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The sound of thunder and the pitter-pattering of raindrops against the window stirred him from his slumber. Slightly groaning from the disturbance, he hid his face on his pillow, rubbing against it in an attempt to shake off the feeling before sitting upright. He stretched his limbs, a faint yawn on his lips as he looked around the room. The first thing that caught his attention was Rayla’s empty bed. “Rayla?” he said, but got no response. She’s probably with the others; he thought to himself before getting up from bed.
After he wore his jacket and scarf, he took a few steps closer to her side of the room and noticed a scroll laying there, wrapped in a string—Phoe-Phoe’s feather he’d used the day before to save her on top of it. Maybe this was some secret surprise for his birthday! He picked up the scroll, curiosity and excitement written all over his face. He quickly unwrapped and unrolled the paper, beginning to read its content.
“Dear Callum,” it began, and Callum’s expression quickly turned into a frown.
It didn’t take long for Callum to realize what this was—a goodbye letter. Rayla wrote him a goodbye letter. Rayla left. She broke her promise—she lied. Callum continued reading the letter, the feeling in his chest tightening with every word written and the pit in his stomach sinking deeper and deeper, making him nauseous and his mind reeling. He felt confused; hurt—betrayed. Rayla left; he kept repeating it in his head. Without realising it, a tear slid down from his left cheek, and soon many more gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision before they too slid down from his cheeks.
A small sob broke through his lips before he could stop it, and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand, muffling the sound as best as he could. As soon as he read the last few words, he crumbled in on himself, bringing his knees closer to his body, burying his face against them, and silently sobbing. The letter crinkled under his hand, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough as he held tighter to his knees, trying to rid himself of this suffocating emotion that ate him from the inside out.
Rayla left; he repeated. She didn’t want him to search for her or find her. Callum wouldn’t even know where to start, and she knew that. That’s why she left before he woke up; that’s why she lied. She knew Callum wouldn’t be able to find her and wouldn’t attempt to, even if he requested Corvus’s help, because he couldn’t leave Ezran and she didn’t want him to either.
He never heard of the light knock on his door, but as soon as it opened, “Callum?” his little brother’s voice travelled through the room. Callum hastily sat himself up, furiously wiping away at his tears. “Callum?” Ezran repeated, poking his head all the way through the crack on the door, this time worry filled his tone.
“I’m okay, Ez.” Callum sniffled, his voice a bit hoarse from crying. He cleared it, “I’m fine.”
Ezran looked at his brother with concern written all over his face. He stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him, “You don’t look fine.”
Callum shook his head, “Don’t worry, Ez.” he wiped at his nose with his jacket sleeve and cringed a bit at himself when he pulled it away, “Everything’s okay.”
Ezran didn’t respond, instead taking a look around the room and noticing the paper that Callum held in his hand, and, “Where’s Rayla?” he asked, watching as his brother sucked in a breath, held it, and let it go in a broken sob.
He sat down on the bed again as tears streamed down his face, unable to control the emotion bursting out of him, unable to hide. Ezran rushed to his side, sitting beside him and bringing his small hand to Callum’s back, trying to comfort his brother.
“Callum, what’s wrong? What happened? Where’s Rayla? Did something happen?” Ezran asked, confused as to why his brother was crying and worried all the same.
Callum felt short of breath, gasping in an attempt to explain but not being able to. He brought the letter he held in one hand in front of him, gripping it with his other. Ezran noticed the motion and peered over. A couple of words stuck out to him.
“I should go. I have to go. ALONE.”
And Ezran quickly realised what had happened. He looked up at his brother, “She left.” Callum croaked. “She promised we would go together. She–” Callum covered his mouth with his hand again and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the tears would stop pouring and the ache would lessen. It didn’t. Ezran wrapped his hands around his brother, hugging him as he wept.
They don’t know how long they sat there, but it was long enough for Callum to feel a deep exhaustion all throughout his being. His eyes burned, incapable of producing any more tears. His throat had dried up and felt like sandpaper. His muscles were heavy as stone. Ezran had not left his side, a steady presence holding him, up until now.
They gradually separated, and Callum once more wiped the now dried tears off with his jacket. It was around that moment when there was a knock at the door and Soren’s head popped in. “Hey, hey, hey, you two have been in here for a while–” Soren’s sentence was cut short as soon as he noticed the heavy atmosphere that surrounded the room. “Um, is everything okay?”
Callum turned his face to the side in an attempt to hide it, shoving the letter still in his hands in his jacket pocket, and said nothing. Ezran looked between his brother and Soren before he spoke, “Rayla left.”
Surprise overtook Soren’s expression, “Wha—where did she go?”
Ezran shook his head, “We don’t know.”
“I—oh man,” Soren scratched the back of his head awkwardly, “are you okay?”
Callum sighed, turning his head to properly face Soren and shaking it to indicate that no, he’s not okay. He didn’t trust his voice to say so.
“Okay, um—I’ll tell the others to take down the...” Soren pointed behind him at the door, “decorations and whatnot.” he let a slight, awkward chuckle before walking out of the room.
Callum let out another sigh, “I’m sorry.” he said, and Ezran looked at him with a slight frown. “You guys went through the trouble of preparing a party, and I—”
“Not your fault.” Ezran interrupted him, “There will be plenty more birthdays to celebrate in the future.” he smiled.
“Yeah.” Callum said, feeling a small smile form over his lips as well. Ezran wrapped his arms around his brother once more, and Callum returned the hug.
The ache was still present, piercing him and suffocating him, but he was far too tired and out of tears to be able to do something about it. So, after he and Ezran separated and his brother went to get him a glass of water, he let that ache lull him to sleep.
It had been a year since then, and he was officially 16 years old. After getting back from the Moon Nexus, Callum had decided to focus solely on magic and his duty next to Ezran after he got recrown as king. It had all passed in a blur. But as difficult as it had been to navigate all of this new responsibility, he welcomed the change as best he could. It was better than thinking about her. It kept his mind busy and gave him an excuse to get better at magic.
As a matter of fact, he’d grown quite proficient in sky magic! With a few mishaps here and there, he’d felt more confident about his skill the more he practiced. And aside from studying sky magic, he gained every bit of knowledge he could from every primal source but didn’t really attempt to connect to either one, not yet. Instead, he decided he wanted to read as much as he could about them, just in case. He even read a couple of passages about dark magic. He was never planning to use that form of magic again, but regardless, he wanted to know more about it.
But today had been different.
As much as he tried to distract himself with magical knowledge or uncover the mystery behind the mirror he’d found in the secret chambers, nothing was helping him forget or dull away the ache in his chest. Part of him regretted asking for privacy today, but he also didn’t feel like celebrating his birthday. So he tried to focus on translating the runes on the mystery mirror. It took him all day, but to no avail. At nightfall, he decided to step outside his office and go up to the castle walls.
Soon, he was sitting on said walls, staring at the structure below and how peaceful it was, aside from the occasional knight moving around. It felt surreal whenever he remembered how, a year or so ago, his life had changed so drastically. At that moment, he pulled out his sketchbook, flipped over to a clean page, and began sketching his brother. In the past year, Ezran had grown up so much, and admittedly, Callum had not drawn him enough to prove so. And what better time than to do so now? Besides, he liked drawing his family every year on his birthday. It was a good way for him to see his improvement as an artist and always remember the family that was gone. Even though he neglected to do so last year.
After a little while, he’d drawn Ezran and Bait, his stepfather, King Harrow, and his mother, Queen Sarai, and smiled fondly at the picture. He wished he could draw his biological father too, but he was too young when he died to remember the intricate details. As he drew himself last, he looked up towards Ezran’s tower and decided to draw in Zym. The young dragon had become part of their family; it was only natural to add him in as well. Afterwards, without thinking too much about it, his hand had started sketching a female figure too. It was when he’d drawn details like her horns and pointy ears that he realised what he was doing. He jerked his hand back and let out a heavy sigh before forcefully closing his book. He’d not meant to draw her.
Looking up at the night sky, he stared up at the half moon before him that illuminated down below. It felt mockingly ironic how there was a constant reminder of her in simply the moon’s existence; it’s not like the solar system could change just because of his broken heart, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of it either. Some days were easier than others, but today was the prime reminder of how heavy his chest was, suffocating and empty. It felt like part of him was missing, and it kept on tagging him towards her unknown whereabouts.
At first, he thought that maybe she wouldn’t be able to find anything about Viren being alive, and she would return. But as the months passed by, he thought that perhaps she would send him a letter of some sort, something to indicate that she’s okay and that she’s alive, but nothing came. Not her, and not any letters. It hurt.
He gripped at his sketchbook before throwing it behind him on the floor, making a loud thud sound, “Woah! Someone’s in a mood.” said a voice a few feet away.
Callum turned his attention to the voice, only to discover it to be Soren. He sighed and looked back at the courtyard, “I want to be alone, Soren.”
Soren looked between Callum and the sketchbook on the floor and asked, “Are you sure?”
Callum did not reply, and Soren took it as a sign to sit against the wall beside him, “Don’t you have crownguard duties to do?” Callum asked.
“Not really,” Soren shrugged, “besides, Corvus can handle it if something happens.”
A few minutes of silence passed by between them, with Soren absentmindedly drumming his fingers against his knees and whistling away to a tune of his own. Irritatedly, Callum turned to him, “You really don’t have to sit here with me.”
Soren just hummed in response before asking, “You really miss her, huh?”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you, Soren.” Callum snapped.
Soren raised his hands, “Fine, fine. You don’t have to be snappy about it.”
Callum let out a sigh, “Sorry.”
Soren waved him off, and they sat in silence again for a little while. “You know,” Callum began, registering that Soren did not plan to go away, “she believed Viren was still alive.”
“What?” Soren questioned, “Why? Wasn’t she the one that pushed him off the Spire?”
Callum nodded, “She saw something at the Moon Nexus.”
“Huh.” was Soren’s only response.
“Do you think..?” Callum asked.
Soren frowned, thinking for a while, “No.”
“What about Claudia?”
“I don’t know,” Soren’s frown deepened, “I mean, I know she’s alive—she must be—but I don’t know where she is, if she’s okay.”
“Do you miss her?”
“She’s my sister; of course I miss her.” Soren shrugged. “Do you?”
“Miss Claudia?” Callum questioned him back.
From the peripheral of Callum’s vision, he saw Soren nod, “I… don’t know. We didn’t exactly end on great terms.”
“You used to like her, though.” Soren pointed out.
Callum’s cheeks flushed bright pink, “Used to! Not anymore. Besides, didn’t she try to kill Ez?” Callum raised a brow at him.
“Right.” Soren chuckled, then grew somber, “Not that it’s something to laugh about.”
Callum hummed. Soren continued, “I don’t even know what she was thinking!”
“I don’t think it matters.” Callum said.
“Maybe.” Soren paused, “I just hope she’s okay.”
Callum smiled at him. Soren was a good man, and although he’s not certain where he stands with Claudia anymore, he’s glad Soren stuck by them, even if it meant losing his family.
“Plus, it’s not like I didn’t try to do the same.” Soren said.
“What was that?” Callum asked.
“Nothing.” Soren diverted before pushing himself off the wall, getting up, and then picking up Callum’s sketchbook from the floor, “I believe you might want this.” he handed it over to Callum.
Callum took it gingerly, “Thanks.”
“Anytime!” Soren beamed, “You still don’t want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
Soren shrugged, “As you wish.” he turned to leave, “I’ll go do my crownguard duties as you said.”
Callum chuckled and watched Soren make his way to the staircase, “Oh!” he turned around, “Happy Birthday!” he yelled, and then went down the stairs. Callum let out a sigh.
He didn’t have the heart to tell Soren that it didn’t feel like his birthday anymore. The day was a sole reminder of her leaving, taking a piece of his heart with her. He opened up his sketchbook to the page he’d started drawing her, deciding to finish it. He drew every detail of hers he could remember, every part he’d stared at her for and studied. Moon motifs surrounded her figure as he finished up his sketching, and he couldn’t help but smile. Before that smile dropped.
Grief gripped him from the inside out. He didn’t know what she looked like anymore, or if she’d changed at all in the past year. Before he could stop it, a tear dripped onto the page, the charcoal line diluting. He wiped them away and closed his book, taking in a deep breath and getting up. He left soon thereafter.
He’d completely forgotten what today’s date was. Soren’s poor attempt at hiding what was going on and whispering behind his back managed to distract him from their surprise all together. Many of the castle stuff had gathered in celebration of his 17th birthday, and Callum could only feel gratitude towards his brother, who had gone through all this trouble for this surprise. Even as it reminded him what the day also signified.
He tried to enjoy the festivities as long as possible, offering his gratitude to whoever came up to him and wishing him a happy birthday. It was nice for a little while. He watched as the people gathered around, having fun as they danced and talked to each other, smiling brightly. Callum, finally alone after the many wishes, took a deep breath and decided it was time for him to get some air.
He stepped out onto the balcony, leaning over the railing, and stared at the moon, which was almost full. He breathed in the night air, taking some of the edge off his shoulders. She’s been gone for two years now, he thought. It didn’t feel right to celebrate this day anymore. He breathed out an exhale. It felt calming to be out here, the summer air pleasantly cooling on his skin.
He doesn’t know how long he's been out on the balcony, but it was long enough for Ezran to join him. He felt guilty for not enjoying the party as much, even more so when Ezran had to comfort him about it, but he couldn’t lie and pretend to him. Not about this. He knew his brother understood his reasoning.
After taking a moment or two to wipe away the stray tears and gather his thoughts, he pushed his weight off the railing and headed back inside with his brother. He tried to enjoy the rest of his evening, mingling with the rest of the guests, eating Barius’s cake, and even dancing. The familiar lull of the ache deep inside his chest was present all throughout the night, but it was much more manageable to ignore. It was the least he could do, for Ezran’s sake and his own. Although Ezran stuck close to him all night until he finally decided it had been late enough to dismiss the party.
“Will you be okay?” Ezran asked after everyone was gone.
Callum smiled at his brother, “Yeah.”
Ezran nodded in response, and Callum left his room.
He’d not lied; as much as it hurt, it’d stopped feeling like he was suffocating on her memory alone. He didn’t think that it would ever go away, and on a day such as today, it’ll always hurt a bit more than normal, but he’ll get through it. It had already been two years, and he was doing much better. At least he thought so.
The next day, after finally figuring out what the runes on the mirror said, he’d been shocked to see her. A wave of emotions washed over him as he gazed upon her, unable to say something. Everything about her looked so different—her outfit, her hair—and yet completely the same, as her form materialized. Rayla was here, and she was alive. And Callum felt paralyzed at the sight of her, a plethora of complicated emotions screaming inside his head. There was an instinct inside him to simply rush towards her, hug her, kiss her, tell her he loved her, and ignore the two years she’d left him.
And yet, the simple reminder that she’d left was all it took for the pain, confusion, and anger of the last two years to wash over him too, stopping him in his tracks. It was too much; he didn’t know how to react or what to do. He wasn’t certain if he was ready to face her. If he was ready to talk about it or forgive her.
Rayla smiled sheepishly, “Hey.”
And Callum knew he wasn’t ready.