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The first time Xiao set his eyes upon him, he thought him an angel. Gorgeous white wings, serene hues of blue, an enchantingly beautiful melody playing from his flute. Yes, Venti was nothing short of salvation in that moment.
But Xiao's not sure what he thinks of the man God now. Ever since his pains subsided and he'd had a head clear enough to properly organise his thoughts. He still wouldn't deem them organised, each one conflicting with another.
He still remembers the mesmerising sight before him, showered in the glow of the moon. Stars, Xiao's stars, twinkled, seemingly brighter than the moon herself, reflecting like freckles off of his skin. Or maybe the Archon's poetic nature rubbed off on him.
"You haven't been up here in a while. What's the occasion?" The sing-song voice rung out, wrapping around Xiao tightly, like a blanket. Both comfort and restriction screamed around in Xiao's mind, and he wasn't sure which to cling to.
He reached his hand out, almost mechanically, and brought Venti closer to sit next to him on the cloud, allowing it to carry their weight. Venti hummed, settling down and moving his wings to wrap around Xiao instead of flapping.
The heavy weight that covered him got him stuck between soothing and suffocating. He wasn't sure if his body wanted him to move, or his mind. He also wasn't sure which one he'd prefer.
"Liebling?" His voice was so soft, and yet Xiao couldn't bring himself to reply with words, instead only tapping his fingers, encouraging Venti to continue. He didn't, instead he just pulled Xiao closer with his wing, having him tucked into his side.
Once more, Xiao's perception of Venti being an angel seemed to ring true as the smell of Cecilias filled his nostrils. He ran his fingers over Venti's arm, almost subconsciously. What's wrong? Xiao could hear at the tip of Venti's tongue, but was grateful when the other remained silent.
These high altitudes and pretty views remind him a lot of his past, back when he wasn't the Vigilant Yaksha yet, when he was still under the servitude of the God of dreams, named the Guardian of the stars. Even now, Xiao thinks that was the best part of his past, getting to enter people's dreams without the knowledge of his master and put a stop their nightmares.
He had the power to make it all so pleasant. Making dreams so vivid, like he was crafting an entirely new reality (in a way, he was), taking pride in his work and enjoying watching the sleeping humans, or any other creatures really, being so carefree and happy during such an awful time.
He misses it, now years later. The stars don't seem so bright and the night sky no longer looks like a canvas sprayed with perfect bits of white. No, now it looks dull, like all of that infinite space between each star seeped into them, swallowing their shine. Xiao thinks he's to blame. His thoughts tell him he's right.
"Your expression is so solemn, Liebchen." It didn't ring as loudly this time, and Xiao couldn't find it in himself to explain everything, there was just too much on his mind, and although Venti might be able to put it into words better than Xiao himself ever could if he just asked him to, he finds it a hassle to speak too much.
"It's the anniversary of their funeral." Funeral. Because their bodies weren't found until some days later. Torn apart in a horrific manner that the only thing Xiao could recognise them by was the extensive stench of Karma still lingering on them.
Venti hummed once again, dangling his legs and looking up at the moon. "And what are you mourning?" He said so nonchalantly, resting his head in the palm of his hand, his eyes glancing towards Xiao.
"Them, of course," Xiao replied, the most sensical answer. What else could he mourn? But even then, he felt like he was lying. "What else could I possibly grieve over?" He hoped Venti would have an answer, but another side of him hoped that he'd be able to easily refute it, pretend it never existed in the first place.
"Yourself."
"He's still alive."
"No, you're just carrying a name which you wish a gravestone carried instead."
Xiao snapped his head towards Venti, finally seeing Barbatos instead. He was the same way, wasn't he? Carrying an image of a corpse long since rotten, grieving something permanently attached to you.
"It was my fault, you know?" Xiao said, voice quiet, too scared that it'll crack if he makes it any louder. "Despite my new title, I couldn't stop protecting the stars, couldn't stop protecting the citizens from nightmares and helping children fall into slumber." Xiao looked down at the scenery below. "They died at war while I was away."
Venti shook his head. "They died because they protected this land with every last fiber of their sanity. Karma killed them, not your temporary absence." It was said matter-of-factly, but Xiao had to convince him otherwise. He just had to.
"They used to fight more than me. They were all older, and they engaged with fights with Gods more than I. Their Karma accumulated much faster than mine did... I should have been on the battlefield with them instead." He could feel Venti shaking his head once more, his wing tightening its grasp.
"You only survived because I saved you. You didn't do any less than them." And that was another point of conflict for Xiao. As much of a saviour as Venti was in his eyes, he couldn't shake off this feeling of resentment towards him. For denying him death, and for allowing his siblings to fall.
Logically, he knew there was nothing Venti could have done, he knew that Venti didn't even know he had such powers. But that rationality was never enough to dissuade Xiao's mind from making Venti out to be the bad guy in the situation. Like he just wanted people to blame, like he wanted an explanation that wasn't just 'It's inevitable.'
Venti now fully pulled him into his side, and they both looked up at the sky. Silence fell over them for a while as he hummed that same melody he played back then on that flute. Xiao found himself humming along.
Venti reached his hand outwards, his fingers pointing out at the stars, dwindling. And suddenly Xiao sees his siblings in them, dwindling much the same way, Xiao in Venti's place, reaching out, but being oh so far away.
"Do you think stars bloom?" Venti asked
"No." Xiao replied. "Not anymore."