Work Text:
The council of Elrond has been convened. Aragorn has just said Havo dad to Legolas, who has just proclaimed who Aragorn is. However, the hobbits misunderstand and think he just told Legolas to have a bath. After the council, they have a meeting of their own.
Pippin: I thought the elves never needed to bathe.
Merry: Of course they have to bathe. You can’t go for thousands of years without getting clean. It’s orcs who don’t bathe.
Sam: I did think I smelled some taters. I guess Legalas must have been digging in the garden.
Merry: Speaking of hygiene, why did Gimli offer you his Axe, Frodo? You bathed just this morning.
Pippin: Perhaps it's some weird dwarf custom? I don't think they bathe often, and Axe is definitely strong enough to mask even the foulest body odor.
Frodo: Actually I think Aragorn was speaking in elvish. I’m afraid I’m not very good at it yet, but I think he said “You’re an Idiot, Legolas”.
Sam: Why would he say that?
Frodo: Probably because random Mary-Sues keep popping up wherever he goes, and he's not sure Legolas will be much help if he keeps blowing our cover like that.