Chapter Text
PROLOGUE
It was a day just like any other when things completely changed for Noah Cly. Mind you, she had noticed things unraveling before the crucial turning point, but nothing that could have really prepared her for the shift.
Sam Uley was the first. In a town as small as La Push, it was all anyone could talk about. He disappeared for three days and when he returned, Sam had cut off all his hair, grown enough muscles for a professional athlete, and broke off his engagement to Leah Clearwater. Steroids is what everyone agreed on. But then, to make matters much much worse, he ran off with Leah’s cousin, Emily Young. Who subsequently got mauled by a bear.
This seemed like it would be the gossip of the century. The person that everyone whispered about in passing. Morbidly fascinating but isolated to an individual. That is, until Jared Cameron was pulled from school for mono and returned a week later looking much the same. Apparently, Sam was persuading kids to join his cult by offering them steroids. At least, that’s what everyone believed, especially when the pair could be seen together all over town. This theory was only further solidified as truth when the same thing happened to Paul Lahote.
Now, Noah and Paul had a history. That history being that Noah was hopelessly in love with Paul, and she was positive that he barely knew that she existed. But, before he drank the kool aid, there were these small moments that Noah held close to her heart. He was a notorious flirt and womanizer, but Noah couldn’t help but think he was sweet. They sat next to each other in algebra, and one day, Noah dropped her calculator right on his toes. She remembered flushing the deepest shade of red and apologizing profusely, but Paul just smiled with a chuckle and told her not to worry about it. Then there was that time when he asked Noah if she was okay when she had the bad cold. Noah had a dozen or so moments like this that made her heart skip a beat every time she thought about it.
She was of course teased relentlessly about this by her cousin and two best friends. Jacob Black, Quil Ateara, and Embry Call. Los Cuatros Amigos, they called themselves. Well, Quil called them that and they all immediately told him to shut up. Noah’s mom, Jane, was the little sister of Billy Black and the best friend to his wife Sarah. This meant that Noah spent all of her childhood with Jacob and his sisters. They were best friends from the start, twin flames their moms called them. The twins from the shining, Jacob’s sisters called them. However, as fate would have it, this also meant that Jane was in the car with Sarah when the fatal crash took place. They had been driving Noah to her dance lessons when, in an instance, both Jacob and Noah were motherless. Everyone said it was a cruel twist of fate, but Noah knew in her heart it was her fault that they were in the car that day. She never voiced these thoughts out loud but their shared grief only brought them closer together, especially when Rebecca and Rachel moved away to deal with the pain. Noah and Jacob have been inseparable ever since, with Embry and Quil eventually joining their ragtag group of misfits. And the one thing that they loved to do above all else was make fun of anyone who wasn’t part of their crew. This made even the most boring school days interesting.
When Paul returned, their ridicule of the small gang only increased. Embry took to calling them hall monitors on steroids. Now, Noah was known to be a bit of a bleeding heart - who else could think playboy Paul was sweet? So it was no surprise that they also teased Noah relentlessly about the way Paul’s new buff physique practically made her swoon. The boys were well aware of Noah’s not-so-little crush on Paul. Jacob, of course, was not a fan. In the midst of all the teasing, he constantly reminded her of Paul’s unsavory reputation.
“You are way too good for him, Noey,” He tried to ingrain this in her brain just about every day. Noah would nod along, but they all knew it was pointless with the amount of looks she would sneak at him throughout the day. But, Jake may have had a point, because Paul became incredibly aloof once he joined Sam’s cult. Noah liked to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he was going through a hard time, but even she had to admit it was different. There were no more little moments. In fact, for the weeks leading up to that fateful day, Paul was rarely in school, and when he was, Noah was too nervous to even look at him.
The boys noticed her change in attitude and did the best they could to cheer her up, but it was nothing compared to the day Embry left. His mom had told them he caught the flu, swine she believed, very contagious. They weren’t allowed to visit him and he was too sick to answer any of their calls. But then, on a Tuesday same as any other, he showed up to school with no signs that he had just been sick for a week. In fact, Embry looked the best he ever had, his lanky arms and legs had filled out with muscle, and Noah could’ve sworn he grew a few inches. All the signs were there: hair chopped, tribal tattoo on the shoulder, muscles that formed overnight, and an air about him that made it clear everyone in this school was now beneath his interest. Especially Los Cuatros Tres Amigos.
While Noah couldn’t bring herself to look at Embry for more than a few seconds, Jacob outright glared at who he thought was his best friend. What a freaking hypocrite. Embry had always been the most vocal in his dislike for Sam’s cult and now here he was sidling up to Paul and Jared as if that’s where he had always belonged. What an absolute freak show. Embry didn’t so much as look their way when he sauntered into school and that only fueled the fire in Jake’s gut even more.
It was during lunch that Jake confronted him. He couldn’t stand the heartbroken look in Noah’s eyes any longer, or Quil’s failed attempts at lightening the mood and he was livid. He had been simmering all day and every emotion came rushing out when he heard the cult boisterously laughing at who-gives-a-fuck in the canteen.
Jacob stomped right over to their designated lunch table at the back of the room. Ever since Jared had turned and claimed it, no one in the school dared to approach it. Until today. The trio of roid ragers were just finishing laughing at whatever was said when Jake stopped in front of their table. In his mind, he convinced himself that they were mocking Embry for his ex-friends. It made Jake even angrier. Paul clocked him first. He had always been the quickest to confrontation.
“Something you need, Black?” Paul snapped, eyes narrowing and body tensing. Sensing a fight brewing, Jared looked cautiously between the two. Jacob ignored them both.
“What the hell, Embry?” Jake growled at the teen who was now decidedly not his friend. Embry just stared back up at him, the slightest frown on his lips. He always had the evenest temper out of the boys and right now, it made Jake furious.
“You’re just gonna ditch us like that? Did you even think about me, or Quil, or Noah when you were shooting up?” Jacob noticed Paul twitch at her name and he wondered what the fuck that was all about, but blazed on anyways. “Do you know how heartbroken she is right now? She’s barely even speaking to me. Is that what you wanted? Does that make you happy?”
Embry couldn’t help but look over at their table at this. The sight of Noah’s devastated eyes made his new amplified emotions swirl in a fury. Anger and frustration at his situation had Embry trembling and in two seconds, he was up and in Jake’s face bearing his teeth.
“You don't know anything, Jacob Black.” Embry snarled and his trembling increased to a full on shake. Jake was about to retort something along the lines of how he was a hypocrite and a coward, when Jared and Paul swooped in and all but escorted Embry away. Jake let out a huff of frustration at being cut off, but thought he could just write Embry a nasty letter with all his opinions of his new character and leave it at his door.
Everyone watched as the trio left out the side doors of the cafeteria. They didn't come back for the rest of the school day. After that none of them tried to talk to Embry again. But the animosity towards the cult only grew stronger every passing day. Jake couldn’t go one conversation without cursing their names and character and their mothers. Even comedic Quil had abandoned most attempts to make jokes at the situation. Noah tried as hard as she could to be the glue that held their group together, but every day she felt like more tethers were snapping from her grip. The friends that she knew and loved had changed - it felt like good days were few and far in between.
Quil’s usual flirty, happy attitude had dulled significantly. He still talked about every girl that would spare him a look but it was with less fervor than usual. Noah would promise to help him ask out a girl, and he would get the glint back in his eyes for a second before it dimmed again. It was hard for Noah to see faults in anyone, but even she had to admit this was because of Jacob.
It seemed her cousin had taken Embry leaving the hardest. Every hour of the day, Noah caught him glaring at the group and he became obsessed with the notion that they were watching him. Every conversation, they dominated the topic. Noah was beginning to seriously worry about Jake’s mental state. He became much quicker to anger, snapping at her over the smallest thing. She had mentioned once that she thought there may be more to the group than what everyone believed and Jacob just about ripped her head off. That was the last time Noah tried to contradict any of Jacob’s angry rambling. She told herself he was just affected more deeply by Embry’s abandonment, but as the days progressed, and things just seemed to get worse, a deep worry formed a pit in Noah’s stomach.
Jacob had begun to spend a lot of time with Bella Swan. Noah didn’t remember much about the quiet girl from her childhood but felt a small degree of relief at the fact that she seemed to take his mind off Sam’s cult, at least for a little while. She briefly remembered Jake talking about her before the whole Embry thing, but in the aftermath such details had seemed insignificant. So, when she called the house and Billy told her Jake was out with Bella, Noah reminded herself that this was good for him. Even if she really needed him at that moment, he was allowed to take comfort in another person. When it happened three more times, Noah couldn’t help but feel as if things were shifting.
She told herself she would take a break from bothering him, she really did. But after a particularly bad night, Noah couldn’t help but reach for the phone. It was what she had done since she could remember, and it was instinctual to seek out Jacob when she needed someone to comfort her. The phone was already ringing before Noah really realized who she was calling. She felt her breath hitch in hope when the line was picked up, but let out a sigh when it was just her uncle again. But this time, he told her Jake had mono and was too sick to talk. Noah bid him a speedy recovery and told Billy to call her if he needed help or with any updates. He promised he would and they said goodbye.
Mononucleosis was very common in teens. The kissing disease. Bella must have had it without knowing and during one of their many hangouts, transmitted it to Jake. Noah couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone and confirm this with Bella. It was just a coincidence that Billy sounded so similar to Embry’s mom all those weeks ago. Noah couldn’t let herself even entertain the idea, she didn’t know what she’d do if it was true. Best not think about it.
But think about it, she did. Day and night it was all that consumed her thoughts. Noah tormented herself with different scenarios. In half of them, Jake showed up to school in a week like usual, bragging about his vacation of movies and ice cream. In the other half, which usually occurred later in the quiet of the night, Jake told Noah that she was a worthless nobody and he didn’t want to be friends with her anymore. Or some other nasty variation. It’s funny how perceptive the brain can be sometimes.
It was a Friday when it finally happened. Noah usually caught a ride to school with Jake in his rabbit, but while he was out with mono, Noah had been riding her skateboard to the highschool. She usually froze her ass off, but it was better than walking and her dad sure as hell wasn’t offering to drive. Noah was just rolling into the parking lot where she saw Quil standing alone in their usual spot with a deep set frown on his lips. Her eyes darted over to Sam’s cult with a prayer on her lips. Please no. There he was, short hair, tattoo, muscles. Noah’s breath hitched and she stumbled to a stop off her board. She didn’t know what to do.
Unlike Embry, he saw her standing frozen there and made his way over. His new group watched the entire approach, heads turned to get a better view. This was different then, Noah told herself, if he was already acknowledging her, it wasn’t gonna be like Embry. She knew he couldn’t abandon her. They were family. Twin flames. Their mothers made sure that neither of them would ever truly be alone in this world.
“Jake,” Noah breathed as he reached her. She couldn’t find the words. There should’ve been a million questions but in her brain there was only static. He didn’t meet her eyes for a long time but when he looked up there was something in the brown orbs that had hardened. Noah had never seen him look at her like that before - with such…malice. She instinctively took a step back.
“You need to leave me alone, Noah,” he started off with a sneer. Noah wasn’t prepared for this, her mouth opened and then shut immediately as Jake plowed on. “I thought you would’ve gotten the message by now, but clearly I need to spell it out for you.”
Noah felt like she was right back in one of the many dreams she’d had in the past few days. But, somehow, this was so much worse.
“Stop calling me. Stop calling my house. Don’t text me. Don’t even look at me anymore!” Jake’s voice raised a few octaves and Noah flinched back another step. She started to curl in on herself and she could feel tears pooling on her waterline. Everyone was looking at them now.
“Why, Jake?” She whispered brokenly.
“You are a worthless nobody who’s not worth anyone’s time, much less mine. I’m embarrassed to be related to you. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I never did. I only did it because my mom told me to. But it was only ever pity. No one could actually like you for who you are.” Every sentence he spoke slowly, like he was making sure she wouldn’t miss any of it. It was a dagger being shoved deeper and deeper into her heart. The tears spilled down her cheeks halfway through. At the end, Jake's eyes were blaring menacingly into her own and Noah couldn’t take it anymore. Leaving her skateboard where it lay, she turned around and ran from the parking lot. Anywhere was better than here right now.
As she was running away she heard Quil screaming profanities at Jake, no doubt to defend her absolutely shattered honor, but in that moment, Noah couldn’t even bring herself to care. She furiously scrubbed at her tears as she ran into the forest. Sobbing and out of breath, Noah eventually made it to the cliffs - where she spent the rest of the day sitting on the edge. She ran out of tears at some point but it wasn’t until hours after that, when dusk set in, that she got up and made the journey home. She would come to regret skipping that day, forgetting that administration called home if a student didn’t show up to class. Noah didn’t make it to the house soon enough to scrub the answering machine. She spent the weekend feeling sorry for herself - for more reasons than one.
That following Monday, it was as if they were never cousins.
She still had Quil but it wasn't the same. Neither of them were the happy people that they used to be and it was reflected in their depressing conversations. Sometimes all they could manage was to remark on the weather. Despite this, Quil swore up and down that he would never choose Sam’s gang over her, but Noah knew deep down, for whatever reason, that he would end up abandoning her too. It wasn’t long after that she was proven correct. There was no big scene in the parking lot this time, only a remorseful look the day he joined their ranks. Noah thought it wouldn’t hurt as much after the third time, but somehow her heart managed to break into even tinier pieces. Soon she would have nothing but dust left where her heart should be. It had become clear to Noah that she was the common denominator. Whatever sudden epiphany they had, she didn’t know, clearly there was something ugly they discovered about Noah that she always secretly feared to be true about herself.