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Kenny had seen Sam at his lowest point, bandaged and in the hospital. He’d seen him struggle to provide for both him and Penny, working multiple jobs while in school. He’d seen him push through the currently apocalyptic world, forcing himself to survive even when he didn’t want to.
He’d seen Sam go through so much.
He didn’t deserve to feel any more pain.
But the sick and twisted gods of this universe seemed to have other plans.
“Sammie, don’t look—“
It was too late. Sam had turned around.
He’d seen Ogre, suspended in the air, impaled by the murk. Sacrificed to save a life who didn’t want to live.
“Ogre?” Sam breathed, horror lacing his tone.
The murk flung Ogre across the road, blood flying in the air behind him as the limp body skid to the ground.
Tommie’s breath stuttered in and out of her lungs.
She’s blaming herself, isn’t she?
He didn’t have time to think on that, though, because Sam broke off into a run towards Ogre, shouting his name.
“Hey—“ Kenny was cut off when the murk wrapped a tentacle around Sam’s leg, and he slammed to the ground.
Scrambling to his feet, Kenny ran towards Sam, past a frozen Tommie, past the murk. He placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder, and felt how hard he was shaking.
”Sammie, we need to go!”
Sam pushed himself up onto his elbows. “…I’m not leaving without Ogre.”
Damn it. That cat was all Sam had had since this whole thing started, the only constant in his life, but—
“Samael, he’s gone .” He had to get through to him. They weren’t safe here, and— “We have to go— Samael!“
Sam didn’t listen to him. He was zeroed in, standing up and running towards Ogre and Kenny couldn’t let him . Because if Sam reached Ogre’s body, he would realize that it was hopeless.
There was no way a cat could survive being impaled like that.
And Kenny wouldn’t be able to beat the look on Sam’s face when he realized.
He raced after Sam and caught him by the arm, then pulled him back, wrapping both arms around him.
“Fucking let go of me! ” Sam shouted, struggling to get free. “He’s still alive, I know he is! He NEEDS ME—“
Kenny buried his face into Sam’s shoulder, gritting his teeth as he felt Sam’s struggle lessening.
“He—he needs my help,” Sam said, voice on the edge of breaking. “Please, he’ll die if I don’t help him…”
“…we have to go,” Kenny said, loosening his grip. “I’m sorry, Sammie, I really, really am.”
He guided Sam away by the shoulders, making eye contact with Tommie. He shook his head, and her face crumpled.
Ogre was dead.
They weren’t, though, and they had to move.
Maybe that was a cruel thought, but it was the sad truth of their current reality.
Kenny kept a hand on Sam’s shoulder as they walked past the murk, picking their way over the viney spindling of its tentacles. Guilt pierced through his heart, not only because of Ogre’s dying, but because Sam had been ready to die for Kenny. He had watched as Sam placed himself between Kenny and the murk, fully prepared to be run through by one of its appendages. And…
Kenny would’ve found it really hard to live after that.
We’ll have to keep an eye on Sam.
After about thirty minutes of walking (that felt more like three hours), the trio arrived at some abandoned houses, the quiet suburban neighborhood almost a serene picture if not for the occasional body splayed on the ground.
Tommie would watch Sam for now. There was no way Kenny would let Sam enter a house with potential unknown danger, and there was even less of a chance that Kenny would leave him alone. So that left Tommie. Sweet, brave, caring Tommie, who had clearly been blaming herself this whole time, but hadn’t said a thing.
He’ll need to talk to her, too.
Running a hand through his hair, he entered the house, pushing back those thoughts so he could focus.
The place seemed to be empty, but you could never be too careful. The murks liked to hide in corners, pressed flat against a wall, tucked away inside a cabinet…before they jumped out and tried to kill you.
A tired smile stretched across his face.
Just another day, then.
Business as usual.
“KENNY!”
Tomoha’s voice rang out, filled with worry.
Anxiety pierced his heart.
Well. He was just about done checking this house, anyway. It would suffice for a temporary base.
His feet moved before he could even think, and he was out the door in seconds and scooping Sam’s unconscious body into his arms.
“I was talking and he just slumped over,” Tomoha said, voice shaking. She placed a hand on his forehead. “And he’s burning up.”
Kenny’s brow creased as he frowned. Sam was drenched in sweat.
He’d seen this before.
“I found a house that we should be safe in for a little bit.”
Tommie snatched up their few belongings and followed him, closing and latching the door behind them.
Kenny tucked Sam’s head into the crook of his neck, and ascended the stairs, his heart pounding in his chest.
What the fuck.
What sort of sick game was the universe playing, making Sam suffer this much? Why the fuck did he have to go through this much?
Kenny knew that life wasn’t fair. He’d known that from a young, young age, when he’d guided Sam and Penny on a little tour around his house after their mom died. He was young, then, but old enough to understand death. Meanwhile, the other two had to learn to understand the fragility of life even sooner than he had. The cruelty of the world had been thrust upon them, while Kenny had gotten to slowly sink into it.
The nights he spent by Penny’s bed as she cried for her mom weren’t fair.
The bandaids and bruises he’d plastered onto Sammy’s scraped knees as he tried to shove Kenny away weren’t fair.
Seeing Sammy grow further away from him and Penny as they aged wasn’t fair.
Having to comfort Penny after Sammy tried to kill himself wasn’t fair. Explaining that to Penny, seeing some of the worried light in her eyes change to sorrow and horror…
None of that was fair.
Sam losing Penny. Sam being alone. Sam being ready to give up. Sam losing Rayne, then Ogre two months later.
Fucking hell.
He gently laid Sam down on a bed in one of the rooms upstairs, and carded his fingers through his hair. His breath was stuttering in his chest, and Kenny pressed the back of his hand to Sam’s forehead.
“He definitely has a fever,” he murmured.
“What can I do to help?” Tomoha asked, wringing her hands together.
Kenny gave her a tired smile. “You should go get some rest. I’ll take care of him.”
She held his eyes, conflict brewing in her expression, unsure of what to do.
He walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said quietly.
She lowered her gaze. “I still could’ve done more.”
“Both of us could’ve.” His throat was tight. “That cat…Ogre… He was all Sammy had left. All we can do now is be here for him, especially when he wakes up.”
She nodded. “Okay. Let me know how he’s doing.” She turned to leave, then paused. “Kenny?”
“Yeah?”
“You should get some rest, too.”
Sam stirred, his face scrunching up before his eyes opened, and Kenny was on his feet in mere seconds. There was so much he wanted to say, so many words at the tip of his tongue that were begging to spill past his lips, but he held it all back. That would only overwhelm Sam, and that wasn’t needed right now.
So, Kenny simply said, “Hey.”
Sam blinked, staring blankly at the ceiling before shifting his eyes to look at Kenny, and then he froze.
His face was still flushed, and he definitely still had a fever and needed more rest.
But…
That may not be possible right now.
Sam slowly dragged himself into a sitting position, his eyes fixated on the blanket covering his legs. There was a small tremble to his hands, and he clenched the blanket to still them.
“Sam…” Kenny slowly reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder, but Sam wordlessly shook him off. He sighed and sat in the chair he had pulled up to Sam’s bedside. “Okay, okay.”
God. How did he even begin to approach this topic?
It wasn’t like comfort would do any good. It never had, not with Sam. But what else was there to do?
Kenny took a deep breath. “Y’know, I’m here if you ever—“
“Leave.” Sam’s voice was low and shaky.
Kenny paused. “Sammie, I shouldn’t—“
“ Leave .” His voice was more strained this time. “Please, Kenny, I can’t—“
His voice broke, and so did Kenny’s heart along with it.
Sam’s shoulders shook silently, and Kenny felt absolutely helpless.
“I’m not gonna leave,” he said quietly. “I can’t do that, not in good conscience.”
Sam grit his teeth. “Kenny—“
“No, listen to me, Sammie.” Kenny stared down at his hands. “I…I should’ve been there. You were right when you said that to me. And I’m…I’m real sorry. I’m sorry, Sammie, that I couldn’t be… better. Better for you, better for Penny, everything. I really fucked up, didn’t I?” He let out a humorless laugh.
“Shut the hell up,” Sam rasped, and Kenny flinched.
Sam’s face was shadowed and turned away from Kenny.
“Uh, okay,” Kenny breathed. He was shutting up, then.
“You—“ Sam’s hands curled into fists in the blanket, his voice shaky. “You were there for Penny more than I was.”
He remembered those nights. The nights they would purposefully make dinner late in the evening, to see if Sam would be home in time to enjoy it with them, just for him to come home bloodied and bruised while they were washing the dishes.
“Ya were goin’ through a buncha shit, Sammie, that’s not your f—“
”Yes it is. I could’ve chosen to not do that. I could’ve—could’ve stuck around. So don’t you dare say that you weren’t there for her, because you know just as well as I do that that isn’t true.”
Sam sucked in a trembling breath, about to continue, but Kenny beat him to it.
“Then I’m sorry for not being there for you , Sammie. Ya deserved better, and I’m sorry I didn’t make more of an effort in tryin’.”
“You did try,” Sam whispered. “You did, I just—“
He stopped himself, lowering his face into his hands, going quiet.
“I know,” Kenny said softly. “I know ya just…pushed people away. I get it. But I still coulda made more of an effort.”
Kenny stood up and sat on the edge of Sam’s bed, then placed a hand on his knee. Sam didn’t shove him away this time.
“I’m sorry, Sammie. Ya deserved better than what I gave ya, even if ya don’t believe it.”
He nodded silently, shoulders shaking.
Kenny absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over Sam’s knee. He remembered when Sam and Penny had first come to live with him, staring at the pair from behind his dad’s leg. He’d been apprehensive, then excited, and then he had pulled the two behind him as he gave them a tour of his house.
It felt like Kenny didn’t even know Sam anymore.
And maybe that was his fault.
No, it was definitely his fault.
But now, sitting here on the bed with Sam, the pair working through different types of grief, he felt closer to his cousin than he had in years.
Things weren’t okay, far from it, in fact. Kenny doubted if things would ever be okay again. But if he could repair even a fraction of his relationship with Sammie, then everything would be worth it.
Later on, Sam would fall back asleep, and Kenny would retake his position in the chair by his bed, only to fall into a strange sleep that he wouldn’t wake up from for a long, long time.