Archive of Our Own ^beta

Call it wishful thinking, or naivety, or just plain stupidity, but they both never thought that something serious would actually happen to either of them.

So, when the Chief Alonzo turned up at harbour station out of the blue one day, with a solemn face and asking to speak to Tommy alone, Tommys heart immediately felt like it had been shoved into a blender before the chief even spoke.

The next thing Tommy saw was the road ahead of him as Lucy drove. His body was rigid. Every process inside his body - his blood pumping, his lungs inflating, his heart beating, felt like each had to be done with a concentrated effort. Nothing was automatic anymore.

He tried to remember what the chief had said but it was only coming back to him in pieces. Fragments of words and sentences.

Accident. Fertiliser. Explosion. Internal bleeding. Coma.

He’d ran to his locker, grabbed his bag and jacket and went straight to Lucy’s car. He was aware she was speaking but he couldn’t hear what she was saying. He was trying to remember if he’d told Evan he loved him when he left for work that morning.

Logically, he would have said it - he said it every time either of them left work for work. And when they returned. And before sleep and at random moments throughout the day. He relished the opportunity to tell his Evan that he loved him.

But he couldn’t remember saying it that morning. Why couldn’t he remember? It was important. Evan was important. Loving him was important. So why couldn’t he recall saying those words? What if Evan.. he couldn’t have the last time he ever saw Evan, not knowing he was loved.

Last time. He was already thinking about worse case scenario and they weren’t even at the hospital yet. How could be so pessimistic? If Evan had taught him anything it was to be positive.

He shut his eyes tight and tried to think of good things.

The first time he’d kissed Evan and that feeling in his heart when their lips met - like it had been cracked open and he knew in that moment that was absolutely done for. When he’d arrived at the hospital for the wedding and Evan had greeted him mouth first in the waiting area to his surprise.

The way Evan had so proudly introduced him to people as his boyfriend to the other wedding guests, face covered in soot, even though they hadn’t even discussed what they were yet.

He pictured the look on Evans face when they’d had sex for the first time; like Tommy had hung all the stars in the sky just for him. And the look on his face when Tommy had said I love you to him for the first time.

He watched Evan dance around his kitchen in that ridiculous apron with a charicature of a lingerie-clad woman’s body on it that Christopher had bought him as a gag gift but Evan had insisted on wearing. He thought about the joy on his face when he’d finally perfected one of Bobby’s recipes or created one of his own.

He pictured the adoration on his face when he played with his niece or how proud he was when he showed off the friendship bracelet he wore that she had made for him.

He remembered the night Tommy flew the two of them miles away for the evening and they laid on a blanket in the middle of nowhere watching the stars, and Evan telling him the story of Cassiopeia.

He thought about how happy Evan was when Tommy told him a drawer in his bedroom and space in his closet wasn’t enough and he wanted Evan to move in entirely. The excitement he had when they went shopping for ornaments for their first Christmas tree - absolutely NO angel for the top because they’re creepy, he’d insisted.

He thought about 2 weeks ago when he’d dragged Lucy into the jewellery store to help him pick out a ring. How he’d swatted her hand away when she’d pinched his cheek telling him how fucking adorable he was being in love.

He imagined how he was going to propose by flying them somewhere under the guise of a weekend getaway. How he’d cook Evan one of Bobby’s recipes that he knew that Evan loved, then maybe sit outside under a blanket in front of a fire listening to Evan reel of facts about the place they were staying or something about campfires.

He thought about how he would tell himself in the moment not to cry when proposing but that he probably wouldn’t be able to help it. He imagined that they’d argue about how to get married - big wedding with everyone or elope somewhere like Vegas. He thought about Evan probably insisting that he take the name Kinard and how he’d find it funny watching people trying to figure out why people call Evan Kinard ‘Buck’.

“Tommy.” Lucy voice broke though the fog. “We’re at the hospital.”

“Right. Sorry.” He said getting out of the car. They got to the desk as quick as possible.

“I’m here for Evan Buckley.” He told the woman.

“Are you family?” She said not even bothering to look up. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. He WAS family, sort of. He meant the same to Evan as actual family but legally he wasn’t. At least not yet.

“Uh, kind of. I mean, I’m his emergency contact. Thomas Kinard.” Her eyes finally looked up at him before looking back down at her computer as she typed away.

“Tommy?” Bobby’s voice came from his right.

“Bobby! How is he? Where is he? How bad is it? Is he-“ his voice was frantic. Shaky. Bobby out his hand on Tommys shoulder.

“Tommy, take a breath.”

“I can’t, Bobby. Not until-“

“He’s alive, Tommy.” Tommy’s lungs finally deflated hard and he bent forward resting his hands in his knees, finally being able take in and let out a full breath which he hadn’t been able to do since the chief spoke to him.

“How bad?” He asked.

“He’s definitely got a pretty nasty concussion. They suspect he’s got some internal bleeding which is what they’re most concerned about, so right now they’re running scans to determine if and what internal damage there might be.” He led Tommy over to a seat and practically forced him to sit down.

Tommy rested his elbows on his knees and tried to calm his breathing.

“What the hell happened, Bobby?”

“We were at a fire at a fertiliser factory. There was an explosion and the blast threw Buck back about 30 feet.”

Tommy ran his hands through his hair. Bobby nudged him and gestured toward the Doctor walking towards the waiting area.

“Thomas Kinard?” Tommy practically leaped out of his seat toward him.

“That’s me. How is he?” His voice was shaky still.

“We were pretty concerned about internal injuries and there is a small amount of internal bleeding which we need to keep an eye on for the next couple of days. He has a pretty nasty concussion which we’ll also be monitoring. He has numerous bruises and abrasions from where he landed on the concrete floor but miraculously no broken bones. All things considered he is an extremely lucky man.”

“Wait, wait.. so he..” Tommy blew out a forceful breath to steady himself. “So, you’re saying that he’s going to be okay?”

“I can’t make any guarantees, as I said we need to monitor him for the next few days, but his prognosis is positive. He’s currently stable and if he stays that way over the next 24 to 48 hours then he should be fine to go home in about a week.”

“I thought he was in a coma?” Tommy said to the doctor.

“There was a discussion about whether or not he would need to be put in a medically induced coma to allow his body to heal, but as it stands currently there’s no need.”

“Can he have visitors?” Bobby asked.

“He’s currently getting some more tests but I’ll send out a nurse to let you know when you can see him. It shouldn’t be too long.”

Tommy couldn’t stop the tears from exploding out of him. His body began to crumple and Bobby thankfully moved quickly to catch him. The fear, the shock, the adrenaline, the relief.. it all hit Tommy at once as he grabbed onto Bobby tightly.

“Hey, hey, I got you.” Bobby reassured him. “You’re okay. Bucks okay.”

***

Tommy apprehensively walked into the room. His heart damn near broke at the sight. Evan lying on the hospital bed, leads and monitors attached to him. Numerous cuts and scrapes ran along his forearms and there was a bandage wrapped around his head.

It struck his as a stark contrast to his facial expression as he slept. He looked peaceful. As though he wasn’t aware of the condition of his body.

Tommy slid a chair as close to Evan as possible and sat down, gently taking his hand into his own.

“I’m here, sweetheart.” He looked up as Evan hoping that his words would magically make him wake up. He knew that wasn’t how it worked but he still hoped. “God, I was so fucking scared. When I saw the chief walk into harbour and the way he looked at me, I thought..” He sniffed and wiped the tears away from his cheek. “I thought I’d lost you. I can’t lose you, sweetheart - I’ve only just found you. You are everything to me, Evan. Everything. And I can’t live a life without you in it. So you need to come back to me, do you hear? You need to come to me so I can marry you. Then we can sell the house and we can buy some place bigger. Some place with a big yard so that you can get a dog that I’ll complain about but will inevitably fall in love with anyway. Where we can have big barbecues and invite the whole of the 118, and Jee and Denny and Mara and Christopher can play around in it. And maybe we’ll build a tree house for the kids to play in - I know you always wanted one when you were a kid. I can picture you now up there reading them stories under blankets. I want everything with you, Evan. I want the rest of our lives and the world with you. Just please be okay. Please just come back me and we can-“

Tommy felt a squeeze to his hand and immediately looked up to Evans face. His brows were tightly drawn in, his eyelids fluttering.

“Evan? Sweetheart?”

“To…” his voice was barely there and hoarse. He swallowed and tried to take a deeper breath. “Tom-my?’

“I’m here, baby. I’m here.” He stood up and ever so delicately smoothed back Bucks hair and gently pressed his lips to his forehead. Buck tilted his head slightly into the direction of Tommys voice and his eyes finally opened a little to meet Tommy’s.

“There’s my Evan.” Tommy smiled.

*

“I’m okay, Tommy. Really.” Buck told him for what felt like the one hundredth time in the last 48 hours.

“How is your head?”

“A little sore but okay. The morphine is definitely helping.” He raised his arm up.

“If you feel anything else you need to tell me. Or the doctors. No pretending that you’re fine if you’re not. You-“

“Tommy.” He interrupted taking his hand in both of his and looking at him as softly as he always did. “I know you’re worried, but I promise you - I’m alright. If anything changes I will tell you. But I’m okay.”

Tommys shoulders visibly lowered.

“I just.. i.. when the chief came to see me and he told me that you.. Evan I thought that was it. I thought I’d lost you. I thought.. all the plans I had in my head about our future - I thought they were over.” Buck reached out and wiped the tear from Tommys cheek.

“Tell me about them.” He carefully shifted over on the bed and patted the space he’d left. Tommy got up from his chair and gently laid on the bed, raising his arm and placing it behind Buck allowing him to lean in towards Tommys chest.

“I plan on selling the house and us getting a bigger one, with a big yard for family barbecues and maybe a dog.”

“Yeah?” Tommy didn’t have to look at Evan to know he was smiling at the idea.

“Yeah. Maybe building a big tree house for kids to play in.”

“I can sit up there with them and read them stories. Well, maybe Jee and Mara - Denny and Chris are probably a bit too old for stories. What else?”

“The most important one.”

“What’s that?”

“Marrying you.”

Tommy heard the heart rate monitor speed up and he couldn’t help the smile. He leaned back a little look at Evan who was looking back him with those beautiful earnest blue eyes, quickly filling with salty liquid.

“Y-you want to marry me?” He asked, this time his voice was the shaky one.

“Well that depends.”

“On what?”

“If you want to marry me.”

“From the moment you walked into the hospital at my sisters wedding.” He said plainly. Tommy felt like his heart had burst in his chest. He gently got up from the bed and walked over to his bag and pulled out a black velvet box before sitting back next to Buck.

Bucks heart rate monitor was still beeping faster and Tommy glanced at the door waiting for the nurses to come running in thinking he was having a heart attack.

He opened the box and held it out.

“Evan Buckley will you marry me?”

Buck reached out gently and held Tommys face and kissed him softly.

“Absolutely.” He grinned. Tommy kissed him back before removing the ring from the box and sliding it onto his finger.

“I love you so much, Evan.”

“I love you too.”

“Mazel tov!” Chimney exclaimed. Buck and Tommy looked over to see him and Maddie standing by the door with huge smiles on their faces.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” Buck asked, a flush rising to his cheeks.

“Enough to see the most beautiful proposal ever.” Maddie gleamed.

“Hey!” Chimney complained.

“Sorry, second most beautiful proposal ever.” Maddie corrected.