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“I hate you!”
“I’m heartbroken.”
“I’m gonna get out of here and get big again and I’m gonna dagger you for forever!”
“Very frightening. Now hush. There’s no talking in time out.”
Absolutely evil! Klaus wasn’t sure at what point his younger (typically speaking) brother had become such a sadistic monster, but he surely was one now. Klaus had been sitting on this stair step for at least–at LEAST!–a millennia. And Kol, loathsome beast that he apparently was, had said he was only supposed to sit here for five minutes. Ha! That was five million years ago, probably. Or at least six minutes ago. And here Kol was, not caring. Simply continuing to clean up the mess that, well… that Klaus himself had made.
Monster.
“Kol, please can I come out? Please!” Klaus kicked his foot against the step below him in desperation.
Before Kol could respond, surely to cruelly shoot him down once again, the timer beeped and signaled the end of his false imprisonment. Saved by the bell! Klaus shot up from the step, dashing down the stairs. Freedom at last! He was going to go back up to the attic and see if any of the old grimoires mentioned reversal spells–no! he was going to go out to the creek behind the house and see if he could finally catch that gecko he saw the other day–no! he would call the Bennett witch again for her advice–no! there was a tree he hadn’t yet climbed to the top of he was sure and–Kol’s arm snagged around his waist. Jerk.
“Freeze. We aren’t done here, Nik.”
“But I sat on the step for the whole time!”
Kol thankfully didn’t point out that Klaus had in face not stayed on the step the whole time. He’d made at least half a dozen breaks for it.
Instead of responding, Kol easily plucked Klaus up under his arms, carrying him into the sitting room. Klaus got a few solid kicks in, in his attempt to free himself, but Kol didn’t seem at all damaged. Kol sat down on the sofa, standing Klaus in front of him, hands planted securely on Klaus’s hips.
“Do you remember what Elijah said to you before he left?”
Damn.
Elijah had left two days ago, following up a lead on a potential cure for the spell that had gone and turned Klaus Mikaelson from the formidable and very-much-grown-up hybrid into a pathetic little grade schooler. Still a hybrid at least, but more of a cub than an alpha now. Before he left, Elijah had sat Klaus down and said, with all his usual dull seriousness, that Kol was in charge while he was gone and Klaus was to “behave himself or else.” Ridiculous. First of all, Kol was his little brother! Klaus was the one in charge of him for always and forever by sheer birth right. And second, Klaus was not actually a damn child! Sure, he now struggled with not spilling his drinks on his shirt. And maybe he had an urge to jump on the bed to an unprecedented extent. But he was not a little child needing minding.
And it absolutely one-hundred-percent did not somehow qualify as ‘misbehaving’ to have gone into his sister Freya’s stash of spell ingredients to try and concoct something that would rid him of this prepubescent body. No matter how nervous the unexpectedly stern look on Kol’s face was making him, he had not been in the wrong here.
“Well? Do you remember what he said?”
Klaus shook his head. Nope. He remembered nothing. In fact he had amnesia suddenly.
Kol’s lip quirked up slightly. Glad he could be of amusement. “He told you to mind me and behave yourself. Sound familiar?”
“Nope. Can I go now?” Klaus wiggled in his grip. He really did have better things to be doing.
Kol ignored his request. “Do you think sneaking into Freya’s spell supplies when I told you to keep out was behaving?” Klaus must not have looked convinced enough of his own misbehavior because Kol sat up straighter, mouth pressing into a firm line. “You could’ve been hurt Nik. You don’t know what kind of supplies she has in there, and you don’t know what most of these items can do. You could’ve made the spell worse or gotten killed. We’re lucky it’s just a little broken glass.”
With a dawning horror, Klaus realized his bottom lip had started to wobble during Kol’s little lecture. Dammit, he was not about to cry. Except his eyes felt wet and you know what? who could blame him for crying when apparently he narrowly avoided death and his brother was so terribly cross with him. “I’m sorry!” He wailed louder than intended, voice cracking and the dam in his eyes breaking.
Kol looked shocked by the onslaught of tears. “It’s alright, it’s not all that bad.” He patted the top of Klaus’s head like someone trying to comfort a skittish dog. “There, there.” That was just absurd enough to draw a snort from Klaus.
“Christ, you’re bad at this.” He sniffed, wiping his wet face on his shirt sleeve and ignoring Kol’s wince at the action.
Kol snagged a tissue off the box on the side table, dabbing at Klaus’s cheeks with it. “I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with crying brats.”
“I’m not a brat!”
“Agree to disagree.” Kol grinned, pinching Klaus’s cheek. Klaus shoved his hand away, tears all dried up in favor of a scowl.
Kol’s hands went back to resting on Klaus’s hips, correctly predicting that the pseudo-child was getting antsy and ready to make a break for it. There was just something about this new body that made Klaus feel so twitchy, like he could sprint circles around the room at any given minute. He couldn’t even remember what it felt like to be able to hold still for more than a few seconds at a time. Jesus, how do children just exist like this all of the time? A nightmare.
Kol was look at him again with that best-attempt-at-sternness expression. He really wasn’t all that good at it. Elijah ought to give him some pointers, he’d had the You’re In Trouble face down perfectly since they all actually were human children. Even when Klaus was an adult, he had to admit that he found it rather intimidating. “Nik, you need to start listening to me when I say not to do something.“ Kol put a finger under Klaus’s chin, lifting his head so their eyes met. “I really don’t want to have to call Elijah and tell him that you’re not behaving. Or that you got yourself hurt doing something you shouldn’t have been.” Yeah, Klaus also would like to avoid that kind of phone call taking place. He had a feeling Elijah wouldn’t take too kindly to having to wrap up his search for a cure early just to come back to New Orleans and have a chat with Klaus. Although Kol may also get in trouble for being such a bad babysitter, so maybe it would be just a little worth it. But just a little.
“I’ll listen.” Klaus promised, scuffing his toe on the carpet. It would be very very boring to have to listen to Kol, who had rather inconveniently decided to start acting more like a grown up. But, if it kept Elijah from showing up early to be mad at him, he’d try. Or at least try not to be caught next time. He held out his hand to shake Kol’s in a truce. See? He could be boring and mature too.
Kol smiled and took his offered hand in his own, giving it a shake. But when Klaus went to tug away, Kol’s grip tightened. Before Klaus could voice his complaint about it, Kol tugged his hand, turning him to the side. Klaus heard a clapping sound, then felt a sting across his backside. It happened twice more before Klaus clued in on what was happening. His stupid evil insane little brother was spanking him! What the fuck?! That was so not allowed. By like the rules of their family or the rules of nature.
“Kol! Don’t do that!” What was meant to be a brutal, forceful command came out as a high pitched plea. Stupid childish voice. And stupider Kol!
“Start listening to me. And stay out of Freya’s things.” A few more smacks landed, bringing tears to his eyes. (It hurt okay? Kol has some hard fucking hands apparently.)
Before Klaus could work himself up to a real wailing complaint, Kol stopped whacking and turned Klaus back to face him. Klaus looked at him with accusing, tear filled eyes. His left hand snuck back to rub his sore backside. “That hurt!” Well. Not exactly the irate telling off he had intended to give Kol. But still true nonetheless.
“Good, it was meant to.” Kol shrugged, unconcerned. “You want lunch?”
Klaus flared his nostrils, balling the hand not rubbing his bottom into a fist and propping it on his hip. “What the fuck Kol?”
“You know, it probably shouldn’t be as funny as it is to hear a six year old cursing.” Kol stood from the couch, rubbing his knuckles on Klaus’s hair in a brief noogie.
“Six?! I’m at least eight.” The indignation of being called a measly six years old somehow managed to knock the previous indignation about the spanking out the window. “Rebekah said I could maybe even be nine.” Or at least she hadn’t disputed it when he had suggested the possibility.
Kol eyed him up and down considering it. “I know it was a long time ago, but I don’t remember you being such a shrimpy nine year old.”
“Jerk.” Klaus aimed a kick at his shin, pleased when he made contact. “You were the shrimp. Still are.”
“If I’m a shrimp then you’re like a sea-monkey. Or whatever is smaller. And I’m gonna stick all your favorite shit on the high shelves to prove it.”