck inexplicably hot, and watches as his Kryten begins to stammer, apparently having watched the future Rimmer and Lister canoodle for quite long enough.
“Sirs, if I may ask, has something happened?” Lister looks up at that, although his body stays turned in towards Rimmer’s.
“Hm? What do you mean Krytes?”
“Well, have you contracted a virus, been in contact with any reality-altering creatures or, forgive me for asking, completely lost your sanity?” That makes Lister turn in his seat properly, giving Kryten his full attention. Even future Cat tips his head to the side questioningly.
“No, of course not. What’s wrong, Kryten?” The mechanoid opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss for words.
“Then Mr Lister, please. Why are you acting like this? And with Mr Rimmer of all people?”
“Because I love him, of course.” Lister jerks with surprise. Love? His future self loves Rimmer? He can feel his Rimmer stepping closer, but he refuses to pull his eyes away from the viewfinder.
On screen, Kryten looks like he’s about to cry. The older Rimmer looks surprised and pleased, his cheeks dusted pink even as he puffs his chest out. The older Lister tips his head back slightly for a kiss and Lister finds himself transfixed. It lasts a long moment, until the future Cat finally deigns to look at them and makes a disgusted sound.
“I swear, can you two monkeys keep off each other for five minutes? I want to get the drive-thingy and get back to Red Dwarf stat. I've been wearing the same twenty outfits for the last month!” The two men pull apart and the older Lister smiles apologetically at Cat as Rimmer huffs in annoyance. The older Kryten nods empathically.
“He’s right sirs, we should be getting back to Red Dwarf.” He turns to Kryten, who has been watching the scene in stunned disbelief, and holds out a hand. “If you would, we would appreciate the time drive now. I’m starting to run low on fabric softener.” Kryten startles, turning his head away from the older Rimmer and Lister.
“Oh yes, of course.” He stands, and retrieves the time drive from the far side of the room. Lister watches, bewildered. Is Kryten just going to leave this be? The mechanoid holds out the time drive towards his future self, then hesitates, looking back over at where the older Rimmer and Lister are sitting, heads tipped together. They glance up, seemingly feeling Kryten’s gaze on them, and Lister is struck by how content they look.
When he first woke up from stasis and Holly told him that Rimmer would be his only company, Lister couldn’t think of anything worse. He had never thought that being with Rimmer would make him anything other than irritated. Even this quasi-friendship that they’ve settled into over the years would have been inconceivable, and he had started to think that this is the best they would ever get. But seeing them now, on that screen, Lister doesn’t know how it started but the last time he saw that expression on his own face was when he was with Kochanski. And smeg knows that Rimmer has probably never been that relaxed or happy.
Kryten seems similarly dumbstruck and his future self chuckles as he follows his gaze.
“Ah, I see. You’re still worried about Mr Lister.” Kryten nods. “I admit I was also worried when it began, Mr Lister with someone like Mr Rimmer. Someone so weaselly and underhanded and-”
“I’m sitting right here you know!” Despite the older Rimmer’s words, his face only holds a sort of familiar fond annoyance. It’s the sort of expression his Rimmer gives to his ribbing, only softer. Future Kryten continues.
“In any case, I began to see that my worries were unfounded. They are a very well suited couple indeed. They make each other better, and I’m sure Mr Rimmer’s time as-” Future Lister clears his throat loudly and makes a cutting motion.
“Careful Krytes, you don’t want to spoil the surprise.” Kryten watches the four of them carefully for another moment before sighing in resignation.
“I see. Well, if you truly think there’s nothing amiss, I suppose I must agree with you.” He holds the time drive back out again and future Kryten takes it with a smile. The Cat jolts up from where he had been lounging, bored, with a wide grin.
“If you’re done talking about the most boring relationship in the world, can we go now? I have some napping to do.” Rimmer and Lister stand too and the four of them say their goodbyes to Kryten. The mechanoid stammers a little when it comes to addressing Lister, but he manages to keep his composure. Lister is impressed.
As they file out of the room to head back to their own Starbug and their own time, the older Lister glances back over his shoulder. To Lister’s surprise, he makes eye contact with the camera and winks. Lister finds himself laughing, he hasn’t changed that much really. Rimmer crowds up next to him.
“What? What is it?” Lister finally pulls back from the viewfinder and smiles up at his crewmate. At his, he can admit in his mind, friend. He stands, bringing his face up close with Rimmer’s.
“Well, I think we’ve got an interesting two decades ahead of us.” Rimmer’s face goes red as he seemingly remembers exactly what he had seen on the viewfinder. His eyes drop to Lister’s lips before he remembers himself and takes a sudden step back, spinning on his heel to make a hasty exit from the room. Lister smiles as he watches him go. An interesting two decades indeed.