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Steve has always been a clean guy. Always smells good. Never wearing anything stained. Shoes always laced perfectly. Precisely defined hair, clean fingernails. Always have a perfectly cleansed car, never a crumb on the floor or a bag tossed in the backseats. Neatly made bed, dressing organized.
He was like that.
He only knew that way.
His life has always been like that.
His parents raised him to be that way, to always be presentable, not a spot in sight.
And Steve kept the habits they gave him, even if they weren’t around him that much anymore.
He’s not a control freak. He doesn’t mind a little mess sometimes. He doesn’t mind things not being neat somewhere else. But it needs to be neat at his house.
He never said a bad thing about the mess in Eddie’s trailer or the crap in Max’s living room. He never even thought something bad about it. People do the best with what they can. He understands it and couldn’t care less. There are a lot of reasons why a house can be messy. There are a lot of reasons why someone can not clean every single day and have a perfect house like he does.
But he was like that, because he grew up learning that he has to clean and has to be clean all the time.
He likes to get it done.
He likes everything to be neat at his place.
So it’s not unusual for his friends to find him cleaning when they stop by.
But when Eddie entered Steve’s house tonight, the enormous amount of chemicals he just breathed told him Steve hadn't just been casually cleaning.
“hey” Eddie announced himself from the open door, taking off his shoes with his feet and aligning them on the mat. He took a few steps until he reached the kitchen and stepped over the vacuum on the floor.
“hi” Steve appeared from under the counter, looking a little confused. He put down the sponge he was holding and dried his hands on his sweatpants “It is dinner already ?” He looked behind Eddie’s shoulder, gazing at the clock and then got his eyes on his watch, frowning.
“yep” Eddie dropped his grocery bag on the kitchen counter.
Steve wiped away his forehead and reached Eddie's waist before he kissed him. He smells like sweat. Not that Eddie thought it smelled bad, he likes his body scent. But he indeed smells like he worked hard all day.
Beside the chemical smell that was floating in the air, Eddie gazed around. There were a few cleaning products bottles next to the sink.
Steve’s parents were supposed to be back at the end of next week so there was no point in deep cleaning now, a week before they came back. Especially when Steve proposed to host the kids and the tallest kids for a movie night tomorrow.
Oh.
“dinner time” Eddie repeated “and also your day off” he says, eyes back on Steve. He was reaching for the sponge again. The hair on his neck was wet.
Eddie walked to him and took the sponge away from his hands, clicking his tongues as Steve complains. He went to fill his hand with his own “day off means-”
“resting” Steve finished his sentence “I know” he let himself relax against Eddie’s touch and kissed him again, ending the kiss with a small hug.
“you smell good” he said against his neck, “not like me” he stepped away.
“got out of the shower, grabbed food and drove here” he says with a smile, glad the road didn’t make him smell like the food “and I don’t care” he added while getting Steve next to him again.
They opened the bag on the counter.
“d’you want to eat outside ? sun’s almost down” he pointed at the living room behind him. He thought hey could enjoy the last few warm minutes before the light disappeared.
“ ‘kay”
Steve went to clean his hands and Eddie did the same. Steve took two pumps of soap and made it foam between his palms. He slid his hands against each other until his fingers entwined each other loosely. He washed the back of his hand with a palm, then the other one, and rinsed them cautiously. He shook them to the sink and dried them with a folded dishcloth on the counter.
Then he grabbed as much as he could with his two hands and Eddie took the rest of the food, following him through the living room to reach his backyard.
They sat on a deckchair each, facing each other.
“forgot the napkins” Eddie said as he stood back on his feet, already crossing the living room again. He grabbed them and took a look back at the backyard door before he opened the kitchen’s windows. There was no way that much cleaning product’s scent wasn't bad for his health.
“bon appetit “ he sang as he finally stirred the noodles in his cup.
“ ‘you too” Steve, mouth already full.
“did I order well ?” He knew what Steve usually ordered at the food places around, but always asks.
Steve nodded, eating quicker than usual.
Eddie didn’t realize he was frowning at him until Steve asked him if everything was alright.
“still okay with me sleeping here tonight ?” he asked in a quiet voice.
“ ‘of course” Steve took a bite “I just have to finish the cleaning and tidy up a bit” he says without looking up at Eddie.
“okay” Eddie sucked up his noodles “ ‘can help you” lips shiny from the oil.
“don’t worry”
Eddie didn’t reply. Steve has this look in the eyes. Eddie knows it.
He tried to keep him outside for a bit, enjoying the warm weather until it slowly became darker. Making him breathe pure air for a bit. But when the light went down, the weather felt colder. They threw the paper cups and boxes in the bin outside Steve’s house and stepped inside again.
“haven’t done our room already so you can lay in the couch while I finish the kitchen” He looked at Eddie quickly before gazing at something else.
“I can do it” says Eddie “the bedroom” he added at Steve’s confused look.
But he answered in a second “I got it” with a small hand gesture. Eddie knows it’s not because he doesn't trust him to do it, but Steve just has to do it himself.
Eddie pecked his lips before he settled on the expensive and comfortable couch they liked to cuddle in. He could see in the cushion’s pattern that they had been brushed gently so that they didn’t have any strikes or marks of someone’s laying on them, and he thought he just ruined Steve’s work by putting his big back on it.
From where he was, he could see Steve once he was at the right side of the kitchen. He got back to what he was doing when Eddie came at first.
He was emptying the floor cupboard from the cans, boxes, jars and stuff inside it, just to scrub the shells, dry them and put back the food in a ‘more organized’ way. It seems like he has done the other cupboards already because after he finished this one, he changed tasks and started to scrub the kitchen counter. Putting a lot of products and almost polishing the marble with the harsh side of the sponge, he wasn’t cleaning peacefully like everybody does on a daily basis.
Eddie couldn’t ignore the weight he felt slowly growing in his stomach as he was watching him.
Steve carefully cleaning everything and being in that cleaning-rush-alike like he was, was a response to something, a way to cope. It always happens for a reason. And he knew Steve wouldn’t rest until he did everything he could, so there was no point in trying to change his mind.
Eddie bit his bottom lip as he eyed Steve cleaning the dishes that were already clean and drying on the side of the sink when he entered the kitchen earlier. He scratched his head.
But when he plugged in the vacuum cleaner, Eddie left the couch and meet him in the kitchen again :
“i’ll do it” he says, a soft touch on Steve’s back.
“you sure ?” Somehow at a loss, but Eddie already has his hands on the handle.
Eddie repeated himself and watched Steve taking a step back and looking at the kitchen. It appeared it looked clean enough for him as he put away some of the cleaning products and swiped the sink to get rid of the water drops.
“i’m gonna do the laundry then, do you have anything that needs to be washed ?” he waited, a hand on his hip.
“uh- my pajamas maybe” instantly feeling guilty of adding to his work.
But Steve was already upstairs. Eddie wished he would just rest. But if he could at least avoid him to vacuum his big ass kitchen, it was a small win.
Eddie pushed the vacuum button with his foot and started brushing the floor back and forth. He moved the trash can so that he could collect the smallest amount of dust behind it, then moved all the stools around the counter to vacuum the edges of it.
Before he asked, he tried to find out if Steve vacuumed the living room or not.
He turned off the noisy machine and tilted his head so the light would reflect differently on the tiles. Nothing. Then he swiped a finger on the floor, knowing he wouldn’t find dust because Steve probably vacuum yesterday already.
“did you vacuumed the living room already ?” Eddie screamed from the bottom of the stairs.
“was planning to” answered Steve not far away.
“I’ll do it” and Eddie quickly turned on the vacuum again so that Steve wouldn’t have time to answer him.
He grabbed the carpet between the couch and the coffee table and went outside to shake it, keeping the vacuum on, on the floor.
The candle and the treats pot were aligned on the coffee table. Eddie could tell the plant has been watered because of the darkness of its soil. There were a few folded blankets, piled up on the armchair, with the TV remote above them.
A choice of VHS out of their usual spot, put down next to the TV.
Plates and glasses were already out on the living room’s table, all ready for tomorrow night.
Steve always has to prep everything before hosting people. His friends couldn’t care less about having to put out the dishes themself or even be in a disorganized living room, but for some reasons it always has to be perfect whenever they are coming. He always had to make them as comfortable as he could.
After vacuuming the whole living room, Eddie opened the fridge to pour himself a glass of cold water.
He sighted at the view.
“he cleaned the fucking fridge” he said to himself. He walked to the trashcan and opened it with his foot, seeing some things that were in the fridge yesterday.
Ten minutes later, he was taking a small break mid-stairs to put the vacuum down for a sec, before joining Steve in the laundry room.
He was separating the clothes by colors. He ended up filling the machine with light colors and threw the rest of the laundry in the medium and dark baskets. He put too much detergent in the drawer and filled the left side with fabric softener.
A big part of why Steve’s always smells good is because he’s doing a lot of laundry. Eddie often wonders how much his clothes can take before they’ll shrink or thinner, because he’s washing them a lot more often than Eddie. At first, he even got scared he wasn’t cleaning his own clothes enough. But it was just a part of what Steve's parents taught him.
Steve looked at his watch and counted on his fingers before he turned the machine button to settle it so that it’ll be ready to hang when they’ll wake up tomorrow.
Steve unfolded the drying rack with Eddie’s help, and put the box of clothes pins out of the closet, next to the washing machine.
Then Eddie put the vacuum where he usually belong but Steve told him he hasn’t done his bedroom yet. He thought about reminding him that they both cleaned it two days ago after he slept here, but he knew it would lead to nothing.
So he slowly made his way to the room cleaning-spree Steve was into. They changed the bed sheets, the pillowcases and the blankets as well, throwing the ones they removed in the baskets.
They tucked both sides of the sheets between the mattress and the bedframe before Steve picked them clean pajamas for tonight. He gently cut his pile of shirts and lifted it so he could grab the ones he wanted, and did the same with the pajama bottom, except he only picked one. He kept all the pieces folded and piled up the bottom with one shirt next to the other shirt above the freshly made bed.
Eddie gazed at the rooms when following Steve to their bathroom. There were towels, perfectly folded and put down at the end of each bed. Steve prepped every room for the ones that were sleeping here tomorrow night.
“does Robin stay tomorrow ?” he asked, thinking it’ll be easier to distract him if she was also here.
“she’ll probably even crash into our bed” Steve laughed, feeling Eddie’s body slid behind him as he reached the window to open it.
“I’m stealing her best friend,” answered Eddie with a smile.
Robin once told Eddie she found Steve out of breath, sweaty and dizzy from all the products he was using while cleaning one time. Ever since, he never misses a change to ventilate the house.
He sat on the bench between the shower and the laundry basket. Steve used a paper tower to clean the mirror above the sink and sprayed vinegar on the faucet. He took one of his shampoo bottles out of the shower because it was empty, and scrubbed the inside of the tub before changing the carpet and the towels. All of that while humming an unknown song, a bit out of breath.
Eddie succeeds in talking Steve out of re-organising his clothes in his dressing. He told him every room looked neat -cause they did- and filled him a big glass with cold water before making him sit a bit on the couch.
Steve sighted and let his head fall backward, resting on the back of the couch. Eddie brought a hand to his head and brushed his hair out of his face. Steve hummed quietly in response. Eddie’s fingers gently brushing his forehead, almost thickeling.
If he wasn’t sleeping here tonight, Steve probably wouldn’t have sat until later in the evening.
First time these “rush” happened around Eddie was back when he first stayed at Steve’s house for a few days. He was still in recovery and wanted to be somewhere else than either the hospital or the trailer. Steve cleansed everything before he came, Eddie smelled it the second he entered the house, Steve holding his side. Eddie remembered being impressed by the size of every room, by how plain and empty it felt compared to the trailer. But the rooms were so big it almost felt normal they looked empty, it would need a lot of furniture to fill them. After he installed Eddie in the guest room, he disappeared for a while, and Eddie found him head deep inside one of his closet, sorting and piling up things by color.
Eddie didn’t say a thing, just surprised at how in a hurry he was to tidy up everything, only to find out later by Robin that he has been like that for the last couple of days.
She told Eddie that she understood after a few visit, that everytime Steve proposed to her to spend a few hours at his place, he always cleansed everything. His house always looked perfect, whenever she came by. It took Steve months to let a few things around her, but his house still looked neat all the time. So this cleaning habit wasn’t new.
But it got way worse last year.
It seems to have started weeks after what they all have been through. Steve had tried so hard to keep on with his life. kept showing up to work every day, driving the kids where they needed to go, kept visiting Eddie, proposing his service.
He tried to keep on, he really did.
He tried to ignore it completely until he couldn’t anymore. Until he couldn’t ignore the enormous weight in his stomach that never once felt heavier. Until he slowly lost his interest in anything. Until Keith had to tell him he has to put himself together or he’ll fire him. Until every shower was dashed with flashbacks of him getting dragged into the lake.
Anxiety attacks, nightmares, pain out of nowhere, sadness waves.
He tried to hide it for everyone, because everyone has shit to get through. Because Eddie has been hospitalized and found the strength to recover and go on with his life again. Because he was okay. He has to be.
And when his head was too full, when he felt like he didn’t have control over anything, he started to clean.
What else could he do ?
He was good at cleaning.
He knew how to clean, did it his entire life.
It allows him to have control over something. Control over his environment, over the state of his house. Control of the image he’s giving. Everything has to be spotless so that his thoughts would be the only disorganized thing.
First, Robin and Eddie came to the conclusion that whenever he was inviting someone over, Steve deep cleans everything because everything has to be perfect. That is how his parents raised him.
But they couldn’t not think about how things got worse after the upside down. They both concluded that when something was bugging Steve, stressing him, hurting him ; his response was to clean, declutter, organize his house until everything was -over-clean and perfect.
It took Eddie time for him to feel comfortable at Steve’s house. It wasn’t anything like the place he grew up in. His parent’s house was messy, and the word was probably too weak to describe it. And the trailer wasn’t perfect either. It wasn’t tidy. There were pieces of clothes hanging a bit everywhere, the dishes weren't made every day and the laundry basket was always full.
And it made Eddie worried. Worried that Steve found his trailer messy, dirty. He feared Steve wasn’t feeling great at Eddie’s because of that.
But Steve explained to him with a hint of shyness, that he doesn’t hold himself from cleaning at Eddie’s, it’s just that he feels okay enough to not feel the need for everything to be perfectly okay.
Eddie doesn’t know how long they have been hanging on the couch when Steve’s head moved beside him, “i’m gonna take a shower” he said, tiredness in his voice.
Eddie let go of his tight and got up after him, landing him the glass he hadn't finished.
Steve brushed the water off his chin and Eddie took the glass back to avoid him the cleaning.
“go” he said softly.
He rinsed the glass before Steve started his shower so that he didn’t mess with the water temperature.
Hearing the water running upstairs, he used the shower time to lock the doors, close the windows and the curtains. He grabbed two fruits that he washed and took a paper towel before turning off the lights and walking upstairs.
One of the pajamas was gone with Steve in the bathroom.
He put down the apple and pear above the paper towel on the bedside and walked down the corridor, taking a further look at every room. The kids always left a few things at Steve’s and as long as his parents weren’t home, he would keep them in the room they put them in. Robin and Eddie have a whole shelf inside Steve’s wardrobe to be sure they always have something to wear at his house.
There was one of Max’s flannel and a hairband El left on the desk in the room they usually sleep. Dustin has a few books on the bedside of his room.
Steve put out the mug filled with the kids' toothbrushes in the guest bathroom.
There was a post-it on the mirror above it with every toothbrushes color written with the name of its owner next to it. Either Steve or Eddie had to stick the post-it back to the mirror every time they entered the room because it couldn’t stop falling.
While Eddie sat on Steve’s chair, eating his apple, Steve was taking another handle of soap to wash himself for the second time. He put some on both his biceps and thighs before he started to rub his chest, sliding to his waist then coming up to his shoulder. He washed his back and went to his legs. He took another pump of soap, even if he had enough already. His legs were all foamy, his hair following the movement of his hands.
He could have washed himself a third time but knew he was clean when it took him a long time to rinse his body of every bubble and foam. He already washed his hair and his face so he stepped outside on the freshly changed shower carpet.
They walked into each other when Steve walked out of the bathroom and Eddie got upstairs after throwing his apple core.
“do you want me to shower before getting into bed ?” Eddie asked.
“I know you’re clean babe” he said, his hand on Eddie’s arm.
Steve felt calmer after the shower. It allows him to slow his body after a day of cleaning non stop, allowing him to process everything he did during the day.
Eddie followed Steve to the room, fresh soap scent coming into his nose from his boyfriend walking before him.
Steve sat on the bed while Eddie undressed himself, putting on the shirt chose for him earlier.
“do you want me to cut it ?” he asked, referring to the pear Steve grabbed.
“you’ve clean it ?”
“of course”
He bit into it as Eddie crawled on the bed to curl himself around Steve.
He breathes deep and closes his eyes as Steve puts his free hand on his head, digging to his scalp. They ended up with their fingers entwined, stroking each other’s hand.
Steve doesn’t want to bother eating the pear anymore. He finished it quickly before whispering he had to go wash his hands and teeth, leaving the warmth of Eddie’s body against him.
Eddie groaned and laid on his side of the bed, hearing the sound of him brushing his teeth down the corridor.
Back in the bedroom, Steve first pulled his shorts down and folded it in a perfect rectangle before he lifted his shirt above his head and did the same. His shirt was folded in a slightly larger rectangle. He put both his clothes down in the angle that formed his nightstand with his bed and the mattress shifted again as he sat back on it again. He reached for hand cream in the drawer of his bedside and all Eddie could see was his naked back, covered in moles and topped by a whole lot of scar tissue. Eddie rolled to his side and reached him with a hand, gently moving his fingers to stroke his skin.
Steve huffed and Eddie heard the sound of the cream tube being closed, followed by Steve’s hands wetly rubbing each other. His hands were so dry from all the products he used today.
Steve turned his head to the side as he felt Eddie sitting behind him. Then Eddie’s chest was pressed against his back, and his arms met each other on Steve’s stomach. He leans into the touch, covering Eddie’s hand with his own, oily and perfumed from the cream.
They stayed like that for a while, sat together while Steve brushed Eddie’s pale arms softly.
Steve let his head fall backward until it was held by Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie’s hold on his stomach shifted to his chest and held him tighter.
Steve hums quietly at the touch. He finally turned his head to kiss what he could. Eddie’s neck. His jaw, then his lips. He felt this familiar sensation down his stomach as Eddie tilted his head to try to kiss him deeper.
The kisses are slow, filled with nothing but love.
“i’m tired” Steve breathed as they pulled apart.
“I know baby” Eddie says to his ear, making it buzz a little.
He hummed again as Eddie left a soft peck behind his ear.
“i’m sorry about tonight-” he started, but Eddie cut him by clicking his tongue against his palate.
“I know I have to work on it but-”
“you don’t have to justify yourself, we all have different ways to cope”
Steve nodded, his nose was itching a little and he could feel the tears at the verge of his eyelids.
“but i’m still sorry you have to deal with it, I know it can be pretty intense”
“I’d rather be here, with you, helping” he started “when you’re letting me” he said lower “rather than knowing you’re all by yourself, with everything running around in your mind”.
He knew him so well.
Steve nodded again, Eddie had his chin on his shoulder and Steve was holding his arms thigh around his chest. Even if he wanted to, he doesn't think he has enough words to describe how deeply thankful he is to have Eddie by his side.
“I love you so much” he whispered, his voice cracking at the two last words.
“I love you too babe” Eddie said close to his face again “so much” and his hold on him just tightened again, and there isn’t much more tightening possible after that.
“let’s go to sleep, okay ?” Eddie said softly. Steve was exhausted after that kind of day, and there was nothing that would be more comforting than sleeping in his boyfriend’s arms.
Steve loosened his hold on Eddie’s harm a bit and reached for the bedside light to turn it off. He forgot to close the bedroom door but didn’t care. Eddie pushed the blankets down for them to get inside it and a second later he already had his face buried between Eddie’s neck and chest.
All curled up against each other, legs tangled like a mess, Eddie pressed his nose into Steve’s hair and stroked his back slowly.
Wrapped up in the scent of Steve laundry detergent and soap, his hot breath getting through his chest and brushing his collarbone, he waited for Steve’s breath to slowen before he allowed himself to fall asleep.