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Crowley: Want to have lunch at the Ritz tomorrow?
Aziraphale: I’m so sorry, I can’t.
Crowley: You can’t, or you won’t?
Aziraphale: I can’t. I have an appointment for a massage.
Crowley: You have a wot?
Aziraphale: An appointment for a massage. You know, something humans do?
Crowley: Why?
Aziraphale: Don’t laugh, but I’ve been going to the fitness lately and …
Crowley: I’m not laughing.
Aziraphale: And my personal trainer…
Crowley: You have a personal trainer?
Aziraphale: Yes, I do.
Crowley: What does he look like?
Aziraphale: Who?
Crowley: Your personal trainer, who else? I bet he’s all smooth, tanned, six pack.
Aziraphale: Yes, in fact, he is and he has. Anyway Dwayne…
Crowley: Oh! He’s got a name!
Aziraphale: Of course he’s got a name! Are you going to keep interrupting me?
Crowley: No no, please continue, I’d like to hear all about Sixpack Dwayne.
Aziraphale: *sighs* He suggested to get a massage. He said it would do me good. He’d do it himself, but…
Crowley: Yeah, bet he would.
Aziraphale: But he’s on holiday this week and he recommended me this masseur. He’s supposed to be one of the best.
Crowley: I can give you a massage.
Aziraphale: Don’t be silly.
Crowley: I’m not, I can. I mean, I can give it a try. I’ve had a few massages in the past.
Aziraphale: Have you?
Crowley: Yes, neck, shoulders, back. Feels rather good actually. Not the legs, don’t like them touching my legs. Or feet.
Aziraphale: Feet?
Crowley: Even worse, I’m very ticklish.
Aziraphale: Have you ever given a massage?
Crowley: No, not yet. But I know how it’s done. Can’t be that hard. Always wanted to try it (with you, only with you, but I’m not going to say that out loud). Never found me a Guinee pig though.
Aziraphale: Are you calling me a pig?
Crowley: No, NO! That’s not what I meant! I meant I never…never mind, you want me to give you a massage or not? Afterwards you can tell me what I did wrong, what I can improve. You’ll like that. And you can still go to your appointment tomorrow.
Aziraphale: Yes, I think I might like that. Sounds interesting. Let’s do this.
Crowley: Good! I’ll miracle everything I need, and you just make yourself comfortable.
Aziraphale: Oh Crowley, if you don’t mind me asking and if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like one with a happy ending. Yes?