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“Riley!”
Sophia looked up at the yelling, and lowered her pencil. She leapt up from her desk, her homework temporarily forgotten, and walked onto the upstairs landing. “What?!”
“Come downstairs, we’re leaving!”
“I’ve got homework, I’ve got a test tomorrow!”
“You said you were coming on that hike, I packed you a bag!”
The 16-year old sighed. “I gotta go to work tonight so I need today to study!”
“You could have told me that earlier!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” Sophia shouted back. “I’ll make dinner by the time you and dad are back!”
“Make some mac and cheese!”
“Okay!”
“Get the good cheese from the store!”
Sophia grunted, headed back to her bedroom, and flopped back down onto her creaky desk chair.
She couldn’t wait to get out of Arizona.
Hours later, the doorbell rang downstairs.
When she opened the door, she was met with a police cruiser, and two solemn looking officers.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you Riley McIvor?”
She nodded slowly, feeling her heart pound. “What happened?”
“Your parents were out hiking, your mother collapsed. She’s at the hospital. We can bring you.”
Sophia nervously clutched the doorknob. “How… bad is it?”
“You should pack some stuff and come with us, Riley.”
Sophia looked at the man on the left. Vaguely recognized him as the older brother of a girl she was in theater class with. He gave her a weak, encouraging smile.
She found herself sitting in the back of a police cruiser, on a Saturday afternoon.
And wondered what it would be like to be a criminal getting arrested.
Her mom wasn’t awake anymore.
Hadn’t been since the moment she collapsed.
Get the good cheese from the store.
Sophia felt numb.
Promised herself that no matter what happened, she would never let anybody leave her sight without telling them she loved them.
Her father was a wreck.
She could smell the alcohol on him as he stood outside the hospital room, bawling.
The two officers moved to her father, and started talking to him in low voices.
Her father didn’t seem so inclined.
“I did call for help! As soon as she collapsed I called!”
Later, the phone records would show that he didn’t.
That it took multiple minutes after she collapsed for him to call.
Despite there being service in the area they were hiking at. Despite him having a phone on him.
He had been drinking, that much was obvious. There were no witnesses in the area. The relationship between her parents was strained, but if they went on hikes together, surely that meant something.
Sophia would never find out what happened.
Her father would get arrested, then released due to no foul play officially being found in the case.
As she had the doorknob in her hands to see her mother one last time, she froze.
The only thing she now sees when she thinks of her mother is a solid wooden door.
“Hi, my name is Sophia McIvor, I’m 18 years old and I’m reading for the part of Charlotte.”
“Hello, my name is Sophia McIvor, I’m 19 years old and I’m reading for girl on train.”
“Hi, I’m Sophia McIvor, I’m 21 and--”
“--McIvor, table 14 is waiting for their apps!”
Sophia’s head snapped up. She saw her boss with a raised eyebrow, staring at her, and motioning into the tickets on the service window.
“Sorry, boss.” She quickly grabbed the ticket, and went to work.
“Girl, get your shit together or you’ll get fired.” One of her coworkers commented. “And something tells me you need the money.”
Sophia sighed, rubbing the sweat off her forehead. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then act like it.”
“I’ll do better. I’ll do better.”
“I’ll do better.”
The director nodded, and got back behind his monitor. “Alright, back to one!”
Sophia took a deep breath.
This is the first commercial you’ve booked in ages. Get yourself together and do your job.
“And… action!”
“My life used to be a mess. No structure, no plans. But now, I’ve found what works for me!”
“Cut! That’s a good one, Sophia. Let’s do another one for safety!”
Sophia walked back to her marker, a slight smile on her face.
“You’re not special, Sophia.”
“I’m not trying to be special. I know there’s thousands of people in this town trying to do the same thing I’m doing, okay?”
Her roommate, Logan, sighed. “I’m not trying to be hard on you, I just want you to be realistic. You’re working yourself to death – how many jobs are you doing right now?”
“Three – plus auditions.”
“How many hours is that?”
“Look, we can’t all have college degrees and fancy jobs, Logan. I want to do this. Acting is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”
“I’m not saying you’re not gonna make it. I believe in you, Soph. All I’m saying is that the landlord wants the rent, and I can’t keep covering for you, no matter how much I want to.”
Sophia nodded. “I understand. Maybe… maybe this apartment was too expensive for me.”
“You’re fun. You’re cool, you’re talented. You do the dishes. You’re a dream to live with, Soph. But… I think you’re flying a little too high right now. Maybe get a cheaper place, save up some money. I… I feel bad about saying it, but I just don’t want you to pour all of your money into this place.”
“You’re right.”
“Listen, you’re hot, but you’re not good enough to make it big. I’m just being real with you. Have you considered other career opportunities?”
“If you’re talking quitting acting, then no. Not interested. This is all I want to do.”
The man nodded slowly. “I’m not talking no acting. I’m talking… a different kind of acting.”
Sophia bit the inside of her cheek. “What are you – a pimp?”
“I’m in the adult entertainment business.”
“You can keep that business to yourself.” Sophia got up from her seat, ready to walk out of the room.
“You’re living in your car, sweetheart.”
She stopped walking.
“You barely have the money to get by. Yeah, sure, you can keep doing auditions and hoping that one day you’ll make it. Some do – millions don’t.” He leaned forward. “One shoot – two hours. I can get you 5k.”
“F-five… thousand…” She repeated shakily.
Two hours of work for two months rent?
“You’ve got a pretty face. I want to plaster it all over the internet.”
Sophia swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’ll… think about it.”
“Walk away, and the deal is off.”
She frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“There’s ten other people in that hallway waiting for this opportunity.”
Sophia turned to the door, and knew that it was true.
“I’m sorry… I can’t.”
She sobbed all the way back to the parking lot, and cried herself to sleep in her car.
“Why can’t you ask your dad for money?”
“Because he’s a douchebag.”
“When’s the last time you heard from him?”
Sophia sighed, as she dabbed the ash off her cigarette and put it back between her lips. “When I moved here.”
“Why?”
“Because.” Sophia stated firmly. “He’s an alcoholic who let my mother die. And I’m never going to forgive him for that.”
“The last time you spoke was five years ago. For all you know he’s a completely changed man.”
“He could be a fucking millionaire by now, I don’t fucking care. I don’t need his money. I’m doing this my own way. I’ve survived all this time without him, I don’t need him.”
“And… action!”
“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”
Sophia chuckled. “Does that line still work on women?”
“… Apparently not. I’m Cal.”
“Lily. Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand.
“And cut!”
“You know, you really remind me of a girl I went to high school with.”
“Do I?” Sophia smiled, before nodding politely at the make-up artist doing some touch-ups on her.
The actor nodded. “Yeah, we dated for a few weeks. Had to call it quits because her parents didn’t approve.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Why?”
He sighed. “Well, I was a rich kid who did theater. Her dad was the high school’s champion quarterback in his day, broke all the state records, yadda yadda. He thought I was a… well. Not so nice word.”
Sophia cringed.
“Anyway.” He coughed. “I just made that awkward. I didn’t mean to – I just wanted to say you looked pretty. Are you staying for long?”
“Oh, just a few episodes.”
The man smiled. “I’m Michael, by the way.”
“Sophia.”
“What the hell do you mean you’re married?”
“I’m married to a woman named Gabbie, she owns a ranch outside Scottsdale.”
“How long?!” Sophia shot back.
“Little under two years.”
“And you didn’t fucking tell me?! I wasn’t even invited? This is how I find out?!”
“Well, I had to see you on a television screen while I was flipping channels to know you were even still alive, Riley.”
Sophia gritted her teeth. “It’s Sophia now. I’m using my middle name. Well, I hope you’re happy. I’m getting married too, in a few months.”
“What? To who?”
“A guy I met. You wouldn’t know him. And you’re not invited.”
She disconnected the call after that.
“Babe, are you almost ready? The limo is here!”
“Coming!”
She stared at herself in the mirror nervously, checking every angle.
Then grabbed her clutch, and walked downstairs. Michael beamed at the sight of her.
“You look beautiful, babe.”
It made her feel all warm inside.
He pressed a kiss to her cheek, and led her into the limousine.
“I’m not jealous – don’t fucking say that!”
“Babe, you’ve been doing auditions for months now and you haven’t booked a single one!”
“It’s the agent you told me to get!”
Michael sighed. “Maybe you’re looking for the wrong roles?”
“You told me that you were going to talk to them about bringing me back onto your show, did you do it?”
“Not yet.”
“Do you want me to work, or not?!”
“Of course! I want you to be happy, but I’m just—”
“—well if you want me to be happy then maybe try to help me! You’re a B-lister, can you fucking act like it?!”
Michael huffed. “So, that’s all I am to you? Just a way for you to climb up?!”
Sophia sighed, and shook her head. “No, that’s not… I’m…”
“I let you stay in my apartment rent-free, I let you use everything, I take you to events, I try to network for you, what fucking more can I do?! What more can I possibly owe you, Sophia?!”
“Nothing. You’re right. Nothing.”
Michael nodded slowly. “I’m going to go work out.”
As he closed the door behind him, Sophia burst into tears.
“Hi, my name is Sophia McIvor, and I’m auditioning for the role of Alex Monroe.”
“Okay, whenever you’re ready.”
Sophia took a deep breath, and looked up. Off-script. Practiced.
“Frank, I know what I saw. You recognized that guy. Don’t tell me you didn’t.”
“I didn’t. You’re seeing things, Monroe.”
She laughed dryly. “You think this is my first day on the job? Hey… we’re supposed to at least look like partners. Can you work with me here?!”
After a few more lines, the director stopped the scene. “Okay, thank you.”
“Anything else you want to see?” Sophia smiled excitedly. “I really like this script, and I’ve kind of fallen in love with Alex and how damaged she is.”
“Damaged?”
“Yeah – she reads as somebody who has experienced a lot. I know it’s only a pilot, but… I think she’s going to be a fan favorite. I can tell. And I can relate to her, a lot.”
The director nodded. “Well, we’ll let you know.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“That was probably the most important audition of my career, and I fucking blew it.”
“Sometimes things just don’t work out.”
“I fucking love that character, Michael. I read her and I knew what she was about. My mom, my dad… that’s me on those pages!”
“I had to do like twenty auditions before I got cast as Cal too. You’ll get there eventually. Did you thank Martin for setting up that audition?”
“Yeah, I texted him.”
“Good. Now stop crying, Soph. This is a part of it, you know that. Auditions suck.”
Sophia nodded slowly. “You’re right. I’ve had hundreds of rejections. This is just another one. There will be another Alex down the line.”
She hoped it would be true.
“Babe, you’ll never guess—”
Sophia’s excited smile dropped immediately, as she noticed the movement under the sheets.
“Oh.”
“Why are you home early?!”
Sophia watched as a naked man crawled out of the bed, awkwardly covering himself with the sheets. Then turned back to Michael. “I… got a phonecall. I wanted to celebrate with you.”
Her eyes flitted back to the naked man. “Guess your high school sweetheart’s dad was right.”
“Babe, I can explain…”
“Don’t babe me. I’m out of here.”
“Where are you going?! Sophia, wait…”
She turned back to the door. Doorknob in hand.
Solid wooden door.
And left.
‘Michael <3’ is calling…
Call declined.
You have 13 missed calls.
Beep… beep… beep…
“Sophia?”
“Hey, Logan… I know it’s been a while…”
“Yeah, it’s been like… what – two years? How are you?”
“Good. I uh… I actually got my first big part today. My agent called an hour ago…” Sophia winced at the loud noise in the background of the call.
“What? That’s incredible! I’m so happy for you!”
“Yeah. So uh… You wouldn’t happen to be up for some celebrating?”
“Oh, uh… Well, I’m kind of at a family thing right now…”
“That’s alright. No worries.”
“But I’m super happy for you. What is it?”
“I… can’t say. NDA’s – you know. But… I think it’s gonna turn my life around.”
“You deserve it, Soph. A lot.”
“You still looking for a roommate?”
Logan laughed. “No, I moved in with my boyfriend – and we have a daughter now. Didn’t you see?”
“Oh – I must have missed it.”
The conversation fell into an awkward silence.
“Anyway, I have to go. Fay is crying. But hey – congrats, babe. Celebrate. Go out for drinks with your husband.”
Sophia clenched her eyes shut.
“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Logan.”
The call ended.
“I’m doctor Benjamin. You were brought in with a GSW. Do you remember anything about that?”
“Frank! Is he okay? Did he… I—”
“—if you’re talking about detective Arden – yes. He had to get back to work, but he was with you until we took you into surgery. I already updated him that you’re awake – you’ve been in and out.”
The rest of the cast watched silently. Seeming in awe.
Sophia looked up from her script every now and then to watch the other woman. Despite it only being a table read, she could tell the woman was special.
Deserved Alex just as much as her.
Devries – European. The slightest accent when she pronounced some words slipping through her American façade.
Sophia had never traveled outside of the western USA.
She wondered what sights the other woman had seen.
“Please believe me. I was just experimenting. Not being around you for a month has killed me, babe.”
Sophia crushed the cigarette butt under her feet, and took another one from her pack. “How many times did you sleep with him?”
“Just that one time. I promise.”
She lit the cigarette. Took a big drag.
“Sophia, please. I fell in love with you the second I saw you. We’re married. I made a stupid mistake, I’m willing to pay for it for the rest of my life. I know I broke your trust, I know I need to win you back. I promise you I’m going to work hard for it. Just give me one more chance.”
She looked up at him. Saw the tears in his eyes.
“Please…”
She closed her eyes. Clenched them shut.
“I fucking love you…” She finally choked out, feeling the tears coming. “I love you, and you did that to me…”
“It was one time. It’ll never happen again. It was an experiment. I’m straight, I didn’t feel anything.”
Sophia nodded slowly. “… okay.”
Michael sighed in relief, and wrapped his arms around her.
He smelled like home.
She wondered what guy she would have married in Arizona if she had went along on that hike.
“Foster! Sophia! Here! Here!”
“You two are looking gorgeous tonight! We’re so pleased to have you, there’s already been a lot of response to the characters. How are you two feeling?”
“Oh, this is such an amazing opportunity!” Foster started. “The fact that these are two beautiful women, so strong but so damaged at the same time. And we get to portray this budding relationship between them. And I love Sophia so much, she’s such a light in my life. She’s my best friend.”
Sophia made a big deal of wiping the pretend-tears from her eyes – feeling real ones sting behind them.
“Everything and more.” Sophia responded, as the microphone was tilted in her direction. “Foster’s so wonderful. I’m so blessed to have her by my side in all of this. And it’s a beautiful story to tell. This is the launch, so it’s only the beginning, but… the entire season is amazing.”
Later, as the two of them stood at a table with drinks, Sophia looked at her.
“Have I ever told you that I auditioned for Alex?”
“What?! No!” Foster laughed. “That’s so weird, to picture you as Alex. Like that doesn't work in my brain.”
If you only knew.
“Yeah, well… didn’t get the part, but they called me back three months later to ask if I wanted to read for Audrey.”
“Then I’m pretty sure they wrote that part for you, because there was never any mention of an Audrey anywhere when we shot the pilot.”
Sophia stared at her glass.
Foster smiled. “Guess it was meant to be us, huh?”
Guess so.
“I’m not being jealous!”
“Babe, it’s just people online. Don’t pay attention to them.” Sophia sighed.
“They are literally drawing the two of you having sex, have you seen this?! They write filth about you two…”
“Let them!” Sophia shot back. “It’s about the characters. They like the characters, Michael. We’re playing a relationship. You’re a fucking actor!”
“I know!” Michael grunted. “They never do that to me!”
“It’s because we play a relationship. It’s because it’s two women. It’s not a big deal.”
“That makes it worse!”
Sophia looked up. “What makes it worse, exactly?”
“Nothing.”
“Out of all people, I’d watch what you’re saying, Mike. Foster and I are best friends. We play a couple. That’s all this is.”
“When you play a couple, you get feelings for each other.”
“Maybe you do.”
The sting of that comment hung heavy in the air.
Michael shook his head. “We both agreed that was in the past.”
“I don’t control people online. I just drive to work every day and do my job the best I can. So does she. Plus – both of us are in a devoted relationship. End of fucking story.”
“Yeah. Whatever.”
As he left, she noticed the explicit fanart open on his phone.
He slammed the door shut.
A solid, wooden door.
“I fucking told you this shit was getting out of control!”
“It’s one crazy guy. He’s obsessed.”
“And so, what happened? He attacked?”
“No, he was at the studio, and he broke into Foster’s house and left a note. No violence yet, but…”
Michael wrapped his arms around her.
She felt him shaking.
“Please be careful, Soph…Those guys can be dangerous.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
He let go of her. “What are we going to do?”
“Foster has a hotel, so—”
“--Fuck Foster, what are we going to do?”
Sophia frowned. “There’s two of us in this, she’s just as much a part of this as—”
“—all you ever fucking talk about is her.”
“The guy broke into her fucking home, Mike! What do you want me to say?!”
Michael sighed. Pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I just… This whole thing is just scaring the shit out of me. I just need you to be okay.”
Sophia nodded. “I’m sorry too… I… I know, Mike. He hasn’t threatened me directly yet. It’ll be fine. And if it’s not, you’ll be the first to know.”
He smiled weakly, and gently pressed his lips to hers.
Sophia took a deep breath, taking in his sweet scent.
He’d protect her.
The thought made her feel fuzzy and warm.
“So… what do you think?”
“I mean… you went in alone, so. It’s your call.”
“I just don’t want people speculating, Foster. I’m already going through it with Michael, I… I’m not putting everything on the line...”
Foster nodded slowly. “I understand that. I mean, I just got engaged, I can’t… I don’t even know what people would say. We work well together, but… I don’t want to start rumors.”
“Me neither.”
A heavy silence.
“So… It’s settled then?”
“But… will that cost us that spinoff?”
“If neither of us want to do it, I don’t think that should matter.” Sophia answered. “No use thinking about the paths we didn’t take.”
“We haven’t taken them yet.”
Sophia sighed. “I’m not going to go to Hawaii to get paparazzi pics of us kissing on a fucking boat. Alex and Audrey is just our job. If they want us to act like friends – which we are – they already see that.”
“Every time we look at each other the entire fandom goes crazy. I understand what the execs mean, though. They just want to create more content.”
“Fos, I love you, but that’s not how this works. I made a promise to myself that I would never sell my own body for profit.”
Foster looked down. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Well, that’s what’s happening. Don’t sugarcoat it. I have a husband, you have a girlfriend. Act like it.”
“You’re right.”
“They fucking canceled us. After all the work we put in…”
“I’m sorry, babe…” Sophia rubbed his back.
Michael had his face in his hands, and was sobbing. “What am I gonna do now?!”
“I don’t know… But there will be auditions for—”
“—I’m not going back to fucking auditions after I spent five seasons on a network tv show!”
“Well then… maybe Martin can set something up. You’re not doomed, babe…”
“I fucking hate those producers! They ruined it!”
Sophia soothed him, as he cried. “I’m sorry, babe… Another job will come, I promise.”
“Easy for you to say – you’re getting a fucking spin-off, you have your show, your life is going amazing…”
She winced. “Don’t do that, Mike. Not now.”
Michael only sniffed, and went back to crying.
“She fucking breached contract. She announced the engagement and now both of us are fucked. Dumb idiot…”
Madison nodded. “Yeah, I agree. That’s really stupid of her. She knew how important it was to keep your head down. I’m sorry, Soph.”
“Fucking… damn it…”
“How are the scenes going?”
“I’m ignoring her. I don’t want to talk to her – we just do our scenes, and then I snap out of it.”
Madison frowned. “That… seems harsh, though.”
“What?! You were just agreeing with me!”
“I was. Because you called her a dumb idiot for the contract thing. And she is. But that doesn’t mean she deserves this. That spinoff is bigger than just the two of you.”
Sophia looked down at the ground, processing the actress’ words.
“All I’m saying is – she knows damn well she fucked up. Obviously. She’s in love with her girlfriend, and this whole situation wasn’t easy for that girl, or Michael. It’s hard being the partner of an actor. You know that. She wanted to show her she loved her, and she made everything worse.”
“Michael is freaking out too. But I just took it, because I knew it was temporary.”
“Right. Foster didn’t. Look – you do what you feel you need to do, Soph. But she can’t fix this on her own. If you want that spinoff, you’re going to have to do something to help her.”
Sophia looked up. “That’s… good advice, actually.”
“I do a column. You should read it some time.”
“Really?”
“No, of course not.” Madison raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “And I’m only doing this because that spinoff would mean more Ava too. I’m not Mother Teresa.”
Sophia walked out of her trailer with a smile on her face.
“… Is Sophia okay…”
“Foster, eyes open… eyes on me…”
“Miss McIvor? Can you hear me?”
“M-Michael?”
“There’s no Michael here, Sophia.” The nurse gently reminded her. “But your father is outside, waiting.”
“M-my… father?”
The nurse smiled weakly. “He’s been here ever since he heard.”
Why…
“C-can you…” She motioned towards the door, wincing at the pain in her body.
The nurse understood – and walked out.
When the door opened again, she saw her father's eyes.
Hollow - yet sober.
Sober.
“Hi, Riley.”
She hadn’t heard her own name in over ten years.