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L didn’t love anyone, well, besides from Watari, and that was because he raised him. He didn’t get crushes, he was better than that, above that. He simply had better things to do. He was practically a robot, built to analyze and solve things in the blink of an eye. Growing up, he was isolated. He barely had anyone else, and he was fine with that. He was fine solving puzzles when he was a child, then moving onto buying stocks as he got older, and when he was even older he started taking cases. He was content with his sweets and the comfort of his work.
So, this leads us to this situation. He didn’t understand how this started, it was a day like no other, he was stuck third-wheeling a date with Light and Misa. Well, he didn’t know if he could even classify it as a date. Light was clearly just there to get Misa to stop complaining. But, that wasn’t important at the moment. The topic of “true love” came up and L couldn’t help but comment on it. God, he should’ve known better.
“Oh come on! You’re telling me you’ve never had a crush????”
“I don’t see the issue in that, Misa-san.”
“There’s a big issue with it!! You must be so lonely! I don’t know what I'd do without my darling Light.”
L had to hold back a snicker at that, he glanced back at the man in question, only to be met with a frown. He sighed, going back to Misa. “I’ve just never met the right one, I suppose. By the way, your ice cream is melting.” Misa huffed, rolling her eyes in defeat. “Is that your way of asking for it, Ryuzaki?” She was starting to know him too well, or at least on the surface. He nodded, and she handed it to him.
-
For some reason, the conversation stuck in his head. He wasn’t lonely. He had everything anyone could want. He was rich, he was famous, and he had everything delivered on a silver platter. He had friends, (did Light count as a friend? He was still deciding that. But for the sake of debate, he did.) why would he need a partner? Hell, he even had the task force, they must’ve counted for something, right?
But, the days went on anyway. He was currently arguing with Light over something stupid until he was interrupted.
“Ryuzaki!” He looked over, just to be met with Matsuda running over, coffee in hand. He silently prayed he couldn’t trip. God, he was like a puppy, a really dumb puppy.
He accepted the coffee, his blank expression not changing. “Mm, thank you, Matsuda-san. You didn’t mess it up like usual.” He nodded, chuckling a bit nervously. “Uh-huh, and on time too! Are you proud?” He said jokingly, but knowing him, there was probably honesty in that.
L rolled his eyes, taking a sip before continuing, “yes, I’m proud. Good job.” For some reason, Light raised an eyebrow. Eh, L would question that later, he just wanted to enjoy his coffee at the moment.
-
Later, Light finally asked him about what he was so curious about. “Why are you so nice to Matsuda?” He beat him to asking about it, he supposed that must’ve been the reason for the change in expression earlier.
“What do you mean?”
“I…I don’t know how to describe it. Recently, I've noticed him around you more and more. He’s practically your errand boy. If I didn’t know better, he’d say you trust him to do things for you. You know, Watari could do all that stuff for you.”
L looked at him as if he just confessed to being kira right then and there, a mix of surprise and…confusion, yes, that was it. Though he didn’t show it much, his eyes only widened a bit. “I don’t know what Light-kun is talking about.”
Light rolled his eyes, biting back a smile. “What, do you dislike me mentioning it? I must be right then, it must mean-”
“-it doesn’t mean anything,” L protested. “I was caught off guard that you implied I trusted Matsuda of all people.”
“That’s what I mean! Why does he do so much for you? Why Matsuda?”
L actually had to think of a response to that. He put his thumb to his mouth, absently chewing on the nail. “I…I’m just making sure he doesn’t have the opportunity to mess anything else up. He’s capable of doing simple tasks, Light-kun.” For some reason, that seemed like an excuse. But…he didn’t understand why. Light seemed to think it was an excuse too.
He sighed, laying back down and grumbling a small “sure, whatever” under his breath.
-
Eventually, time went on as usual. More “dates” with Misa and Light. More questioning by Misa about his nonexistent love life, (at least the dates were less awkward now, he was actually part of the conversation too), and more coffee from Matsuda. Sometimes their hands would brush, and he would get a weird feeling in his stomach, maybe all those sweets were finally catching up to him. He couldn’t think of any other reasons.
Until, Misa was talking about her love for Light on another date, and something caught his attention.
“I get so many butterflies around him, whenever we hold hands, anything! It’s truly true love, Ryuzaki.” She went on, until L cut her off. “Butterflies? What do you mean?” He assumed it was related to the saying “butterflies in my stomach,” but he always assumed that was made up. He couldn’t help it, he was a bit curious.
She frowned, thinking for a moment until she was back to being bubbly. “Well, it's like…a feeling, you get in your stomach. A fluttering, yes that’s it! A fluttering feeling deep inside.”
Oh. he didn’t know what to do with that. It was probably just a coincidence. He went back to eating his cake as he mumbled “ah, thank you Misa-san.”
-
The feeling didn’t go away, it only worsened. He could even feel his cheeks blush ever so slightly when Matsuda would compliment him. It was always simple stuff, things he had heard a million times before. A “there’s my favorite detective!” in the morning, a “great work as always, Ryuzaki.” or even a “you look nice today” if he was lucky. Y’know, perfectly normal compliments. And it was perfectly normal to like those compliments, who wouldn't? It was just normal friendly conversation between coworkers, despite what Misa and Light would say. They didn't understand, they were probably busy being Kira or something. Ah, yes, Kira, that's what he was focusing on. Not that weird feeling.
-
He thought about it more and more, and what Misa had been talking about, and something clicked.
Oh.
Fuck. He liked Matsuda. The idiot, the stupid stupid detective that couldn't do anything right. L wanted him of all people.
He confided in Light, that was his first mistake. He should've known better than to ask Kira for advice. He really was out of his element here. All he got from Light was a snicker he wouldn't explain, though, he could probably guess why. He was laughing at him, of course he was.
For some reason, (probably just to torment him) Light brought it up to Misa. She immediately put things together and jumped to conclusions, he wanted to face palm and never talk again. Goddamnit Light Yagami, he'd be the death of him someday. He wanted to kick him again all over again.
“I'm so happy for you, Ryuzaki!! Even if it's a guy, I always knew you were on that side of the fence. Just stay away from my precious Light, okay? He only loves me, no guys.”
“You don't have to worry at all about anything, because there's nothing to be even happy about.” He grumbled, slightly muffled as he stuffed cake in his mouth. He was in denial at this point. No, he didn't like him, it must be a mistake. It was completely normal for him to wait impatiently for him to come in for work. It was normal to actually smile for once whenever they talked. Matsuda only made his coffee because he made it the best. L only stared at him while he worked because he looked so cute when focused- wait what? No! It wasn’t out of love.
“Oh come on! It’s obvious now that I'm thinking about it, you guys are close. Maybe it’s true love too!!”
“It isn’t anything, I don’t like him like that, we’re just…friends.”
“Then why do you let him do everything for you, why do you always talk to him? I thought he was only an ‘idiot,’ Ryuzaki.” Light spoke, of course he mentioned that again. Wait…
“Is that what you meant when you said that???” He felt so stupid, he was supposed to be the world’s greatest detective, but here he was, a stupid mess over a stupid puppy crush. He didn’t get a response, just laughter and giggles from Light and Misa. Huh, that was the first time he saw them laugh together genuinely. But, of course it had to be over him. What did he expect?
He groaned, the laughter finally dying down. At this point he wanted to run away and never talk to any of these idiots again. But, he couldn’t, so he might as well talk. “....Hypothetically, if I did like him, what should I do?”
Misa thought he’d never ask, she immediately went on a rant on ways he could confess. God, he shouldn’t have asked. “You could get him flowers! Or, you could confess like Light did-”
“-I didn’t confess??” Light finally added on, only to be ignored. He rolled his eyes, just observing the conversation.
After an almost twenty minute rant, Light spoke again. “Why not just pull him aside and tell him?”
Oh. That was…reasonable, but he didn’t want to give Light the satisfaction of knowing he was going to listen to him of all people on advice. He cleared his throat, speaking calmly again. “....Thank you both, I’ll give it some consideration.”
-
“Matsuda-san, I need to speak to you, privately.”
The man in question was happily chatting with Aizawa, perking up when he heard his name. L rarely initiated conversation with him, it was usually Matsuda that pushed it. Though, L had been talking to him more, what could he want to talk about now though? Had he done something wrong? He hoped he didn’t, he hated making the other mad.
He gave a nervous smile, waving to Aizawa and following L as they walked away from the team. “What did you need to talk to me about, Ryuzaki?”
For some reason, for the first time in L’s life, he didn’t know what to say. God, he really was hopeless, wasn’t he? He was one of the smartest people in the world, and yet something as simple as a love confession stumped him. He took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact as he spoke, a rare occurrence for him. “...How does Matsuda-san feel about me?”
Ah, now it was Matsuda’s turn to look away, blushing and chuckling timidly. “Well, I'd consider you a friend. One of my close ones, actually! You’ve been nicer to me recently, and i’m happy about that, even if I don't really know why, especially since you still insult me from time to time, not that I really care!- I just-”
L tuned him out after that. His expression softened before he could even stop it. He didn’t know if his words were pathetic or endearing, he often thought that about the man, but recently he had been deciding it was endearing a lot.
“I like Matsuda-san.”
He interrupted, looking back at him with a small smile, his thumb to his bottom lip.
Matsuda looked back as well, eyes a bit wide as he processed the words. He beamed at the simple sentence, smiling brightly. If he had a tail, it would probably be wagging. “O-Oh! I like you too, but you already knew that. God, i’m glad, I thought you hated m-”
“Can I kiss you?” L stepped a bit closer, standing a bit straighter so he could be eye level with the other. Matsuda blushed more, shutting up after that, nodding and smiling back.
It was a soft kiss, albeit a bit messy from both of them being inexperienced. Kissing was nice, L concluded. He’d have to “practice” with him more. When they pulled away, Matsuda looked him practically with heart eyes, lovestruck.
L didn’t love anyone, well, besides from Watari, and Matsuda. Perhaps he wasn’t as above crushes as he thought.