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A few weeks ago, Pezzy was drunk. Really, really drunk. His mind was on the borderline of blacking out but some string of consciousness still waited to be snapped. All he knew was that his friends were around and they were at someone’s house. Maybe his own, maybe someone else’s but it wasn’t clear to him. He knew he was on the ground floor, vision blurry in the very dim light. He knew that Droid was with him. That was all that really mattered, to be honest. He was giggly and swaying every time he talked or walked, frequently leaning over Droid to make his unintelligible talking points clear.
He didn’t know what he was saying but it sure was making everyone else laugh and that felt good. He hummed in delight before sinking into the nearest warm body. He looked over and squeezed Droid’s cheeks, lightly twisting his head back and forth, mumbling something he can’t remember. Droid’s response didn’t register in his memory, and he very snappily stopped Puffer from including it in the recount the next day. Puffer put his hands up in surrender with surprise on his face, “Alright chill… I won’t say anything, damn.”
Pezzy was too preoccupied with trying to drown in his own embarrassment to respond to Droid before the younger had disappeared elsewhere.
Later that night, Pezzy found him eating and watching a video with his earbuds in. He gently tapped his shoulder and apologised for acting up- whatever he said or did. Droid said he knew that Pezzy was drunk so it wasn’t an issue. He still felt bad about putting him on the spot like that, even if he was inebriated. Droid assured him with a genuine smile that tore Pezzy apart on the inside. There’s a first time for everything, and this one made Pezzy stumble over his words, “Y-Yeah just… I want you to- uh- make sure I-I don’t get that drunk again. Ever. Please.” Droid nodded and put his earbud back in at Pezzy’s step away.
Now that time has passed, the tension of that incident has mostly melted away. Some of their friends are flying in to celebrate coincidental milestones which lead to the idea of birthdays also being celebrated. Pezzy isn’t sure of the exact details of what’s being celebrated, but he definitely isn’t missing out on the opportunity to see friends and have a good fucking time while he’s at it. And of course, whatever didn’t fall in the “mostly” bracket of that tension he had with Droid only now chooses to resurface, reminding Pezzy of a ‘what if’ he’s getting anxious about.
His bedroom door opens and footsteps pause, “Pezzy?” Speak of the devil. He whips his head to the noise, dropping the charging cable in his hand into the suitcase he’s been packing. Sly doesn’t miss the opportunity to get after it, Pezzy frowning before turning to his very confused intruder. “Dude, I came in and you were just frozen there like a mannequin; You good?” Pezzy’s eyes dart away before coming back to Droid, “Yes?”
“Is something wrong?” Droid steps closer, gently tugging the wire away from Sly and Pezzy’s shoulders slump a little. “I’m just… a little bit worried. You know what happened last time when…” The rest of his sentence goes unspoken. Droid nods, “Right… Well, I’ll be your DD again. I’m fine with that.”
“I’m not gonna wet blanket your fun. I’ll be fine, I can control myself.” Droid snorts, wrapping the cable up nicely and tucking it into a zippered pocket in the suitcase, “That’s what you said last time.” Oh. Well he didn’t know that. “Okay but I will this time.” Droid looks at him as if to challenge that thought, “Really?” Suddenly, Pezzy doubts himself. “Alright then, I trust you.”
Are there second-times for things? Well, this might be Pezzy’s. He’s still not quite sure why he feels this is so important to him though.
The next day goes by in a flash and then he’s overwhelmed with flying a few hours, meeting his friends, and getting excited with everyone else’s excitement. Pezzy silently gawks at the rented beachside house and then he’s grabbing a glass of something beautifully coloured and sipping it, finding it extremely funny that a bartender was hired for what might be the most chaotic job of their life. He got separated when he was saying hello to everyone, but Droid finds him again—because of course he does—soon enough. “What’s that?” He points to the drink. “I dunno, but it’s good. Wanna try?” The music kicks in and Droid nods, leaning over to take a sip from the straw. Pezzy briefly gets a hint of his shampoo. Droid frowns for a moment before coming around to it, “Very sweet.” Pezzy frowns and nods in agreement.
After he finds the food table and grabs a second drink, (differently coloured this time!) the night starts fading away. With every bump of the bass and every random bit he stumbles into while talking (shouting) to his friends, time skips a little bit more and more. Then, it’s late at night and someone’s mother comes by to yell at whoever unfortunately opened the door to keep it down (Their family is on holiday or whatever). They comply as nice neighbours do but only by two or three knobs down.
Pezzy’s beginning to grow tired of the drunk dancing and the effort it’s taking to try talking to drunk people. He grabs a plastic cup and concocts something new he was introduced to about a million years ago (it was probably about an hour ago in reality). He isn’t sure of the ratio but he decides to measure the soju and beer with his heart until the cup’s weight feels good to him. Then he smiles to himself, satisfied.
Then he remembers waking out a door and feeling the cool breeze, finally free from the stuffy house full of heated bodies and choking sound waves. He finds himself sitting on a big rock that’s nearer to the sea, soaking in the serene splashing of waves and the beautiful, dark, navy blue sky. Pity that he can only see satellites. Or maybe it’s an airplane. If it’s moving it’s an airplane right? Can you even see a satellite move from down here?
“What’re you doing here?” Droid finds him. Of course he does. Pezzy smiles, brain getting a hit of dopamine. “I could ask you the same thing.” He drinks his concoction. Mm… Too much beer. It’s not as nice with the flavoured soju. Leaves a bad taste.
“Well, I came to look for you.” He’s seated next to him on the rock, his voice bringing a nice harmony against the gentle rush of waves. “You found me,” Pezzy says. You always do. “I sure did.”
“What’s that?” Droid motions to the red cup. Cliche. “Soju and beer. Wanna try?” He does, and makes a face. “Something feels off.” Pezzy laughs, “The taste, huh?” Droid nods, still smacking his lips in confusion, “Is that the grapefruit one?”
How’d he know?
“Pezzy are you drunk?”
“Maybe. Not like last time, though.” Yet, drunk enough to not hesitate when talking about it. Sounds dangerous, Pezzy. Droid goes quiet. “Everything was such a blur then… I hate not remembering what happened.” He turns to the younger, “And you refuse to tell me the full story. Out with it, you fuck.” Droid laughs, “Absolutely not. I like keeping this a secret from you, it’s funny.” Pezzy rolls his eyes, taking another drink and wincing at the rush of odd flavours.
It feels nice here, away from the crowd but still close enough to hear faint bass. He guesses someone else came by to tell them to shut the fuck up. He chuckles at the thought. Pezzy tries to put his other foot up on the rock, but his balance isn’t the best and he almost falls over if not for Droid grabbing a hold on his body and keeping him steady, “Don’t start trying acrobatics now, Pezz.” He snorts, righting himself and taking a big gulp of his drink so it doesn’t try to spill next time. “I’m fine.”
Has Droid always been this close to him?
“…You really wanna know what happened then, huh?” Curiosity piques. “Of course. I see no reason you should gatekeep. Unless I did something nasty, then maybe- I’m not so sure anymore.” Droid assures that it’s nothing bad on him. “It’s… more for my sake, to be honest.”
Speaking like this, without looking at each other, feels like there should be a hidden camera somewhere filming them like a tense and emotional movie scene. Pezzy takes a sip as the water starts receding further. Oh, big wave incoming.
Droid tells him things he already knows: he was extremely touchy, he was slurring, he was basically joined at the hip to Droid the whole night, he couldn’t walk straight, he called Droid ‘Darling’-
“Wait, I called you what?”
A tense silence hangs between them for a moment. A much bigger wave crashes onto the shoreline, startling Pezzy for a moment. “You called me… ‘Darling’. It- ugh- It’s whatever- It’s not important-“
“Did you like it?”
These waves seriously need to stop going out that far, it’s starting to get scary.
“Like it?… I-I guess…? I don’t know what this has to do- This isn’t important, Pezz!”
No, it is a little bit important. Pezzy turns around slightly to finally look Droid in the eyes, “You liked it.” He knows what he looks like to the younger, face flushed pink, eyes barely open from the cold sea breeze fighting the amounts of warm alcohol in his system. Droid’s lips stay in a thin line, unsure of what to say next to try and dig himself out of this hole. They hold eye contact, Pezzy slow blinking his way through every minute.
“We can’t have this conversation now.” Droid breaks the silence first, turning back to look at the sea and its horizon. “Droid, please. Tell me what happened.” Pezzy’s starting to think he should give up. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know, then, with the way Droid’s acting. If he wants to save his supposed embarrassment that badly.
“Time moves faster when you’re drunk. It’s like your brain blacks out every few minutes. I know that’s why you don’t like getting that wasted.” Now Pezzy feels like it’s a sin to keep drinking what’s in his cup. He decides to down it all (wasn’t much anyway) and dig a shallow hole in the sand as a cup holder. It burns a bit, with a minor taste of regret chasing the liquid. “I feel like I lose myself. It’s really not fun,” Pezzy agrees solemnly, to which Droid hums before continuing.
“There… was a lot of shit you said and did that night. I’m honestly a bit afraid to tell you all of it.”
“Did I do something bad?” Droid shakes his head, “No. But I think you’d feel a new kind of embarrassment. I’m pretty sure even you don't know that you’re capable of all that.”
“Alright, alright, stop edging me. What the hell did I do?” Droid pauses. It’s such a vacuum of a pause that time freezes. Suddenly, Pezzy can’t hear the waves, can’t feel the breeze, can’t feel himself. Maybe that’s why they call it a vacuum of time.
Droid speaks again and it all rushes in again, clear as night, “The ‘Darling’ thing is really only the beginning. Puffer definitely over-exaggerated but you did ask me to let you sleep? W-Whatever that means. And then, when I finally got you into your bed, you wouldn’t let me leave.”
Oh. Well, Droid was kinda right about it. This definitely is a new kind of feeling. Maybe embarrassment isn’t the right one, though. Third time’s the charm!
“I- You… I carried you up to your room and tucked you in- like a good friend!- (Pezzy laughs.) and you threw a mini tantrum.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ…” Pezzy face-palms, talking into his hands, “So, what, I just become a three-year-old?” Droid shrugs. “You just weren’t satisfied until… Um- Until you dragged me into your bed too…”
Pezzy immediately goes silent, the information piercing him through the heart. A wave crashes loudly into the shoreline, breaking through his blank mind. “I- I’m so sorry, Droid-” The younger shakes his head, “Nothing to be sorry for… It’s fine. I was just being a good friend, y’know? Helping the homie out-“
“When he’s drunk like a child? Be so serious, Droid… Oh my God…”
Droid winces, carefully eyeing the other, “Are you… that disgusted?”
Disgust? Pezzy lifts his face from his hands in a mild panic. “No!… No, I’m not- No. There’s nothing- I’m not-“ He gives up with a defeated sigh. Droid cracks a smile,“I guess we’re both suffering.” Pezzy chuckles, “I guess so.”
“You’re really clingy when you’re drunk, y’know?” Pezzy sees Droid avoiding eye contact, “Had a feeling. Why bring it up?” The younger pouts and shrugs, “No reason. Thought you should know.”
“Then am I not drunk enough now?” Droid takes a moment to think, “I guess not.” Why does he sound a little bit sad?
“Why’d you come looking for me? Were you getting lonely in there?” Pezzy light-heartedly jokes, trying to cut the goopy sentimental tension. The younger hums, “I missed you.” And the sentimental music comes back (in his head, of course).
Pezzy can’t believe his ears. And Droid says he’s the one who gets sappy when drunk. “Did you, now?” The younger nods. “Maybe you’re drunk, Droid.”
“Didn’t drink much of any of the alcohol. I said I’d be your DD, remember?” Of course, but Pezzy didn’t expect Droid to really follow through. What happened to not being a wet blanket? Pezzy tells him to go grab some alcohol and join him back on the beach so they can be equally fucked up, but Droid refuses with a soft laugh, “I don't need alcohol to enjoy sitting here with you.” Oh? Since when was he such a romanticist? Pezzy laughs to himself.
“Well, I’m definitely not drunk enough.”
“For?”
“For the words I wanna say to you.”
Droid moves in a little closer as the wind picks up. He forgot that it got chilly out at the beach because of the waves or something. Pezzy notices and hands him the flannel off his back, Droid putting up a fight exactly once before giving in, “Hey, isn't this the one I chose for you?” Pezzy tuts, “With me. You chose it with me.” Droid rolls his eyes playfully, putting it on, “Yeah, yeah and whose card bought it?” They both quietly smile knowing the answer. Really, it probably was better off belonging to Droid’s since it sat in his closet most of the time, and it fit him more than Pezzy. But alas, the older refuses to give up ownership.
“Well, what’s holding you back from speaking your mind? And you can’t say the lack of alcohol.”
Pezzy sighs. He really doesn’t know how to pinpoint it to a T but it’s just that Droid gives him this feeling of satisfaction. Always. “I just can’t word it, I guess.” And it’s a little bit embarrassing to say “without liquid courage”, so Pezzy keeps that part of the response to himself. “You can try for me,” Droid mumbles quietly. Truthfully, Pezzy really admires him right now. If Droid really hasn't taken any alcohol and is saying all this shit without fainting from anxiety, then he must mentally be the strongest person Pezzy knows. Social anxiety is afraid of him.
He’s asked so nicely, so Pezzy really tries. “It’s like… I-I know it sounds cliche and like,” he gestures wildly, unsure how to proceed. No one really prepares you for impromptu word vomit about feelings and The Human Experience. Especially not to someone you deeply trust, value, and depend on. Some might even call it a confession.
Even if it’s totally, definitely platonic. Those are still called confessions, anyway. You’re owning up to something; that’s a confession. ”Platonic confession” just makes it sound worse- It’s a goddamn confession! Whatever, who cares! Can we try wording this confession instead of trying to rationalise what it is, please?
“Like uh…” Pezzy’s eyes refocus and little details seem clear as night now. The way Droid is looking at him expectantly, watching his staggered movements with a face that (looks so good in the moonlight?) gently encourages him to keep going.
His mind does a quick restart, “Like some rom-com bullshit, but you… something about you being around makes me feel complete. I… I feel so serene, so calm, so safe. It’s like, I could be having a shitty day and I catch you downstairs doing something goofy as hell and then I just suddenly feel like it’ll be alright.” Pezzy laughs, shaking his head as his voice starts wavering. “Shit… I just didn't realise how big of a part you play in my day to day life. Sorry, I…”
He blocks out his vision with his hands, partly to hide the oncoming tears building up, partly so he doesn’t have to face Droid’s reaction. He’s forced to face it anyway as Droid leans over and puts an arm around Pezzy in comfort, gently rubbing his arm. For once, Pezzy takes a risk and leans in to Droid, resting his head against him with a content sigh. Maybe he drank just enough for this; for him to feel warm enough to give his flannel to Droid, for him to still be lucid enough to take in their weighted conversation, for him to give much less of a shit about what comes out his mouth. It feels like everything he’s saying, or wanting to say to Droid is a confession (Oh, fine).
He finally feels the tears disappear and sniffles, leaning away from Droid. “You alright now?” The younger asks quietly. Pezzy just nods. Maybe not entirely, but it’ll do for now. “If… it’s any consolation,” He looks at Droid's flushed face. Be it from the cold or from the words that are forming in the other’s head, Pezzy won't ever know. “I think you’re really important in my life too.” It doesn't even come as a surprise to Pezzy, because it just feels right that they both value each other this much. Hell, he’s just jealous that Droid revealed it a lot more eloquently and composed than he did. He knows in his heart that they were simply made for each other- that there’s no one timeline that exists where they aren’t friends.
So he smiles. And Droid smiles back, synchronous understanding tying their hearts together.
“Pezzy! Droid!” The two turn around at the sound of someone’s voice, a figure walking toward them, waving before turning around, “They’re over here, idiot!” The figure becomes Puffer, with Grizzy trailing behind him, his voice not as intelligible because of the distance. “Where the hell have y’all been? It’s been like two hours,” Puffer asks.
Droid gasp loudly, “The fuck!? I swear it’s been like thirty minutes.” Puffer laughs sarcastically just as Grizzy approaches, “Yeah, no. Party’s getting shut down ‘cus someone reported us. What a vibe kill.” Grizzy chimes in, “Also, it’s like four in the morning- Were you guys just here the whole time?” Pezzy explains he came out after a few hours and has been with Droid ever since, “He found me out here.”
Puffer groans, turning to Grizzy, “I told your ass we didn’t need to worry; if we find one of them, we’ll always find the other. They’re like those ‘frequently bought together’ products.” Pezzy snorts at the joke. “Do not separate,” Grizzy adds, the four of them laughing. He then says they’d been looking for them because people were starting to leave. “Ready to go?”
Puffer and Grizzy walk ahead, still bickering over whose fault it is that the other “got dragged out from the party”, while Pezzy and Droid hang a little bit behind before starting to walk off (not forgetting the red plastic cup a quarter buried in the sand, to Droid’s confusion). The walk back mostly goes on in silence. It still feels serene even when they aren’t doing anything. Their hands brush every now and then, either one or both of them pulling away as naturally as possible.
Nothing ever was an outright confession, now was it? How long will they play it off? Pezzy learned that risk was good, didn’t he? The next time it happens (because of course they didn’t even try moving away from each other- if bumping hands really was that uncomfortable), Pezzy makes the move to grab onto Droid’s hand. The younger wants to say something, but Pezzy shushes him with a still-tipsy smile. Their hands slot together in silence.
Before Puffer and Grizzy turn around to check on the two, their hands let go, to each other’s dismay. Fun while it lasted.
Pezzy doesn’t forget to check up on Droid when they get back to their accommodations, finding him in the room next to his. He politely declines the invite in (Droid visibly being sad about it) but hangs by the door frame for a bit longer, “Just came to say good night. It was a nice talk. Maybe we should find a beachside back home just so we can talk at it.” Droid chuckles, making Pezzy feel warm again. “Maybe.”
“Anyway,” Pezzy pushes himself off the wall. “Have a good rest, darling,” He pauses with a sly smile on his lips, beginning to walk away, “I’ll see you when the sun’s up.”