Work Text:
SCENE 1:
Fade in:
INT. UNIVERSITY BUILDING - SHELDON'S OFFICE - DAY
A tall, middle-aged man (SHELDON) is standing with his back to us. He’s staring at a whiteboard full of equations deep in thought. Suddenly, his phone starts ringing.
SHELDON:
(HE ANSWERS THE PHONE)
Hi Ames
Cut to:
INT. UNIVERSITY BUILDING - AMY'S LAB - DAY
We see AMY wearing a lab coat, hair tied back, in front of an important-looking apparatus with utensils and protocols placed neatly around the desk.
AMY:
(SPEAKING ON THE PHONE AS WELL)
Hey Sheldon, listen: the school just called Leonard is sick and has to be taken home. Could you fetch him? I’m in the middle of an experiment and I don’t think I can leave earlier than noon.
The other side of the line is silent.
AMY: (CONT’D)
Sheldon?
Cut to:
INT. UNIVERSITY BUILDING - SHELDON'S OFFICE - DAY
SHELDON already wearing his jacket, stops rummaging through the drawers of his desk. With a large orange case tucked under his elbow, he scrambles hastily to the phone.
SHELDON:
(SLIGHTLY BREATHLESS)
I’m on my way!
AMY:
(ON THE PHONE)
Thanks!
SHELDON:
(STOPPING IN HIS TRACKS)
Wait! What does he have?
AMY:
I don’t know, they didn’t say.
SHELDON:
Is it a virus infection? Fever? Any open wounds? Is he vomiting? Is it –
(GETS INTERRUPTED)
AMY:
I don’t know. You’ll see when you get there.
SHELDON:
(VISIBLY HORRIFIED)
Wha- you’ll see when you get there?! How do I even know if he’s safe to be taken by car? What if –
(GETS INTERRUPTED)
AMY:
Sheldon would you please just go there? I’m sure it’s fine.
SHELDON:
All I’m saying is that we wouldn’t be in this mess right now if the school had been supplied with my “Children Emergency Kit” and the accompanying guide, which, by the way, is extremely comprehensive and even includes a program to send important data to the parents. I still can’t believe they wouldn’t take it…
AMY:
I believe their exact words were: “Why is there a pregnancy test?”
SHELDON:
Well, better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
AMY:
Just fetch Leonard and call me when you know more, okay? Besides, don’t you have your own kit?
SHELDON:
(GESTURING TOWARDS THE ORANGE CASE)
You bet I have one and I sure am taking it to school! They’ll see what they miss!
AMY:
Yeah sure… Well, see you later. Take care of Lenny!
SHELDON:
I will. Love you!
AMY:
Love you too. Bye!
Cut to:
SCENE 2:
INT. SCHOOL - NURSE ROOM - A WHILE LATER
We fade in to a “tall-for-a-twelve-year-old”, brown-haired but very pale boy (LEONARD), who sits waiting on an examination table.
LEONARD:
(AS SHELDON IS ENTERING)
Oh finally, I started to think no one was coming.
He grabs his backpack, prepared to leave.
SHELDON:
Not so fast, little Mister. I think you know the procedure.
SHELDON places the orange container (his Children Emergency Kit) on the desk and proceeds to unpack different items, including a clipboard, which he starts to read from.
SHELDON: (CONT’D)
Children’s Health Protocol, Item 2: Sickness and Diseases. Data collection form number –
(GETS INTERRUPTED)
LEONARD:
Dad, do we really have to do this? I just wanna go home.
SHELDON:
Go home?! What with a trojan horse full of who-knows-germs?! We don’t even know what you have yet or if you’re safe to be taken by car, we might have to call an ambulance or see the doctor. We cannot waste critical time in such a precarious situation, Leonard.
LEONARD:
I’m sure it’s just a cold.
SHELDON:
Ah, don’t jump to conclusions without supporting evidence. Speaking of what:
SHELDON starts to fill out the questionnaire attached to the clipboard.
SHELDON: (CONT’D)
Child concerned: Leonard Cooper, Date: 12th of March, Time –
(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH)
10:43,
Location 1570 E Colorado Blvd, Pasadena, California.
Question 1: What symptoms are you experiencing?
LEONARD:
(SIGHS)
It started with a headache, then running nose, sore throat, coughing and I feel feverish and tired.
SHELDON:
(WHILE TAKING NOTES)
Okay, Question 2: When did you first notice any of these symptoms?
LEOANRD:
I don’t know, maybe after breakfast…
SHELDON:
Let’s see… That would mean 7:54.
SHELDON takes out a digital thermometer and holds it against LEONARDS forehead.
SHELDON: (CONT’D)
Dear lord! A hundred and three!
He flips hectically through the guide and compares the tables with the questionnaire.
SHELDON: (CONT’D)
Oh look!
(HE TURNS THE GUIDE OVER)
Seems like you really do have a cold. Alright, let’s get you home!
Cut to:
SCENE 3:
INT. SHELDON’S AND AMY’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER
A craftsman-style living room, the built-in shelves are filled with books, we see scientific journals scattered on the coffee table, surfaces display superhero figures, scientific models, and framed family and children’s pictures. LEONARD is lying on the sofa, covered in a colorful quilted blanket.
SHELDON enters, carrying a mug…
SHELDON:
(AS HE SITS DOWN NEXT TO LEONARD)
Here you go, your personal hot beverage of comfort.
LEONARD:
Oh, is it chamomile tea with a spoonful of honey dissolved in it?
SHELDON:
Yes, and guess what:
SHELDON turns over the mug to reveal the logo of the Pasadena Penguins.
SHELDON: (CONT‘D)
It’s served in your magic mug!
Did you know that the change in color occurs due to -
(GETS INTERRUPTED)
LEONARD:
Thermochromic effects caused by changes in the crystal structures of the ink and therefore revealing the underlying picture.
SHELDON:
(PROUDLY)
That’s my boy!
SHELDON moves a hand through Leonard’s hair.
SHELDON: (CONT‘D)
How are you feeling?
LEONARD:
Not so good, actually.
SHELDON:
Oh, poor thing. Would it help if I -
LEONARD:
No, it’s fine.
SHELDON:
Well, sorry, but you know it’s part of the mandatory sickness procedure.
SHELDON: (CONT’D, SINGING)
Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
LEONARD rests his head against SHELDON’S shoulder.
LEONARD:
You’re right, that helps. Again please.
Cut to:
SCENE 4:
INT. SHELDONS AMD AMYS HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
AMY, coming home from work with her bag still on her shoulder, enters a cozy living room. We see three people on the sofa. SHELDON is watching TV, chuckling lightly now and then. To his left, we see a little girl, about 10 years old (LINDA). She’s asleep, cuddling by SHELDON’S side. On his right lies LEONARD with his head on SHELDON’S lap, he’s asleep as well.
AMY walks over to SHELDON, who hasn’t noticed her being so consumed by the TV.
AMY:
Hi Sheldon, I’m home.
SHELDON:
(LOOKS UP FROM THE TV, SMILES)
Oh, hi Amy.
They’re exchanging a quick kiss.
SHELDON: (CONT‘D)
(WHISPERING)
Shhh, the kids are asleep.
AMY:
Well, I can see that.
AMY leans down to LEONARD, she feels his temperature.
AMY: (CONT’D)
And how’s our little patient doing?
SHELDON:
Actually, there are two patients now, Linda came up with a fever this afternoon as well. I already started drawing up charts documenting their symptoms to follow the course of the disease. I sent them to your email with live updates. Current symptoms, including fever, headache, coughing and tiredness, suggest a virus infection of the respiratory system, which is why I would suggest a symptom check at least every hour.
AMY:
Don’t you think that’s a bit exaggerated for a cold?
SHELDON:
Well, the respiratory tract is already inflamed, from there it is only a small leap to pneumonia. Closely supervising these charts is the least we can do.
AMY:
(SARCASTIC)
You mean as closely as you’re currently supervising the TV? What are you watching there anyway?
SHELDON:
(EXCITED)
Oh, you won’t believe it: they were doing a rerun of the very first episode of Professor Proton today and you know Lenny’s been dying to see Arthur Jeffries…
AMY:
But isn’t that Will Wheaton’s show?
SHELDON:
Yeah, it turns out they broadcast the whole first season and after that Will Wheaton came on.
AMY:
Wow, how long have you been sitting here?
SHELDON:
(GESTURING TO THE TWO SLEEPING CHILDREN DRAPED OVER HIM)
I mean, I couldn’t move, could I?
SHELDON: (CONT’D)
Oh, your episode was also on.
AMY:
Oh dear, did the kids see that?
SHELDON:
No, they were already asleep. But I enjoyed seeing you in that. It’s like the perfect mash-up of all my favorite things: Professor Proton, science, you…
If only you would talk a bit more physics instead of showing around mushy grey stu-
(GETS INTERRUPTED)
AMY:
You do realize you could have just stopped a sentence earlier.
SHELDON:
Right sorry…
Now that I think about it, it’s actually quite beneficial that you’re not doing physics on the show. With the children around, I really shouldn’t be trusted with watching you do sexy science talks.
AMY:
(BLUSHING SLIGHTLY)
Sheldon!
They’re right here…
SHELDON:
Oh, don’t worry Amy, judging by their breathing patterns, they should be entering their REM phase by now.
LINDA:
(LIFTING HER HEAD TIREDLY, SLIGHTLY ANNOYED)
I wish I was.
LINDA turns over to lean against AMY
AMY:
(AS SHE BRUSHES A STRAND OF HAIR OUT OF HER DAUGHTER'S FACE)
Oh sorry, honey.
How are you feeling?
LINDA:
Considering that there are virus cells in my body that are currently injecting their DNA into my cells in order to reproduce and destroy their host... I guess I am doing well.
(TO THE TV)
Oh, look! It’s Professor Proton!
As the camera pans back, we see the whole family illuminated by the changing lights coming from the TV. They’re slightly changing positions to get more comfortable, SHELDON smiles at AMY, who, with their daughter curled up between them, rests her head on his shoulder.
Fade out