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How do you describe a smile from a dream?
The most vibrantly beautiful smile you've ever seen?
When there are no words for how it makes your breath falter and your chest seize?
When you aren't worthy of the affectionate warmth and infectious delight that it brings?
How do you describe that smile when its time has come to leave?
The most devastating, heartbreaking moment you’ve ever perceived?
When words cannot convey the plunge into darkness that makes your heart freeze?
When its smouldering light hasn't left her eyes, still it's gone and all hope to see its glimmer again rests on a dream?
How does one describe a smile like that? Tally didn't know, but her dream of the General's smile had burned itself into her mind like a vivid memory, though she knew for a fact she had never seen her smile in that way. Oh, but a girl could dream. And dream she did. Every night. And her mind would wander every day.
It had felt so real, and the utter disappointment she felt upon waking every day was beyond tragic at this point. It was heartbreaking. She wished she could make it a reality, to see the General's eyes light up because of her. What she wouldn't give to make it happen.
Unfortunately, she would have to settle with the fading memory of the dream, because there was no way she could allow herself to cross any more lines with the General, no matter how much she wanted to.
Every time she saw Alder across the training yard or caught a whisper of her voice in the halls, her whole being ached to speak to her again. Or at the very least be able to exist in the same room as her again. She couldn't help it. These feelings were only getting worse. The dreams were more frequent and the thoughts were getting so hard to ignore.
The General had promised up and down that any feelings would fade after this separation. ‘It will work this time’, ‘I promise Izadora figured it out this time’, ‘The connection will be unnoticeable in a month or less guaranteed’.
It had in fact now been three months since their second attempt at a complete separation after the first failure that left Tally to drift in and out of Alder's memories. So they tried again to cut the final strings that tied their minds together, and while the bulk of their connection had actually faded into the background as advertised, enough of it remained that it only made her feelings grow. It didn’t help that the General required them to have regular face-to-face meetings twice a week to help 'recover' from the separation.
Supposedly to make it easier on them both, was the General’s reasoning, so they didn’t fall into the same mess of miscommunication as they did after the first attempt. The General had insisted on it the same evening Tally barged into her office.
It had been two weeks since she made the decision to skip her meetings with the General. Sure she should have come up with a reason, she was busy with training, she was better and didn’t need them, or she just didn’t want to go, but she couldn't find the words to say. She knew if she stood before her, she wouldn't be able to do it.
So she just didn't show up. Days passed and she made the conscious decision to not show up to the next one, and the next. Not just that, but she avoided any possibility of coming face-to-face with her. All the while her mind became impossibly stuck on every detail of the General, constantly revolving around her at all hours of the day and night. It was maddening.
Thinking about it, maybe it was her extremely conscious and methodical, almost paranoid, avoidance of the whole administration wing that caused Alder to become a more common actor in her dreams. Maintaining such a dedicated effort kept that blue-eyed witch at the forefront of her mind. She could think and dream of nothing else.
She imagined telling her how she felt, and then fantasised about hearing the General say it back. Imagine.
Obviously, that was out of the question. The General would probably laugh her out of the room or worse, reprimand her.
So telling the General her feelings was out because the possible consequences were too great.
It had been a bit of time though, maybe she was stronger than she thought. Maybe she could hold her own and handle being in a room with her again. It would be nice, she had missed her.
She considered how it would go if she decided to march down to her office right now. Not the craziest thing she'd ever done. She wouldn't confess anything, that would be crazy, but she could apologize, maybe she could even make her smile finally.
That would be nice. She definitely could settle for making the General smile. Just a simple smile. Her life could surely hold no greater accomplishment than that, maybe that could be enough. Just one smile, like the smile from her dream. Then perhaps she could move on from this insanity.
Aside from barging into her office unannounced, getting an audience with her at this point would not be an easy thing to do. Especially an audience with a less than formal setting that might allow for such freedoms while still maintaining their professional rapport. Try impossible.
The next question was how. If only she could remember what she had done in her dream to make her smile like that. Not that it would possibly be that helpful, still the circumstances could hold clues to help her. But there was nothing else. The rest of her dream had faded away faster than she had opened her eyes that morning.
"Earth to Tally," the blonde girl with the crooked smile and half confused half annoyed look in her eyes waved a hand in front of her face. "Is anyone home?"
Tally blinked and in the darkness behind her eyelids she saw her smile, and when the light returned a fraction of a second later, she saw her sisters sitting across from her, arms folded. "uhm yes, my answer is yes, I think it's a great idea," Tally declared with a confident fist against the table, though she truly had no clue what the topic of discussion was anymore. She had stopped listening some time ago, bored of them talking about their weekend plans with their respective partners.
"You, Tally, really think it's a good idea for us to go on a double date without you? Are you sure?" Abigail raised an eyebrow skeptically at her.
Tally blinked again at them. "I'm sorry guys, I have not been paying attention, you've been talking about double dates this whole time?"
"Ugh," Abigail scoffed and folded her arms over her chest with a huff.
Raelle rolled her eyes and played with the empty glass in front of her that was still on the table from lunch. "Of course,"
"I'm sorry, I'm just tired, maybe I can catch up on sleep while you guys are out partying," She tried feebly to defend herself but it was no use, their expressions told her wouldn’t let her get away that easy.
"Oh yeah, tired because your dreams about a certain someone are so exhausting?" Raelle asked pointedly and Tally could feel her cheeks burn.
"No! I don't know what you're talking about," She knew exactly what Raelle was talking about, and she wanted to die right there. If a stray bolt of lightning or a misplaced working could just make its way over to remove her from this conversation, she would have been grateful, but alas no. After a moment of sitting there staring at them, she sighed.
"Please, we both hear you, tossing and turning all night. 'Yes General’, 'No General', 'you're so beautiful general' 'ohhh generalll''' Abigail drawled. "You have a problem, Tally, you were thinking about her just now, weren’t you?"
This time Tally slapped her palm on the table and leaned over. "Stop it right now, you're making this up and I don't appreciate it," her voice was a gritted whisper holding a sharp edge of force but quiet enough to keep anyone else in the cafeteria from hearing her. She was just lucky there weren't that many people there to hear this talk from these two, but then again, maybe if there had been more people they would have been kinder.
They looked at each other, surprised by her reaction. "Tal, we aren't kidding. You talk a lot in your sleep, and... usually about her," Raelle said tentatively, earning a vigorous nod in agreement from Abigail.
She covered her eyes in her hands, they felt cool on her face. Her cheeks must be so red. This couldn't really be worse. "This isn't happening," she groaned quietly to herself.
"Honestly, why don't you just talk to her? You see her all the time anyway, there must be a way to work it into the conversation?" Raelle asked exhaustedly.
Abigail stared at Raelle like she had three heads. "Shitbird, are you serious? That is your solution to this? Talk to her? No. No no, do not listen to her, Tally,"
"I wasn't -" Tally started but was quickly interrupted.
"That is a bad plan. It's not even like you have feelings for just any old officer, you have a crush on the most superior officer. Acting on it is so far beyond a breach of protocol, you could get us all stationed somewhere remote and boring indefinitely, or worse, you could be dishonorably discharged just because she feels like it," Abigail ranted. "Goddess, please, no. Can you really not find someone else to be obsessed with?"
Tally fidgeted with the silverware on the table and shrugged halfheartedly. "I don't know if obsessed is the right word. If I were obsessed, I wouldn't have intentionally skipped my meetings with her for the last few weeks,"
"Yes it is, don't even pretend," Raelle chuckled humorlessly before scrunching up her face. "Wait... You've been skipping your meetings?! What the hell?!"
"You said just yesterday you were going to her office! What have you been doing instead?!" Abigail picked up Raelle's argument as well.
Oops. This is the reason she hated keeping secrets because she was so bad at keeping them. "I don't know, I didn't think it would matter to you guys, you both are always so busy with Scylla and Adil, it was just easier to not go into it I guess. But if you must know, I've been taking walks and practicing my seeing skills. Depends on the day and how I feel,"
"That doesn't answer the why? Why did you stop going? Why not just tell us?" Abigail asked sharply.
They both looked at her expectantly when she didn’t immediately answer. “Tally…” Raelle’s voice was warning.
She looked away. "I-I ugh. I didn't want to have this conversation, that's why," Tally grumbled. "Because you're right, I do have some kind of feelings and the meetings weren't helping me, they were making it worse. I know how wrong it is, but spending all of that time, multiple times a week with just her, not even her biddies, it was just so... Nice. And we would have conversations and it just felt like... I'm stupid. I know there are lines and I am not strong enough to uphold them, that's why I stopped going. I didn't really give her a reason,"
"Oh.” Raelle spoke quietly. “I'm sorry, Tally,"
"It's fine, whatever," she muttered. "So just don't worry, I wasn't going to act on anything...it will sound stupid and crazy...but it was nice and she seemed more relaxed with every meeting we had, but she hardly ever smiled. When I realized that making her smile was something I actually wanted, like really wanted, I knew I was getting too attached to something that wasn't even real. So I stopped going,” She explained. “Just once though, I wanted to make her smile a true genuine smile, then maybe I'd have been able to let it go, but I was strong enough to stop myself before I did something stupid. She's all that's on my mind, guys, I don't really know what to do, the time and space haven’t helped at all," She let her face fall into her hands again.
Abigail closed her eyes in disbelief. "Goddess protect us, we're going to end up on guard duty at a base in the middle of nowhere, relegated to checking IDs all day long for the rest of our lives,"
Raelle found some amusement in that, laughing lightly at Abigail's sorrow. Even Tally cracked a smile until Raelle took her hand from across the table and her face turned serious. "That's ridiculous and we all know it. Abs is being dramatic, but I for one think it's a good idea to do something. Something well thought out of course. Otherwise, these feelings may just eat you up for a while longer. I can see in your eyes how it’s bothering you," Raelle offered, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm glad you-" Abigail was probably about to complain but she was cut off by several boot stomps around them.
"CO on deck!" Someone shouted from across the cafeteria and a series of screeching stairs and more boot stomps followed rapidly as everyone dropped everything, jumped to their feet, and waited at attention facing the entrance where Alder and her biddies now stood.
Without a second thought, they jumped up from their chairs to follow suit, stomping their feet as they too stood at attention. Every muscle in Tally's body tensed as the General cast her gaze in her direction. She could feel the side-eyed glances she was getting from her sisters, but she was trying her best to ignore them.
"At ease," Alder spoke after a split second of standing in silence, surveying the room, her eyes sweeping over everyone. Tally swore those blue eyes paused on her for a moment longer than on anyone else, but it was such a fleeting action that she had no way to know if she should read into it or not. Which definitely meant she was going to be analyzing that instance for a significant length of time in the near future.
“At ease,” The tension that had been in the air quickly faded once again with those two words and almost everyone immediately stomped their feet in salute and acknowledgment, before returning to their activities and conversations. All except for Tally that was, she was caught on the General's face and those eyes, in particular.
A sharp elbow to her ribs broke the spell and made her turn away to see which of her unit mates had done that. "Ow.” She mouthed and flared at Raelle.
"Tally. Sit down. Right now. Don't make me make you." Abigail forced through gritted teeth, glaring at her intently.
"Belay that, Craven." Alder's voice was definitely louder than necessary behind her.
She was scared to turn around. Her cheeks burned again and her palms were sweating. So clearly Alder was looking at her specifically.
Slowly she turned and the General had taken a few steps closer, though her biddies were still waiting by the doors. "Yes, ma'am!" Tally practically shouted, as she easily slipped back into an attention stance. In her peripherals, she could see Abigail looking away covering her eyes and Raelle trying not to snicker.
Alder smirked as well and Tally was kicking herself for everything. She thought she wanted to die earlier, well now it felt a hundred times worse. She wanted to disappear into the ground. Maybe she could make a run for it, say she heard a phone ringing somewhere. Or maybe someone would come in to get the General's attention at the last second and she would be spared. "At ease Craven, try not to pull a muscle."
Raelle lost it a the General's statement; that was the end of being able to stifle her chuckling.
Was it supposed to be a joke? Alder did have a hint of amusement in her eyes, or so she thought. She really hoped that's what it was, otherwise she had no earthly clue what she was seeing.
"Craven, did you hear me?" Alder stepped closer again.
She heard the words, yes, but did any of the tension in her body lessen, no. No it did not. She was so caught up in trying to decipher if it was a joke that she nodded and muttered yes ma'am but still couldn't make her body respond.
"Walk with me, cadet, if you have a moment, that is?" Alder posed it as a question, giving the illusion of choice but no one in their right mind would have the audacity to say 'no, sorry actually not a good time for me, maybe try again later'.
She didn't exactly feel in her right mind though and that idea was tempting the longer it lingered in her head.
"Actually..." Tally began before she was silenced by the rise of one of Alder's eyebrows. Even Raelle was shocked into silence when she didn't immediately agree. Oh Goddess. "Yes ma'am," She fumbled the words out so unnaturally as if she had never uttered them before.
"Very good," Alder nodded and turned on her heel to walk out. Before she got too far away, she paused and glanced over her shoulder at Tally, who had still not yet moved. "Get the lead out, Craven, sometime today, if you'd be so kind,"
Coming back to her senses she noted everyone in the cafeteria was watching her and this interaction. She would never live it down. She should defect right now. Run away forever.
"Oh yes, right away, mhmm," Tally kicked herself into high gear and haphazardly threw the remnants of her lunch away. "If I don't come back soon, send help," she whispered as she passed their table again.
"Nope, you're on your own,” Raelle answered quickly.
Abigail grabbed her hand before she could get away. “Please Tally, I'm begging you. Don't do anything stupid,"
"I'll try," Tally managed to say before she followed after Alder who had since continued walking away. The biddies still waited for her though, held the door, and allowed her to pass.
Her heart was racing and her mind was on overdrive. She had no idea what this could be about. None whatsoever. Maybe for having skipped the meetings but that was doubtful. Surely the General was so busy that she wouldn't have noticed her absence beyond the first missed meeting.
Tentatively she caught up, maintaining a pace that kept her a step behind, partially out of respect, partially out of sheer hope that the seemingly omnipotent General wouldn't notice how nervous she was.
As long as she could keep herself from staring, she should be good. Against everything in her, her mind traipsed all the way back to the dangerous thoughts she had just been toying with. Who knew, maybe this was the opportunity she was looking for, to see if she could make her smile. If only she had come up with some sort of plan during any of the hours she would never admit she spent silently fantasizing about it instead of sleeping.
The further they walked, though, the more the general consensus of her mixed feelings was that this, whatever it was, wasn't going to go well.
She nearly jumped when she heard her voice over their footsteps. "Craven, if I had wanted you to follow, that is what I would have said. Now, step up and walk with me," Alder's voice was firm, but it was lacking its usual sharp edge.
"Yes ma'am," Tally did exactly as asked, quickening her steps to be in line with her. Eyes locked on the hallway ahead of them, she dared not look at her for as long as she could help it, she just wanted to know what was going on.
They walked in silence for a short time, Tally followed Alder's lead. Eventually, they ended up outside, which was unexpected. Part of her assumed they would end up in her office.
It was sunny, mostly clear skies except for a few stray white fluffy clouds here and there. A light breeze brushed over her face as they kept walking.
The sun was on their backs, they didn't appear to have any specific destination, and she noticed the biddies giving them a little more space than usual as they walked. Keeping her eyes ahead, she watched their shadows stretching out in front of them over the concrete path. Tally’s hands hung rigidly at her sides, while based on the other shadow, Alder had her hands clasped behind her back.
"You seem stressed, how have you been?" Alder interrupted Tally's running monologue of questions and possibilities that awaited her.
"I am great - uh good, I mean well- I am well, ma'am, and yourself?" Goddess have mercy on her. Why couldn’t she just act normal?
Alder released a deep sigh from beside her and stopped walking. "Admittedly disappointed,"
Her heart stopped as she came to a halt a step in front of her. Disappointed in her?! That was possibly the worst thing Alder could have said.
Lowering her eyes to the ground, she searched and searched for anything that could have been the cause besides for skipping the meetings because that just couldn't be it. She refused to believe it. Her brain wouldn't allow it. Logically it didn't make sense to her that the General would care all that much.
She always strived to be a model soldier. During the evenings she would tutor first years in mìníshé, she mentored several other knowers just starting to grasp their powers, and her coven was still at the top of the rankings. "Ma'am?" Tally watched Alder's shadow move and she had now crossed her arms across her chest. She could only imagine the narrow-eyed expression that would be waiting on Alder's face when she inevitably would have to turn around.
"About face, Cadet!" Alder ordered sharply.
The good soldier in Tally listened and reacted immediately, turning on her heel to face her. "Yes ma'am."
She was correct, the very expression she had imagined so clearly, was present on the taller witch's beautiful face. "I take great pride in my army, Cadet, and I place a high value on candor and dignity for each of my soldiers, as you of all people should very well know by now," Alder took a step closer to her. There had to be less than a foot between them, which was much closer than what she considered appropriate, mostly because restraining herself when Alder was across the room was hard enough, having her within arms reach was testing her composure to its limits. "So I will say it more clearly, I am disappointed in your behavior."
Tally's eyes widened. "W-what?"
"When I ask you a question, I expect the truth, is that clear?" Alder's gaze was piercing.
Nodding quickly, she couldn't think of anything she had lied about.
"Permission to speak?" She might as well maintain the formality she had presented thus far.
"I did ask you a question."
Tally nodded slowly and released a breath. "What are you referring to? Because you should know by now that it is not in my nature to lie, and I hold myself to that high standard of candor and dignity that you speak of," It was a bold statement but the fact that Alder's reaction consisted only of the fractional raise of her eyebrows, she knew she had her attention.
"Perhaps you did not lie when you said you were great, good, and well, then. But if you are all of those things, and you have any amount of dignity, then how do you explain why you have neglected to attend our meetings without so much as a poorly-crafted excuse?" Alder crossed her arms impatiently.
Tally didn't have an answer. Not one she could speak out loud. This was bad, but she had to say something. Clearing her throat, she scraped together some words. "I do not lie easily, General. I know you know this. Our meetings aside, if you have taken offense to my response when you asked me how I was, I am sorry but I am 'well' relatively speaking,"
“I see. And our meetings not aside. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Alder was not giving her any time for her brain to catch up. In the back of her mind she had considered that Alder may be a little upset about it, but not like this.
She winced and looked away. “I do not."
She could hear the hiss of the biddies from where they had stopped several meters away from them. Obviously Alder was more upset than she anticipated. “I am ordering you to explain yourself. Why didn’t you inform me?”
There were no straws left for her to grasp. Even with eyes averted from the General, her resolve was weakening. “I don’t…think I can tell you,”
“Cadet Craven. I am your superior offic-”
She snapped her eyes back to look at her then and her formal facade shattered. “Yeah yeah, you’re my superior officer. Of course, I know that! How could I not know that?”
Alder looked taken aback by her outburst.
She thought about Abigail’s warning but realistically being who she was, there was no getting through this without doing or saying something her sister would deem 'stupid'. “You are the superior officer! Which is why-which is why I cannot tell you the reason why. You will have to reprimand me for insubordination because I can't tell you,” Her stance surprised them both. Tally hadn't expected to be able to force those words through her teeth, but yet she did. Abigail surely would be proud that she didn't just roll over and tell her the truth.
“Can't or won't? Insubordination will go on your permanent record, Tally,” Her voice was softer now, but there was still an edge to it. And the way she said her name. Ugh, she was making it difficult.
Tally looked at the sky while she took a breath. “I know, but it probably isn’t as bad as the other option."
“What does that mean?" Her whole body jumped when she felt the General’s hand on her shoulder. "I do not understand, did someone say something? Are you being threatened in some way?” Alder’s eyes and voice were suddenly full of concern.
“I should say yes just to put myself out of this misery,” She mumbled, looking away, and Alder must've just barely heard because she tilted her head to the side curiously. “No. I’m not being threatened. I don’t even know why that is the first thing you thought of."
“It wasn’t the first, but I did have to rule it out. It isn't outside the realm of possibility, there are many people who are not as fond of me as you are,” Alder quipped to Tally’s surprise before her expression turned more serious once again, though still concerned. If only she knew exactly how fond of her Tally was. “Tally, you can tell me and there will be no repercussions, I promise you, no matter what it is. I just want to know why,” she sounded almost desperate and Tally ached to just spit it out, but still she held her tongue.
Tally sighed. “I can’t tell if you are saying that because you already know what it is, or because you really are that curious."
“I will not pretend to know what it is,” Alder sighed once again and let her eyes close for a moment. “But fine, this once for you only, tell me to drop it and I will. In exchange, you will agree to make time for our meetings in your schedule again. I found them to be…beneficial,” Tally couldn't tell what that meant. The slight break of her voice, the pause before she said beneficial, as if she had a slew of other word options to choose from.
Tally just looked at her. “To tell you would be a massive breach of protocol, ma’am, not that I didn't miss our meetings as well, but-
Alder's eyes widened and she stepped back half a step. "I uh…don't believe I said I missed them exactly, but that is good to know, Cadet, that you uh found them beneficial as well."
Her face burned more knowing exactly how they benefited her. "Hardly," she managed to choke out, while still remembering all the hours she lay awake thinking of those blue eyes that were now looking at her so intently. "But I was going to say…that I can't accept that offer either. I must insist you drop it and agree that limited contact is better."
Something shifted in Alder’s gaze. “Unacceptable. You have two options, tell me and then I will determine if we require any further meetings, or don’t tell me and continue our meetings as required until I deem them unnecessary, understood?”
Tally couldn't stop herself. She wasn't sure if she was right to assume this, but assume it she did before she could think better of it. "I thought you trusted me! Why can't you trust that this is in your best interest?!" Alder's reaction was that of horror and shock, almost betrayal if Tally had to guess.
"I do, Tally. I trust you with my life, with my very soul. And yet the feeling isn't mutual, clearly. If it were, you would trust me with whatever this is," The solemn way in which Alder spoke, threw Tally for a loop. Dejected almost? No, that couldn't be right.
"You don't want to talk about non-mutual feelings," Tally breathed. She could tell Alder hadn't quite heard all of it as she scrunched her nose in confusion. "Doesn't matter! Of course I trust you with my life as well, but not with this. This is different,"
Alder visibly took a deep breath. "Tally. I have lived for more than three hundred years. Whatever it is, I assure you, you will receive no judgement from me. I can almost guarantee I can be of assistance,"
And that was the last straw. The General's soft voice and her eyes pleading to be trusted.
And she broke. The limit of her restraint was reached. "Fine. Fine. Fine. You win. Again. As you always do," Tally huffed and Alder watched her intently. "I had to stop meeting with you because I- Even this, right now, is almost too much for me to handle. I mean clearly, I tried, I tried so so hard, but I am no match. You are constantly on my mind and in my dreams and all I think about, all day all night, and I… the meetings were only making it worse,"
Alder narrowed her eyes again. "In what way? Was the connection still not fully severed?! That is not something to be kept to yourself Tally!" She looked off into the distance toward the Necro building. "I swear one of these days I will have to sit down with Izadora to discuss the validity of her little experiments,"
Tally shook her head regretfully. "No no it's not that, it was, it was severed. Don't worry, Izadora's gross potion mess worked. We aren't connected like that anymore, I don't think." Alder relaxed but still seemed tense. "But you are still on my mind regardless. I can't help it, and I know it's against the rules, which is why," she took a step back to be out of arm's reach, only to receive more inquisitive looks from Alder. "I can't spend time with you in that setting anymore or really at all. I don't think I can say it in more plain English. General, please understand, it isn't you, it's me,"
"You aren't making any sense, Craven," Alder stated.
Goddess just the way she said her name made her shiver. "General Sarah Alder. I like you, like a lot. In an all consuming, unbearable kind of way. I mean look at you, how couldn't I? After being connected to you and feeling what it's like to have your favor and attention? You're smart, brave, compassionate, and you care so so much. You've done so many terrible things but you still try to do so much good. Anyone who can't see all of those good things doesn't know you. I know you. I see you. But but but I realize I'm still talking and the look on your face isn't telling me anything so so I'm going to shut up now and take myself down to the training yard to start my punishment for breaking one of the cardinal rules. Of all the protocols. Don't fall in love with a superior officer, I thought it would be easy, but that was before…before everything. I'm sorry, I'm still rambling, please just say something to make me stop because otherwise I will keep going and probably say something worse, but I don't know what could be worse than what I already sa-"
"Enough, Craven," Alder held up a hand finally silencing her and putting her out of her rambling misery. "I do not know exactly what to say to all of that," She glanced around them briefly. "however, I suppose your thinking was…well intentioned. Perhaps it was for the best, but just one thing though." Tally couldn't fathom a guess as to what Alder would say next and she held her breath. "As you stated, I am your superior officer and those meetings were nonnegotiable, no matter your personal feelings. If a need arises to make adjustments, that needs to be communicated with me,"
To her horror, it had changed nothing. The General wanted her to suffer. Goddess. "But-"
Alder's face was unreadable. "No buts. My office. Tomorrow, 1600. Understood?"
"No…" Tally was not comprehending what just happened.
Alder raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yes, yes ma'am,"
Alder nodded stoically. "Very good. Enjoy the rest of your day, Tally, it really is a nice one," And she walked away leaving a very stunned and confused Tally behind.
"What the hell just happened?!" Tally couldn't contain herself.
"Good luck tomorrow, just know we've been rooting for you," The last biddy whispered as they all walked by following Alder.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. She couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Abigail and Raelle managed to get it out of her finally, but it was like pulling teeth. When it was finally time to sleep, guess what, she laid awake staring at that ceiling for more hours than she could care to count.
The next day passed in much the same way, and she dreaded when the time would come for her to go.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, tapping her foot nervously against the floor, she went over and over what she could possibly say or do to get out of it or make it go faster, but she came up with nothing.
It was quarter til 1600, she had planned to leave in five, but all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. Her heart paused. Maybe this was a way out, maybe something came up and she was needed elsewhere.
Hesitantly she strolled over and pulled open the door, wholly not expecting to see the General on the other side. “M-ma’am?”
“Cadet,” Alder greeted. Both Raelle and Abigail jumped to attention behind her, but she was too surprised to move. “At ease,” Alder shook her head at Tally knowingly. “Craven, if you will,” She motioned to the hallway. So this is what she meant by inescapable.
“Good afternoon, ma’am,” Tally spoke quietly.
She quickly stepped into the hall and pulled the door closed behind her. “Does this give you a better idea of how seriously I have taken this?”
She cleared her throat. “Yes…I see. You didn’t have to, I was planning on attending per your request,”
They walked the halls, and Tally was careful to keep pace with her, not wanting to have a repeat of the day prior.
Alder nodded. “I expected as much, but then I thought back to when we had set these meetings originally and then you made the conscious decision to not attend. Let’s say I learned my lesson and shall not be taking the chance again,”
“Mhmm,” Tally hummed but otherwise didn’t respond. The rest of the walk was quiet except for their footsteps.
Alder held to door to her office open and motioned for her to sit down. She did, folding her hands neatly on her lap, waiting for the General to round her desk and sit across from her.
To her mild surprise and curiosity, that didn’t happen. Instead, she heard shuffling behind her, then the distinct clinking of glasses, before Alder appeared and sat down, not behind the desk as usual, but beside her.
“Here. The way you like it, sans alcohol,” The elder witch offered her a glass.
She took it but shook her head. “You could have just said orange juice,”
Alder shrugged with a small smile. “Less fun,”
This. This right here. This was why she stopped coming here. “Right. So let us get this going, what did you want to discuss?”
Alder crossed her legs, eyeing her closely. “So to the point Tall-”
“Don’t,” She had to stop her right there otherwise she wouldn't make it. “With respect, General, please don't,”
The General appeared to consider for a moment, maybe she was unsure what to say. “Don’t what, Ta-?”
“That. Cadet or Craven…please,” She spoke, looking down at her hands clenched tightly around the glass that rested on her lap.
Tally could hear Alder set her glass down on the desk so she looked up. "Ah. This is about yesterday, is it not?"
Tally didn't reply.
"Well, Cadet," she spoke clearly. "I have thought about what you've said, what was bothering you, and I see no reason why that should prevent our meetings…"
Tally stood abruptly cutting her off. "You can't be serious, you can't do this to me," Alder raised an eyebrow but otherwise did not move nor did she make any attempt to interrupt her. "Maybe I wasn't clear enough. I love you, General, and this, what we're doing, is torture for me,"
"Are you quite finished?" A small smile toyed on the edges of her lips that only served to confuse and irritate Tally further.
"Yes. Ma'am," Of course she was done. What was left to say after that? Her face burned and her palms were sweaty as she now stood nervously before her.
Alder stood now too and took the shaky glass from Tally's hands ever so gently setting it on the desk and took Tally's hands in her own.
Tally opened her mouth to protest or something, she wasn't sure, but Alder did not allow it. "Shh. I think you've said quite enough, Cadet. Now If you'll allow it I have some things of my own to say," She asked but Tally knew she wasn't really asking. She was in charge after all, she could speak whenever she damn well pleased.
"So as I was about to say, there is no reason your feelings should prevent our meetings because I too may have identified some stirrings since our most recent severance. Izadora did predict they would fade, but they have not. And with your absence from our meetings, they have only grown. So much so I may even be inclined to identify them as feelings," She paused for a moment. "To be blunt, Tally, I did miss you. The few weeks you did not show up, I admit, were lonelier than usual. I wanted to give you the space you deserved, but my biddies pointed out that I may have been slightly miserable and from their perspective, completely unbearable, if you'd believe it. They would not leave me alone until I spoke with you," There was a short silence but still Tally decided it best to remain silent, more out of shock than actually making a conscious decision. "I apologize for our conversation yesterday. I was not expecting anything even remotely like that from you, and your defiance. Ha. You really know how to push my buttons." She laughed and smiled then. Her eyes lit up and the time seemed to stop. Tally was mesmerised. This had to be the peak of her existence. “I am not surprised by much after all this time, but I was caught off guard by all of it. That was not how I foresaw that discussion going, and in that moment I was admittedly not prepared to speak on the subject," Alder squeezed her hands. "I want you to know that your feelings are mutual. I do care about you a great deal. So rather than face the ire of my biddies, allow me to reciprocate all of your expressions, Tally, by saying I love you too."