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It's the middle of the night when Wade wakes up because something heavy moves against his side.
At first, he thinks it's Mary but then as he gets more awake he can tell it is definitely not her because Mary doesn't have the size and weight of a grown man with an adamantium skeleton.
"Peanut? You're alright?"
His voice sounds unnaturally loud in the silence of the night and Wade finds himself wishing that he could take it back.
Logan moves next to him, the moonlight that falls on his face shows Wade that he's trying to stay asleep. God, he's so beautiful.
When Logan finally opens his mouth, his voice is full of sleep and Wade doesn't think that he's ever heard Logan sounding like that. He lifts his head and looks at Logan, his face wrinkled, his eyes barely open. "S cold," he mumbles, his lips barely parting around the words, "you're warm." His head sinks back against Wade's shoulder and then he snuggles closer as if that's something they do every night.
"Oh," Wade says dumbly, his brain already looking for a joke something he can say to make this situation less.... less... He doesn't even know what it is but he desperately wants to stop feeling like this. "Okay."
Logan grunts and then he moves even closer and Wade doesn't like the direction this is taking.
Logan is back to sleep after a few moments, he can feel him breathing against his side, but Wade, Wade has never been more awake and his heart is beating fast and loud in his ribcage and he knows he won't be able to sleep tonight.
Because somehow his brain, normally foggy and jumpy has chosen to be clear right now, glass clear, Baby-knife-blade-after-sharpen-clear and it's saying a single thing and Wade doesn't know what to do with it.
Wade is in love with Logan.
This isn't a crush or a fling or something.
And fuck, Wade has no idea what he's supposed to do.
Logan moves again, his lips forming words Wade can't understand and then one of his arms comes to rest on his chest, right over his sternum and Wade's heart aches.
Wade is in love with Logan.
Wade closes his eyes and listens to Logan's breath.
It takes a long time until he falls asleep.
When he wakes up a few hours later, Logan is still curled against his side, breathing evenly.
He looks peaceful like that. Wade knows that his nights are often full of nightmares, he knows it because he's woken up in the middle of the night by Logan choking on something that isn't there or fighting against something only he can see, names tearing out of his throat as if it hurts saying them.
Once or twice Wade woke up because Logan had buried his claws in his chest, and his eyes, not fully awake, looked at him as if he was the enemy.
Wade always takes it lightly, because he knows that Logan doesn't mean him, but still seeing him so peacefully lying next to him makes something heal in his chest he didn't know was broken.
He finds himself wishing he could reach out and wrap his arms around Logan to protect him from those nightmares forever, but he doesn't because--
Deep down he knows that he won't be able to bear it if Logan wakes up and turns away.
So he is the one to free himself out of Logan's grasp, gently to not wake him up and walks into the kitchen on bare feet where he sinks on a chair and rubs a hand over his eyes.
Wade is in love with Logan.
Fuck.
The sound of the door startles him out of his thoughts and he opens his eyes again, just to see Logan entering the room in faded pajama pants and one of Wade's t-shirts that says unicorns are just horny ponies.
He yawns and then he sinks down on the chair next to Wade, his eyes fluttering shut the second he sits.
"You're up early," he says, words blurring into each other.
"Early bird catches the worm, honey badger," Wade counters and laughs when he sees Logan's face scrunching in distaste. "Early bird's a fucking idiot," he grumbles and slumps forward until his forehead bumps on the table. "Fuck me."
"Right here?" Wade asks with a wide smile and leans forward to rest his face in his hands. "Oh, Peanut I didn't think you'd be one to enjoy that kind of stuff!"
Logan lifts his head from the table and looks at Wade with disgust. He opens his mouth, probably to tell Wade to fuck off or something similar, but it seems his brain isn't fully awake yet because a couple of seconds pass and Logans just continues staring at him as if his hard drive crashed.
"Wanna tell me something, Wolvie?" Wade asks eventually with an Oscar-worthy blink of his eyes. Logan only groans.
"'M too tired for this shit."
"What? I absolutely couldn't tell-- ouch!"
The punch Logan places against Wade's upper arm doesn't hurt at all, it's more a soft shove than anything else and Wade only reacts the way he does to conceal the sudden jump his heart does when Logan touches him.
Jesus fucking Christ.
"Wolvie that hurt," Logan says in mock offense, clutching his chest as if Logan had stabbed him multiple times. "You're lucky my body regenerates because otherwise, I would sue you for that. Oh, by the way, I've seen this show a while ago--"
Logan's head sinks back on the table, a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips for just a second before his I just woke up but wish I hadn't face returns. He lets his hand slide down Wade's arm and it's only because Wade doesn't need to think all that much before he talks that he keeps rambling on while his heart does multiple loopings.
"Wake me up when there's coffee," Logan mutters and closes his eyes.
So Wade makes him a coffee.
Wade starts to love mornings.
He's not really an early bird per se, but he has no problems with getting up early if it means he can make Logan a coffee and watch him while he's drinking it, barely awake.
It sounds kinda creepy, now that he thinks about it, but hey, he's secretly pining after his roommate/friend/guy he saved the world with that one time so let him have this, he could do much worse.
Because there's something about those mornings that makes Wade's whole body feel warm and tingly.
There is something about the way Logan's hair is ruffled and his eyes are only half open as he stares at a point somewhere over Wade's shoulder and tries to make sense of whatever Wade is rambling about. Like, he really tries to understand it and it makes Wade's heart grow in his chest because it means that Logan cares about him, even though he doesn't show it when he's fully awake.
And there's something else too, he loves about mornings.
It's this.
It's Logan padding in the kitchen his gaze still full of sleep and leaning next to Wade on the kitchen counter.
It's him, mumbling a sleepy "morning, bub" before closing his eyes again and leaning his head on Wade's shoulder until the coffee is done.
It's him, hooking a finger under the edge of Wade's t-shirt as if the small touch alone is enough for him, it's him, moving his leg to nudge Wade's under the table.
It's Logan being tired, quiet, and soft.
It's Logan trusting Wade enough to let down his guard and honestly, if he were to die tomorrow, he would die with a smile on his lips because that is the single greatest gift anybody could ever make him.
(Except that's a lie. Not the part about the gift, but he would fight death to death quite literally if it meant that he could spend another day with Logan, he would personally end World War Three or a global zombie apocalypse just to make Logan coffee in the morning. Fuck, he's pathetic.)
It's mornings like that that make Wade want to tell the truth, he has it on the top of his tongue, three simple words and sometimes they almost slip out and Wade has to bite down on them until he tastes blood because he can't say it, now here not now.
He doesn't want to break the peace of those moments.
Not today, not tomorrow.
Wade isn't sure what came over him, but somehow his hand is pushed in Logan's hair and he's carefully untangling it, pressing gentle fingers against his head as if he's always done it.
They were watching a movie (don't ask him which one, he can not, for the love of god, remember what they are watching, not when he has his finger woven into Logan's soft hair) and for some reason, Wade had started to brag about giving the best head massages.
"You know the only reason why Vanessa and I were together was because I braided her hair once and she couldn't get enough of my fingers against her scalp," he had joked. "I swear, everybody whose head I touch with those magic hands falls in love with me instantly."
Logan had been silent for a second, then he'd said, "alright," and leaned in until he was lying on the couch, his head resting on Wade's leg.
And that's why Wade is sitting here now, carefully moving his hands through Logan's hair and wondering how the hell he's supposed to go back to not touching it ever again.
Logan's eyes have fluttered shut eventually and now he's breathing evenly, and he looks so peaceful that Wade wants to take a picture of it, wants to carve it into stone, wants to find a way to make this moment last forever.
"So? Fallen for me yet?" He hears himself asking, and there is more genuine interest and hope behind those words than it should. Logan doesn't reply, he only continues breathing slowly.
Wade closes his eyes.
"I'm in love with you," he says and hopes...
He doesn't know what he hopes.
When Logan continues sleeping its relief and disappointment all the same.
Logan moves close to him almost every night now and Wade isn't sure he'll ever be able to live without it again.
Every night, he considers asking Logan if he needs an extra blanket, but decides against it each time because it would mean that they'd have to talk about the way their breaths blend into one in the darkness of the night, it would mean that they would have to talk about the way Wade feels as if the only way of stopping his heart from flying out of his chest every night is Logan's hand on his sternum, heavy, warm, constant, or his arm draped over his upper body.
It would mean that Logan would stop inching closer until Wade could feel his hair on his cheek until he could smell his scent that has become the scent he considers home more than anything without him deciding to do so.
It would mean that Logan would start having nightmares again. Not that Wade gives himself credit for Logan sleeping better, it's just that Logan does have fewer nightmares since he started to hold onto Wade as if he's his oversized teddy bear.
It's another thing Wade doesn't dare to think about because he doesn't want to get his hopes up.
"I love you," he mouths against Logan's hair, his shoulder, his cheek. Never loud enough that he can hear it.
His whole life Wade has been loud and open with everything.
But not this.
For the first time, he's quiet about something.
And maybe, just maybe it's eating him alive.
"You're quiet tonight."
Logan and Wade lean next to each other on the banister of the fire escape. They do that sometimes. Logan to drag on his cigarette, and Wade to watch Logan smoking.
(Yes that's fucking pathetic, he's aware of it, thank you very much.)
"Awww peanut, do you miss my stories so much?"
Logan shrugs, looks away and blows out steam "I guess."
Wade gasps and pushes himself off the banister. "Jesus, warn a man. You can't just drop a confession like this and--"
Logan shoves him. Not brutally, he's never hurting Wade these days, unless they are seriously fighting of course.
"Shut the fuck up bub," he says and Wade is almost sure there's a smile hidden in his voice somewhere.
"You just told me that you miss my voice and now that," Wade complains and pokes a finger in Logan's side, "I'm getting really mixed vibes from you honey badger."
Logan turns to him, smirks and cocks an eyebrow. "Really?" he says and now there's definitely a smile in his voice and on his lips and Wade...
"Wow, I'd really like to kiss you right now."
...Wade bites his tongue a moment too late.
Fuck.
Logan's gaze flickers over to Wade, his brows furrowed slightly. He's looking... not annoyed or repulsed but genuinely curious. "Is that so?"
Wade is, once again, saved by his ability to talk without having to think about it. "I mean have you seen yourself? Even a rock would kiss you if it could, honestly everybody who wouldn't want to do it should be sent to a psychologist because..." he stops because Logan is still looking at him like that like he's genuinely interested in Wade's rambling and that's wrong he should look annoyed or angry or--
"Well, go on," he says and Wade--
And Wade is only a man okay?
He is only a man and he's in love and he's weak, and so he takes the invitation before Logan has a chance to decide otherwise.
Almost on autopilot he reaches out and pulls Logan closer and closer still until nothing could fit between them. For a second, he can feel Logan's breath on his lips warm and alive and he can't believe that this is real, but then there are lips on his and yes, this feels real, so real and Wade sinks into it like a drowning man.
Logan tastes like smoke and alcohol (Wade still hasn't managed to throw out all the bottles Logan has hidden) and tears and it's only then that Wade realizes he's crying.
"I love you," he whispers shakily, his fingers clenched into Logan's sides, his forehead pressed against Logan's. "I love you so much it's scaring me."
Logans only wraps an arm around Wade's shoulder and pulls him close. "It's alright," he says. "We'll figure it out."
...
This night when Logan curls up next to him like a too-large cat, Wade reaches out. He wraps one hand around Logan's shoulder and slides it in his hair. It seems the only right thing to do, because how could Wade not, and judging from the low sound that comes out of Logan's throat, he seems to like it, too. It sounds suspiciously similar to a purr, but Wade doesn't comment on it, because this moment is soft and quiet and perfect and he doesn't want to break it.
(He also doesn't want Logan to stop, not ever, so maybe that's why he doesn't say anything.)
"I love you too you know," Logan murmurs in the crook of his neck, breath tingling against his skin.
"Tell me again tomorrow when I'm awake. I'm already sleeping," Wade mumbles, because he doesn't know what to reply apart from either staring to cry or holding a PowerPoint presentation about the things he loves about Logan.
"Okay," Ligans says and moves his head until his nose is pressed in the spot right under his ear and Wade is filled with such overwhelming happiness that he feels like he's glowing.
For the first time since everything started, Wade's heart is quiet in his chest, quiet and warmed by the hand that still lies on top of his sternum as if it belongs there.
And maybe, probably, it does.
When Wade wakes up the next morning, the bed next to him is empty. For one horrible moment he thinks that everything was a dream, but then Logan comes in, his hair a mess, his eyes tired, two steaming mugs in his hands.
"I made us coffee," he tells Wade, and Wade could kiss him for that again and again until the coffee is nothing more but an undrinkable dishwater.
When he tells Logan that much, one of his not-quite-so-rare smiles appears on his lips. He puts the mugs down on the nightstand, climbs in the bed and takes Wade's face between his hands with a movement so gentle that Wade's heart nearly jumps out of his chest.
He kisses Wade again and again until every last doubt Wade ever had about Logan liking him back is wiped from his mind.
"I love you, you know," Logan murmurs against his lips eventually and Wade isn't exaggerating when he says that he feels his heart stop for a moment.
"Jesus Christ in Heaven, you're gonna kill me Wolvie," Wade says with a breathless laugh, and can't help but press a small kiss on Logan's forehead.
"Oh, it's working," Logan shoots back with an amused smirk. "Finally. Started to think you were immortal or something."
Wade giggles.
Logan yawns and moves until he's lying on top of Wade, his chin resting on Wade's scarred chest. He closes his eyes as if he's planning on going back to sleep just like that.
"You're like a giant cat do you know that?" Wade reaches up and pushes a hand in Logan's hair because he can just do that now apparently. "You should change your name to Kitten or something. Kitty? Mouser? Puss? Hey, we could get you some really large boots and then--"
"Wade."
"What's it, Kitty?"
"Shut up."
"Make me."
Logan does. And Wade has never been happier about it.