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“What’s wrong?”
Rain looked up from his phone at Phayu’s question, frowning in confusion at his boyfriend.
They were laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, Rain absentmindedly scrolling through his social media and Phayu laying beside him with his eyes closed.
But now Phayu’s eyes were open and were centered on Rain.
“What do you mean P’Phayu?” Rain asked, turning his phone off and turning on his side to give his boyfriend his full attention.
Phayu reached out to gently brush Rain’s hair away from his eyes, before continuing to run his fingers gently against Rain’s scalp.
If Rain could purr the sound would have been deafening, and he was helpless to resist the urge to lean into the touch.
“Ever since you got home from the compound today you’ve been quiet. Usually, you can’t wait to tell me about your day,” Phayu mentioned, a slight furrow in his eyebrows. “I just wanted to make sure no one upset you.”
Understanding dawned on Rain and he grimaced briefly before attempting to mask the expression.
But Phayu always seemed to find everything Rain tried to hide, and the furrow grew deeper as he sat up on one elbow to lean closer to Rain.
“Something did upset you.” Phayu continued, not a question but a statement. “What happened?”
“It’s nothing,” Rain deflected. “Really. I’m fine.”
For a second Phayu looked irritated by Rain’s obvious avoidance before something patient and soft replaced it.
Phayu laid back down, rolling on his side so he was facing Rain and scooching closer, so they were face to face on their pillows.
“Baby,” Phayu murmured, one arm sliding over Rain’s waist and pulling Rain closer. “You can tell me anything. Tell Phi what happened, and I promise I'll take care of it.”
Rain’s entire body softened, relaxing against his boyfriend's warmth and closing his eyes when Phayu pressed the softest of kisses against his forehead.
They both were silent for a few minutes, just soaking in the comforting feeling of being together.
But Rain wasn’t naive enough to think Phayu would let this go.
So, with a sigh Rain mumbled a quiet confession.
“I… I think I upset your uncle today.”
Phayu made a questioning noise.
“Which one sweet boy?”
“Your uncle Chay.” Rain admitted weakly, guilt making his stomach twist and turn.
Phayu was silent just long enough for Rain to begin to squirm.
“I really didn’t mean to!” Rain continued in a rush to get the words out. “Honest! I don’t even know really what it was I said that upset him. We were just talking about music because I know you said he plays the guitar and I still think it’s really cool you're related to Wik so I asked him what it was like to be the brother in law to one of the most popular artists in Bangkok and he just got really quiet and vague then made some excuse to leave and I don’t know what I did!”
Rain was near tears at this point, remembering the sharp twist in the older man's features as soon as he mentioned Wik.
Rain liked Porchay.
To be honest Rain liked all of Phayu’s family, each for a separate reason.
And the reason Rain liked Porchay was because he was honestly the kindest person he had ever met.
From the beginning Porchay had made an effort to be as welcoming to Rain as he could be.
He seemed to understand how overwhelming his family could be at times- with Kinn and Vegas’s decades long rivalry, to Tankhun’s eccentric personality, to Porsche and Pete’s excessive doting, (Phayu’s uncle Kim was never around so Rain hadn’t met him yet which kind of sucked because Rain would have liked to meet Wik)- it could be a lot to deal with, especially all at once.
Pai and Phayu had a lifetime to get adjusted to their family’s large personalities and to Rain who only ever had his mother growing up it was just so different.
The first dinner Rain had at the main family’s compound had very nearly ended in tears for Rain.
Nerves mixed with the seemingly never-ending questions from Phayu’s family had made Rain feel all sorts of feelings even he didn’t quite understand.
Maybe it was something on his face, or maybe Rain’s voice had started cracking as he answered another one of Kinn’s questions about his family, but Porchay had interrupted and stated he was going back into the kitchen for dessert and asked Rain if he could help bring it out.
Seeing the out for what it was, Rain had eagerly agreed and followed the older man into the kitchen.
Once there Porchay had turned to face him and gave him a gentle understanding smile.
“ They can be a lot. ” Porchay mused, nothing but compassion in his eyes. “ I’ve known them all for over twenty years and I still have a hard time being in the same room with all of them at once.”
Unsure how to go about agreeing with Phayu’s uncle without sounding rude or ungrateful for being welcomed into the family, Rain stayed silent for a bit longer, biting at his lip.
“ I… just really want them to like me, ” Rain found himself admitting, “ It would mean a lot to P’Phayu if he had your guys' approval.”
“ They do like you.” Porchay reassured him, “ Interrogation is like a love language in this family. The more they want to know about you, the more they like you. If they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t bother getting to know you.”
“Oh,” Rain hadn’t thought about it like that. “ But why would they want to get to know me so badly? ”
“Because the first baby is bringing someone home for the first time.” Porchay chuckled. “ Venice has always been so adamant about separating his family from his private life. The fact that he brought you home to meet us means something Rain. I don’t think I've seen P’Pete and P’Vegas warm up to someone so quickly in all the years I've known them.”
At that, something in Rain had relaxed because if there was anyone Rain was desperate to please it was Phayu’s parents.
“ Really?” Rain had murmured weakly. “ You really think they like me?”
Porchay’s smile was wide and reassuring.
“ Really. If they didn’t like you they wouldn't have continued talking to you. P’Vegas is a naturally silent man, and he’s asked you almost as many questions as P’Khun. They want to know the man their son loves.” Porchay had murmured, “ So even if it gets overwhelming, try and embrace it. They mean well but they’ll walk all over you if you let them.”
“How do I embrace it?”
“When they ask you a question, ask them a question. Getting to know someone is a two-way street. That way you won’t feel like you're the only one spilling your guts to perfect strangers.”
Porchay’s advice hadn’t just been helpful, it had truly started the relationship Rain had with each of Phayu’s family members.
Aside from Kim of course.
Pete was someone Rain felt like he could confide his troubles to if he didn’t feel like he could tell anyone else. Phayu’s papa was as intelligent as he was compassionate and there was something about his steadiness that reminded Rain so much of Phayu that it was easy to find himself talking about what troubled him.
Vegas was the fatherly figure Rain had never had.
He wasn’t soft like Pete, but he wasn’t cold either.
He was someone that Rain could go to with problems that weren’t emotional.
He helped get Rain out of his head and get whatever task he was struggling with done.
“The dread you feel is worse than actually getting the task done,” Vegas had taught him. “When you're working with ADHD, executive dysfunction thrives the longer you push the task off.”
Apparently Phayu’s uncle Macau had been diagnosed with ADHD when he was ten and Vegas had spent years learning ways to help his brother get through school.
Not everything Vegas mentioned worked with Rain, but the older man had made it clear that if it didn't work then it didn’t work, and they would find something else that did.
It was clear where Phayu had gotten his goal-oriented determination from.
It was the same steady helpful hand that never gave up on him.
The same calm understanding that never got frustrated with the way Rain’s brain worked.
The same voice that said You can do anything, I believe in you, we just need to find a way through.
Rain wasn’t as close to Kinn and Porsche as he was with Pete and Vegas, but Rain could still be found at the main family’s compound on a regular basis.
Kinn was someone Rain was still a little awkward around simply because the man himself seemed to be just as awkward around Rain.
But despite the awkwardness, Kinn still made attempts to get to know Rain.
It was during one of those awkward yet pleasant interactions that Rain realized where Kinn’s true strengths lied.
Rain had been talking (ehem worrying ehem) about upcoming conflicting schedules and commitments during exams and final assignments.
Kinn had perked up like he had been asked about his favorite activity.
He had kindly requested to see what Rain’s current list of obligations were as well as deadlines for certain assignments.
Rain had shrugged and shared with him the notes on his phone where he kept all his reminders for things.
Little did Rain know that by the next day Kinn had emailed Rain a complete schedule for the next few weeks, somehow fitting everything neatly while slotting out time for eating, showering, sleep, and spending time with Phayu.
Rain was so grateful he could have cried.
It was the easiest exam period he had ever been through simply because he didn’t have a list of things he had to remember to do.
It was all planned out already and Rain had made a point to express to Kinn how grateful he was the next time he saw the older man.
“ Ah don’t worry about it,” Kinn had dismissed his thanks with a smile, “ I used to do it when the kids were younger, and we were juggling with sports and activities. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to help anyone in that way. It was nice. If you ever need help again, please let me know,”
While Kinn helped Rain with schedules and planning, Porsche did the exact opposite.
Porsche drew him away from work when the older thought he was neglecting his health.
He made Rain shower, eat, and sometimes get some sleep before letting him go back to working.
And when Rain couldn’t sleep but still felt too burned out to continue working, Porsche was an excellent distraction.
He had so many stories about Phayu, Pai, and Porchay when they were younger that had Rain clutching his stomach with laughter.
And most of the time that was exactly what Rain needed.
He needed a moment to put aside the pressure of school and remember what it was like to laugh and be carefree for a second.
And when Porsche wasn’t around Tankhun took his place.
Rain adored Tankhun.
The older man was an absolute riot.
He said some of the most out of pocket things it put even Rain to shame, and while Rain had never been able to sit down long enough to watch a drama before Tankhun made it just entertaining enough that Rain didn’t get restless or bored halfway through the first episode.
And when Rain got too in his head about a model or a script Tankhun made it his sole mission to bring Rain back into focus of what was truly important.
Whether that was forcing his bodyguards to reenact one of Tankhun’s favorite dramas to distract him or by reminding him that no matter what happened, whether he failed the test he was studying for or missed the deadline for his model, that they would all still be proud of him for trying his best.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Rain had whispered against the man’s vibrant green jumpsuit once, deep into his second year with the expectations growing higher by the day, and so burnt out he could hardly even glance at a model without wincing. “It’s too hard, P'Khun. What if I’m not meant to get through it?”
Tankhun had hummed a soft contemplative noise against the top of his head, where the older man’s cheek was resting.
“ If it’s too hard then it’s too hard.” Tankhun had stated so simply. “You know yourself the best Raindrop, and if this isn’t something you can see yourself getting through without damaging your health in the long run then you should think about switching majors.”
“I can’t!” Rain had gasped, his head shooting up to stare wide eyed at the older man. “ P’Phayu would be so disappointed in me! So would Sky! I would be letting everyone down! I worked so hard for so long to get where I am, I can’t just give up because It’s too hard!”
Tankhun had gotten a strange look on his face and had reached out to take Rain’s hand as soon as he finished talking.
“ Rain,” He murmured, “ Listen to me very closely. No one would be disappointed in you if finishing your degree was too hard. I know better than anyone how it feels to have worked so hard for so long only to find myself unable to do the thing I had been trained for since my birth. Everyone has their limits. Everyone. Kinn, Porsche, Kim, Chay, even Vegas and Pete and Venice. We all have our limits. Things we aren’t able to do. And pushing yourself past your limits out of fear of disappointing the people you care about is unacceptable.”
“But…” Rain had found himself protesting , “P’Phayu-”
“Phayu would want you to take care of yourself first above everything else.” Tankhun interrupted with a pointed look “and if he doesn’t, you come straight to me. I know how to set my nephew straight. He may be an adult but I can still put him over my knee. And if that doesn’t work, my Pete will be hearing about this and Phayu has to listen to him.”
Rain couldn’t help but laugh weakly at the thought.
“ No matter what anyone thinks, we don’t abandon our own.” Tankhun had continued. “ Family is precious to us in a way most won’t be able to understand. You have managed to capture the hearts of the Theerapanyakun’s. And that means you will always be taken care of to the best of our ability. So no matter what you decide to do- whether you continue to become an architect or want to become a fashion designer or an actor or just be Phayu’s house husband- whatever you want to do, we are behind you Raindrop.”
Hearing those words made so much of the pressure Rain felt fall away.
Rain ended up deciding he loved architecture too much to give it up. Tankhun’s promise of his right to choose seemed to make Rain look at everything he was being taught in a new light.
It reminded him of why he had wanted to design houses in the first place.
He fell back in love with the art, and by the time his third year came around Rain’s enthusiasm for his schoolwork had returned full force.
Now, in the summer before his fourth year Rain had never been so sure he had made the correct choice.
And of course, Porchay.
Porchay whose resting emotion was joy, Porchay who was one of the kindest people Rain had ever met.
Porchay who Rain looked up to so much, being the closest of Phayu’s uncles in terms of age.
Porchay who listened intently to whatever rambling Rain sprung on him.
Porchay who always had a smile and more often than not a snack to share.
Porchay who was like the older brother Rain never had.
Porchay, someone Rain had definitely upset today whether he meant to or not.
Phayu sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of Rain’s head.
“I’m sorry baby, this is partly my fault. I should have warned you.” Phayu murmured against his hair.
“Warned me about what?” Rain demanded, pulling back to frown at the grimace on his boyfriend's face.
“Uncle Porchay and Uncle Kim have… history together.” Phayu explained through pursed lips, “Uncle Chay doesn’t like it when anyone brings up Uncle Kim or Wik. It makes him upset.”
“What happened between them?” Rain asked, frown deepening.
“I couldn’t tell you,” Phayu sighed, “I don’t even know. No one talks about it. Uncle Kim wasn’t really around at all growing up so it wasn’t really an issue when we were kids but when we were teenagers and Uncle Kim set up the street races for Pai and I we saw him more, so we were warned not to talk to Uncle Chay about Kim.”
“Shoot,” Rain groaned as he shoved his face in Phayu’s neck. “Of course, I would bring up the one thing that made P’Chay upset.”
“Hey, it was an accident.” Phayu shushed his distress softly, “You're going back tomorrow, right? You can apologize for upsetting him then. Uncle Chay doesn’t hold a grudge. Especially for us.”
“You make it sound so simple,” Rain grumbled into Phayu’s skin.
It was, actually, that simple.
When Rain met Porchay for lunch all he had to do was say - “ about yesterday, I’m sorry-”
But Porchay interrupted him with a soft smile.
“ Don’t apologize Rain, you couldn’t have known. In fact, I should be the one apologizing for leaving so suddenly. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”
Porchay looked honestly worried about hurting Rain’s feelings and once Rain assured him that all was well they went on to talk for hours like nothing had even happened.
Still.
Over the weeks since then, and the embarrassment from bringing up the only taboo subject in the Theerapanyakun household (truly, the only taboo subject. Murder, torture, drugs etc. were all part of everyday business and man wasn’t that a trip.) had come and gone a new emotion replaced it.
Curiosity.
Porchay was the most easy going person Rain knew, and according to Phayu who had known him his whole life Porchay didn’t hold a grudge.
So what had happened between Phayu’s two uncles that had upset the man so deeply, that it spanned over twenty years.
What had Kim done to Chay in order for even the mention of the man’s name to upset him?
And if it had truly been something unforgivable, surely there would be more than one person still upset with Kim.
Not even Porsche was upset at the mention of Kim, and the man was so protective over Chay Rain could see him destroying a piece of furniture if Porchay so much as tripped over it.
And as far as Rain could tell, Kim was just as welcome at the compound as Rain was.
There was always an empty plate and chair placed at the end of the table at every meal Rain attended there, and at first Rain had thought it was for Macau who frequently traveled.
But then Macau had visited for dinner and a new chair was placed on the other side of the table between Vegas and Phayu.
So it had to be for Kim.
And in the two years that Rain had known Phayu’s family he had never once seen Kim at the compound.
Not even as “Pakin”.
This was obviously a choice on Kim’s side of the equation.
And Rain was so curious.
Who was Kim?
Had he hallways been so estranged?
If Rain didn’t know for a fact that many of the family members still kept in contact with Kim, he would have assumed the man had disowned his family entirely.
According to Phayu though Kim did care about his family, just in more subtle ways.
Like how there was always someone live recording his concerts so Tankhun didn’t have to leave the house to watch them.
There were always rows open for Kim’s nephews at his concerts and free tickets for any of his nephews' friends whenever they were requested.
How Kim made a point to schedule a lunch with Kinn once or twice a month to catch up about life and business.
Hell, the street races were proof enough that Kim cared about his nephews.
They had been created entirely so Pai and Phayu would stop sneaking out of the house without their bodyguards to race and instead would have a safe, heavily guarded and controlled environment to pursue their passion for fast bikes.
(Apparently the races used to be more frequent when Phayu and Pai were younger but became a monthly deal as they got older and became more busy with their adult lives.)
And yes, Rain had been listening to Wik’s music since he was a kid- who wasn’t? He was one of the top stars in Bangkok, if not all of Thailand.
He knew a lot of Wik’s songs, having gone through a bit of a fanboy stage in-between primary school and high school, and had seen the man give interviews on talk shows nearly a million times.
The man was all easy smiles and teasing remarks, quickly charming whoever he was talking to.
But that was Wik.
Rain was smart enough to know that Wik was a persona, and held little truth to who Wik was as a person.
Rain wanted to know who Kim was.
He was the only member of Phayu’s family still living that Rain didn’t know.
Macau was hardly ever in the country and Rain still knew him well enough to have easy conversation whenever he visited.
So, as he often did whenever Phayu knew something he didn’t, Rain pestered his boyfriend with as many questions as he possibly could.
What was he like? Was he serious? Did he have a sense of humor? What did he do when he wasn’t being Wik and planning the street races? Who was his favorite artist? What kind of music did he listen to?
Really whatever came to mind.
Phayu, usually known for his never ending patience, could only take so much before he snapped.
(Well not snapped, because Phayu would never snap at Rain. But it was snapping Phayu’s way, which was usually a heavy sigh and a pointed look- which was often enough to make Rain rein whatever he had been doing back.)
“If you're so curious, why don’t you ask him those questions yourself?” Phayu gave Rain one of those intense looks that usually made Rain look away with a sheepish smile.
Instead, Rain felt excitement run through his veins.
“Really?!” Rain gasped, “Really I can meet him?! Oh, P’Phayu you're the best!”
Phayu’s wide eyed look told Rain he hadn’t expected Rain to actually accept his offer.
A pained grimace fell on his features as Rain babbled about how excited he was to finally meet Phayu’s Uncle Kim, until finally it fell away with grim determination.
It took a while for Phayu to come up with a way for Rain to meet his uncle.
Kim was an exceptionally busy man, and he couldn’t just show up somewhere on a whim because Rain had wanted to meet him.
But eventually Phayu mentioned that he had been meaning to drop by his uncle's place to give him some paperwork but he had to work, so if Rain wanted he could deliver the paperwork himself without Phayu so the two could finally meet.
Rain had agreed without a second thought.
Now, standing in the man’s apartment feeling like he was going to throw up, Rain was beginning to wonder if he had made a mistake.
He had honestly expected Kim to be here when he knocked on the door, and when a few minutes passed and there still wasn’t anyone coming to the door he had been disappointed but resigned to leaving without meeting Kim.
But just as Rain was about to walk back towards the elevator, said elevator doors opened and a man in a black suit - clearly a bodyguard- approached.
“Khun Kim has called and informed me he would be a few minutes later than expected. He has asked you to wait in his office until he arrives.”
The man had punched a pin into the door and opened it before veering left almost immediately and leading Rain down a long hallway till they stopped outside a closed and locked door.
The bodyguard took a set of keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door before motioning for Rain to enter.
Now almost ten minutes later Rain was getting bored, his nerves fading.
Kim’s office was relatively small, considering Rain had seen Kinn’s and Vegas’s.
Compared to the mafia bosses, Kim’s looked like a broom closet.
There was a large desk in the center of the room pressed directly against one wall and leaving a small space on the other end for someone to get through. It was nearly overflowing with paperwork that was what Rain would consider organized chaos.
There was obviously some sort of system, but Rain for the life of him couldn’t figure out what it was.
Behind the desk though along the back wall were floor to ceiling bookshelves.
Odd little trinkets and framed pictures covered the shelves with very little books or paperwork.
Immediately Rain was intrigued.
What pictures did the mysterious Kim keep in his office?
Who were they of?
Were they of his family? His friends? His time on tour?
Or were they pictures of places he had been? Sights he had seen? People he had met and considered important enough to want to frame said pictures.
But Kim could be here any minute, and snooping at his pictures which were behind his desk would surely be considered rude right?
Right?
Or was Rain justified in his curiosity?
Could he just say he was looking for pictures of Phayu?
Would that be justifiable?
Rain didn’t want to make a bad first impression on Phayu’s uncle, no matter how distant said uncle was.
Before he could talk himself out of it Rain was rounding the desk and walking towards the bookshelf in a hurry.
He would look for a few seconds at most and then return to the appropriate side of the desk.
Kim would be none the wiser.
But in his haste, Rain managed to knock his hand against something solid and sturdy hidden under a mountain of paperwork and send both scattering to the ground.
Fuck.
Rain immediately froze.
So much for Kim not knowing, a part of his brain whimpered.
For a second all Rain did was look at the mess on the floor, the paper now scattered in disarray and then the thing he had knocked his hand against.
It was a medium sized wooden box.
At first to Rain’s complete and utter horror it looked like an urn of some kind because of how neatly polished and detailed it was but it had flung open in the fall, and what was inside was not the ashes of a loved one.
There were pictures.
Polaroids to be exact.
And were those movie tickets?
Who cares what’s inside, Rain hissed at himself, you need to clean this up before he gets back.
Rain placed the folder Phayu had told him to take with him on the chair in front of the desk and knelt down to start picking up the papers.
While the papers were definitely not in whatever order they had been in before, soon enough they were placed in a neat pile on Kim’s desk.
Now, the pictures.
Rain tried not to look too closely at the polaroids as he gathered them and the movie tickets into his hand, but as he grabbed the last one he glanced down long enough to realize he recognized the person in the picture.
It was Porchay.
A much younger Porchay mind you, really the man looked to be younger than Rain was now in this picture, but he would recognize those kind eyes anywhere.
In the picture Porchay had his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk, and Rain found himself smiling at how ridiculous he looked before he glanced at the writing above and below the main picture.
I love you the most , was written above.
I’m so lucky to have you , was written below.
Rain’s eyes widened.
What?
Rain was sliding it to the back and looking at the next picture before he even realized what he was doing.
In this one Porchay had his arms out like was giving someone a hug.
The text read- Can I give you a hug?
The next one was a picture of Porchay and Kim together .
Kim looked so young .
They both did.
Rain had only ever seen the two men aged from life’s experiences, each with their fair share of wrinkles and splattering of gray hairs.
Porchay smiling widely at the camera and Kim…
Kim was looking at Chay.
Looking at him with open adoration and a small but very real smile.
As if that wasn’t incriminating enough the text below the picture read- I want us to be together everyday.
A red heart had been drawn between the two boys.
A quick shuffle through the remaining two photos showed much the same thing.
A huff of air escaped Rain’s lungs as realization dawned on him.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, fuck Porchay and Kim hadn’t just gotten off on the wrong foot or disagreed on something.
They had been together. Like together together.
And had very obviously broken up since these pictures had been taken.
Rain just sat there for a second, looking at each of the pictures again.
Porchay looked so happy.
Don’t get him wrong, Porchay was usually a very happy person.
But in these pictures Porchay was glowing with joy.
There was a light inside his eyes that wasn’t there now.
And Kim, whose smile didn’t come close to Chay’s sheer bliss but was so very different from the Wik smiles Rain had seen.
This smile on Kim, while small, was so real .
It made every time Wik smiled for the camera look faker than three-dollar bill.
(It was an American saying Tankhun used sometimes, and somewhere along the way Rain had picked it up as well.)
And the way he was looking at Porchay took Rain’s breath away.
It was the way Vegas looked at Pete.
It was the way Kinn looked at Porsche.
It was the way Pai looked at Sky.
It was the way Phayu looked at Rain.
Love.
Kim and Porchay had been in love.
Suddenly everything made so much sense.
Porchay’s reaction to anyone bringing up his ex-lover.
Kim’s avoidance of the compound. Where Chay lived.
Fuck, how many of Wik’s love songs were about Porchay?
Rain could immediately think of at least five off the top of his head that could be about Porchay.
But these pictures were so old.
They didn’t necessarily look old; they were very clearly taken care of and cherished.
But if their estrangement had been around during Phayu’s childhood, then their breakup had to be before Phayu had been adopted by Vegas and Pete.
Over twenty years.
Who holds onto pictures of their ex for twenty fucking years?
Who became upset at hearing their ex’s name after twenty fucking years?
The answer came to him quickly.
Someone who very clearly was still in love with said ex.
Oh.
Oh.
Holy shit.
Holy fucking shit.
They still loved each other.
Kim kept their old photos in a box on the very top of his desk.
Where they would be kept safe.
Where he could look at them whenever he wanted.
And suddenly a thought hit him like a freight train.
Rain could fix this.
Almost immediately he could hear Sky’s voice in his head scolding him for sticking his nose in other people’s business.
Leave it, Sky’s scowling face came to mind. Not everything can be fixed. Not everyone wants things to be fixed. You could do more hard than good. It’s best you forget what you saw and move on.
But they still love each other, Rain reasoned with the Sky in his mind, They must be miserable without each other. Maybe they just need a little push in the right direction.
Before the Sky in his mind could argue further, Rain heard the sound of footsteps approaching and quickly slid the photos and movie tickets back in the back and hid the box under the papers before grabbing the folder and sitting in the chair just as the door opened behind him.
Rain stood to face Phayu’s uncle who gave him a polite smile.
One that Rain could now clock as his Wik smile.
“I was wondering when I was going to be able to meet Venice’s boy,” Kim held out his hand for a handshake, and Rain shook his hand gently. “As you probably already know, I’m Kim. Venice’s uncle.”
“Khun Kim,” Rain greeted, “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
“Ah, no need for such formalities. Your family now after all. Call me Phi, please,”
“P’Kim,” Rain corrected with a small smile.
Kim’s eyes flickered to the folder in Rain’s hand and Rain held it out quickly.
“P’Phayu said he had been meaning to drop these off but he’s at work so I offered to bring them instead,” Rain explained, and Kim’s eyes lightened in understanding.
“Ah, I was wondering when these would end up on my desk.” Kim chuckled, seeming amused by something that Rain didn’t understand as he didn’t really know what was inside that folder.
Kim opened the folder and flipped through the pages inside for a second before snapping it closed and placing it on his desk.
Leaning his hip against said desk and crossing his arms across his chest, Kim gave him a searching look.
“Venice said you wanted to meet me,” Kim stated, a neutral tone to his voice.
“You're the only person in P’Phayu's family I haven’t met and I was curious what you were like,” Rain shrugged.
Kin nodded once, his eyes still taking on that intense edge that Rain was realizing all the Theerapanyakun’s could wield at will.
“Well, if you have any questions feel free to ask.”
Rain was one hundred percent sure that statement had a limit, and asking Kim about Chay would cross it by miles.
So instead, Rain settled on a safer subject.
“I’ve been to the street races with P’Phayu and I always have a lot of fun,” Rain started and Kim looked genuinely pleased to hear it. “But i’ve always wondered how you got permission to close off the road once let alone for as long as it has been going on.”
Kim’s smile grew into more of a smirk.
“It’s all about who you know,” Kim explained, “And as you know all too well The Theerapanyakun name holds a lot of power in both the underground and regular business workings.”
Kim didn’t elaborate more than that very vague answer and Rain was certain he wasn’t going to.
“So it’s true you started the races for P’Pai and P’Phayu?”
“Yes,” Kim nodded, something around his eyes softening at the mention of his nephews. “My brother and brother in law were just about to the end of their rope with Phoenix skipping out on security to race his cousin across Bangkok. My cousin and his husband weren’t fairing much better and I knew the boys would never stop racing just because they were told they had to stop so I created an alternate solution.”
“That was really smart Phi,” Rain praised, genuinely meaning it. “And yeah, P’Phayu can be really stubborn when he wants something.”
Kim raised an eyebrow.
“That statement sounds like it has a story.”
Rain barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“Well considering he fucked with my car so I would go home with him, I would say you're correct.”
Kim’s eyes widened in genuine shock and a harsh snort of laughter escaped him.
“Jesus Christ, he really does take after his father.”
At Rain’s confused look Kim shook his head, clearly a motion that meant not the time.
“Well, no matter how unorthodox his methods were, it seemed to work out in the end.” Kim continued, “Considering you are all my nephew has talked about these last few years. You make him very happy. I hope you know that.”
Rain couldn’t hold back the smile that overtook him at Kim’s words and for a second Kim’s eyes grew distant, like he was reminded of something before a serene facade hid whatever he had been thinking.
“P’Phayu makes me really happy too.” Rain admitted, “He’s the best thing in my life. He showed me what love was supposed to feel like. He showed me what it was like to trust someone with all your faults and flaws. He gave me a future to hope for. A brand new family to love. I owe him so much.”
“We are all very happy he has you,” Kim stated and Rain could tell that he meant it. “People don’t gain access to this family through anything but trust. And he’s found that he can trust you. So we trust you. You don’t break that trust and everything we have to offer is at your fingertips.”
The barely concealed threat was not missed by Rain, but he wasn’t going to let himself fear Kim.
The threat was in defense of Phayu . Rain could forgive anything if it was in defense of Phayu.
“I trust P’Phayu more than I do anyone else.” Rain exclaimed immediately. “I trust him with my life. I can only hope to be worthy of the trust he has placed in me in return. I don’t really need or want anything from your family. I just want to be a part of that family. And that’s good enough for me. ”
That answer seemed to please Kim.
“Well everyone seems to be in agreement that you are a part of this family so wish granted I guess,” Kim mused,
“Do you consider me a part of the family?” Rain found himself asking.
He was genuinely curious.
Kim looked surprised to be asked that so plainly.
“I would have to say yes.” Kim agreed hesitantly, “We may not have spoken before today but I have heard plenty about you from not only Venice but my brothers as well. They are both very fond of you. Especially P’Khun.”
“I really like P’Khun and P’Kinn too,” Rain beamed. “P’Kinn helped me during exams and P’Khun is so fun. I’ve never been able to sit down and watch a drama before but he talks enough that my ADHD doesn’t make me feel restless. It’s like if I have two things to focus on, then watching the show is easier because I can switch between two forms of stimulation.”
Kim snorted.
“Oh, trust me I know. Khun is insufferable about someone actually enjoying watching drama’s with him. No one else can stand it because he talks so much. You're an angel in Khun’s eyes. Don’t even get me started on how many times he has said he would adopt you if Venice didn’t end up marrying you.”
Rain giggled.
“I think my mama would be okay with that,” Rain mused, “She’s been itching to be rid of me since the day I was born.”
Rain was only joking of course, he knew his mama loved him.
“I fear my nephew would be very put out if you became his cousin.” Kim fake grimaced, “and his nickname isn’t Phayu for nothing.”
They both laughed for a long second, and the genuine amusement in Kim’s eyes reminded Rain so much of the happy look from Kim in the polaroid.
Before he could talk himself out of it, Rain asked a hesitant question.
“Can I ask you a Wik question?”
“Of course,” Kim agreed.
“Are all your love songs about the same person?”
Immediately the amusement in Kim’s eyes faded and a stone mask was in place.
“Why do you ask?” Kim nearly snapped, but seemed to remember at the last second that he was supposed to be nice and continued with a small grimace. “Sorry, I- sorry. That was rude. I guess I was just wondering how you came to that conclusion.”
“Because there are common traits and themes you mention in a lot of them,” Rain hummed. “You always mention them having an enchanting smile, which is pretty general I'll admit but in almost five you mention walking away from them outside your apartment. In your most recent album the first song is about still loving someone after a long time has passed. And yes you're very private about your personal life in your social media but P’Phayu said you've never dated anyone as far as he knew and so I naturally assumed there had to have been someone incredibly special to inspire so many songs.”
Kim’s expression was perfectly blank all through Rain’s explanation, a stiffness to his body that showed how close Rain had gotten to the truth.
Eventually Kim sighed, and seemed to force himself to relax.
“Yes.” Kim stated, his voice emotionless. “All of my love songs are about the same person.”
Even though Rain had already suspected as much, the confirmation still rocked him.
“What happened?” Rain asked.
Disbelief broke through the mask on Kim’s face.
His expression was a perfect look for what gives you the right to ask me that?
“It’s personal.” Kim answered finally, after the disbelief faded.
“Fair enough…” Rain bit his lip.
It was stupid.
Idiotic.
Would likely ruin Rain’s good first impression.
But, Rain was nothing if not impulsive.
“Would you tell me if I told you I know about you and P’Porchay?”
The name seemed to rock something in Kim, the older man taking a step back and the mask cracked into something pained then angry.
“Who told you?” Kim demanded. “Was it Kinn? Porsche? Khun?”
“No one told me.” Rain explained honestly, a guilty expression on his face. “I… I accidently knocked over some papers on your desk and then this wooden box fell and a whole bunch of photographs fell out and I tried not to look- really I did- But I thought I recognized who was in the picture and it was P’Chay and you together, and It wasn’t hard to figure it out from there…”
Rain trailed off, a guilty hunch to his shoulders.
The anger in Kim’s expression grew, and his hands formed fists before suddenly all the fight seemed to leave him at once and he sighed.
Kim brought one hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
“Look, kid I know you're my nephew's boyfriend and everything but you really don’t need to be in my personal business.” Kim seemed to be searching desperately for patience that wasn’t there. “What happened between Chay and I was so long ago-”
“But you guys still love each other!” Rain blurted out, and Kim’s expression grew pained as dropped his hand and he grimaced.
“I assure you,” Kim stated slowly and with conviction. “What Porchay feels for me is nothing even close to love. That ship sailed a long time ago.”
“But he gets so upset whenever someone mentions you,” Rain insisted.
“Yeah, because he hates my guts,” Kim deadpanned.
“No way,” Rain huffed. “I know what someone looks like when they hate someone. Trust me, I face it everyday at school. So many people hate me because I’m not good enough for P’Phayu. P’Chay only looked hurt when I brought you up. He wouldn’t be hurt if he didn’t still care. Plus the opposite of love is indifference, not hate.”
Kim blinked slowly at him.
“There … is just so much to unpack there,” Kim sighed, “Does my nephew know people bother you at school? Better yet, does he know you think you aren’t good enough for him? Because I would bet my favorite guitar he-”
“You're changing the subject,” Rain whined, “Trust me, if P’Chay didn’t still love you he wouldn’t care if people brought you up.”
“You don’t know that.” Kim shook his head, “What I did- it was cruel on an entirely different level.”
“What was so bad between you that you couldn’t make up in twenty years? ”
“I betrayed him.” Kim gritted through his teeth, patience clearly long gone. “I took his trust and I threw it back in his face like it was nothing. ”
Rain faltered in his determination.
“What… what does that mean?”
A harsh frustrated laugh escaped Kim and he gripped one hand on his hair.
“You're not going to let this go are you?”
It was clearly a rhetorical question because Kim sighed again in irritation.
“Look, back then things were a lot different. Our work was a lot more brutal. Crueler. You either killed or got killed. That was the world we lived in. When Kinn took over the family from our father someone began leaking information, and I knew there was a mole. Very shortly after that Porsche was hired as Kinn’s bodyguard and I was suspicious because Porsche wasn’t known to our family. So I became Porchay’s guitar tutor so I could get more information on Porsche.” Kim seemed to be losing steam the longer he talked, “But I fucked up. I fucked up and I fell for him and when he confessed he liked me I was selfish and allowed myself to have him.”
“So what happened?” Rain whispered.
A bitter laugh escaped Kim.
“He got fucking kidnapped is what happened.” Kim hissed. “He was taken outside his house. I was fucking there. I fought with everything I had in me and I failed . He was practically ripped straight from my arms. You have no idea how that feels. The guilt that consumes you when the person you love most in the world is hurt because of you.”
“I do actually.” Rain snapped. “I was kidnapped too, remember? I had to sit and watch as Stop beat the shit out of P’Phayu so he wouldn’t hurt me instead. I know exactly how that feels P’Kim.”
“Then you understand better than anyone the position I was in.” Kim pushed for Rain to understand. “If you had the choice, if you could have decided then that by breaking up with Venice you could have saved him from getting hurt, what would you have done?”
Rain pursed his lips.
He… he honestly didn’t know what he would have done back then.
Watching Phayu be beaten in front of him stained Rain’s view of the world for a long time.
Made him colder. Less trusting.
But would Rain really take those pieces of himself back if it meant he wouldn’t have Phayu with him today?
No.
The answer was no.
It was selfish and he knew it.
But Rain couldn’t live without Phayu, even then.
Kim seemed to take his silence for agreement and Rain didn’t correct him.
“After he was taken, I realized that if we stayed together this would be our new normal for the rest of our lives. He would always have a target on his back. He would never be safe to walk anywhere alone without protection. He would always be in danger, as long as he was with me. So I thought I was doing the selfless thing for the first time in my life, and thinking of someone else first. So when he confronted me and asked if I had ever loved him, I lied.” Kim shook his head, a bitter smile coming to his lips. “Then Porsche became the head of the minor family, and I realized it was all for fucking nothing. I ruined what we had for nothing. I broke both our hearts and it didn’t even fucking matter because at the end of the day, Porchay still became stuck within our fucked up world.”
“Why didn’t you tell him that?”
“I tried ,” Kim insisted. “I wrote him a song. I sent it to him. He watched it, and we have never interacted in any way ever again. I didn’t even go to my own brother's wedding because Chay was going to be there.”
“You didn’t want to see him that badly?”
“All I have wanted since the moment I walked away from Porchay is to see him,” Kim argued. “I kept my distance for him . So he didn’t have to be reminded of what I did to him. So he could move on and live his life and be happy without the reminder of how I broke his heart.”
“You really think P’Chay has moved on?” Rain demanded, because seriously how stupid could this man be?
“It was twenty fucking years ago, Rain.”
“And yet you still love him after all this time.” Rain reminded him.
“That’s different,” Kim huffed. “He’s Cha y okay, everyone fucking loves him. He’s an angel. He could have anyone he wanted, why the fuck would he choose the dick who broke his heart?
“He’s never wanted anyone since you. P’Porchay hasn’t dated anyone either.” Rain murmured. “The only person he has ever wanted is you . Is it really that foreign of a concept to believe that he could still want you? Only you?”
Kim didn’t have a response to that.
Rain had seemed to have stumped him.
“Did you apologize?” Rain continued.
“I sent him a song-”
“Songs don’t equal an apology,” Rain insisted. “Look, I'm not about to put my boyfriend on blast but he did some pretty sketchy things in the beginning that I didn’t exactly agree to. We ignored it for a long time but eventually It had to be talked about. I was starting to resent him. I needed him to acknowledge what he did was wrong and that he was sorry for what he did. In those exact words.”
Kim pursed his lips, seeming unhappy about what Rain told him.
“How far did Venice take things without your consent? Because I swear to god if he-”
“It didn’t go very far at all. He was just trying to rile me up.” Rain assured him. “But it made me really uncomfortable at the time. I had never thought that I liked boys until him. I was actually trying to pursue a girl at the time but she liked P’Phayu which is kind of cr- not the point. My point is, how are you supposed to try and fix things if you don’t lay down a steady foundation?”
“Foundation?” Kim echoed.
“Yeah, if your foundation is uneven your whole house will become unstable over time. Once you start building on uneven ground, there’s not a whole lot you can do but tear it all down and do it right the second time around.”
“Fucking architecture metaphors,” Kim breathed under his breath before staring intently at Rain. “Okay, say I do this. Say I show up and ask to talk to him, and I apologize and tell him all this stuff and you're wrong . Then what?”
“What are you risking?” Rain frowned. “At this rate you're never going to talk to him again, what difference would trying one more time make? What? Would it hurt your pride? ”
“Pride has nothing to do with it.” Kim glared, “I just-”
“Just what? ” Rain demanded, “Look, it’s been twenty years. If he were ever going to find someone else it would be done already. At this rate you both are never going to love anyone else but each other and that is an extremely lonely life to live if you refuse to try again. So do you both a favor and do something about this thing between you two. You have performed to sold out shows for years . How much more terrifying could this be?”
Kim just looked at him for a second before a genuine bewildered smile fell on his lips.
“Spoken like a true Theerapanyakun. Damn, Khun was right. You fit in perfectly with this family.” Kim shook his head a little, amusement in his eyes. “I’ll take your advice. I don’t know when, I’m pretty busy but I promise I'll talk to Chay.”
“Perfect,” Rain beamed, then his phone chimed and he pulled it out only to wince at what he saw. “Ah, shoot. I was supposed to meet P’Vegas for lunch.”
He was going to be a few minutes later than expected.
“Well, it was nice meeting you Rain.” Kim nodded at him, “And… thank you.”
“What for?”
“Just… thank you for giving me the drive to do what I should have done years ago.”
Rain didn’t tell anyone what he and Kim had talked about, not even Phayu.
It was hard to keep it from his boyfriend but as far as he was concerned Kim deserved privacy in case his attempt failed.
Which Rain was sure wouldn’t happen but still.
Rain made it a point to be around the compound more often the next few weeks.
Well being around Porchay that was.
But it had been almost a month, and Porchay hadn’t seemed any different at all.
Rain was just beginning to lose hope when it finally happened.
And he just happened to be hanging out with Chay when Kim finally showed up.
They were hanging out near Khun’s pond and Kim came walking towards them dressed in a white t-shirt with a leather jacket and black jeans over black boots.
The sight was so similar to old Wik music videos that Rain felt like he was back in junior high.
Porchay didn’t seem to be faring any better, his eyes widened in shock and something Rain was certain was attraction.
“Excuse my interruption,” Kim began once he stopped in front of the two men, “But I was hoping to be able to talk to Porchay in private if that was okay?”
Kim glanced at Porchay before looking at Rain and he looked entirely too calm for what Rain knew he was about to do.
“Of course!” Rain beamed, quickly getting to his feet and grabbing his jacket before Porchay could protest and walking briskly back inside.
But before Rain fully went inside he glanced back and saw Kim following him with his eyes, likely to make sure Rain was really leaving so Rain held his thumbs up in a ‘good luck’.
Kim’s crafted calm broke as he gave Rain a soft smile.
It had been hours and still Porchay hadn’t been seen back inside the building.
He was sitting in the lounge area outside Kinn’s office as he waited for the older man to get done with his meetings so they could talk about Rain’s schedule, and Khun had decided to join him.
Rain kept biting his lip as he tried to focus on what Khun was saying but in the back of his mind all he could wonder how Kim and Porchay’s talk had gone.
Had Porchay forgiven Kim?
Were they back together?
Were they at least on speaking terms now?
Or had Rain just made everything worse.
Had Rain been wrong?
Did Porchay actually hate Kim, and now he hated Kim even more?
Did he know Rain was the one to encourage Kim to do this?
Did he hate Rain now too?
He was so distracted he hardly jumped when the doors to Kinn’s lounge area flew open and a pale looking Porsche was standing in the doorway.
Both Rain and Khun turned to stare at him expectantly.
When a few minutes had gone by and Porsche still hadn’t spoken, Khun made an exasperated sound of impatience.
“Well spit it out already!” Khun squawked.
“I…I just walked in on Porchay making out with someone in the kitchens.” Porsche whispered, eyes distant and looking truly bewildered.
“With who?! ” Tankhun demanded while Rain gasped in delight.
“ Kim .”
“Yes!” Rain shouted!
After that seeing Kim at the compound became a regular occurrence.
Where Porchay went, Kim would be following less than a step behind.
They were either cuddled up together on the lounge seats around the building, or Porchay could be seen sitting on Kim’s lap while they talked or watched something on someone’s phone.
Kim began to join them at the main compound for as many meals as he could attend, his seat always beside Chay’s.
Rain couldn’t even count the number of times he had walked in on the two mid makeout session.
Despite the awkwardness of seeing Phayu’s uncles kissing, Rain was absolutely delighted .
The shine was back in Porchay’s eyes.
And Kim seemed genuinely happy.
Porchay could make Kim laugh, loud full body shaking laughter, which apparently was such a rarity that the first time it happened at family dinner Rain thought Phayu’s eyes were going to bulge out of his head.
While the rest of the Theerapnaykun’s were pleased to see the two back together again, Phayu was simply bewildered.
“ I’ve never seen uncle Kim so happy in my entire life,” Phayu had admitted one night while laying in bed. “ I had no clue he loved uncle Chay like that.”
Rain of course had decided to keep his involvement to himself, simply because he didn’t want any thanks or anything.
He just wanted two important people in Phayu’s life to be happy.
Of course his involvement couldn’t be kept quiet forever.
Three months after Kim and Porchay got back together they announced to the entire family after dinner that they were engaged.
To Phayu it seemed a little fast, but to Rain and everyone else it was a development twenty years in the making.
And a few months after that they held an engagement party full of their close family and friends as well as a few work acquaintances, and Kim had walked up to Rain and Phayu who were settled near the food table.
“Rain, I just want to warn you that Chay and I plan on mentioning you in our speech in a little while,” Kim’s smile was small but genuine.
“Rain?” Phayu frowned, looking between Rain and Kim in confusion. “Why would you mention Rain?”
Rain gave a weak little chuckle.
“You didn’t tell him?” Kim asked, seeming surprised. “I was sure you would have told him everything after we talked in my office that day.”
Phayu’s stare turned fully onto Rain, the Theerapanyakhun stare in full force.
“Rain,” Phayu gave a pointed look. “What is uncle Kim talking about? What didn’t you tell me?”
Before Rain could come up with an excuse Kim answered for him.
“He was the one to convince me to apologize to Chay and ask him for another chance.” Kim explained, looking at Rain gratefully. “Without him we wouldn’t be together. I thought that ship had come and gone. I had given up. Rain gave me hope. And without that hope I wouldn’t be marrying the love of my life.”
Rain was honestly touched by Kim’s words.
“P’Kim you don’t have to thank me.” Rain murmured softly. “I’m just so happy you and P’Chay are happy. I told you everything would work out if you just apologized.”
Phayu was speechless at his side.
“And you,” Kim turned to Phayu with a slightly sharper look. “I don’t know everything that happened between you two in the beginning of your relationship, but Rain told me enough to know you crossed some boundaries with him. I’m not going to lecture you, that’s not my place. But what I will say is that Chay and I owe him a great debt, and if you ever put Rain in that position again…You and I will be having a very long conversation, do you understand?”
Phayu’s eyes widened, a guilty edge to his expression as he nodded sharply.
“Yes, Uncle Kim.”
“Good,” Kim nodded once, before motioning to Rain with one hand. “Don’t lose this one. He’s special. Hold on and hold on tight, because I don’t think you're ever going to find anyone more suited for you than him.”
This time Phayu’s eyes softened as he glanced at Rain.
“I already knew that,” Phayu mused, “Trust me, I'm not letting him go anytime soon.”
Later on that night after all the speeches were over and only the immediate family were left, Porsche pulled Rain to the side and pulled him into a long lingering embrace.
“Thank you,” Porsche whispered into Rain’s ear. “My brother has not been happy, truly happy, in so very long. Thank you. ”
Porsche’s voice was dripping with sincerity and he sounded close to tears.
For some reason it made Rain’s throat close up as he nodded.
Porsche pulled back and smiled brightly at Rain.
“I’m so glad Venice brought you into this family Rain, truly there is no one better I could ask to protect my nephews heart.”
Phayu was silent when Rain told him everything later that night.
But when he finally spoke there was awe in his voice.
“Thank you,” Phayu murmured. “For bringing my family closer together. Uncle Kim and Uncle Chay are going to live the rest of their lives by each other’s side when for so long they have both been alone. And it’s all thanks to you sweet boy.”
“Why does everyone keep thanking me?” Rain asked in exasperation, throwing his hands in the air. “All I did was state the obvious.”
“Really,” Rain huffed as he rolled his eyes. “Twenty years wasted, it was about time someone set him straight. Why didn’t anyone- are you laughing at me?!”
Phayu’s hand fell away from his mouth and he was indeed laughing.
“I’m sorry, I'm sorry.” Phayu laughed, “It’s just no one else would even dare to question Uncle Kim, and you- you managed to not only stand his glare long enough to argue with him but actually changed his mind after twenty years of stubbornness. You truly are something special, sweet boy.”
Rain pretended he wasn’t preening at the praise.
Somehow hearing it from Phayu meant more than hearing it from anyone else.
“Never change, baby.” Phayu sighed when he was finally done laughing. “Never change.”