Chapter Text
Lisbon had gotten used to dealing with these kinds of situations.
When they found your body after the car accident, she prepared for the worst. Grabbing her necklace felt like a routine every time they were facing a tragedy. When the doctor walked in she stood with Jane. The man was wearing a smile.
“She’s stable, conscious and she seems alert.”
Lisbon couldn’t have gotten better news. Maybe she would have just accepted it had it not been for the weary look on the man’s face.
“What’s wrong?”
He slid his cap off.
“Although there were no major injuries, sadly she seems to be experiencing some memory loss.”
“What do you mean by some? Does she know who she is?”
Before she could fully panic the doctor shook his head.
“There’s no need to panic. She’s aware that she’s an agent working with the CBI, the last few years however seem to be a blur. There’s parts of her memory that are spotty.”
“Can we see her?” Jane asked.
“I’m afraid not. For the remainder of her stay I’ll have to insist that you all keep at a distance. Given your job description, introducing her to the team or anything police related could have a negative effect. We’ve already called her family. They’ll be looking after her until she’s fit to leave.”
Neither of them liked the situation, but the alternative was causing damage.
“We understand, thank you. Could you please keep us informed of her state.”
“We will.”
Lisbon nodded, as the doctor excused himself.
Jane’s jaw was slightly clenched and she caught the look he wore.
“Jane, don’t even think about it. You heard what he said, we need to give her some space.”
“We’re her family too.”
“Then we should do what’s best for her.” Lisbon reasoned. He had no response and she just patted his shoulder.
“Come on, let’s go.”
Standing around moping in the hospital wasn’t going to do any of them any good.
They needed to be patient.
~Three Weeks Later~
“Remember we’re supposed to act normal. She’s fine.”
They still looked weary and Jane gave Lisbon a pat on her shoulder just as you walked in. There was a smile on your face.
“Boss! You don’t know how good it is to see you.”
You walked right over hugging her and she laughed, returning it. When you pull away you wave at the team.
“Hey guys, no need to look so worried, I’m fine.”
The doctors had advised that they all give you space until you were released and ready to return to work. So in her head Lisbon had assumed you wouldn’t recognize any of them. You were going around the room hugging and laughing, so she felt like she’d gotten worried for nothing.
For a moment you looked content, so Jane stepped forward for his greeting. Your eyes caught him, still wearing a smile.
“Oh, hello, what’s your name? Are you a new agent?”
There’s a part of him that wanted it to be a joke, but the genuine curiosity in your eyes made it clear that you really had no idea who he was. Their smiles dropped at the statement.
“You don’t remember Jane?”
You shook your head, now feeling somewhat guilty.
“No I..I remember everyone else. Especially Minelli. I’m a little surprised that I haven’t seen him yet.”
Now it seemed to make sense. Your memory apparently became spotting right around the time there were still discussions being made about bringing in Jane as a consultant.
“Minelli retired three years ago.” Lisbon finally informed.
You’re shocked.
“So who’s the new boss then.” Lisbon intended to explain, but Wainwright walked in.
“Agent, it’s good to see you back in the field.”
You turned with a raised brow.
“Are you an agent too? You’re cute, what's your name?”
His face flushed and Lisbon cleared her throat.
“This is Luther Wainwright, Special Agent in Charge.” She stressed on the last part and now you were stuttering an apology.
“S-Sorry sir I had no idea!”
You bowed, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.
“No worries Agent, I’m aware of your situation. Just glad to see you back. I also appreciate the compliment.” He gave you a smile before leaving and you were every shade of red.
“Shit, I almost got fired.”
Rigsby and Vanpelt couldn’t help but laugh.
“It’s good to have you back.” Lisbon spoke.
They all circled around you with happy smiles and Jane drifted to the back. He knew it was wrong to feel a bit disappointed. You’d remembered almost everyone, it was the best case scenario. But the thought of you looking back at him like he was a stranger, it was a bit difficult to handle.
Nevertheless, the unit seems to continue as usual. Despite being out, it feels like you’ve fallen back into a great rhythm. Lisbon has made some comments about some of the quirks you had when you first joined the unit that you’ve been displaying recently. Like the way you flip the pen in your hand around effortlessly between your fingers. You’re giving your run down of the information you gathered and it takes you a moment to notice the distracted and awed expressions from your colleagues.
“Umm, what’s wrong? Why are you guys looking at me like that?”
“That thing with the pen, you used to do it all the time. You never showed me how to do it.” Rigsby complains.
You smile, placing the pen down.
“I guess it’s good that I was able to kick the habit.” You joke.
In all honesty it was a trick you’d taught yourself when you had a problem you couldn’t solve.
“In a weird way it sort of brings back memories.” Lisbon states.
“Yeah, like the time you hugged Minelli when he ripped into those reporters for trying to make you look bad after the Schultz case.” Cho chimes in. You giggle to yourself.
“Yeah, that was epic. I have never seen him so calm and angry at the same time. He was a solid guy. I still can’t believe he retired. I pictured him getting old at that desk with the scowl on his face. Well, older I guess.”
They laugh at the words and you turn, just enough to see the way Jane is seated further back. If you didn’t know any better you would have thought he was excluding himself.
You try to brush it off as everyone heads back to work. The rest of the day is slow, easy. When the night rolls around you offer to pay for drinks. Everyone accepts but Jane. It’s clear now that he feels a need to put distance. It might be because you don’t remember him.
So the next day, you decided to extend a hand. Maybe he’s cautious because of what the doctors had said. It’s sort of sweet.
You’d like to get closer.
“Hey, Mr. Jane, right?”
Jane lifted his head.
“Just Jane is fine.”
You nod.
“I’ve hit a snag with one of my leads, if you’re not busy do you mind tagging along? Lisbon told me that you’re good at reading people.”
It was strange, the request you made felt like Deja vu.
“You should tag along, Lisbon says you’re a lie detector.”
“That’s not really what I would call it.”
“Are you coming or not?”
He just smiled.
You’d been partially hostile at the start of his partnership with the CBI for obvious reasons. But the longer he was there the closer he’d gotten to everyone, especially you.
“If you’re busy it’s fine.”
He blinked, pulling himself back. You were watching him expectantly.
“No, I'm free, let’s go.”
“Great.”
You grabbed the file from your desk as Jane followed you out the door.
Jane takes this opportunity to do his own investigation. He spent the ride studying you. He was trying to pick apart pieces of your behavior to see the variation of how you were a few years ago. Before he’d joined the bureau. Like yesterday, it’s clear that there are things he might never see. He wishes he could remove the feeling.
Like he’s at a disadvantage.
“Lisbon and the others really seem to like you.”
He turned at the statement and you glanced at him with a smile.
“I hope that’s a good thing.”
“It is. That means I’m gonna do everything I can to protect you. You’re family.”
He froze, because he wasn’t hallucinating, he’d heard those words already.
“You’re family now. We protect our own. I’ll always protect you.”
You’d said that to him after he’d been held hostage by a killer on a case. The guy was a lunatic and you hadn’t hesitated when he drew the gun. You’d shot that man dead and saved his life.
“So did Vanpelt and Rigsby ever date, they still seem to be walking circles around each other.”
Jane couldn’t help but laugh at the inquiry.
There was a lot he needed to fill you in on.
~
The weeks that follow go by quite smoothly. He knows it'll be impossible to recover the bond he had for years in just a few weeks. He’s hopeful that one day he’ll just walk in and you’ll be standing there with a smile that says you remember. That emits the same fondness you’ve always had for him that is lacking now.
Because everytime you look at him, he feels like a colleague, a friend.
Someone you care about, but not someone you love.
“So what’s our deal?”
You proposed the question, leaning against Vanpelt’s desk as you go through some evidence.
“Our deal?” Jane repeated, clearly puzzled.
“Yeah, Lisbon said that we were close. Apparently we messed with Wainwright a lot.”
Oh, he remembered that.
He’d learned the block of time Wainwright always went to get his coffee and he had changed the filters once with a blend that Wainwright absolutely detested. His face when he took the first taste was priceless. The both of you had almost been caught because you’d laughed a little too hard.
“Guess we’re like siblings huh.”
You were still smiling, and the mention of siblings made his smile drop almost instantly. He couldn’t hide his expression. You must have realized, because his silence made you look over again. He looked sad, almost hurt.
“Hey, everything okay?”
He nodded.
“Yep, great.”
Forcing a smile on his face he stood from the couch.
“I’m going to make some tea, would you like some?”
You shook your head and he just left.
At that moment he just wanted to be anywhere but there.
Interactions that followed are a bit brief.
You’re not blind, Jane has been taking more trips with Cho and Rigsby. You don’t think much of it. There’s nothing you can really do about it. That’s why you don’t get why he seems to explode at your suggestion to go undercover to trap a potential killer.
He literally did it every other case and he wasn’t even a trained agent. That’s what had caused the argument in the middle of the bullpen.
“You shouldn’t do it.”
“What are you talking about, we need to draw him out. You heard Rigsby, his guard said the guy’s a player. He’ll take the bait.”
“I agree, I think sending (L/N) in will help us snag him, at least until we find our witness.”
“Are you out of your mind Lisbon, you can’t send her after that man, he’s a sociopath.”
“What’s the big idea Jane, we’ve had to go after much worse.” Lisbon is confused, and he just stands, shaking his head. He walks out before anything else is said. Now you’re sure it wasn’t just in your head.
He’s been acting like this for a while.
Overly protective, unnecessarily worried. You can’t say that you know him well enough to understand why.
But you do know that you need an explanation and he’s the only one who can provide one.
Following him up to the roof, you don’t even bother to knock.
Just step in. He’s heard you, but he doesn’t react. He’s just laying right there on the bed, eyes directed at the ceiling.
There’s clearly something bothering him.
“Mr. Jane.”
His head turned, and you can see it. That look in his eyes, like just seeing you was painful. There’s a moment that he must realize how transparent he’e being, because it’s gone in an instant.
“Tell me the truth.”
There’s a pause on his part. He doesn’t move, not at first. It looks like he’s trying to figure out what to say, probably how to make a believable comeback so you don’t push.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
He finally sits upright and you frown.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. I thought I was imagining it before but you keep looking at me like that. Like you’re in pain, and it’s only when you’re with me.”
From the way his shoulders drop, it’s clear you’d hit the nail on the head.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say that it’s a lie. That I’m crazy and everything is okay.”
“That would be the only lie.”
Your face drops, and he looks down at the floor.
“I wasn’t honest before when you asked me what we were. I don’t see you as a sibling. Not at all.”
“What the hell does that mean I don-”
“It means I’m in love with you.”
You’re speechless and Jane runs a hand over his face.
“Having you forget just one person was better than you losing all your memories. I thought I could deal with it, but it’s hard. I was too much of a coward to tell you back then. Too invested in my own problems. I assumed you would always be around, that I’d have time. But I was wrong. It’s obvious that those memories might never come back and it feels like I’m the only one suffering because of it.”
You aren’t sure what to say. How do you comfort him? How are you supposed to fix a problem you had no idea was even there?
“In love..”
You can’t understand how you could just forget something like that. You do care about Jane, but it’s different. This is different.
Jane finally sighs, getting off the bed.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He moves to walk away, but you grab his hand.
He stopped, looking down. Your hand feels so warm. It’s been almost a month since he’s had a chance to really touch you. Before the accident you were always around to offer a hug of comfort on a tougher case, like when he sat with Steiner. Helped him move on peacefully. Now you’re here again, but it won’t be like before.
He finally looks up.
You’re sad, he understands why. The pain you're causing is unintentional and it’s eating you up. You want to fix it, but you don’t know how.
Maybe you’ve worked out a solution, one that would be beneficial for the both of you, because you look a bit more sure, ready.
“Can we..start over?”
He’s not immediately sure of the answer, but he can see the care in your eyes. He knows that you see him as a vital part of the team. He also knows that there is a potential for the both of you to have something more.
You’re willing.
He just wonders if it’s for the right reasons. It’s selfish to force you to feel anything for him, but a part of him has always been a selfish person. There’s also a part of him that hopes that even though you don’t feel it now, someday you’ll look at him the way you did before.
Maybe..
This might be his best chance of actually having the future he wants, the one he craves.
He nods, holding out his hand and your face brightens.
“Patrick Jane, it’s nice to meet you. “
“Agent (Y/N) (L/N), likewise.”