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Something about the Krakoan air made Tommy breathe easy, much to his dismay. Maybe it was the lack of city smog, but even in rural New Jersey he’d never felt like this. It was cooler this time of year, cool enough that you could feel the air filling your lungs and seeping into every part of you, it wasn’t uncomfortable though. More like a shot of coffee. It kept him grounded. Made him feel real. He needed that after the last couple days, where nothing felt real, and everything moved and changed at a breakneck pace. Too fast even for him.
He hated The Hellfire Gala. He only came because David asked him too, and Tommy welcomed an excuse to dress nice and hang out with his boyfriend. But the whole thing was a circle-jerk, mutants in studded outfits reviling in their newfound superiority. It all seemed a little hypocritical.
He shifted a little in his spot, some balcony off of some random room in one of the many ornate and useless buildings that littered the island nation. He made his way up here after everything had calmed down, well, as much as it could after the events of today. Everyone kept trying to talk to him and ask him how he was, and he really couldn’t take any more of it, even David’s hand on his shoulder had started to grate on him. So, he had kissed his boyfriend on the cheek, given him the classic “I need some air.” and had hidden himself high up where no one would find him. Or at least that’s what he thought.
The wind continued to blow and sting at his eyes. He closed them, and when he opened them again there was a shadow in his vision. Someone standing in the doorway.
“Mind if I sit?”
“Yeah, sure.” It came out as more of a sigh then a statement. There was a snort of laughter from behind him.
“Shit, you can say no.” Billy joked as he sat down next to his brother. His stupid brother, of course he found Tommy with his freaky twin E.S.P. For a moment there was silence, and the breeze in their hair.
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call.” Billy said quietly.
Tommy looked over at him, haloed by a warm light from the doorway, Billy fiddled with his hands in his lap, twisting silver rings and beaded bracelets.
“It’s fine man you had…” Tommy paused and made a face “…shit going on.”
“Yeah, I…” Tommy wasn’t exactly clued in on everything that had happened up in space, and it seemed that billy didn’t even fully understand it himself, or at least he didn’t want to talk about it. His brother’s brain was trying to catch up with the events of the last few days.
“Heavy stuff.” Tommy finished for him “Dormammu stuff.”
Billy stared out at the sky, his curly hair drifting into his eyes. He pushed it away. Billy wasn’t good at eye contact. At this moment, Tommy didn’t mind, he’d honestly prefer not to be accosted by his brother’s big, wet, puppy-dog eyes.
“Yeah, heavy stuff.” Billy agreed quietly, not daring to mention the demon’s name. oh. Woops. He remembered billy telling him once that names had power. Oh well, if Dormammu showed his ugly mug Tommy would beat his ass for messing with his twin.
“I still should’ve been here.” Billy muttered.
“Shut up.” Tommy scoffed “You couldn’t have known.”
“I couldn’t have…” Billy muttered, disdain coating the statement like thick honey. “It was fucking Abigail Brand, I mean like where does she get off fucking with other people for her own idiotic sense of self-importance-“
“Wait the S.W.O.R.D chick? The one Carol punched at your wedding?”
Billy deflated, as if the reminder of the incident comforted him.
“Yup.” The ‘p’ sound pops in Billy’s mouth “She was using S.W.O.R.D tech to block transmissions from earth.”
“In a like ‘you can’t be distracted from the mission!’ kind of way or a manipulative asshole kind of way?” Tommy asked.
“Manipulative asshole.” Billy sighed “because of the alliance teddy and I have to work pretty closely with her, sometimes and I can tell whenever she looks at me all she sees is mom. Like if I knew what happened I would blow up just like…” he trailed off. The implication was clear and punctuated with a sneer and a mutter of “Intergalactic security my ass.”
“She sounds like a dick” Tommy said, “But I guess every piece of shit with a fancy acronym under their belt is worried about M Day 2: Electric Boogaloo.”
Billy huffed.
“Everything turned out fine-ish. its chill man, I’m okay” Tommy tried for reassuring, but it came out awkward.
Billy sighed and leaned his forehead on the cool, metal, railing of the balcony. Tommy saw a heaviness in his brother that he hadn’t seen since that New Year’s night. When Tommy returned from God-knows-where and Billy hugged him tighter than he ever had before. It was a turning point in their relationship, Tommy thought. A “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” type of situation. They realised that maybe they cared about each other a bit more than either of them thought.
“So, how’s the Princess Diana of space doing?” Tommy joked, attempting to lighten the mood. He succeeded in a small way, watching billy blow a puff of air out of his nose and shoot him a grin.
“I dunno, I feel like I’m more of a Meghan Markle, ‘cause I don’t think they like me all that much.”
Tommy snorted “You are so gay.”
Billy smacked his arm “Says you.”
They laughed together like a harmony; it filled the space around him and lifted a weight off of Tommy’s chest. There was more idle chatter, about space, and boyfriends and stuffy parties. Then Billy decided to ruin it with a simple question.
“Are you okay though?”
He didn’t intend to ruin the mood, Tommy knows that. His brother was a worrier and Tommy guessed that he was pretty high up on Billy’s list of people to worry about. The real issue was that Tommy didn’t know how to answer. He still felt the pit of grief in his stomach even though his mother was walking around just fine a couple floors down. He was still in fight or flight mode, and his body couldn’t figure out how to stop. He didn’t know how to make it go away, and he certainly didn’t know how to talk about it.
So, he settled for a little, white, lie.
“I’m fine.” He said, “Just a little shaken up, but it’s all good.” Accompanied by a smooth, plateauing hand gesture.
Billy gave him one of the most scathingly disapproving looks he’s ever seen, and that’s saying something as someone often on the other end of his twin’s disapproving looks.
“Billy don’t- “
“Be honest with me.” He interrupted, his black eyes staring straight into Tommy’s soul. Oh so he can do eye contact, but only when he needs to make Tommy squirm.
“It seems like you took it pretty hard.” That part is noticeably softer, filled with something Tommy’s not all that familiar with. It’s not pity. It’s never pity with billy.
“I mean yeah, our mom died.” Tommy deadpanned, averting his eyes.
“No not like- I don’t know how to explain this.” Billy groaned, running a hand through his hair, a nervous tick he’d had since they day they met, one that left his dark curly hair in a constant mess.
“you’ve always been closer to her than I have, and you sort of latched onto her in a way that I didn’t. Your birth mom was a piece of shit, so it makes sense but like- “he fidgeted with his hands and looked anywhere but Tommy. “I love our mom too; I love her so much and today has been fucking awful but at least I have my birth mom to run home to when things get bad. You don’t have that.” Billy turned back to his brother. “Tommy she’s all you’ve got.”
Tommy didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he could.
“Please don’t keep this shit inside you, it’s okay if you’re still grieving.” Billy said softly.
Tommy was trying to formulate a response in his mind, picking out the right words and things he wanted to say, he realised quickly that that’s not going to work. It was never going to sound the way he wanted it too. He looked at Billy again, who’s currently fiddling with one of many bracelets circling his wrist. that’s his brother. His identical, twin brother. If he can’t share his feelings with Billy than who can he?
“I just feel crazy.” He muttered, pulling Billy out of his mindless stimming.
“Well, I know a thing or two about that.” The joke got a small laugh out of Tommy.
“Everyone just seems so fine with it, and I guess that krakoans are just like… used to it now. To grieving someone you love and having them come back fresh as a daisy before the body even gets cold.” He took a deep breath. “It all just feels insane to me. Like I’m on another planet. I’m one of them they keep telling me that, David keeps telling me that but at the same time they’re all in on some little secret that I can’t even being to understand.”
Billy just nodded and listened. Damn him and his active listening skills. It made him want to talk more.
“You’re right though.” As much as he hated to admit it. he turned back to the horizon in front of them “About my mom and Wanda and… she’s just there for me and I guess I’ve never felt that before. Not in the way that you have with your birth mom.”
Billy nods and puts a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. He realised quickly that he was crying. Nothing loud and embarrassing, just silent tears dripping down his cheeks. He roughly wiped them away with the back of his hand and continued to speak.
“My birth mom was a piece of shit. And to have Wanda come in and love me unconditionally despite never really knowing me. It- it felt nice?” he chuckled wetly “And even after she knew me- knew how much of a shit I am, she still stuck around.”
Tommy looked up an noticed a shine in Billy’s eyes that wasn’t there before. But Tommy couldn’t stop now.
“Having her taken from me, the only adult in my life who ever gave a fuck about me and loved me, I just- “his breath hitched. “It felt fucking awful, and I missed her so much and now she’s back and she’s fine, but I still miss her, and it still hurts.” He finished, swiping at the tears again.
Billy was looking at him, the tears that glossed over his twin’s eyes threatening to spill. Tommy studied them, watching them move across his water line, but just before they slipped over the edge Billy rushed forward and pulled tommy into a vicious hug. It took a minute, but Tommy returned the embrace, taking a chance and burying his face in billy’s shoulder. He focused on the feeling of Billy’s sweater clutched in his fingers, a red cable-knit number that Tommy was no doubt creating a decent sized wet patch on.
Something about having billy next to him felt right. Maybe it was the soul reincarnation or whatever, but being in billy’s arms, his hand stroking through tommy’s hair, he guessed they were probably meant to be next to each other.
“It’s okay.” Whispers of affirmation from Billy, he wished that his brother had put a little magic into those words. Then maybe it actually would be “It’s okay Toms.”
The nickname curls around him like a blanket and Tommy holds on tighter.
“You’ll always have me, okay? I’ll always be on your side.” Billy said into his hair.
“It feels like such a stupid thing to cry about.” Tommy mumbled, and for a moment he was embarrassed at how small it sounded before Billy squeezed him again and whispered in response:
“It’s not stupid.” Soft circles rubbed into Tommy’s back. “It’s not stupid at all.”
Billy said it with so much conviction and certainty that Tommy couldn’t help but believe him.