Work Text:
First grade. New school. New teacher. New friends.
***
Halloween, first grade. Clarissa is dressed as a fairy, and a classmate dressed as a lamb walks beside her on the playground.
“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat” sings the girl. Clarissa hums along. “If you don’t, I don’t care, I’ll pull down your underwear.”
Before Clarissa knows it, she has broken her wand over the girl’s head.
***
Every night she locks the door and takes a bath. With bubbles. And shampoo. The scented kind.
She wears her prettiest nightgown and wakes up undisturbed. And sometimes, she sprays cotton candy body spray and decorates her lips with gloss just for the fun of it.
***
“Eww” giggle the other boys and girls when one of their classmates brings in a magazine he found under his older brother’s bed. Clarissa is the only one who excuses herself to vomit in the bathroom.
***
She scatters Lego bricks and squeaky toys in front of her door before going to bed, won’t take a shower until after everyone else in the house is fast asleep, and kicks and fights on the playground. When teachers ask what’s wrong, she says “I don’t know.”
She’s telling the truth.
***
By age seven she learns how to read without sounding out each syllable, how to ride a bicycle without training wheels, and that Santa is not real.
By age seven she learns how to wipe away tears before anyone notices, how to sit still when you want to run away, and that a metal slide on a hot day is a good enough substitute for burning your arm with matches.
***
She stands on stage, holding a certificate marked “Most Improved” in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. And for the first time in her life she has a list of friends to share it with. They each get one chocolate, and they smile and thank her and she basks in the attention. The rest of the chocolates are eaten at once at midnight, following a nightmare over the thought of too much attention.
***
Second grade. New classroom. New teacher. New friends.