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The door to the Curtis house slammed open, and Darry rolled his eyes, barely looking up from where he was sitting on the couch to shout, “Don’t slam the door!”
Darry looked up to see who it was and saw Ponyboy violently swiping what appeared to be tears off of his cheeks.
Alarm bells immediately went off in Darry’s head, and he was off of the couch in seconds and walking up to him.
“What happened? What’s wrong?”
Ponyboy ignored him, instead opting to take off his shoes and jacket while keeping his eyes trained on the ground. His jaw was clenched, and he was still swiping at his face like he was desperately trying to stop crying.
Ponyboy had told him earlier he was going to the library, and Darry couldn’t for the life of him think of what would’ve happened to get him so upset.
The only thing he could think of was Socs bothering him on the way back, but Ponyboy didn’t appear hurt and his brother wouldn’t cry over some harsh words.
“Ponyboy?”
“It’s nothin’, Dar, lay off,” Ponyboy muttered.
Darry took a deep breath and continued to look at Pony. “Clearly it ain’t.”
Ponyboy made an irritated noise and walked past him. Darry followed up behind him and put his hand on his shoulder.
“Hey-”
“Christ, Darry, could you leave me alone?”
Darry stopped at that, watching as Ponyboy turned around and stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
He and Ponyboy had been getting along a lot better than they used to. For Ponyboy to be this hostile with him now was almost unheard of.
Darry marched right on after him, “Don’t you walk away from me, Ponyboy!”
Darry got to the bathroom and tried to open the door, only to find it locked. What the hell happened?
He raised his hand, ready to hammer the door and demand Ponyboy tell him what happened. He needed to fix this. Darry fixes things.
Right when he went to do it, he heard sniffling on the other side of the door. He stopped himself, letting his head drop against the door instead.
For a few seconds, he listened to Ponyboy cry, wishing desperately Soda was here. He would know how to help without making it worse.
“Can I come in, kid?”
“Go away, Darry!”
Darry fought down the strong urge to pick the lock and thought for a minute. Then, he turned around and sat with his back to the door.
He could still hear Ponyboy sniffle every few seconds. He stayed quiet, gathering his thoughts together.
It was a habit of Ponyboy’s to shut out the people around him, and it drove Darry insane with worry. Sometimes, he wishes the kid would make it less of a hassle to help him.
Darry sighed softly, leaning his head back.
“Y’know, you don’t gotta handle this alone, kid.”
He heard Ponyboy inhale sharply and chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“Sometimes,” Darry began, “It’s like you think you gotta take on everything alone, but you don’t.”
Ponyboy remained silent.
He took a deep breath, “We can talk about it, or not, but I’m here, okay?”
He could hear Ponyboy breathe in, and he held his breath.
Ponyboy finally spoke, his voice quiet and shaking, “I got broken up with.”
And that… was not what Darry was expecting at all.
“Broken up with?”
Ponyboy took a shuttering breath, “Yeah.”
Darry racked his brain. Ponyboy had a girlfriend? Had he even mentioned that?
He knew now was not the time to interrogate Ponyboy on this mystery girl, not when Ponyboy just got heartbroken for the first time.
“Oh, Pony, I’m so sorry,” Darry breathed. “I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend.”
At that, he heard Ponyboy let out a quiet sob.
It’s times like these when Darry feels the loss of his parents the most, and no doubt Ponyboy feels it too. He remembers after his first break up, crying in his mom’s arms. But she isn’t here to hold Ponyboy.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Darry asked gently.
“Apparently I’m irrational,” Ponyboy said, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence.
Darry scoffed and shook his head, “Well, she don’t know what she’s talking about, okay?”
“He.”
“What?”
“He,” Ponyboy said in a shaky voice Darry almost couldn’t hear, “Not she.”
Oh.
Oh.
Ponyboy isn’t talking about a girl.
Darry can say in full confidence that he is rarely left speechless. But right now? He was far too shocked, and far too scared, to get his lips to form any words at all.
Ever since Ponyboy was a young child, he was always getting himself into different situations. He just seemed to attract danger.
When he was 6, he was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. When he was nine, he choked on a snack while their parents weren’t home and Darry had to give him the Heimlich Maneuver. When he was twelve, he fell off his bike and broke his arm. Hell, when he was fourteen he was on the run for murder and got caught up in a fire.
Long story short, Ponyboy has been scaring the shit out of Darry since he was real little.
Somehow, none of that could match the pit in his gut right now.
Right now, all Darry can think about is all the times on the news he’s seen what’s been done to people like Ponyboy.
All he can think about is the amount of people who would take one look at his baby brother and think he is better off dead.
All he can think is how am I supposed to keep him safe?
Glory, the amount of people who get killed for the crime of being different.
And what about all the other stuff Ponyboy can’t do? Darry might not be Soda, but he knows his brother. Ponyboy loves books and movies and sunsets. Ponyboy is emotional, a dreamer, a romantic. What about all the things he can’t do with the person he loves?
He can never get married, he can never have kids, he can never do all the cheesy stuff Darry knows he wants to.
Darry is suddenly snapped out of his train of thought by a quiet, “Darry?”
Glory, Ponyboy sounds scared. Of him.
He can hear Ponyboy sobbing softly on the other side of the door, and his chest tightens.
A part of him wants to ask Ponyboy to open the door, but he knows that Ponyboy is too scared to do that.
He racks his brain, trying to think of something to say that will ease Ponyboy’s mind.
His baby brother just got his heart broken, admitted to a relationship he told no one about, and came out all in one evening.
Darry might not know exactly what to say in regards to Ponyboy being queer, but he does know the fierce instinct to comfort his brother intimately well.
He desperately needs Ponyboy to understand that he doesn’t care, that he’s not mad at him.
So, he decides to focus on the part of this he does understand: going through a breakup.
Darry leaned his head so it rested against the door, and took a deep breath. “Do you remember Sally? That girl I dated back in high school?”
Ponyboy didn’t answer him, and Darry didn’t wait too long for one.
“Well, I don’t know how much you remember her,” Darry began, “But she was everything I wanted in a girl.”
Darry paused for a second, and he could hear Ponyboy’s cries lessen as he listened, which seemed like a good sign.
“She was beautiful, kind, smart, and funny. We had all the same interests and she came to all my games…” Darry trailed off. “I loved her, a lot.”
“When she and I broke up, I remember sitting on the couch and crying while mom hugged me. It hurt so bad and I thought I’d never be able to move on. But I did.”
Darry turned his head slightly to look at the door and prayed to god he was handling this correctly.
“I’m not sure how different it might be for you,” Darry began gently, “But I do know what it’s like to get your heart broken by someone you care about.”
Darry stopped and held his breath, waiting. Ponyboy wasn’t crying anymore, at least not audibly. But he still hadn’t said anything.
Darry would go to hell and back for either of his brothers, and he was prepared to sit outside of this door all night if he had to.
A few minutes passed, and Darry considered telling Ponyboy another story, or just saying anything to break the silence. But just as he was about to, he heard movement coming from inside.
The door creaked open, and there stood Ponyboy. His eyes were glossy and red from crying, and he kept his eyes firmly focused on the ground. His jaw was clenched, and he was breathing heavily, clearly trying not to start crying again.
Darry wasted to time walking up to Ponyboy and hugging him close to his chest, resting his chin on his head and closing his eyes.
After a few seconds, Ponyboy relaxed and let out a shuddering breath. He put his arms around him and clutched the back of his shirt, then began to sob.
Darry held him impossibly tighter as Ponyboy sobbed, whispering quiet reassurances that he wasn’t sure Ponyboy was listening to. Christ, Ponyboy was shaking.
“I got you, baby. I got you.”
Ponyboy pressed himself closer to Darry, and tears pricked in Darry’s eyes. Sometimes, he loved his brothers so much that it hurt.
“I’m sorry,” Ponyboy sobbed quietly.
“Oh, Ponyboy,” Darry whispered, “You don’t gotta be sorry.”
Ponyboy cried even harder at that, and Darry began to rub his back, still whispering comforts in his ear.
“I thought you would hate me.” Ponyboy cried.
Darry’s eyes widened. The idea that he could hate his brothers for any reason was unthinkable. The idea that Ponyboy thought he would made him vaguely nauseous.
“I could never,” Darry said strongly. “I could never, for any reason, hate you. Don’t you ever go thinking for the slightest second that I would.”
He heard Ponyboy’s breath hitch when he said that. Darry pulled away from the hug to look at Ponyboy. The look on his face was heartbreaking, and Darry knew he would do anything to make sure he never looked like that again.
He reached up and held Ponyboy’s face with both of his hands like he was the most precious thing in the world, looking him right in the eye.
“Ponyboy Michael Curtis, I could never, ever hate you. I love you so much.”
He paused and took a breath, willing himself not to cry. “You have to believe me, baby.”
Ponyboy’s face crumpled, and he launched himself back into Darry’s arms.
They stood there for a long time, holding each other in the bathroom doorway. Eventually, Darry pulled away so he could lead Ponyboy to the living room and they sat down on the couch.
Ponyboy wasn’t crying anymore, he wiped the stray tears off of his face and whispered, “Thanks.”
Darry smiled softly at him. “You got nothin’ to thank me for, kiddo.”
He looked up at him and smiled, and Darry memorized everything about it so he could save it for a rainy day.
Darry looked down at him and grinned, “So, is this what your obsession with Paul Newman is really about?”
That startled a genuine laugh out of Ponyboy, and Darry knew everything was going to be okay.